Strength and Honor: Triumphing over Feminism

[Wrangler]

But its still possible to live off one income provided one is willing to sacrifice a lot of luxuries.

It's not always a matter of needing two incomes. We were extremely poor when I quit working. But we were happy. That became the priority.

There is great wisdom in this post.

 

[Wynona]

Homemaking a certain way can create a "second income".

I don't require a car that needs its own payment, gas, and maintenance. It takes planning but we've gotten by with the car my parents gave me at 16 for a decade now. My husband bought it from them. "Whippy" has served us well.

If I make a lunch for Elijah each weekday, that can save $125-$150 per week in expenses for him. Add breakfast, and there's more saving. I don't require a work lunch outside the home so don't forget that. Cooking meals at home...I cannot even begin to estimate how much this saves because even McDonalds is up in price.

Childcare.... Its mostly me and with the in-laws coming in once or twice a week for two to five hours at a time. I don't even know how much daycare costs per week. Im not sure I want that sticker shock. A local sitter rate is about $28 per hour with a 10 hour per week minimum.

There's an article this man wrote about how his wife's teaching role only actually paid about 5 dollars an hour when subtracting the cost of childcare, work clothes, car maintenance, and food. He was trying to be very moderate in his cost estimates. They elected for her to quit working and her stay home with the kids.

I still can be called on for a side hustle if needed. Many traditional wives still own small businesses from home, work part time, or homestead to provide their own food and living products. I have no issue with wives and Moms making money.

I do take issue with careers being pushed onto women without informing them of a realistic cost-benefit analysis.

 

[VictoryinJesus]

Homemaking a certain way can create a "second income".

I don't require a car that needs its own payment, gas, and maintenance. It takes planning but we've gotten by with the car my parents gave me at 16 for a decade now. My husband bought it from them. "Whippy" has served us well.

If I make a lunch for Elijah each weekday, that can save $125-$150 per week in expenses for him. Add breakfast, and there's more saving. I don't require a work lunch outside the home so don't forget that. Cooking meals at home...I cannot even begin to estimate how much this saves because even McDonalds is up in price.

Childcare.... Its mostly me and with the in-laws coming in once or twice a week for two to five hours at a time. I don't even know how much daycare costs per week. Im not sure I want that sticker shock. A local sitter rate is about $28 per hour with a 10 hour per week minimum.

There's an article this man wrote about how his wife's teaching role only actually paid about 5 dollars an hour when subtracting the cost of childcare, work clothes, car maintenance, and food. He was trying to be very moderate in his cost estimates. They elected for her to quit working and her stay home with the kids.

I still can be called on for a side hustle if needed. Many traditional wives still own small businesses from home, work part time, or homestead to provide their own food and living products. I have no issue with wives and Moms making money.

I do take issue with careers being pushed onto women without informing them of a realistic cost-benefit analysis.

I understand the day care cost. This was a main reason I stayed home with the children. I tried small jobs when they were little but as you said …we saw real quick what I brought in mostly only covered daycare. That was all I was working for. I did clean houses on the side once they were in elementary school. I could clean two houses and still be there to pick up the kids once the release bell rang. That worked well. But I was younger and fast and good at cleaning. Now I struggle cleaning my own house having to sit to take breaks.

I don’t know where I got such a strong opinion of staying home. My mother worked. My older sisters worked. My children work. They say they don’t want to follow my path. they are in different circumstances not having help from a partner or seeing the cost of older children which becomes clothes, more costly shoes. I took one of our grandsons to buy school supplies for his entering early college. It was 150 dollars(multiply that by how many children parents have to buy for and that is significant for school supplies) to get what was on his list. Elementary school supplies are easier maybe twenty bucks. The older they get the more their necessity’s cost. Even school lunches change in the higher grades. A lot of schools now bring in outside food where it cost the same as eating out every day. With no other source of school cafeteria lunch available, kids have to take lunch for sure or buy fast food brought in.

In many ways I think I stayed home to avoid life having a lot of health issues due to anxiety, phobias, and insecurities. I loved being a mother, a wife and a homemaker but I also avoided any other way. I either loss my identity, or never found it.

