It Was Hard For Me To Understand Christian Modesty for Women

[JohnDB]

So, because I am pretty tiny and have massive boobs, that seem to draw attention not only from men,woman also, am I supposed to sellotape them down..LOL.

Sorry I refuse to dress as a frump ..I refuse to dress like a tart as well...am I allowed to say that word...apologies if I’m not.

You can say "tart".
When men mature and finally figure out how to pick a wife....
They don't want a fashion model, a Instagram model and especially don't want a woman who has posted her charms on OnlyFans.

They do want to be proud of her...she speaks for him on a variety of levels. Especially with her character and not by her appearance alone.

Which is yet another reason why I try to tell young girls to NOT get the tattoos that are so popular today. I understand the desire to fit in....and sure guys will date a girl with tattoos but they will marry the ones without them.

And which do you want:
Dates or a husband?

 

[TLHKAJ]

We blended in fairly well...we are edumacated and polite and willing to hold up our end in things....but it was my wife's first rodeo in the big city. She just didn't understand what she was seeing. So I had to have a discussion....where there were Churches in Nashville where $20 Wranglers on Sunday Morning are very appropriate....this church wasn't one of those.

I wouldn't go above $30 for a pair of nice jeans just to suit some folks playing church. Sorry. If that's what they cared about, they joined a club, not an actual body of Christ-followers.

 

[TLHKAJ]

It's a statistical fact as I understand it, that women cheat on their spouses much more than men cheat. What these women can look forward to is being single and no man ever taking them to wife. Pretty soon, they're 40ish and losing more value by then. So they say yes more and men jump right on it most times, but not with a ring!

I've never heard that statistic. Who are these women cheating with....a fence post? There must be men involved, unless they turned lesbian.

 

[St. SteVen]

If any woman is wondering if they are attractive or not, they can borrow this 1000 point system I came up with.

Here's my reaction from a male, Christian male, perspective.

Were you born female? Go ahead and add 500 points.

Check. A definite plus. - LOL

Do you appear female without confusion? Go ahead and add 100 more points

That's a good one. If a "whatever" is hiding their gender identity, what does it mean?
But in some cases hormone levels and family environment can play a role. Tomboys were very attractive when we were climbing trees together. Girls like that were one of the guys. And welcome in the tree fort. Especially if they helped build it. - LOL

Are you under 300 pounds? Go ahead and add another 200 points.

Unfortunately, this is an issue, usually. Might depend on the size of the guy. I wonder about some couples. He's 6'5" and weighs 300 pounds and she's 5'2" and weighs 125. How does that work sexually? Yikes!

Add another 100 points if you have hair of any kind and it's your natural hair.

Natural hair, yes. I don't mind interesting hair color, or a few added extensions, if it fits the over all look.

Basically the hair length needs to look good on the person. Long hair is not required, but is usually very feminine. I know long hair is a LOT of work to maintain. Wash and wear is so much more practical. He asks, "Can I see you today?" She replies, "No, I need to wash my hair."

Add another 50 if it's long.

See above.

Add another 50 if you smile.

I would put this at the TOP of the list. This is a key feature of attractiveness to me. Look me in the eyes and smile. I'm all yours. (total melt) I would do anything (within reason) for you.

Oh and I almost forgot... if you are younger than 60, add a bonus 200 points. But if your over 60, single, and willing to date older men, add that 200 anyway.

A woman that looks good for her age is always attractive to me. My wife is a year and a half older than me. And I look 10 to 20 years younger than my actual age. Although, with recent health issues I m starting to lost that battle. (sigh) But in general, women that I meet all take to me quickly. I treat them respectfully and LISTEN to them.

]

 

[St. SteVen]

I wouldn't go above $30 for a pair of nice jeans just to suit some folks playing church. Sorry. If that's what they cared about, they joined a club, not an actual body of Christ-followers.

How can you make that judgment on a fellowship of believers? Seems quite unfair.

]

 

[Wrangler]

Camp 1: Its not about rules and a dress code, its about the heart!!!

Camp 2: There is a biblical dress code and it shows reverence for God.

Camp 3: Modesty is avoiding drawing attention to yourself at all. Wearing plain/drab or formless clothing is what true modesty is.

So what is modesty?

Another great thread @Wynona!

Dress is a reflection of the heart, not determinant of the heart. A haughty woman can dress modestly as a works convincing herself and others of her piety. The reverse is never true; An ostentacious display is inherently immodest.

I, for one, am a man who is offended by cleavage and consider it sexual solicitation. Not fabric design or color or even jewelry but showing off one's cleavage is the most common display of immodest display in our society.

