Divorce for Reasons Other than Adultry

[Born_Again]

Hey everyone. Last night my wife and I decided after a long conversation that we are going to be better off separate. We separated a couple of years ago but got back together. (I had moved out for a while) Things don't get heated between us, we just need to go our separate ways... That being said, we have been together for 12 years, married 9 years. We have 4 small children. (My biggest concern of course are our kids). I agree we can not go on like this anymore and she doesn't want to get help in any form.

I have prayed on this for a while now and asked for God to give me strength to do His will and peacefully we are at this point. Is it possible this is His will for us to be separate? I am a very faith led man and she is not remotely interested in it. Though she used to be. What do you think, everyone? I could really use your guidance here.

Thanks!

 

[Rocky Wiley]

1Co 7:10 And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:
1Co 7:11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.
1Co 7:12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.
1Co 7:13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.
1Co 7:14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
1Co 7:15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.
1Co 7:16 For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?

 

[Born_Again]

1Co 7:10 And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:
1Co 7:11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.
1Co 7:12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.
1Co 7:13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.
1Co 7:14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
1Co 7:15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.
1Co 7:16 For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?

Interestingly enough, 1Co 7:10, 7:11 did come to mind. Thank you for scripture. 1Co 7:15 brings peace to my mind. That certainly helps!!! Thanks, Rocky.

 

[aspen]

I believe divorce is not what God wants, but it is sometimes better than staying together - especially if you have put it a lot of effort to reconcile. I also think divorce in order to be with someone else is what the NT warns us about.

 

[Angelina]

Hey everyone. Last night my wife and I decided after a long conversation that we are going to be better off separate.

How are you going to be better off and is this separation going to lead to divorce or will there be a chance of reconciliation? :huh:

 

[justaname]

More than anything the children must know that you both love them very much and it is not their fault you are separating. Although the two of you are going to be emotionally exhausted you must maintain that focus for the children's welfare.

God never wants divorce.

 

[Born_Again]

Thank you all so much. The only reason I agreed to start with was because she has become so emotionally cold it is exausting watching her sit there and not be the person you've know. She doesnt want to get help in any way and I'm just not sure what to do beyond this point.

 

[Angelina]

I'm so sorry to here that brother. Marriage is not always gonna be smooth sailing as you know but it really is worth the time and effort to work through. If she really does not want to get help then there is not much you can do but pray into the situation and leave it to God. She may still decide to leave and that's where things can get emotionally turbulent for everyone, including the kids.

May I ask why you left the first time you separated?

 

[Born_Again]

How are you going to be better off and is this separation going to lead to divorce or will there be a chance of reconciliation? :huh:

I imagine she will want divorce but I would like reconcilliation..... She is very lost, she has given up in a sense. Deep depression. She wants to run away... Literally.

 

[Angelina]

How old is your youngest? :huh:

 

[Born_Again]

How old is your youngest? :huh:

She is 5. She is the youngest of 4 total.

May I ask why you left the first time you separated?

Exact same reason........

 

[Angelina]

Do you go to a particular church bro or is there anyone out there that you feel able to discuss this situation with? You need some support with this one because it sounds like she may need some professional help due to her depressed state. We can pray for her as well. Can you give me her name? Just her first name will do... :huh:

Bless ya!

 

[Born_Again]

Do you go to a particular church bro or is there anyone out there that you feel able to discuss this situation with? You need some support with this one because it sounds like she may need some professional help due to her depressed state. We can pray for her as well. Can you give me her name? Just her first name will do... :huh:

Bless ya!

We never decided on a church because I was raised Presbyterian and she was raised Southern Baptist...... A bit of a difference. ;)

 

[Angelina]

Look, it may be something simple that needs medical advice...see if you can coax her to go see a Doctor. :)

 

[Born_Again]

Yea, tried that. She wouldn't stick with it. It has a lot of complicated details I cant get into on open forum but we spoke again yesterday and agreed to a trial separation and will see where we are at around Christmas.

 

[KingJ]

Hey everyone. Last night my wife and I decided after a long conversation that we are going to be better off separate. We separated a couple of years ago but got back together. (I had moved out for a while) Things don't get heated between us, we just need to go our separate ways... That being said, we have been together for 12 years, married 9 years. We have 4 small children. (My biggest concern of course are our kids). I agree we can not go on like this anymore and she doesn't want to get help in any form.

I have prayed on this for a while now and asked for God to give me strength to do His will and peacefully we are at this point. Is it possible this is His will for us to be separate? I am a very faith led man and she is not remotely interested in it. Though she used to be. What do you think, everyone? I could really use your guidance here.

Thanks!

NO NO NO!

The only time you separate is if their is physical or extreme mental abuse and then you both still go to therapy. Divorce is never to be on the cards or come up in any argument ever!

We (the Christian) STICK at marriage because it pleases God and we live to please God. God HATES divorce. We HATE God when we do it. There is simply NOTHING else to it. So if YOU want to LOVE God, you STICK at the marriage and do your best within reason. A marriage is always 50/50 and never divorce from a Christian.

Instructions in scripture are crystal clear to the Christian. The Christian never gives up. The Christian only accepts divorce when THEY leave them. Your wife has to leave you. Your wife has to cheat on you (cheat = leave).

Why??? As long as their is a '''Christian'' / someone living to please God and NOT themselves THERE IS HOPE for things to come right.