We built homes(my husband and I) and bought rehabs. I helped with those. I don’t think I was lazy. I would rehab furniture for our home and buy things consignment to make it nice. A friend of my husband once asked him “what do you think you all could have had if your wife worked?” This bothered me for years. Why he said this. It hurt. But now I wish he would have asked the question “what do you think you all would have had if your wife didn’t support you with the builds and home rehabs and taking care of the kids so you could grow your portfolio of accomplishments without all the other distractions?” But he didn’t ask this.

If I could do it all over again…I would work. I had opportunities to go for radiology tech or cosmetology. But quit more comfortable at home. I’ve also been a frail anxiety ridden woman whom my children (two girls) prefer to model their fathers strength. Even our grandchildren respect him, the older ones making comments that I magically seem to have money. They know it comes from my husband like an allowance. This is the older ones…our youngest grandchild…she is six…she still says Mimi is her best friend. They all said this until they grew older. they grow out of it.

Point is …I don’t know what is right. But not everyone can do homemaker and wife. Our oldest has two failed baby daddies that didn’t stick around. She battled a drug addiction and is 7 years clean. She went back to school, works as a cosmetologist to support her children. Yes she still asks for my help with the grandchildren. She lives in one of our homes where we charge her half of what we could get for it in rent.

I do wish my husband would have had more time to connect with all the children and grandchildren. He says this wasn’t afforded unto him because he was always without the home earning money to keep it all from failing. I do hope I had a part it keeping it all from failing also. I am over imposing on other women that they are evil if they go to work or have their kids in daycare. I’m over pushing all women have to do it my way or they are not the model woman God speaks of. I don’t think there is a one size fits all because walking in another person shoes …you never know what they are up against.

 

[VictoryinJesus]

I either loss my identity, or never found it.

I want to touch further on this. I am considering it also. Where I was then, and where I am now. I do get our identity is to be found in Christ. This is and has been my hope for renewal of what lacks.

I’ve also been a frail anxiety ridden woman whom my children (two girls) prefer to model their fathers strength. Even our grandchildren respect him, the older ones making comments that I magically seem to have money. They know it comes from my husband like an allowance. This is the older ones…our youngest grandchild…she is six…she still says Mimi is her best friend. They all said this until they grew older. they grow out of it.

See…they prefer to model after my husbands strength. And I want them to. But this is why I speak so much to you about there being two meanings even in His word. You mentioned what you think the difference is between “a virgin” and “a wife”. I do disagree with the definition. But it would be pointless to try to convince you of another perspective on the difference between the two. I do acknowledge a man’s “strength” but I do also see the strength which comes from God(which doesn’t necessarily fit the welcomed definition of strength). Where my family sees me as frail and weak…the identity I want to cling to is there is a strength that I do think I possess that comes from Him. That strength is nothing to sneer at. I do see having an identity in Christ makes strong, gives strength that this world maybe doesn’t see or view as “strength”. My mother once told me how my older sisters are accountable and responsible women. She said it to say I was more like my brother which was needful of others to help. She meant this concerning their working for all their life to make money. It didn’t hurt my feelings (well maybe a little) but I do see there is another definition of “accountable” and “responsible” towards God. Which isn’t judged by your money status. Not saying that kind or responsibility and accountably is bad. I admire my sisters work ethics. But at the same time I do think the other definition of Spiritual accountability and responsibility goes unspoken. It goes unseen. This is why I always point out another perspective…His perspectives helps I think. If it wasn’t for His perspective, I would have no identity, no accountability, or no responsibility. Judged only by the monetary.

 

[Wynona]

I understand the day care cost. This was a main reason I stayed home with the children. I tried small jobs when they were little but as you said …we saw real quick what I brought in mostly only covered daycare. That was all I was working for. I did clean houses on the side once they were in elementary school. I could clean two houses and still be there to pick up the kids once the release bell rang. That worked well. But I was younger and fast and good at cleaning. Now I struggle cleaning my own house having to sit to take breaks.