I've joked with my friends about the social acceptance of a man at work putting his private parts on a conference room table under the guise that such a public display is just the way he is "comfortable" dressing. For some reason, women are allowed to get away with using her "comfort" as what is acceptable practice - for both men and women. If a man exposed himself by a window, he'd be arrested for being pervert, sexual solicitation, indecent exposure. If a woman did the very same thing, it is the man who'd be arrested for being a peeping Tom, a stalker, etc. It shows, despite the rhetoric of the dreaded patriarchy, what a gyno-centric society we live in.

 

[Lizbeth]

It baffles me that I used to buy into the myth of jumping through hoops just to be considered attractive to a man.

The beauty industry profits if they can convince us that we need their products for this.

The truth? Being a woman is naturally attractive---just don't ruin it. You don't need Cosmopolitan to tell you 78 ways to seduce a man. There's really just one: be female.

If any woman is wondering if they are attractive or not, they can borrow this 1000 point system I came up with.

Were you born female? Go ahead and add 500 points.

Do you appear female without confusion? Go ahead and add 100 more points

Are you under 300 pounds? Go ahead and add another 200 points.

Add another 100 points if you have hair of any kind and it's your natural hair.

Add another 50 if it's long.

Add another 50 if you smile.

Oh and I almost forgot... if you are younger than 60, add a bonus 200 points. But if your over 60, single, and willing to date older men, add that 200 anyway.

Will you attract a royal prince? I don't know. But as long as you are a woman, someone is wanting you. I stand by that. Makeup, products, surgery, etc are simply not necessary.

I can't believe how insecure I was in the past. But it was probably for the best.

Think there can be a lot of reasons for women feeling that they need to "try hard" to be pleasing and accepted by men, and their peers. Society puts a lot of pressure on young girls to begin with, and is sending a wrong message that their intrinsic worth is bound up with sexuality and attractiveness, and add in a background of a lack of love in the home and/or abuses, low self esteem etc.......that's on top of just simple nature and young gals having a natural instinct to try and bloom like a rose to attract bees in order to choose one to be a suitable mate. And then having found a husband we usually want to try and keep him, in a world where there are so many temptations.

Think we just shouldn't wear clothes that are too revealing, too tight, too short, too low etc. For believers a lot of this depends on one's growth in the Lord, and healing etc as well, so beyond a reasonable expectation, I think there are instances where we need to have grace for folks while the Lord helps them to learn His ways and to sort out all their issues.

Hard to think in terms of hard and fast rules sometimes, as some have pointed out, what is modest and fine on one person might not be on another. Also cultural norms are a factor...there was a time when the sight of a woman's ankles or neck could send a man's heart racing apparently, lol, but that is not the case today and I don't think we need to wear floor length dresses/skirts and necklines up to our chin in the west right now. Although we might need to in other parts of the world. And men may need to be mindful too....some of the men's clothes of the 60's look too tight to me, although maybe people were used to it then. I don't think we should generally be on the cutting edge of fashion before something becomes the norm and people are used to it. Eg, if you are coming out of the Victorian era, don't be the first to wear a midi-skirt. Just my two-cents worth, sister.

 

[MA2444]

I've never heard that statistic. Who are these women cheating with....a fence post? There must be men involved, unless they turned lesbian.

Lots of times it's his brother or best friend. Someone from her work. Her trainer. The milk man. anyone. They said it was about 80% to 20% that cheat.

I think it was paternity shows that taught more women that it's ok to cheat. There's no accountablitiy to those women who cheat. She had another man's baby and said, I made a mistake. It was an accident, arent you going to forgive me? And many times the men do. That sends the women the wrong message.

It isnt a mistake to climb into another mans bed. A mistake is like in math, you forget to carry the 7. Oh it was an accident. She tripped and fell out of her panties onto the top of a man. Accident? No, that was choice that she made. A poor choice. And poor chioces should have consequences.

Like, you can get the rest of your things off the porch. Lol. How else will they learn?

 

[Wynona]

Think there can be a lot of reasons for women feeling that they need to "try hard" to be pleasing and accepted by men, and their peers. Society puts a lot of pressure on young girls to begin with, and is sending a wrong message that their intrinsic worth is bound up with sexuality and attractiveness, and add in a background of a lack of love in the home and/or abuses, low self esteem etc.......that's on top of just simple nature and young gals having a natural instinct to try and bloom like a rose to attract bees in order to choose one to be a suitable mate. And then having found a husband we usually want to try and keep him, in a world where there are so many temptations.

TWomen wanting to make an effort to look good can be a good sign of a healthy interest in dating or their husbands.

I just think the beauty and plastic surgery industry exploit this. We feel the need to go about ten steps too far and end up undermining our own efforts.

Makeup and certain beauty enhancements can be a lot of fun. But they aren't a need. I agree that we are taught our value is in our looks first, and that it causes harm.

