Biblical Marriage Mashup

[Wynona]

 

[Wynona]

I see two bad sets of habits that wives get into as far as keeping up with looks.

One is to make looks such a big deal, that vanity and expensive cosmetics and procedures take over---and this effort doesn't want to be wasted so wives also use this to attract attention from strangers.

The other is just to "let yourself go" and never pay attention to how you look.

It has even become normal to dress frumpy around your husband nearly always at home but then spend hours getting ready for some outing with strangers. While there's nothing wrong with being comfortable, I see this as possibly the worst of both worlds.

The solution for wives is to prioritize the preferences and attention of their husbands and just their husbands. Dress and carry yourself for his eyes only. This often leads to a balance as he ought to be attracted to your natural features anyway but he still appreciates a bit of effort to look desirable in s way that he likes.

This goes hand in hand with making sure the marriagd bed is not last priority in life.

 

[Wynona]

 

[Wynona]

 

[Wynona]

Marriage can be very unromantic at times.

Candlelight dinners turn into bills to pay and doctors appointments for the babies.

In the lean times, when the stress mounts, which couples endure?

Jesus has to be the cornerstone of the foundation, and the house must be in order. The winds will blow and the rain will come. But those who live by God's Word endure every season.

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Blessed is the man who meditates on the law of the Lord day and night.

 

[Wynona]

 

[Windmill Charge]

Marriage boils down to both talking and listening to each other and helping each other to do so.

 

[Wrangler]

Outstanding thread, @Wynona! Thanks so much for starting it. There are many outstanding posts already. The only thing I'd like to add is the short book by Dr. Laura Schlesinger, The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands. Chapters emerged from compilations of select transcripts from callers over 30 years of talk radio, including:

1. The Improper Care and Feeding of Husbands
2. The White Rabbit Syndrome
3. "You're a Nag!"
4. Men Have Feelings? Really? You're Kidding!
5. "Huh? Honey, What Did you Say? What Did That Mean?"
6. What's Sex?
7. A Man Should Be Respected in His Own Home
8. Guy Time

After my divorce, I used this book as a filter. A woman who has read and appreciated these principles is a keeper. Most women did not get through this filter. One kept denying the "& Feeding of Husbands" requirement. Evidently, she thought is was a one-way-ship, not a relay-tion-ship; that only husbands have responsibility to feed the wife but the wife has no responsibility whatsoever to feed her husband.

One argued that it is the worst relationship book she ever read. I explained that's because it is not a relationship book at all but merely the list of responsibilities a wife has in a marriage, which explains why the book is so short. Another put a condition of reading it only when there is a corresponding book for husbands (explained in the book why this was not written). There are so many golden nuggets in the book. One is that a man has few needs but they need to be met. Another is Feelings are not facts.

One chapter I'd like to women reading this to especially keep in mind is #5, Communication. Don't expect your man to be your girlfriend. Men and women communicate very differently. For women, the focus tends to be on process. For men, the focus tends to be on results. Women want compassion for having a problem. Men want to solve the problem. Try speaking his language. It's so inefficient to drop hints day after day. Be direct and concise. Women communicate more not better.

My ex-wife once expressed her frustration with me by reprimanding me for not getting her hints. I put the fear of God in her by looking her in the eye and telling her than I've chosen not to take any hints, not matter how obvious they are; that when you're ready, you can tell me directly what you're talking about and what you want. Hints lead to miscommunication.

This is an application of the power of "no," of boundaries, respect and humility. There is a risk involved in directly telling someone you want something (aka, asking) and they have every right to flat out say no to whatever the request might be even if you "don't understand" the reason. Avoiding this truth is a disrespectful, manipulative tactic. Consent works both ways. As Sargent Friday says, "Just the facts, ma'am." Get to the point in 30 seconds. You want to invite your alcoholic cousin over for dinner again? No, thank you.

Most men tune out emotional vomiting of an extended nature. My ex-girlfriend used to laugh at herself for expounding on her feelings ABOUT her feelings. This is what girlfriends are for. Your spouse is your most important relationship next to God but should not be your only relationship. Hence, #8. You cannot fulfill all of your partner's relationship needs. Humbling.

Hope this helps!