I don’t know where I got such a strong opinion of staying home. My mother worked. My older sisters worked. My children work. They say they don’t want to follow my path. they are in different circumstances not having help from a partner or seeing the cost of older children which becomes clothes, more costly shoes. I took one of our grandsons to buy school supplies for his entering early college. It was 150 dollars(multiply that by how many children parents have to buy for and that is significant for school supplies) to get what was on his list. Elementary school supplies are easier maybe twenty bucks. The older they get the more their necessity’s cost. Even school lunches change in the higher grades. A lot of schools now bring in outside food where it cost the same as eating out every day. With no other source of school cafeteria lunch available, kids have to take lunch for sure or buy fast food brought in.

In many ways I think I stayed home to avoid life having a lot of health issues due to anxiety, phobias, and insecurities. I loved being a mother, a wife and a homemaker but I also avoided any other way. I either loss my identity, or never found it.

We built homes(my husband and I) and bought rehabs. I helped with those. I don’t think I was lazy. I would rehab furniture for our home and buy things consignment to make it nice. A friend of my husband once asked him “what do you think you all could have had if your wife worked?” This bothered me for years. Why he said this. It hurt. But now I wish he would have asked the question “what do you think you all would have had if your wife didn’t support you with the builds and home rehabs and taking care of the kids so you could grow your portfolio of accomplishments without all the other distractions?” But he didn’t ask this.

If I could do it all over again…I would work. I had opportunities to go for radiology tech or cosmetology. But quit more comfortable at home. I’ve also been a frail anxiety ridden woman whom my children (two girls) prefer to model their fathers strength. Even our grandchildren respect him, the older ones making comments that I magically seem to have money. They know it comes from my husband like an allowance. This is the older ones…our youngest grandchild…she is six…she still says Mimi is her best friend. They all said this until they grew older. they grow out of it.

Point is …I don’t know what is right. But not everyone can do homemaker and wife. Our oldest has two failed baby daddies that didn’t stick around. She battled a drug addiction and is 7 years clean. She went back to school, works as a cosmetologist to support her children. Yes she still asks for my help with the grandchildren. She lives in one of our homes where we charge her half of what we could get for it in rent.

I do wish my husband would have had more time to connect with all the children and grandchildren. He says this wasn’t afforded unto him because he was always without the home earning money to keep it all from failing. I do hope I had a part it keeping it all from failing also. I am over imposing on other women that they are evil if they go to work or have their kids in daycare. I’m over pushing all women have to do it my way or they are not the model woman God speaks of. I don’t think there is a one size fits all because walking in another person shoes …you never know what they are up against.

I don't have the power to take away anyone's choice. But I stand by saying we ought to inform women that every choice or goal comes with real tradeoffs and sacrifices, whether they work or become homemakers or something in the middle.

I have never called any woman evil for working and and putting kids in daycare. Do I think it's ideal if you have another option for childcare? No. That's just reality.

I am troubled at you saying you feel without identity. I felt that way for a long time. I felt like being a respectable successful adult had to look like a competent career. I have a technical degree and a bit of work history. Those never gave me all of what everyone insisted they would give me.

I never felt more independent---I manifested a lot of mental health issues that had my in psychiatric hospitals where you had to follow a program each day.

There are real downsides to being a homemaker, being submissive, and the patriarchy that came before. However, everyone deserves to be able to realistically evaluate what is important to them and what will ultimately matter when they reach the end of their life.

Realistic, not idealistic. The idea that every choice is just as good as every other choice is idealistic. But that's not real. The choices I made both good and bad had real consequences and real sacrifices.

People today have become so sensitive to any form of criticism that they forget that to hear an opinion is not the same as being condemned, shamed, or coerced for not sharing that same opinion.

People don't all fit into the Proverbs 31 mold either be choice or by necessesity. That doesn't make it any less of an excellent example to to strive for.

 

[Wynona]

This is why I always point out another perspective…His perspectives helps I think. If it wasn’t for His perspective, I would have no identity, no accountability, or no responsibility. Judged only by the monetary.

It is people's obsession with money and status as identity that is the problem. Not you and the way you are by nature.

 

[Mink57]

It is people's obsession with money and status as identity that is the problem. Not you and the way you are by nature.

Wynona, I was thinking about you this morning and came to this same conclusion. It reminds me of the tale of the Mexican Fisherman:

An American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.

