Before marriage- what was your guys dealbreakers?

[Zeth4500]

Remember Anakins fall to the Dark Side? Evil does not over power; it seduces. We choose to walk through the door. It looks like pride, ‘you deserve it’ or ‘don’t settle.’

mhm oh yes, i have warned her many times that she will be tempted massively since even when i was an atheist i was going against a lot of evil forces- i was always christian deep inside. in my many relationships ive had a lot of very bizarre happenings to my - at the time - girlfriends
the evil forces prey on women as they are much easier to manipulate, they have much more emotions and emotions can turn your world upside down in no time, i believe its why god decided for men to be stronger- imagine what a mess if women could just drag men around like nothing and forcing them to do the devils bidding? its good sometimes to remind a woman that she is indeed weaker, not to intimidate, just to keep her in mind to be respectful and maybe also she will feel more safe with you knowing how strong you are- pick her up every now and then. if shes being feisty, grab her and let her try to wrestle herself out until she realizes the undeniable reality of men and women being very different

 

[Zeth4500]

What was dealbreaker? that they are probably not a Christian. Your situation has red flags. My only advice would be to go slow. It sounds like it won't last, and better to end it now, than after a year or 2 of marriage. While there is a chance it might work, only time will tell. So, don't marry now, stay in a holding pattern for a while and wait on God, and pray, and read your Bible.

i have been in 33 relationships prior, and many times i would have broken up. i have decided that this is the woman and the chances of us meeting were very slim, many situations where it was very unlikely for us to cross paths, im completely firm that its her or no one- she does have red flags no doubt, but so do i. if i was much younger and i was in a more simple situation i would give it some more time- even despite the temptations could end up causing some issues- and even worse, the spark dying out. for a relationship to not die out you constantly have to feed into the relationship, having goals and moving forward at a steady pace, if you go too slow the flame goes out- i also believe one major fault of the modern world is that people are too reluctant, they want to wait it out, until both have waited it out in so many relationships they are forced to settle with someone they can never really love, and the pasts of both sabotages everything, and even worse the genes becoming so inbred due to old age that the cursed children will rip the last nail out of the floorboard

if we do succeed, we will be making sure out kids mature a bit faster so they are ready to make the right decisions at a much younger age than what modernity has everyone convinced of as ideal

 

[Taken]

circulation.. to what?

Snug enough it not easy to remove…
Circulation FROM being available to others on the hunt!

The rest of your post sounds like you have decided to make a genuine effort to establish a lasting relationship….bravo.

Glory to God,
Taken

 

[Zeth4500]

Hate is NOT the opposite of love.
Apathy is.

If you "need" your wife to cook like I can....ummmm....you have unrealistic and unreasonable expectations.

Hmm i disagree, hate and love can very quickly change- i see it as they are opposite in polarity, just as 6 and 12 are on a clock, like hot and cold are on a thermometer- like north, and south.

i did read that some had managed to keep the honeymoon phase going, but i couldnt get to how, i know it may happen to people who are mentally abused "trauma bonding" as the ups and downs, the abusive cycles makes the relief feel very great and like a honeymoon every time- but at what cost?

i dont think expecting a woman to be able to take up very basic abilities like cooking food is too much to ask for, i saw posts on social medias where women were asked to show what they can cook, and all the happily married women posted some very impressive meals, while the well, permanently unmarried-type of women, could barely cook an egg or toast- this might be one of the silliest and most accurate tests to see if a woman is fit to be a wife, a bit reductive but it was extremely accurate, and has been very accurate throughout the relationships ive had.

as for trust needing renewal- its said that trust comes from doubt- to me, if im proven wrong once my trust remains until i have a reason to ask questions

 

[Zeth4500]

Snug enough it not easy to remove…
Circulation FROM being available to others on the hunt!

The rest of your post sounds like you have decided to make a genuine effort to establish a lasting relationship….bravo.

Glory to God,
Taken

absolutely, she hates me being stubborn, but thats just a negative term for my confidence.
i understand, and yes it is quite tightly fitting ring, mine not so.

im putting quite literally my life into this relationship, realistic that it wont last as we do live in modern time, at just about the peak of satanic influence, especially all the electronics that are forced into our lives - ive heard now they educate small children to use electronics in schools too?? im sure jesus would have gotten violent at this point.
electronics are devastating, every little notification triggers a small release of dopamine- the very same brainchemical that the most expensive and sought after streetdrugs trigger a release of, cocaine for instance. and its much worse than if they gave the small kids cocaine, because they wouldnt be able to go out and buy more, and they wouldnt be allowed to bring their cocaine with them to grandpas funeral and having a few lines, but their phones are allowed anywhere you could possibly think of dragging them
a sure way to predict an unbeatable failure, rotting the brain by abusing receptors- i know one guy at my age who just had his girlfriend of 3 years walk out because she caught him being addicted to drugs again. addictions are very difficult to beat- because you have to avoid any contact with them, and modern society is quite literally centralised around using electronics
we are all being forced into addiction from young age