My view now is that my looks have a job to do. At 20, the job of attracting a hubby was accomplished. At 28 by extension, I got baby number 1. My looks are destined to fade. But by then I may have grandchildren. I can let go of teenage me and early twenties me and even now me. Because that youthful appearance did its job. No more, no less. I can embrace the grey hair and wrinkles as they come. Its the beauty of the fear of God that sustains me.

 

[St. SteVen]

My view now is that my looks have a job to do. At 20, the job of attracting a hubby was accomplished. At 28 by extension, I got baby number 1. My looks are destined to fade. But by then I may have grandchildren. I can let go of teenage me and early twenties me and even now me. Because that youthful appearance did its job. No more, no less. I can embrace the grey hair and wrinkles as they come. Its the beauty of the fear of God that sustains me.

That's a good view.
I wrote and recorded a song about this.

https://soundcloud.com/user-426611522%2Fshes-23-today
Title: She's 23 Today
Track Time: 04:09 / Tempo: BPM: 80

VS 1
She's 23 today
and past her prime
Guess she always knew
just a matter of time

Read the wishes on the cake
and wiped away a tear
On the other side of 22
dwells her biggest fear

CHORUS 1
She's 23 today
and the future's hard to see
Really no way to see ahead
and know what she will be

Time went by so quickly
can't stop the symphony
Look forward and wonder
while she was 23

VS 2
She's 43 today
new thoughts on her mind
Many things that she could say
if she had the time

The kids are growing up so fast
her firstborn and the twins
Everything is heading south
eventually gravity wins

CHORUS 2
She's 43 today
wouldn't trade it for the world
A woman in her prime
no more a little girl

Time went by so quickly
can't stop the symphony
To look back and remember
when she was 23

VS 3
She's 63 today
Life is slowing down
Thoughts of retirement
and getting out of town

The kids are out of college
starting families of their own
Only seen on the Holidays
or heard on the phone

CHORUS 3
She's 63 today
will see the family this weekend
Cake and ice cream on paper plates
Shared the date with kids and friend

Time went by so quickly
can't stop the symphony
To look back and remember
when she was 23

VS 4
She's 83 today
and sorting through old photos
Meant to do this years ago
to look through old mementos

Found a birthday photo
a haunting memory
Gave her pause then to reflect
when she was 23

CHORUS 4
She's 83 today
sits in the house all alone
The mantel clock, it ticks so loud
no calls come on the phone

Time went by so quickly
can't stop the symphony
To look back and remember
when she was 23

© Steve Lundgren 2019
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

]

 

[St. SteVen]

Here's another song that was based on a conversation with my sister and her frustration with our Mom. She told me what she needed to hear. When I saw Mom next I encouraged her to say these things to my her daughter. Here's the song that came from the insights I gained,

I should also say that my wife saw the lyrics for this song on my desk next to hers and asked me if I wrote them. She said they made her cry. So, grab a box of tissues and give this a listen. - LOL --- Actually, the lyrics are probably better than the song. IMHO (I butchered it)

https://soundcloud.com/user-426611522%2Ftell-me-im-pretty-remix
Title: Tell Me I'm Pretty
Track Time: 03:21 / BPM: 96

Vs 1
I overheard some women talking
about what they need to hear
The lament of their sad longing
almost made me shed a tear

Ch 1
Tell me I'm pretty
Tell me I look thin
Say you love my cooking
And the dress I am in

Vs 2
The other woman added hers
And it went a different way
Made me think there's more to this
That's not all she had to say

Ch 2
Say your glad you married me -
and that you want no other
Tell me I'm pretty -
and that I'm a good mother

Vs 3
Some tender care is in order -
like a garden that needs tending
Some repair work to restore -
a heart that needs some mending

Ch 3
Tell me I'm pretty
Notice my new shoes
I shouldn't have to tell you -
when I've got the blues

Vs 4
I guess I learned a thing or two
about what makes these gals tick
Just be more observant
That will do the trick

Ch 4
Tell me I'm pretty
Tell me I look thin
Say you love my cooking
And the dress I am in

© Steve Lundgren 2018
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

]

 

[Wynona]

That's a good view.
I wrote and recorded a song about this.

https://soundcloud.com/user-426611522%2Fshes-23-today
Title: She's 23 Today
Track Time: 04:09 / Tempo: BPM: 80

VS 1
She's 23 today
and past her prime
Guess she always knew
just a matter of time

Read the wishes on the cake
and wiped away a tear
On the other side of 22
dwells her biggest fear

CHORUS 1
She's 23 today
and the future's hard to see
Really no way to see ahead
and know what she will be

Time went by so quickly
can't stop the symphony
Look forward and wonder
while she was 23

