Masculinity isn't toxic--- our culture is

[Wynona]

Men often put up with tougher jobs, tougher treatment from society, and are statistically more likely to commit suicide. But they are disrespected by western society because of the push back on patriarchy.

Sitcoms depict men as lazy and stupid with smart and capable wives. Men are often struck by women in cartoons and are simply supposed to take it---but those who strike women are always depicted as bad.

But in reality, men often feel particularly burdened and responsible for their wives and families welfare. This is because God called them to lead.

Their masculinity is not toxic, but vital, as they are traditionally called to lay down their lives for women and children and to protect us with their strength.

What was toxic in my marriage was not my husband's masculinity, but the moments where I simply didn't understand. The times I assumed he wasn't as burdened as me. The times I didn't understand his need to be strong and not express all his emotions. The times that I listened to my friends and failed to respect him.

But for every time I obeyed the Word of God, God has blessed us all the more. A husband is like a covering over the wife. And so it is with my husband.

He is the patrol watching out for me. He sees danger and warns me of trouble long before it gets to me. He is the person who will say "no" on my behalf and his consistency and strength has saved me from ruin time and again.

In return, he doesn't seem to want a great deal of things. If anything, he counts me being relaxed and happy with him as his reward.

What's toxic is that men are expected to do a lot in relationships and women want to be treasured, but if a man has standards or expectations, we call him shallow or chauvinist.

Women are no longer taught what it means to build with a man. They're taught to expect him to have everything all together at once but this is not biblical.

The bible calls a wife a helpmeet. Because men need help. The Proverbs 31 woman whose husband is well known likely got there partly because of the virtuous woman's help.

What's toxic is that disrespecting women is considered offensive but disrespecting men has become the norm.

 

[Hidden In Him]

Men often put up with tougher jobs, tougher treatment from society, and are statistically more likely to commit suicide. But they are disrespected by western society because of the push back on patriarchy.

Sitcoms depict men as lazy and stupid with smart and capable wives. Men are often struck by women in cartoons and are simply supposed to take it---but those who strike women are always depicted as bad.

But in reality, men often feel particularly burdened and responsible for their wives and families welfare. This is because God called them to lead.

Their masculinity is not toxic, but vital, as they are traditionally called to lay down their lives for women and children and to protect us with their strength.

What was toxic in my marriage was not my husband's masculinity, but the moments where I simply didn't understand. The times I assumed he wasn't as burdened as me. The times I didn't understand his need to be strong and not express all his emotions. The times that I listened to my friends and failed to respect him.

But for every time I obeyed the Word of God, God has blessed us all the more. A husband is like a covering over the wife. And so it is with my husband.

He is the patrol watching out for me. He sees danger and warns me of trouble long before it gets to me. He is the person who will say "no" on my behalf and his consistency and strength has saved me from ruin time and again.

In return, he doesn't seem to want a great deal of things. If anything, he counts me being relaxed and happy with him as his reward.

What's toxic is that men are expected to do a lot in relationships and women want to be treasured, but if a man has standards or expectations, we call him shallow or chauvinist.

Women are no longer taught what it means to build with a man. They're taught to expect him to have everything all together at once but this is not biblical.

The bible calls a wife a helpmeet. Because men need help. The Proverbs 31 woman whose husband is well known likely got there partly because of the virtuous woman's help.

What's toxic is that disrespecting women is considered offensive but disrespecting men has become the norm.

Well my goodness. Here's a post I could live with. I don't understand why wives are not encouraged to love their husbands more... well, and then again you pointed it out quite appropriately. I think it is the enemy who trains the world to despise husbands, especially godly ones. They stand as a reflection of the Lord Jesus Christ, and they stand as protectors of their wives against spiritual danger as well as danger of all kinds. I think the enemy wants to destroy all people, and what better way to pray upon wives than to attack their husbands first?

I noticed you mentioned in another thread that you struggle with your weight some. Understand something, a woman who will respect a man is worth more than some trophy who will not respect him and only argues. In the end, the Lord rewards those who are faithful to their husbands like He rewards those who are faithful to Him.

You may live out your days in peace and happiness if you can keep this kind of attitude towards men, and especially the one God gives you.

Be blessed,
Hidden In Him

 

[Tone]

Women are no longer taught what it means to build with a man. They're taught to expect him to have everything all together at once but this is not biblical.

Oooohh, I like this!

 

[Wynona]

Well my goodness. Here's a post I could live with. I don't understand why wives are not encouraged to love their husbands more... well, and then again you pointed it out quite appropriately. I think it is the enemy who trains the world to despise husbands, especially godly ones. They stand as a reflection of the Lord Jesus Christ, and they stand as protectors of their wives against spiritual danger as well as danger of all kinds. I think the enemy wants to destroy all people, and what better way to pray upon wives than to attack their husbands first?