 

[Wynona]

 Thanks

Outstanding thread, @Wynona! Thanks so much for starting it. There are many outstanding posts already. The only thing I'd like to add is the short book by Dr. Laura Schlesinger, The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands. Chapters emerged from compilations of select transcripts from callers over 30 years of talk radio, including:

1. The Improper Care and Feeding of Husbands
2. The White Rabbit Syndrome
3. "You're a Nag!"
4. Men Have Feelings? Really? You're Kidding!
5. "Huh? Honey, What Did you Say? What Did That Mean?"
6. What's Sex?
7. A Man Should Be Respected in His Own Home
8. Guy Time

After my divorce, I used this book as a filter. A woman who has read and appreciated these principles is a keeper. Most women did not get through this filter. One kept denying the "& Feeding of Husbands" requirement. Evidently, she thought is was a one-way-ship, not a relay-tion-ship; that only husbands have responsibility to feed the wife but the wife has no responsibility whatsoever to feed her husband.

One argued that it is the worst relationship book she ever read. I explained that's because it is not a relationship book at all but merely the list of responsibilities a wife has in a marriage, which explains why the book is so short. Another put a condition of reading it only when there is a corresponding book for husbands (explained in the book why this was not written). There are so many golden nuggets in the book. One is that a man has few needs but they need to be met. Another is Feelings are not facts.

One chapter I'd like to women reading this to especially keep in mind is #5, Communication. Don't expect your man to be your girlfriend. Men and women communicate very differently. For women, the focus tends to be on process. For men, the focus tends to be on results. Women want compassion for having a problem. Men want to solve the problem. Try speaking his language. It's so inefficient to drop hints day after day. Be direct and concise. Women communicate more not better.

My ex-wife once expressed her frustration with me by reprimanding me for not getting her hints. I put the fear of God in her by looking her in the eye and telling her than I've chosen not to take any hints, not matter how obvious they are; that when you're ready, you can tell me directly what you're talking about and what you want. Hints lead to miscommunication.

This is an application of the power of "no," of boundaries, respect and humility. There is a risk involved in directly telling someone you want something (aka, asking) and they have every right to flat out say no to whatever the request might be even if you "don't understand" the reason. Avoiding this truth is a disrespectful, manipulative tactic. Consent works both ways. As Sargent Friday says, "Just the facts, ma'am." Get to the point in 30 seconds. You want to invite your alcoholic cousin over for dinner again? No, thank you.

Most men tune out emotional vomiting of an extended nature. My ex-girlfriend used to laugh at herself for expounding on her feelings ABOUT her feelings. This is what girlfriends are for. Your spouse is your most important relationship next to God but should not be your only relationship. Hence, #8. You cannot fulfill all of your partner's relationship needs. Humbling.

Hope this helps!

Thank you!

Ive heard about this book multiple times now in my study of biblical marriage and womanhood. Maybe I can find it in my digital state library?

I agree that hints, sulking, or just expecting people to know what you want is bad communication. I had to remember to not do that or I was just going to be dissapointed.

Being direct and vulnerable in asking for what you want is important in my experience. And yes, the other person can refuse. All adults have that right.

This is wisdom I was taught and something I had to train myself to do.

What does respectful communication sound like and look like? I kind of had to figure it out in some ways on my own because this is just not the culture were in as westerners. It was the willingness to learn that was my saving grace.

 

[Wrangler]

Being direct and vulnerable in asking for what you want is important in my experience.

A deep, meaningful relationship is necessarily built on risk and trusting that the risk is worth the reward. Our society, in general, is more risk adverse than any in history despite being safer than any in history. That's a paradoxical scenario.

How this impacts relationships is making them superficial. Stories abound about people having satellites, friend zones, etc. Like our relationship with Christ, it has to be total commitment for otherwise is really nothing at all, just appearances.

You just can't go swimming AND have one foot on shore. Rejection comes with a deep relationship. Deep relationships are not for the faint of heart. Used to be America was the home of the brave. Not anymore. Generation Wuss.

 

[Wynona]

 

[Wynona]

 

[Wynona]

I love this. My testimony as well

 

[Wynona]

 

[Wynona]

I used to do some of these things with my husband. The Word of God changed my heart and attitude.

 

[Wynona]

 

[Wynona]

 

[Wynona]

 

[Wynona]

 

[Wynona]