STAY the Christian in the marriage! Say the Christian things to say. Tell your wife you will be faithful and try to be and stay a good Godly husband. That is all she can ask of you. Let her know that divorce is HER decision and not yours. Unless of course you do not want to be a Christian.

2 Cor 13:5 Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you--unless, of course, you fail the test?

Christianity is NOOOOOOOOOOT about OUR wants and desires!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! For crying out aloud!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But the ironic thing is that when we put Jesus first / LOSE our lives for Him...we find it Matt 10:39.

Conclusion: If this is a mutual decision. You have both just lost yourselves.

Thank you all so much. The only reason I agreed to start with was because she has become so emotionally cold it is exausting watching her sit there and not be the person you've know. She doesnt want to get help in any way and I'm just not sure what to do beyond this point.

You stay the good Godly husband that will never leave nor forsake her. You start sitting down with her and put in place practical steps to recovery. There is always a way when Jesus / selflessness / love / truth / honesty / kindness / valid hope are thrown in the mix!!!

Look, it may be something simple that needs medical advice...see if you can coax her to go see a Doctor. :)

Interesting enough, I have in this last week convinced two couples to go off 'the injection' as a contraceptive due to the mood swings it gives woman. My wife and I have not fought / sworn at each other for around 8 months now.

Yea, tried that. She wouldn't stick with it. It has a lot of complicated details I cant get into on open forum but we spoke again yesterday and agreed to a trial separation and will see where we are at around Christmas.

A trial separation for reasons other then physical or extreme mental abuse is opening the door for the devil. You as the spiritual leader / her protector must NOT be so naïve. She must want it and she must know she is going against your will / desire with it.

 

[Born_Again]

KingJ, That was powerful! I don't want to divorce. It's a double edged sword for me. I want her to be happy at the same time. I have been showing her my faith and trying to help lead her on the path. I have been praying and praying for God to guide us to His will. The devil has a strong hold on her. I cant dent it. I have tried for months now. At one point she was starting to consider it. She went and bought a new Bible too. But she just nose dived a few weeks later. God has told me He is here, and I trust that 100%. I don't doubt it for a minutes. This is just a very hard road the Lord is taking us down. I'm in for the long haul but she has told me she has given up. I told her I wasn't giving up on her and I never will. This is destroying our home. The kids are acting out because of all the stress as well. Man, it is flat turmoil! But I'm hanging in there! Keep on keeping on! As far as losing my life for a life with Christ, I had considered that may end up being the result. I want a strong Christian home and I often wonder how heavy will the price be. I'm prepared to pay that price, I just wish she would join us.

Update since last post. My wife and I had a conversation this morning after she brought up what she had been dreaming about... Quick run down. She said she keeps going into a building that has a grand lit entrance like an old Opra House.. Flashing lights and big doors, looks very inviting.. She goes in and theres a man at the counter, he is well dressed, Black blazer, Red button up shirt, and a Black Bowtie. He looks at her, nodds and smiles and looks back down. She proceeds through the lobby area and enter an are where you have to step down and go through a tunnel like an aquairium with the fish swimming around you outside the tunnel. Just as she stepps down, the glass breaks and she drowns. The glass breaks because sharks hit it. She has dreamt this twic now and the 2nd time the number of sharks increase..... I told her she needs to pay attention because I believe God is speaking to her. My interpretation was that the man at the counter was Satan. I feel she is being shown the end result "drowning" if she stays on her current path. I told her this and took time to testify to her. I told her also that if the devil is ever revealed to her he would be well dressed, inviting, polite and not a horned beast as most would percieve. So am I off here? Would you agree God is speaking to her?

 

[lforrest]

There is no doubt God will answer your prayers and those of whom have been praying with you. Rather this is part of the answer or just a result of God doing some convicting, I'm not sure.

 

[KingJ]

Update since last post. My wife and I had a conversation this morning after she brought up what she had been dreaming about... Quick run down. She said she keeps going into a building that has a grand lit entrance like an old Opra House.. Flashing lights and big doors, looks very inviting.. She goes in and theres a man at the counter, he is well dressed, Black blazer, Red button up shirt, and a Black Bowtie. He looks at her, nodds and smiles and looks back down. She proceeds through the lobby area and enter an are where you have to step down and go through a tunnel like an aquairium with the fish swimming around you outside the tunnel. Just as she stepps down, the glass breaks and she drowns. The glass breaks because sharks hit it. She has dreamt this twic now and the 2nd time the number of sharks increase..... I told her she needs to pay attention because I believe God is speaking to her. My interpretation was that the man at the counter was Satan. I feel she is being shown the end result "drowning" if she stays on her current path. I told her this and took time to testify to her. I told her also that if the devil is ever revealed to her he would be well dressed, inviting, polite and not a horned beast as most would percieve. So am I off here? Would you agree God is speaking to her?

Dream from God or not, it tells me she is reaching out. You guys are far from divorce and separation.

 

[Born_Again]

Last time we separated, she went on a trip for a couple of days and she asked me to come back afterwards. Ironically enough, she going on the trip again. I don't feel she is doing anything wrong on her trips. I'm pretty sure she goes to be alone for a while to think. Last time, I was overly emotional, and flipped out a lot. But this time I've been very calm about it all, mostly because God has been at the helm this time. I didn't really invite him last time......

Dream from God or not, it tells me she is reaching out. You guys are far from divorce and separation.

If I may, what parts do you interpret as reaching out? Just curious.