The Mexican replied, “only a little while. The American then asked why didn’t he stay out longer and catch more fish? The Mexican said he had enough to support his family’s immediate needs. The American then asked, “but what do you do with the rest of your time?”

The Mexican fisherman said, “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siestas with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine, and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life.” The American scoffed, “I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat, you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing, and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually New York City, where you will run your expanding enterprise.”

The Mexican fisherman asked, “But, how long will this all take?”

To which the American replied, “15 – 20 years.”

“But what then?” Asked the Mexican.

The American laughed and said, “That’s the best part. When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions!”

“Millions – then what?”

The American said, “Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siestas with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos.”

 

[Wynona]

Wynona, I was thinking about you this morning and came to this same conclusion. It reminds me of the tale of the Mexican Fisherman:

An American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.

The Mexican replied, “only a little while. The American then asked why didn’t he stay out longer and catch more fish? The Mexican said he had enough to support his family’s immediate needs. The American then asked, “but what do you do with the rest of your time?”

The Mexican fisherman said, “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siestas with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine, and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life.” The American scoffed, “I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat, you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing, and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually New York City, where you will run your expanding enterprise.”

The Mexican fisherman asked, “But, how long will this all take?”

To which the American replied, “15 – 20 years.”

“But what then?” Asked the Mexican.

The American laughed and said, “That’s the best part. When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions!”

“Millions – then what?”

The American said, “Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siestas with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos.”

Lol. Thanks for thinking of me. I love the story

 

[Wrangler]

Great entertainment. Risk of asking a woman for help.

 

[VictoryinJesus]

Wynona, I was thinking about you this morning and came to this same conclusion. It reminds me of the tale of the Mexican Fisherman:

An American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.

The Mexican replied, “only a little while. The American then asked why didn’t he stay out longer and catch more fish? The Mexican said he had enough to support his family’s immediate needs. The American then asked, “but what do you do with the rest of your time?”

The Mexican fisherman said, “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siestas with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine, and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life.” The American scoffed, “I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat, you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing, and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually New York City, where you will run your expanding enterprise.”

The Mexican fisherman asked, “But, how long will this all take?”

To which the American replied, “15 – 20 years.”

“But what then?” Asked the Mexican.

The American laughed and said, “That’s the best part. When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions!”

“Millions – then what?”

The American said, “Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siestas with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos.”

I love that too. Sad part of reality is by the time the man goes through making the millions and gets back to, “Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siestas with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos.”
…he’d be so old and worn out he might not feel like doing any those things, except for the sleeping late. The kids would be grown and moved on by then. I don’t know about his wife. His amigos may have all become elderly and passed away.

 

[Wynona]

I see homemaking as a fulfilling calling for married women. But not if anyone does it to avoid doing their best in life.

Ecclesiastes 9:10

King James Version

​

10 Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might; for there is no work, nor device, nor knowledge, nor wisdom, in the grave, whither thou goest.

I want to build with my husband to the best of my ability so I regret nothing when I die. That's why I would rather work a job than be lazy in my vocation at home. I intend to be the best darn Christian, wife, mother, and homemaker I can stand to be. I will live a life of excellence as a housewife, just as I would were I needing to work a job. I will do my best at that job. I will do my best in this one.

I want to show God what I can do. Is that arrogant? No, I have confidence God made me for a glorious purpose and I won't waste the life he gave me.

 

[Wynona]

Possible for WHO?

And besides, a COMPUTER is a luxury. You willing to give that up? You willing to sacrifice that? My guess is 'no'...even though it's not something you 'need'.

My husband and I get by.
And you'd be wrong. The time I spend at home is worth more to me than a computer.

Like I said, standard of living is high here. You can literally get computers for free in this country. You can use one at the library for free.

And yet, in today's day and age means, not having INTERCOURSE. That is, Penis in Vagina. Penis in HAND is o.k Mouth on penis is o.k. Penis is butt is o.k...

Any of that ok with you?

In bible terms, "knowing" and intercourse are the same thing. So yes.

