Women in Crisis - WOMEN ONLY

[TLHKAJ]

I would like to open a thread where women can safely discuss issues related to abuse in relationships with a husband, fiance, or a boyfriend.

This is a place to discuss issues of childhood abuse, trauma, and abuse/trauma in marriage (etc) and how to handle this Biblically. (No, God does not require a woman to endure abuse in marriage.)

You will not be labeled a contentious feminist in this thread for expressing your disappointments, hurts, and sense of grief and loss at not having the marriage God intended you to have. You will not be guilted here for deciding to leave an abusive husband.

I don't know how often I'll add to this thread. And idk if any other women on this forum have experience related to TRUE abuse in a marriage. (And I don't mean a man who is lazy and won't hold a job, or who refuses to pick up his dirty laundry from the living room floor.) I am referring to a husband abusing a wife in sexual, physical, spiritual, verbal ways. Some of these may require physical separation, and others require another approach such as patience and prayer and maybe physical separation within the same home (taking breathers, time to be refreshed and strengthened in the Lord).

We can discuss ways to honor and forgive your husband even while separating, or in some cases, seeking divorce.

If any woman reads this and is in danger, please feel free to private message me if you need to talk or need prayer.

Blessings,
Abby

 

[Rita]

I am well past my marriage years and I spent over ten years working through all that surfaced when my marriage broke down. I even started to write a book about the healing process, called it ‘ The healing Onion ‘ because it was like peeling back the layers always brought tears but added flavour to my lif in the end ( lol ) What I learned along the way is that true , deep healing is often a slow process with many. I chose to trust the Holy Spirit to take me on the journeys through my past , childhood to teenage years and my marriage and all that it brought. I was told that the grief of divorce had opened up everything that I had pushed down with food. I remember having an image of a house, and one by one the rooms had been cleaned , but in the basement was a chest locked up which represented my deepest hurts - I had to be willing to open it and allow that to be cleaned out as well.
For me that was a picture of the healing process. I journaled , scribbled, yelled through words ect ect.
I remember God laid it on my heart to forgive my husband, everything. I was reading a book on forgiveness at the time - threw it across the room and shouted ‘ Why should I ‘ also the prompt to pray for him didn’t go down too well either. The Holy Spirit laid on my heart to, in response ‘ who else is going to pray for him ‘ !!!
I did forgive in the end and built bridges with him ( my ex ) I chose to handle all that he did Gods way, without revenge. I also had to self examine as In healing you often have to face your own contributions to situations.
I laid my past to rest many years ago now, scars are there but it doesn’t hurt anymore. I became part of a ministry team to support others going through broken marriages as Christians - made many friends from all around the world. Picket fences was the name of the ministry. Women supporting women - it was very rewarding xxxxx

 

[TLHKAJ]

I became part of a ministry team to support others going through broken marriages as Christians - made many friends from all around the world. Picket fences was the name of the ministry. Women supporting women - it was very rewarding xxxxx

Thank you for sharing, Rita. I'm sure what you've shared will help other women who will read this.

I love the name of the ministry ....brings up a lot of interesting thoughts. Do you know the story behind the ministry name?

 

[Rita]

Thank you for sharing, Rita. I'm sure what you've shared will help other women who will read this.

I love the name of the ministry ....brings up a lot of interesting thoughts. Do you know the story behind the ministry name?

No I don’t , sadly. I remember the lady that started the group ( it was a yahoo group ) Her name was Debbie - I was actually online with her when she found out a family member had shot himself - I stayed online while the sheriff went in and found them. At one time I was the only British member there , it was mainly American. Then it kind of grew and we ended up with people from other countries. The ministry team was made up of women who had joined for support during their divorces, but were a few years down the line of recovery. The sad reality was that yahoo groups gradually declined. We did have a Facebook group ( actually we still do but it’s not used much )

 

[TLHKAJ]

No I don’t , sadly. I remember the lady that started the group ( it was a yahoo group ) Her name was Debbie - I was actually online with her when she found out a family member had shot himself - I stayed online while the sheriff went in and found them. At one time I was the only British member there , it was mainly American. Then it kind of grew and we ended up with people from other countries. The ministry team was made up of women who had joined for support during their divorces, but were a few years down the line of recovery. The sad reality was that yahoo groups gradually declined. We did have a Facebook group ( actually we still do but it’s not used much )

I miss Yahoo Groups. I did FB for about 10 years but not anymore. I wish there was a good safe platform for private groups these days.