I noticed you mentioned in another thread that you struggle with your weight some. Understand something, a woman who will respect a man is worth more than some trophy who will not respect him and only argues. In the end, the Lord rewards those who are faithful to their husbands like He rewards those who are faithful to Him.

You may live out your days in peace and happiness if you can keep this kind of attitude towards men, and especially the one God gives you.

Be blessed,
Hidden In Him

Thank you. And thank you for the comment about worth!

My days are indeed quite happy and peaceful. God is so good! He has blessed my husband and I more than we could have ever imagined.

 

[Tone]

Oooohh, I like this!

Because I need a wife to stand beside me, so that I can be who I really am.

Helpmate

 

[Wynona]

Oooohh, I like this!

I was taught the opposite of "build". I was rather entitled. But the truth is, if a man really loves you and has potential, he may not have to start out financially well off or be the ideal romantic partner at the start.

 

[amadeus]

@Wynona
It is written that without Him we are nothing.

And then again it is written that God saw that men needed a helpmeet and so then: Women.

Without my wife I was nothing because I was incomplete and blind. God did not give me the wife I might have chosen as a young foolish man, but the wife He knew that I needed for the long course of life serving God. 49 years together this coming June: Give God the glory!

"Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD." Prov 18:22

 

[Michiah-Imla]

You are a RARE find.

Excellent post!

 

[Wrangler]

Thank you for this thread.

If anything, he counts me being relaxed and happy with him as his reward.

In The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, Dr Laura states that a wife who is never happy but always complaining is abusing her husband because making her happy is what he lives for.

What's toxic is that disrespecting women is considered offensive but disrespecting men has become the norm.

Well said. I put it this way. Feminists wants equality, except for when they don't. What's toxic is to teach women are to be respected, UNCONDITIONALLY, but men have to earn it (and they are never deemed as 'earning' it). Such double standards are the exact opposite of equality.

 

[farouk]

Men often put up with tougher jobs, tougher treatment from society, and are statistically more likely to commit suicide. But they are disrespected by western society because of the push back on patriarchy.

Sitcoms depict men as lazy and stupid with smart and capable wives. Men are often struck by women in cartoons and are simply supposed to take it---but those who strike women are always depicted as bad.

But in reality, men often feel particularly burdened and responsible for their wives and families welfare. This is because God called them to lead.

Their masculinity is not toxic, but vital, as they are traditionally called to lay down their lives for women and children and to protect us with their strength.

What was toxic in my marriage was not my husband's masculinity, but the moments where I simply didn't understand. The times I assumed he wasn't as burdened as me. The times I didn't understand his need to be strong and not express all his emotions. The times that I listened to my friends and failed to respect him.

But for every time I obeyed the Word of God, God has blessed us all the more. A husband is like a covering over the wife. And so it is with my husband.

He is the patrol watching out for me. He sees danger and warns me of trouble long before it gets to me. He is the person who will say "no" on my behalf and his consistency and strength has saved me from ruin time and again.

In return, he doesn't seem to want a great deal of things. If anything, he counts me being relaxed and happy with him as his reward.

What's toxic is that men are expected to do a lot in relationships and women want to be treasured, but if a man has standards or expectations, we call him shallow or chauvinist.

Women are no longer taught what it means to build with a man. They're taught to expect him to have everything all together at once but this is not biblical.

The bible calls a wife a helpmeet. Because men need help. The Proverbs 31 woman whose husband is well known likely got there partly because of the virtuous woman's help.

What's toxic is that disrespecting women is considered offensive but disrespecting men has become the norm.

@Wynona BTW, @Mayflower has started a thread all about Proverbs...

 

[Wynona]

@Wynona BTW, @Mayflower has started a thread all about Proverbs...

Thanks for telling me!

 

[farouk]

Thanks for telling me!

YW; Proverbs is a source of a lot of quotes. You may not be into this particular kind, but since your thread is about masculinity, etc., this Proverbs ink would be widely regarded as very gracious and feminine, although like I said you may not be into it at all...

pinterest

 

[Wynona]

YW; Proverbs is a source of a lot of quotes. You may not be into this particular kind, but since your thread is about masculinity, etc., this Proverbs ink would be widely regarded as very gracious and feminine, although like I said you may not be into it at all...

pinterest

Although I dislike tattoos, that one's okay as far as they go.

I know my version of femininity doesn't appeal to everyone but I look best with simplicity. Simple colors and styles. I don't really wear makeup or jewelry. But I am growing my hair out.

 

[Taken]

Wynona ~
Great post, well said and in agreement.

Haven't watched TV for quite sometime...but do recall men being portrayed as a bumbling cowering idiot, and even highlighting children as head of household over both parents. Sitcoms and even commercials.
Also do see the same being perpetuated in society as acceptable and normal.
It's a slippery slope and has zero resemblance to Biblical teaching. Sad to observe, but then, knowing these things must come to pass...and the key word is pass, and is the highlight of knowing what will be.

Testimonies, such as yours, being the nonsense does not fester in your household, is good news, every man converted IN Christ is uplifted to hear.
Thanks for sharing.

