7 second test for a Christian narcissist

[Wrangler]

Another thing about my narcissist is leadership in an attempt to lay a guilt trip. It goes like this. "You should appreciate more what I do for you (by doing X)." It's like the Christian narcissist never actually does anything out of the goodness of their heart. Their mentality is, now that I've done X for you, you owe be big time - a debt you can never pay back.

Regarding leadership (or dictating what my values are), I say to my Christian narcissist to stop trying to "get me" to appreciate what you do and start doing what I appreciate. This is very odd but it feels like they want a ridiculous ROI on the relationship, where virtually no cost on their side comes with a huge cost on the side of the narcissist's target. Exaggerating to make a point; I put the spoon you were using in the sink. You should buy me a car in appreciation.

There seems to be a constant keeping of records by the narcissist but the record keepings are one-sided. I do "all this" for you, the least you could do is X. Oh? What about all I do for you. Example. The funniest argument we ever got into was her wanting me to do something and I replied with no. Of course, she persisted as if I owe her. I laughed right in her face saying that I do 3x the amount of work around here and rattled off some impressive statistics.

Her response: Deny my claim and admit that I "only" do 2x of the work around here. I asked in disbelief? That is your defense; I only do 2x around here? I should be pressuring YOU to do more things around here for me. Silence.

 

[Ritajanice]

Praise God, I’ve been divorced for 33 yrs..I was divorced not long after I became Born Again...separated before that.

 

[MA2444]

It's sad there there is such a thing as a Christian narcissist. I think I'm married to one. She even wants to take my money or assets I bought for us to give to those she would like to help. I told her it is not charity if it does not come from you.

Then there are the manipulative responses to being told no! Oh my! Her most common response is to pretend that I have to explain WHY if the answer is no. Many times I've told her that, "No does not require an explanation."

Sometimes she says in a big rush that she is feeling good as a manipulative tactic for why I have to do something. To that I tell her, "Just because you feel good does not mean that I feel good."

Very often she comes where I am like a herd of elephants demanding I get on her agenda immediately. 1st, I ask if she sees me doing something else. 2nd, I tell her that IF I agree to help her it will be on my terms, i.e., I'll do what she wants HOW I want it and WHEN I want to do it. Many times she rejects this causing break away. That is, I put what she wants in the form of a question, e.g., "Can you do X?" Then I emphatically say, "No. The answer is no. Not that I lack the ability. You are always obsessed with my ability. I lack the will. Yes, I can do it but I WILL NOT DO IT! And I've explained why many times in the past. If you cannot accept my helping you HOW and WHEN I want, then forget it! I WILL NOT DO IT." Then I walk away and do something else not giving her the chance to escalate or carry on.

The narcissist has huge lack of awareness of boundaries. Somehow, she turns her being in need (or wanting something) as a justification to being a dictator. No thank you. Her most common boundary violation is WHEN. She always wants what she wants NOW - just like a 3 year old.

One manipulative tactic is for her to be angry. I detail the dynamic, ending with I am angry with you!!! She's got nothing. One time, this Christian narcissist did not hesitate to call me an asshole - supposing I'd submit to shaming language. I didn't. I came back with you are the asshole for not accepting my terms and conditions but expecting to call all the shots. Imagine if the script was flipped? She knows there is no way she'd submit to being dictated to about every little detail. What's most sad is that she never learns and I pointed out that is why she does not have many friends. In the end, Christian narcissists only hurt themselves.

Man, it's those kind of posts that make a guy appreciate being single!

 

[MA2444]

Another thing about my narcissist is leadership in an attempt to lay a guilt trip. It goes like this. "You should appreciate more what I do for you (by doing X)." It's like the Christian narcissist never actually does anything out of the goodness of their heart. Their mentality is, now that I've done X for you, you owe be big time - a debt you can never pay back.

Score Keepers! My wife was a score keeper, lol.

 

[marks]

To me, a narcissist is someone only absorbed about themselves. Everything is about them and their situations...no thoughts for others.

They are parasites, of your stuff, your attention, your emotions. My wife and I have known several over the years.

Much love!

 

[marks]

Narcs I've seen will sometimes, if confronted, go back to "love bombing", so you need to look out for that also.