 

[TLHKAJ]

No I don’t , sadly. I remember the lady that started the group ( it was a yahoo group ) Her name was Debbie - I was actually online with her when she found out a family member had shot himself - I stayed online while the sheriff went in and found them. At one time I was the only British member there , it was mainly American. Then it kind of grew and we ended up with people from other countries.

The ministry name sounds familiar to me. I think I've heard of it, but not sure where.

 

[DuckieLady]

When I was healing, Tim Fletcher was a good resource for me.

Tim Fletcher

We are changing the landscape of Complex Trauma recovery through in-person and online self-study courses and intensive programs. Tim Fletcher is a pioneer in the Addictions & Mental Health Treatment profession. He is the Founder & President of RE/ACT (Recovery Education for Addictions and...

youtube.com

Long time ago. Particularly, the C-PTSD series.

 

[TLHKAJ]

When I was healing, Tim Fletcher was a good resource for me.

Tim Fletcher

We are changing the landscape of Complex Trauma recovery through in-person and online self-study courses and intensive programs. Tim Fletcher is a pioneer in the Addictions & Mental Health Treatment profession. He is the Founder & President of RE/ACT (Recovery Education for Addictions and...

youtube.com

Long time ago. Particularly, the C-PTSD series.

Thank you for posting this, sister. I'm going to listen to this as well.

 

[Hepzibah]

I have listened to Tim and many other traumatologists but find the one I like best to be:

Carolyn Spring | reversing adversity

Carolyn Spring helps people recovery from trauma and reverse adversity through her blog, videos, podcasts, books, resources, live and online training.

www.carolynspring.com

who is actually just a coach but who has know horrific trauma through her life and had RSA and has been DID. She has a wonderful way of just cutting through the jargon and saying it how it is in plain talk.

 

[TLHKAJ]

I have listened to Tim and many other traumatologists but find the one I like best to be:

Carolyn Spring | reversing adversity

Carolyn Spring helps people recovery from trauma and reverse adversity through her blog, videos, podcasts, books, resources, live and online training.

www.carolynspring.com

who is actually just a coach but who has know horrific trauma through her life and had RSA and has been DID. She has a wonderful way of just cutting through the jargon and saying it how it is in plain talk.

Does she have a biblical approach in her coaching?

 

[Hepzibah]

One of the things that helped me, was her explaining that we do not need 'trauma informed' counsellors necessarily as she had a young trainee at the start who knew nothing about DID but was so empathetic to Carolyn that she brought about much healing for her.

It put my mind at rest in finding someone with labels first of all. My new counsellor is proving amazing. She is with the charity Action for ME. NHS was hopeless.

 

[Hepzibah]

Does she have a biblical approach in her coaching?

That is the only thing but she is pro Christianity I think.

 

[DuckieLady]

Thank you for posting this, sister. I'm going to listen to this as well.

You're welcome. I think the thing that he said that stuck with me the most was something along the lines of how nothing can thrive or survive in the dead sea.

I realized my whole life was a dead sea. I prayed to get out of it and surrendered what I thought I should be doing for the opposite. Paraphrasing, but I said, "God if you can help me provide for myself and my kids on my own, will you please do that?"

I was laying on my bed and I felt God's strong presence say, something like, "I'm going to take you somewhere where you will feel more comfortable than you did at your childhood vacation cabin." (We used to rent a cabin by the beach. It was a peaceful safe place.)

In one week, I was out. Everything changed within about a month.

Next thing I know I'm somewhere else. Everything I needed was given to me with ease. My job, my place, Mr. Duck came quickly.

Mr. Duck and I prayed for one another, and it involved me surrending who I thought I was waiting for, and met within a week after prayer.

 

[TLHKAJ]

One of the things that helped me, was her explaining that we do not need 'trauma informed' counsellors necessarily as she had a young trainee at the start who knew nothing about DID but was so empathetic to Carolyn that she brought about much healing for her.

It put my mind at rest in finding someone with labels first of all. My new counsellor is proving amazing. She is with the charity Action for ME. NHS was hopeless.

I had this experience as well. In 2006, when I was 2 and a half years into my journey of healing from SRA/MK/DID, I looked for help through the Theophostic Prayer Ministry Website. The woman who answered my request loved two and a half hours away.