 

[VictoryinJesus]

Wynona, I was thinking about you this morning and came to this same conclusion. It reminds me of the tale of the Mexican Fisherman:

An American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.

The Mexican replied, “only a little while. The American then asked why didn’t he stay out longer and catch more fish? The Mexican said he had enough to support his family’s immediate needs. The American then asked, “but what do you do with the rest of your time?”

The Mexican fisherman said, “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siestas with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine, and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life.” The American scoffed, “I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat, you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing, and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually New York City, where you will run your expanding enterprise.”

The Mexican fisherman asked, “But, how long will this all take?”

To which the American replied, “15 – 20 years.”

“But what then?” Asked the Mexican.

The American laughed and said, “That’s the best part. When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions!”

“Millions – then what?”

The American said, “Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siestas with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos.”

Reminds me of

Time is short. It does fly by.

 

[Wynona]

To my older brothers and sisters:

Finish the race well and never lose your passion for Christ and for living. No matter where you find yourself, give it your  all.

If you're a Grandma or Grandpa, Grandparent like no one's ever done it before. If you never did some achievement, don't dwell on it. Do your best now.

Even if you're disabled and find that you can't do anything physical for yourself any more. Take up the cause of prayer. We need intercession like never before.

As long as you're alive, its not too late to live well and live with passion. In the end, all that matters is "Well done, my good and fauthful servant."

 

[Lambano]

Reminds me of

Time is short. It does fly by.

I was just thinking of that song. The sense of Karma, and the sense of regret.

 

[Biblepaige]

Triumph over social, economic, and political equality of the sexes?

A strange notion to think to promote inequality instead.

 

[Wynona]

Triumph over social, economic, and political equality of the sexes?

Hey, Welcome back!

How has feminism achieved this in its results?

Let's take economics. Can a man have the same access to governnent welfare programs and food stamps as a woman? Are women with children not preferred in that system over males?

Or social: If a man wanted to opt out of the traditional expectation that he work to support himself, can he do so and still have the same dating options amongst women?

Will people still treat this man with respect and civility? Or is he expected to work whether he feels like it or not?

 

[Wynona]

 

[Wynona]

Actually, yeah. It does. These are statistics from last MONTH (September 2024):

• Nearly every 1 in 2 women in the United States will face physical violence from an intimate partner at some point in their lives.
• Almost 1 in 5 women in the United States reported any contact sexual violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime.
• Slightly more than 2 in 5 women in the United States reported experiencing any physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime.
• Almost 40 million women reported being slapped, pushed, or shoved.
• Almost half of all women reported any psychological aggression by an intimate partner in their lifetime.

Actually, more men than women are now reporting physical violence in an intimate relationship. I'll explain in a bit.

I learned something. The FBI has a data search tool you can use to look up crime statistics. So I looked up simple assault over the last two years. A little over 41 percent of simple assault victims are male.






There was a lot of missing context so I kept going.

Here's a quote from a peer reviewed article I found in the National Library of Medicine's website.

"The women’s movement brought initial attention to the problem of partner violence directed at women and to the need for funding to address that problem.6 Much of the initial research on IPV was conducted with severely abused women and supported the assumption that IPV is primarily perpetrated by men against women. Data is mounting, however, that suggests that IPV is often perpetrated by both men and women against their partner.7,8,9 It is also becoming recognized that perpetration of IPV by both partners within a relationship is fairly common. This phenomenon has been described with terms such as mutual violence, symmetrical violence, or reciprocal violence. Here we use the terms reciprocal and nonreciprocal to indicate IPV that is perpetrated by both partners (reciprocal) or 1 partner only (nonreciprocal) in a given relationship. Reciprocity of IPV does not necessarily mean that the frequency or the severity of the violence is equal or similar between partners.

Several studies have found that much of partner violence is reciprocal. For example, in their national studies of family violence, Straus et al. found that in about half of the cases, violence was reciprocal.10 Similar results were found in the National Survey of Families and Households.8 Studies reviewed by Gray and Foshee11 found that among violent adolescent relationships, the percentage of relationships in which there was reciprocal partner violence ranged from 45% to 72%. A recent meta-analysis found that a woman’s perpetration of violence was the strongest predictor of her being a victim of partner violence.12"

Here is a quote I found from the CDC's 2017 report on intimate partner violence.