Much love!

 

[Ritajanice]

Narcs I've seen will sometimes, if confronted, go back to "love bombing", so you need to look out for that also.

Much love!

Is loving bombing....when they are all over you like a rash, just to get you to do things for them...I’ve fallen for that many a time..once you’ve done what they have asked, they don’t want to know you anymore...not until the next time they want something done.....not anymore..I can see through their narcissistic schemes...

 

[marks]

To me, a narcissist is someone only absorbed about themselves. Everything is about them and their situations...no thoughts for others.

As I understand narcisistic personality disorder, the narc has low to non-existant self-esteem to the point of having no confidence in having their needs met (emotional or otherwise), unless they manipulate and control, forcing others to oblige towards what they need.

It's in being able to control others that gives them their sense of worth. The "malignant narc" finds their ultimate fulfillment in the destruction of others, up to and including manipulating someone to suicide.

Narcs do not think like normal people.

Much love!

 

[marks]

Is loving bombing....when they are all over you like a rash, just to get you to do things for them...I’ve fallen for that many a time..once you’ve done what they have asked, they don’t want to know you anymore...not until the next time they want something done.....not anymore..I can see through their narcissistic schemes...

Just like what it sounds, and yes, it's to ingratiate themselves with you. Fill you with good feelings associated with them.

Narcs don't have friends, they have resources, and you are either primary or secondary. "Hoovering" is what they call trying to draw you back in.

What Is Hoovering? 7 Signs and How To Handle It

Hoovering is common in abusive relationships. It can look like flattery, gifts and promises — but it can also look like stalking, threats and smear campaigns. Here’s what you can do.

health.clevelandclinic.org

Much love!

 

[marks]

Point is …narcissist is a broad term where often if I say I’m not a narcissist, I might just be one?

Narcissist Personality disorder is a defined disorder.

You may benefit from more information perhaps.

Signs You’re Dealing With a Narcissist (and What That Really Means)

People are diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) because they meet at least five of nine specific criteria. Find out what they are — and why you shouldn’t describe people as “narcissists.”

health.clevelandclinic.org

Much love!

 

[marks]

To be honest I’ve put other’s before myself and it made me very ill, I was trying to please everyone, as I thought that was my calling, it wasn’t.
I ended up “ burnt out”...
God has showed me to put myself first, and look after myself and health...I help people as and when I feel prompted to, it sort of happens naturally, if you get my meaning ..

We are imo led by the Spirit.the thing is, we must learn to tune into the Spirit and not the self...forever learning in spiritual maturity/ growth and understanding etc...just my opinion.

I feel the same way, I should take care of my needs in order that I can be more useful to others. This is how we care for ourselves but not selfishly.

Much love!

 

[Mink57]

Good advice, BUT....
Some narcissists are skilled at turning the tides. In other words, they can have their own 'boundaries' (meaning, they don't want to do something that's a reasonable request of *you*), and if they say 'no', and if you're confused by their 'no', and press the issue, they can accuse *YOU* of being a narcissist.

Hypothetical situation: You've got two kids. You've taken the trash out every day for the past month. One day, you ask the narcissist to step in and take out the trash, because you're dealing with bath time with the kids. THEY say, "No."

And if you protest even slightly, they can turn it all around on YOU. YOU'RE the narcissist, because YOU'RE 'crossing a "boundary"' of theirs...

...and their 'boundary' is that they don't 'FEEL' like it.

 

[marks]

Good advice, BUT....
Some narcissists are skilled at turning the tides. In other words, they can have their own 'boundaries' (meaning, they don't want to do something that's a reasonable request of *you*), and if they say 'no', and if you're confused by their 'no', and press the issue, they can accuse *YOU* of being a narcissist.

Hypothetical situation: You've got two kids. You've taken the trash out every day for the past month. One day, you ask the narcissist to step in and take out the trash, because you're dealing with bath time with the kids. THEY say, "No."

And if you protest even slightly, they can turn it all around on YOU. YOU'RE the narcissist, because YOU'RE 'crossing a "boundary"' of theirs...

...and their 'boundary' is that they don't 'FEEL' like it.