 

[JohnDB]

Hmm i disagree, hate and love can very quickly change- i see it as they are opposite in polarity, just as 6 and 12 are on a clock, like hot and cold are on a thermometer- like north, and south.

i did read that some had managed to keep the honeymoon phase going, but i couldnt get to how, i know it may happen to people who are mentally abused "trauma bonding" as the ups and downs, the abusive cycles makes the relief feel very great and like a honeymoon every time- but at what cost?

i dont think expecting a woman to be able to take up very basic abilities like cooking food is too much to ask for, i saw posts on social medias where women were asked to show what they can cook, and all the happily married women posted some very impressive meals, while the well, permanently unmarried-type of women, could barely cook an egg or toast- this might be one of the silliest and most accurate tests to see if a woman is fit to be a wife, a bit reductive but it was extremely accurate, and has been very accurate throughout the relationships ive had.

as for trust needing renewal- its said that trust comes from doubt- to me, if im proven wrong once my trust remains until i have a reason to ask questions

Ummmm
Not trying to brag but I am a formally trained and experienced professional fine dining chef.
Musta missed that point along the way.

But the point I was trying to make is that where many wives can cook proficiently they ain't me. Nor is every meal going to be a gourmet dining experience. That was what I was trying to say. Not that they couldn't cook or always cook bad food.

And recent studies show that women who have too many sexual partners have difficulty with pair bonding....meaning that for them love for a husband is difficult and tenuous at best....at best.

 

[Taken]

absolutely, she hates me being stubborn, but thats just a negative term for my confidence.
i understand, and yes it is quite tightly fitting ring, mine not so.

im putting quite literally my life into this relationship, realistic that it wont last as we do live in modern time, at just about the peak of satanic influence, especially all the electronics that are forced into our lives - ive heard now they educate small children to use electronics in schools too?? im sure jesus would have gotten violent at this point.
electronics are devastating, every little notification triggers a small release of dopamine- the very same brainchemical that the most expensive and sought after streetdrugs trigger a release of, cocaine for instance. and its much worse than if they gave the small kids cocaine, because they wouldnt be able to go out and buy more, and they wouldnt be allowed to bring their cocaine with them to grandpas funeral and having a few lines, but their phones are allowed anywhere you could possibly think of dragging them
a sure way to predict an unbeatable failure, rotting the brain by abusing receptors- i know one guy at my age who just had his girlfriend of 3 years walk out because she caught him being addicted to drugs again. addictions are very difficult to beat- because you have to avoid any contact with them, and modern society is quite literally centralised around using electronics
we are all being forced into addiction from young age

I get your point…but remember you have no rights, if you do not exercise them.

God Bless you.

Glory to God,
Taken

 

[Wynona]

Hi im, a modern-aged person and im in a partly modern relationship, in an engagement. The people of my generation are extremely difficult. I have been in many relationships and terminated many of them and barely had any regrets. I had many relationships because i wasnt always christian, since i became christian i got engaged not too long after and i put my entire life into it. I know everyone will tell me to find the perfect 100% christian woman thats pure virgin and came from an infinitely long bloodline of pure christians that married virgins and never divorced- ive never spoken to such a woman in my life!

Im not trying to garner sympathy, but im feeling very broken as my fiancée last night took off her ring in an heated argument regarding my jealousy-inducing past, she put it back on not too long after but since then ive just felt so broken and empty because its something she has threatened to do before but never really did. Am i over-reacting? I took off my ring later on because i had to think. This morning i felt compelled to put it back on despite i cant get into contact with my fiancée, ive asked god but i dont hear anything. Is this god guiding me?
I know i will get many people simply advising me to break apart entirely, but when i say ive put my life into this relationship i mean it. I have let many things pass under the bridge and we have always been good at compromising and apologizing, we both struggle when we are angered.
I guess im just looking for some kinda input because my brain is absolutely flatlining, especially christian input.

Please move thread if posted incorrectly

I feel like some context is missing.

Why do you believe you and her would make a good lifelong match, besides the time and effort invested in the relationship?

 

[Wynona]

Also, if she is being this emotional and impulsive now, how does she intend to work on this in the future? Does she want to?

I don't know her side of things but I can't see an upside to taking the ring off in a heated moment.

Don't let the fear of being alone drive you to settle. I see a red flag but not necessarily a dealbreaker.