VS 2
She's 43 today
new thoughts on her mind
Many things that she could say
if she had the time

The kids are growing up so fast
her firstborn and the twins
Everything is heading south
eventually gravity wins

CHORUS 2
She's 43 today
wouldn't trade it for the world
A woman in her prime
no more a little girl

Time went by so quickly
can't stop the symphony
To look back and remember
when she was 23

VS 3
She's 63 today
Life is slowing down
Thoughts of retirement
and getting out of town

The kids are out of college
starting families of their own
Only seen on the Holidays
or heard on the phone

CHORUS 3
She's 63 today
will see the family this weekend
Cake and ice cream on paper plates
Shared the date with kids and friend

Time went by so quickly
can't stop the symphony
To look back and remember
when she was 23

VS 4
She's 83 today
and sorting through old photos
Meant to do this years ago
to look through old mementos

Found a birthday photo
a haunting memory
Gave her pause then to reflect
when she was 23

CHORUS 4
She's 83 today
sits in the house all alone
The mantel clock, it ticks so loud
no calls come on the phone

Time went by so quickly
can't stop the symphony
To look back and remember
when she was 23

© Steve Lundgren 2019
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

]

I want to be even more confident as I get older. I feel so much better about myself as a whole at 29 than I did at 18.

 

[Wrangler]

Think there can be a lot of reasons for women feeling that they need to "try hard" to be pleasing and accepted by men, and their peers.

Really? I think there is only one. Attention, which is gratifying to the immodest ego.

 

[St. SteVen]

I want to be even more confident as I get older. I feel so much better about myself as a whole at 29 than I did at 18.

Exactly. I remember all the comments about turning 30. The reality was that it was very good. Like you say, feeling good about yourself.

'

 

[Lizbeth]

Really? I think there is only one. Attention, which is gratifying to the immodest ego.

There can be mitigating factors as well......GOD knows, we don't always, that's why He is judge and we are not.

 

[JohnDB]

I wouldn't go above $30 for a pair of nice jeans just to suit some folks playing church. Sorry. If that's what they cared about, they joined a club, not an actual body of Christ-followers.

Levi's these days are at least $50/pair. (I think they have gone up too) Wranglers are less....but still almost that much.
Then there are Walls at Walmart....personally I think I could design a pair to fit better and I'm not great at sewing or clothes design.

I'm not sure what Carharts are running anymore....I wore them a lot when working. They got the nice flannel lined jeans for them cold mornings....

Both the Levi's and Carharts usually fit decently....the others not so much. And where I'm definitely anything but a fashionista....I still don't want to need to pull up my pants while on top of a ladder or have them snag on something on the way down because there are fabric bulges from an improper fit.

 

[Wynona]

Just as a fun side note: Id wear 40's/50's inspired clothing constantly if I could.

 

[TLHKAJ]

Levi's these days are at least $50/pair. (I think they have gone up too) Wranglers are less....but still almost that much.
Then there are Walls at Walmart....personally I think I could design a pair to fit better and I'm not great at sewing or clothes design.

I'm not sure what Carharts are running anymore....I wore them a lot when working. They got the nice flannel lined jeans for them cold mornings....

Both the Levi's and Carharts usually fit decently....the others not so much. And where I'm definitely anything but a fashionista....I still don't want to need to pull up my pants while on top of a ladder or have them snag on something on the way down because there are fabric bulges from an improper fit.

Carhartts and the like are very much worth the money if you work outside or in a garage a lot. They serve a purpose. Buying fancy clothes that cost as much as a house payment .....not worth it! lol

 

[Wynona]

Carhartts and the like are very much worth the money if you work outside or in a garage a lot. They serve a purpose. Buying fancy clothes that cost as much as a house payment .....not worth it! lol

Have never heard of Carhartts

Will need some help from google

 

[JohnDB]

Have never heard of Carhartts

Will need some help from google

They are a line of clothing made for outdoor wear. Insulated overalls and coveralls and jackets and pants and shirts. As well as not insulated.

Those of us in construction wore them regularly....they fit great usually. Academy Sporting goods usually carries them....dunno about Outdoor world.

A pendleton wool shirt used to run around $100 (looked like flannel but was wool)
But I lived close enough to pendleton woolen mills in Pendleton to get the material cheap and factory second shirts.

When you start wearing 20-40lbs of extra clothing to keep warm outside in the winter....how they fit is Very very important. Because the cheapest stuff is exhausting....all of it is tiring but more so when it doesn't fit well. (You are usually wearing 3-5 layers of clothes)

Electric stuff can be good....but it depends on the batteries.

Working for 8 hours outside in the single digit(Fahrenheit)cold...no escape into someplace warm....you really need to spend the money on good clothes.