God Bless,
Taken

 

[farouk]

Although I dislike tattoos, that one's okay as far as they go.

I know my version of femininity doesn't appeal to everyone but I look best with simplicity. Simple colors and styles. I don't really wear makeup or jewelry. But I am growing my hair out.

@Wynona My wife did The Chop years ago, and keeps it trimmed down. Yes, as far as growing it out, it can be done trimmed and even shaved to the sides and neck but still be grown out tufty and spikey.

(Yes. feminine tattoos can be low-key, modest and gracious; I saw a quote about just how great a proportion of women in Bible Belt churches evidently think so too.)

 

[Raccoon1010]

Men often put up with tougher jobs, tougher treatment from society, and are statistically more likely to commit suicide. But they are disrespected by western society because of the push back on patriarchy.

Sitcoms depict men as lazy and stupid with smart and capable wives. Men are often struck by women in cartoons and are simply supposed to take it---but those who strike women are always depicted as bad.

But in reality, men often feel particularly burdened and responsible for their wives and families welfare. This is because God called them to lead.

Their masculinity is not toxic, but vital, as they are traditionally called to lay down their lives for women and children and to protect us with their strength.

What was toxic in my marriage was not my husband's masculinity, but the moments where I simply didn't understand. The times I assumed he wasn't as burdened as me. The times I didn't understand his need to be strong and not express all his emotions. The times that I listened to my friends and failed to respect him.

But for every time I obeyed the Word of God, God has blessed us all the more. A husband is like a covering over the wife. And so it is with my husband.

He is the patrol watching out for me. He sees danger and warns me of trouble long before it gets to me. He is the person who will say "no" on my behalf and his consistency and strength has saved me from ruin time and again.

In return, he doesn't seem to want a great deal of things. If anything, he counts me being relaxed and happy with him as his reward.

What's toxic is that men are expected to do a lot in relationships and women want to be treasured, but if a man has standards or expectations, we call him shallow or chauvinist.

Women are no longer taught what it means to build with a man. They're taught to expect him to have everything all together at once but this is not biblical.

The bible calls a wife a helpmeet. Because men need help. The Proverbs 31 woman whose husband is well known likely got there partly because of the virtuous woman's help.

What's toxic is that disrespecting women is considered offensive but disrespecting men has become the norm.

Most of the posts are right on in this thread. The media has made a mockery of the family to suit their agenda, to promote their own beliefs into the masses.

That said, there is a type of toxic masculinity and femininity. It is when men hate women and/or women hate men but can't live without each other. I've seen it in the relationships that I encounter. Men think they should be able to understand women and sometimes women think they should be able to understand men. Instead of letting them be different and working together in the area that they have strength. Bringing their strengths to the relationship and adding to it's beauty.

I've seen all too often men tearing down women and women tearing down men, because they don't agree or dislike what they do.

I was married for 10 years and learned that we must not try to understand each other, but instead work together to strengthen the family. Bringing our talents and strength together to build the family into a strong relationship.

 

[farouk]

@Wynona It's something that seems to be done naturally and doesn't have to be radical or 'in your face' at all; but it's very much an individual thing. (Though there will always be legalists who profess to be against it.)

greenvneck said:

I would be hard-pressed to come up with more than a handful of names of my friends who DON'T have at least one tattoo--and we are all suburban homeschooling moms, ages ranging from early-30s to mid-50s, living in conservative North Texas.

forums dot thewelltrainedmind dot com

 

[Wynona]

Most of the posts are right on in this thread. The media has made a mockery of the family to suit their agenda, to promote their own beliefs into the masses.

That said, there is a type of toxic masculinity and femininity. It is when men hate women and/or women hate men but can't live without each other. I've seen it in the relationships that I encounter. Men think they should be able to understand women and sometimes women think they should be able to understand men. Instead of letting them be different and working together in the area that they have strength. Bringing their strengths to the relationship and adding to it's beauty.

I've seen all too often men tearing down women and women tearing down men, because they don't agree or dislike what they do.

I was married for 10 years and learned that we must not try to understand each other, but instead work together to strengthen the family. Bringing our talents and strength together to build the family into a strong relationship.

I think I know what you mean. Ive accepted that my husband thinks differently and I don't always try to understand why or assume I do.

But his strengths, Ive come to rely on.

 

[Raccoon1010]

I think I know what you mean. Ive accepted that my husband thinks differently and I don't always try to understand why or assume I do.

But his strengths, Ive come to rely on.

Yeah maybe it's a trait that runs in my family? Trying to understand members of the opposite sex and failing miserably. Oh well. Anyways I don't try to understand women. I guess I think men and women are different and we should celebrate those differences. Women can wear dresses and have makeup if they want, and men can be men. The bible teaches us a little about that:

Deuteronomy 22:5

King James Version

5 The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the Lord thy God.

 

[quietthinker]

Good on you Wynona!