 

[Zeth4500]

I feel like some context is missing.

Why do you believe you and her would make a good lifelong match, besides the time and effort invested in the relationship?

we share many things and the things we dont we are very opposite, we are very good at compromising. our values align very well and we work well together, we balance each other out in many ways. i have been in many relationships and i havent seen someone put that much effort in and going against themselves to change their behaviours, and with all my reading, virtually never does anyone change their behaviours for the better while in a relationship

 

[Zeth4500]

Also, if she is being this emotional and impulsive now, how does she intend to work on this in the future? Does she want to?

I don't know her side of things but I can't see an upside to taking the ring off in a heated moment.

Don't let the fear of being alone drive you to settle. I see a red flag but not necessarily a dealbreaker.

yes, i believe us not being physically together yet drives the typical phenomena as seen any place online where people will allow themselves to act worse than they would in-person as you feel more safe online, standford prison-experiment like phenomena; they put some students in a fake prison and one was the guard, he was given sunglasses- because of his perceived anonymity he started becoming abusive and apathic towards the "inmates"

i dont "fear" being alone, im naturally introverted but i know my life goes nowhere if i dont get married and have kids. i became a christian last year and before that i tried out virtually anything you can, and cant think of- i even dabbled with the occult, but that was the least exciting part, i reached great infamy but still it barely made me feel alive, the only treatment for my condition has been suggested as assisted suicide, but there is one other way- and thats what im doing now, and it has been very tedious work to find someone worth my time.

 

[Zeth4500]

Ummmm
Not trying to brag but I am a formally trained and experienced professional fine dining chef.
Musta missed that point along the way.

But the point I was trying to make is that where many wives can cook proficiently they ain't me. Nor is every meal going to be a gourmet dining experience. That was what I was trying to say. Not that they couldn't cook or always cook bad food.

And recent studies show that women who have too many sexual partners have difficulty with pair bonding....meaning that for them love for a husband is difficult and tenuous at best....at best.

yes a woman who enters a marriage not as a virgin has half the chance of staying in that marriage and from there its just a downwards slope, its all by design. the evil forces dont want functioning families, some of these devilworshippers even wrote articles suggesting women to have at least 10 sexual partners before "settling down" (which, wont even be marriage)
as for women being able to cook, youre from an older generation, ive known very attractive guys, easily the top pick for a wide area and yet they had their kids with women who could barely cook pasta - the competition is dreadful, even if you win, you lose. doesnt matter what you have, if youre a rich moviestar your wife will poop in your bed just to prove a point.
anyone can "cook"
anyone can "weld"
anyone can do, anything- but to what extent? the modern woman cannot cook just basic dishes in a mediocre sense, and sub-par standard is what even high-status guys are forced to settle for these days
even those who go to catholic schools, the young women there- guaranteed most of them have the notorious "Snapchat" installed on their little dopamine-devices, snapchat is not an app designed for anything christian. this generation will make the fertility rates assume that of korea (less than 1 child per woman)

 

[JohnDB]

yes a woman who enters a marriage not as a virgin has half the chance of staying in that marriage and from there its just a downwards slope, its all by design. the evil forces dont want functioning families, some of these devilworshippers even wrote articles suggesting women to have at least 10 sexual partners before "settling down" (which, wont even be marriage)
as for women being able to cook, youre from an older generation, ive known very attractive guys, easily the top pick for a wide area and yet they had their kids with women who could barely cook pasta - the competition is dreadful, even if you win, you lose. doesnt matter what you have, if youre a rich moviestar your wife will poop in your bed just to prove a point.
anyone can "cook"
anyone can "weld"
anyone can do, anything- but to what extent? the modern woman cannot cook just basic dishes in a mediocre sense, and sub-par standard is what even high-status guys are forced to settle for these days
even those who go to catholic schools, the young women there- guaranteed most of them have the notorious "Snapchat" installed on their little dopamine-devices, snapchat is not an app designed for anything christian. this generation will make the fertility rates assume that of korea (less than 1 child per woman)

Oh we need live births like yesterday.

Just to replace the old people who die every year we need 2.1 live births per woman.

That's just for static population. But our government and retirement programs rely upon a tax base of a growing population....at a minimum of 2.6-3.

We currently have a statistic of 1.6 children for every woman. We are dying as a nation.

We have covered up some of the shortfall with immigration....but it's not enough.

 

[Wynona]

we share many things and the things we dont we are very opposite, we are very good at compromising. our values align very well and we work well together, we balance each other out in many ways. i have been in many relationships and i havent seen someone put that much effort in and going against themselves to change their behaviours, and with all my reading, virtually never does anyone change their behaviours for the better while in a relationship

This is what I was looking for. Its okay to have flaws and not be this perfect relationship candidate if you are willing to work on yourself. I certainly wasn't.