We talked by phone once or twice and emailed back and forth to set a time for me to meet with her and a prayer support person at her church. Before we were to meet, God gave me a dream:

I dreamed that I walked up to the doors of a church and was met by 2 blond haired women wearing nursing uniforms and stethoscopes around their necks. They didn't say anything. They led me in through the doors, down a hall. As we took a right turn down another hall, the church took on the resemblance of a hospital. They led me through a door on the right into a room where I was to put on a hospital gown, and they laid me down on a bed. The "nurse" with the longer blond hair laid down on the bed shoulder to shoulder with me (face up). The "nurse" with the shorter blond hair took her stethoscope and placed it on my heart. She listened ...then she looked at the "nurse" who was next to me and said, "She was born with this. This has been from birth."

End of dream.

When I talked to my TPM (Theophostic Prayer Minister) I asked her if she and her prayer support person were nurses with blond hair, she said they both had blond hair, but neither of them were nurses. My TPM had longer blond hair, and the prayer person had short blond hair.

When I went to meet them, we met in a Baptist church that my TPM attended. We talked to get acquainted and it wasn't a half hour into our meeting that they met 2 of my alters ...one, a frightened child, and the other a protector adult who shut down talking ("no-talk" programming bc talking is dangerous).

They handled it well, but not being trained in SRA with DID, they were unsure if they were equipped to minister to me. So the next day they requested that we meet outdoors under a large pavilion. The hopes was that it would feel less intimidating to alters and lessen the chance of switching.

So we sat and talked, and my TPM began to explain to me that they weren't trained and had no experience ministering to someone with alters, let alone SRA/MK.

Now let me back up a bit. The night before, in my hotel room, I was reading my Bible. I came across this verse:

Psalm 32:8
[8]I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go: I will guide thee with mine eye.

I knew it was for my TPM and God was assuring me that she was the person He chose to help me. I wrote her name and the date next to that verse in my Bible.

So as she was trying to explain to me her concerns that she wasn't trained in this, and didn't want to cause more harm, the words that came out of my mouth were... "The Lord will teach you." Her face looked surprised, and almost tearful ...she looked at her friend (prayer person) and then she looked at me and said, "We just want to listen to your heart." (My thoughts went to that dream God gave me.) She said if I was willing to trust her, she would proceed. Then she shared that the night before, she was praying about it all, asking God if she should work with me, she came across .....Psalm 32:8 ...and she wrote MY name, AND the date in her Bible next to that verse!!

How amazing is that, that God would go to such extents to confirm His work?! And she walked alongside me more like a big sister, best friend, fighting in the trenches for over 3 years. And God worked me through the majority of the worst MK programming, horrific trauma, and times of being threatened and traumatized by my handlers to punish me for breaking programming and talking. A lot of what I do to this day in supporting other survivors, I learned through her.

I know this is a bit of a different subject than my OP, but for me, it is linked because my marriage was set up by the cult and there has been retraumatizations and threats ongoingly. I have had to separate for years at a time and still pray for, forgive, and honor my husband (who also is a victim himself, but also was set as my handler).

 

[TLHKAJ]

I know this is a bit of a different subject than my OP, but for me, it is linked because my marriage was set up by the cult and there has been retraumatizations and threats ongoingly. I have had to separate for years at a time and still lray for, forgive, and honor my husband (who also is a victim himself, but also was set as my handler).

I want to mention that my husband was not my only handler. There have been many ...basically, anywhere I go, the cult (which is a "worldwide web") notifies and activates a local handler/handlers to enter my life in some way ...church, neighbor (they'll already be there, or move into the neighborhood), police, new "friend", etc, etc....

For a person breaking free of SRA/MK (especially MK, which always involves SRA) they almost never find physical safety. There is always threat of punishment, death, and often their threats are successful. BUT GOD!!!!!

But all that to say ...leaving a handler husband in these cases can present even more danger. So it is tricky...

 

[DuckieLady]

Please forgive me for not reading through this. I'm short on time.

I just saw this short 30-60 second clip- and I've never seen this woman and know nothing about her but it came up for me and I felt like I needed to watch it. I ended up crying.

They mention a book "Feelings Buried Alive Never Die" by Karol K. Truman and wondered if you guys have ever heard it and what's your perspective? I'm not 100% sure.

 

[TLHKAJ]

They mention a book "Feelings Buried Alive Never Die" by Karol K. Truman and wondered if you guys have ever heard it and what's your perspective? I'm not 100% sure.

I still need to make time to watch this.

 

[DuckieLady]

I still need to make time to watch this.

No problem. I have been super busy this week.
Basically, she cites the book saying certain feelings cause certain ailments.

I think that any negative emotion can certainly cause health problems overall, but each specific one causing a specific illness seems like a bit of a reach and kind of like pseudoscience to me.

But I could be completely wrong.

Or they could be selling books. Lol