LOL!! Dude, this post made me laugh out loud. Ruin your reputation?? An online forum??

You need to know, your despair is caused by the false religion you have been indoctrinated into.
My Granddad was too honest like you to be a calvinist. He never got anything that convinced him he was chosen, elected, regenerated.
His life was miserable because he was an honest person.
Until he found out that the church he was involved with taught error.
He learned that God loves everyone. God wants everyone to come to the knowledge of the truth,
1Timothy 2:4.
Friend, if You are not totally depraved with an inherited sin nature.
Then you can turn to God! And God will happily save you!
No wonder you have addictions. I would be so messed up if I believed God hated me and would not allow me to chose Him over sin, if that is my desire.
Look, getting saved does not mean your physical addictions get miraculously healed.
You will still have to overcome them. But God will be with you. He will love you, despite your struggles.
If I can prove to you that you are not a totally depraved reprobate inherently.
Then you will be free from the chains that are holding you back from becoming a child of God. God loves you right now Lifelong sinner. You have good in You. That's all the proof you need that you are not born Totally depraved.
Here is the proof,
We are not born in sin.
You base your interpretation off of a false premise.
Words don't have any real meaning taken out of context.
The message being given defines the meaning of the words used by the author.
If all men inherited a sinful, depraved nature and guilt of sin like any other man then:
1. Jesus had an advantage in overcoming sin that we do not. Therefore the following facts are true.
2. Jesus was NOT made like His brethren in all things,
Hebrews 2:14-18
Inasmuch then as children have partaken of flesh and blood, He Himself LIKEWISE SHARED THE SAME, that through death He might destroy him who had power of death, that is the devil,
Point: If calvinism be true then Jesus did not share the same, because all men are born wicked, depraved. Jesus was born sinless. Calvinism is refuted. Calvinism contradicts the Bible.
Verse 15 and release those who through fear of death were all their lifetime subject to bondage.
16 For indeed He does not give aid to angels, but He does give aid to the seed of Abraham.
17 Therefore in ALL, ALL, ALL ALL, things He HAD TO BE MADE LIKE HIS BRETHREN, that He might be a merciful and faithful High Priest in things pertaining to God, to make propitiation for the sins of the people.
Point: If Calvinism be true Christ was not made in all things like His brethren, for His brethren are created totally depraved and He was born totally sinless/perfect. Calvinism refuted. Calvinism is heresy.
Verse 18 For in that He Himself has suffered, being tempted, He is able to aid those who are tempted.
Point: If Calvinism be true man is different in how he has been created, to desire nothing but sin. Whereas Jesus was only tempted to sin but not born completely depraved without any ability to resist sin.
Calvinism refuted. Calvinism is heresy.
3. Jesus was not tempted in all things just as we are,
Hebrews 4:15
For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was IN ALL, ALL, ALL, POINTS TEMPTED AS WE ARE, YET WITHOUT SIN.
Point:
If Calvinism be true then Jesus was not tempted, made like us to sin from birth like we are.
Jesus was sinless, perfect and able to resist sin. Calvinism even teaches Jesus was incapable of sinnig.
100% opposite of what the scriptures teach about Jesus being like us in all points.
Calvinism refuted. Calvinism is heresy.