 

[Wynona]

yes, i believe us not being physically together yet drives the typical phenomena as seen any place online where people will allow themselves to act worse than they would in-person as you feel more safe online, standford prison-experiment like phenomena; they put some students in a fake prison and one was the guard, he was given sunglasses- because of his perceived anonymity he started becoming abusive and apathic towards the "inmates"

i dont "fear" being alone, im naturally introverted but i know my life goes nowhere if i dont get married and have kids. i became a christian last year and before that i tried out virtually anything you can, and cant think of- i even dabbled with the occult, but that was the least exciting part, i reached great infamy but still it barely made me feel alive, the only treatment for my condition has been suggested as assisted suicide, but there is one other way- and thats what im doing now, and it has been very tedious work to find someone worth my time.

The willingness to defend her is reassuring and does you credit. In a marriage, this promotes unity.

The fact that you view marriage as a way to move forward with purpose in your life and not a search for a perfect person is a great way to see things.

She wavered in her resolve with the ring situation but I did similar things when dating my husband. My immaturity thankfully did not doom our marriage. I was willing to work on myself, and if she's willing to do that, I agree that it's a rare and desirable quality in a spouse.

Im coming from the perspective of a nine year marriage that I love being in now. But I did some messed up things in the early years. We had the advantage of coming together as virgins. But I had very little idea of how to be a good wife and fully invest. I had to learn. My husband led the way in that. His resolve to stay committed really paved a path forward in the relationship for me to grow.

So now I find it hard not to root for you two. Finding someone with potential and comitting to invest in them for the long haul is a great way to end up with a fulfilling marriage. You know better than us if she has this potential.

Im getting a good feeling, though. My husband and I agree that he loved me more in the beginning. He says it's more important for the man in the relationship to do so. That statement is still a mystery to me. But I think he feels more fulfilled knowing his love was unyielding and became a catalyst for me learning to respect and him and be bonded for life the way we are now.

 

[doctrox]

From the OP:

Before marriage- what was your guys dealbreakers?

I had been fornicating A LOT, as un unsaved man. I had certain "standards" (gag) that I sought - IOW, things that ticked my boxes (which, of course, had nothing to do with Christ but were of the flesh and thus intended to keep me tightly in sin bondage). After I came to Christ, my future wife (a virgin and 20 years younger) walked into my life just two weeks later.

She was so far outside of my range of "preferable experiences" that I would NEVER have done it if I didn't know that the Lord had picked this one for me. My point here is that the Lord chose to give me the bride of my youth because I finally met his requirements (and that through confession and repentance).

 

[NotTheRock]

Deal breaker for me was if I found out that she had a penis.

 

[Zeth4500]

Deal breaker for me was if I found out that she had a penis.

either for yourself, or you may pass this on- men and women have very different looking kneecaps, and even celebrities can typically not be bothered to go through that very painful and expensive surgery

 

[Orkan]

Hi im, a modern-aged person and im in a partly modern relationship, in an engagement. The people of my generation are extremely difficult. I have been in many relationships and terminated many of them and barely had any regrets. I had many relationships because i wasnt always christian, since i became christian i got engaged not too long after and i put my entire life into it. I know everyone will tell me to find the perfect 100% christian woman thats pure virgin and came from an infinitely long bloodline of pure christians that married virgins and never divorced- ive never spoken to such a woman in my life!

Im not trying to garner sympathy, but im feeling very broken as my fiancée last night took off her ring in an heated argument regarding my jealousy-inducing past, she put it back on not too long after but since then ive just felt so broken and empty because its something she has threatened to do before but never really did. Am i over-reacting? I took off my ring later on because i had to think. This morning i felt compelled to put it back on despite i cant get into contact with my fiancée, ive asked god but i dont hear anything. Is this god guiding me?
I know i will get many people simply advising me to break apart entirely, but when i say ive put my life into this relationship i mean it. I have let many things pass under the bridge and we have always been good at compromising and apologizing, we both struggle when we are angered.
I guess im just looking for some kinda input because my brain is absolutely flatlining, especially christian input.

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Before marriage, my dealbreakers were mainly centered around communication and values. If someone wasn’t open to honest conversations or avoided discussing important topics, it was a red flag. Trust and respect were crucial too—any sign of dishonesty or lack of respect for others was an immediate dealbreaker. Shared values, particularly around family and future goals, also played a big part. Additionally, I couldn't see myself with someone who wasn’t supportive of my ambitions or hobbies. Ultimately, finding someone who respected and understood me was non-negotiable.