[In the CDC’s 2017 report on Intimate Partner Violence, it showed that men are more likely to be physically abused in there lifetime, and also in the last year.

“42% of women, and 42.3% of men report experiencing any physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime. This includes being slapped, pushed, shoved, being hit with a fist or something hard , kicked, hurt by having hair pulled, slammed against something, hurt by choking or suffocating, beaten, burned on purpose, or had a knife or gun. In the last 12 months 4.5% of women, and 5.5% of men report any physical violence by an intimate partner.”]

.
I wonder how many resources there are for men who experience domestic violence? Also, in cases where there is domestic violence in a relationship, how much of that is caused by patriarchy? Or are there other things involved like drug and alcohol addiction, mental illness, etc?

 

[VictoryinJesus]

View attachment 50784

Winner of custody 16percent men, 80 percent women. I seriously wonder how old is that statistic? I see way more joint custody today. WAY more 50/50. Joint custody is the norm now. What I’ve seen is the best outcome in courts where two are fighting over custody; is to be given joint custody. Someone I know brought in a live in boyfriend and he received full custody of the child that was not his in the break up.

There is a thing called who has possession of the child at the time, when there is no custody order in place. This goes for women And men. And grandparents. The days of women being the favored first choice to receive custody…I feel pretty confident that is a thing of the past. Long gone. Courts are getting away from that.

Around two decades ago my oldest sister was told grandparents have no rights when she wanted to see her grandson after a divorce. Yes, the father was cut out way back then when those statistics were probably accurate. Joint custody was not even heard of back then. The mom cut off all communication between the father and his side of the family. I don’t know the whole story except the mother moved in with a new man, that wanted it to be a clean slate where he would be the father. That was years ago. Today even grandparents have rights. Especially with drug addictions rampant and how a lot of grandparents are raising their grandchildren. It’s no longer automatically anything.

I think you would be shocked. I’m not trying to scare you but I’m not sure you are aware that the courts today will look at financial accountability of who is the better parent to provide financial stability to the children. Stay at home mothers who don’t have a job, don’t have a cell phone or a car of their own …I do think the courts are leaning more to who is better equipped financially to provide for the children the necessity of tending to those needs. Whether it be the father, the mother, the grandparents, or even a live in boyfriend or girl friend. Yesterday harps on mothers as the main provider. The first choice. I think you will see (if not today, later) as it progresses that that is long gone. We can look at old facts, but that doesn’t make it true. Courts look at it from a living in this world and thriving and women in what they consider old school domestic roles…I don’t think you realize yet that IS NOT a main focus in courts today for who is more suitable. Courts look at the cost of things. Who can do college? Who can put food on the table. Who can clothe the children. Who is better to pay for the things children will need in todays world. Do you honestly think they (courts) today care one bit for the model woman presented in the bible who stays home and cleans the house? I’m not trying to be blunt but I’ve seen it so many times in courts so I seriously doubt that it’s true the woman is the favorable first choice any longer. If you would look at it…you are fighting to show how valuable a mother, a woman’s role is in the home saying that role has been lost. The courts view it from a worldly perspective. What makes you think they still favor the woman or her role as a homemaker, care giver of the children? It’s who does better at thriving in the world and has those things courts find essential. You may not believe it, maybe I am wrong, but you can’t have a court system where it’s losing any and all need for stay at home mothers, and still think that same court system favors them(the woman) 80 percent of the time. It’s not even a gender role thing but grandparents, live in others…it’s a who is better suited financial thing. This is one reason women run full force in to the workplace to show they can also financially be a breadwinner, otherwise the courts ask …how will you provide a roof over your children’s heads? where is your car to take them back and forth to school? Do you even have a cell phone to get calls from job interviews. What have you done the past decade? It doesn’t fly to say I cooked and cleaned and kept my children so my husband could work. The courts may say “that is nice” but I see your husband is very stable financially. He can answer yes to all the questions I asked you. Here enters joint custody. She (a homemaker) will most often share joint custody because the courts do take into consideration who is the sole financial provider.