Absolutely!! They will routinely accuse you of their evils. And not even about "feeling like it", if they agree to your request, it means they don't have power, so to maintain power, position, they will manipulate their way out of it. "What I'm doing is so much more important that any of that!" or whatever.

Much love!

 

[VictoryinJesus]

Narcissist Personality disorder is a defined disorder.

You may benefit from more information perhaps.

Signs You’re Dealing With a Narcissist (and What That Really Means)

People are diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) because they meet at least five of nine specific criteria. Find out what they are — and why you shouldn’t describe people as “narcissists.”

health.clevelandclinic.org

Much love!

I will watch it. I’m not sure how my post was taken or received. Personally I found the video in the OP really helpful and insightful. But what it said to me as I wrote down every key point the lady shared is this…all of it, everything she had to share concerning, a Narcissist Personality, is not a new term coined by men. But is one already in the Word of God. What we call narcissistic behaviors, He calls these are the works of the flesh that destroy. Those works are the same works of a narcissist: denial, deflect, lie, cheat, steal, slander, blind to having or taking any accountability for wrongs…all of those works.

even the behaviors when they freak out from their image being soiled or lost. Being threatened by damage to their own image. I’ve lost the paper with all her points on it, but how she said if met with silence which she calls singing the Happy Birthday song. What happens? Rage. Isn’t this exactly what happened at the cross? I’m going off memory here from her video, but also how they don’t like it being turned back on them. Which reminds me of when Jesus Christ spoke something they found offensive, and the Pharisees and Sadducee’s murmured “is he talking about us?”

All her points in the video were excellent(Imo). But I’m left with this. We all are Narcissists in need of Christ. Our ways which are lower, our thoughts which are lower than His thoughts. Personally I don’t think a single one of us can claim to never displaying narcissistic behaviors. To me that is hopeful because it is one of the major personality disorders that is said to be not easily overcome. We may say “no no this is about certain people having this destructive personality.” Helpful also, in we get to acknowledge the full extent of the damage caused by the behaviors of the Narcissist. serpent like, with poison in their tongue? Isn’t this why He said to walk no more in it, but to remove that old man and to walk in the New? We may say it’s only a personality disorder and not connected in any way to Saul being a Narcissist overcome on the road. The whole of the Word of God is concerning “image”. Her video was about “image” as well. How the narcissist greatest fear is losing his image. Like the lady said in the video, the narcissist will even go as far as changing it up as if they will change but it’s only, once again to fix their own image.
Philippians 2:20-21 For I have no man likeminded, who will naturally care for your state. [21] For all seek their own, not the things which are Jesus Christ's.

point is, even in relationships …we may think we don’t have any part in being a narcissist but instead, it’s always the other persons fault. (A big sign of a narcissist…where it is always the other guys fault.) But it’s good to consider if flesh wars with flesh, doesn’t each devour his own body?

 

[Mink57]

Good advice, BUT....
Some narcissists are skilled at turning the tides. In other words, they can have their own 'boundaries' (meaning, they don't want to do something that's a reasonable request of *you*), and if they say 'no', and if you're confused by their 'no', and press the issue, they can accuse *YOU* of being a narcissist.

Hypothetical situation: You've got two kids. You've taken the trash out every day for the past month. One day, you ask the narcissist to step in and take out the trash, because you're dealing with bath time with the kids. THEY say, "No."

And if you protest even slightly, they can turn it all around on YOU. YOU'RE the narcissist, because YOU'RE 'crossing a "boundary"' of theirs...

...and their 'boundary' is that they don't 'FEEL' like it.

Absolutely!! They will routinely accuse you of their evils. And not even about "feeling like it", if they agree to your request, it means they don't have power, so to maintain power, position, they will manipulate their way out of it. "What I'm doing is so much more important that any of that!" or whatever.

Much love!

The whole thing about narcissism is that it's so insidious! Even if they agree to your reasonable request, they feel like you OWE them....

BIG time.

The thing about the video is about 'spotting' a narcissist. But narcissists are so charming IN THE BEGINNING that it's hard to 'spot' them. Even if you call a narcissist out on thier behavior, they can FAKE an apology. Narcissists are skilled at keeping their true persona masked in the 'right' moves, the 'right' words....at least in the beginning. And by the time they let their whole mask slip...one is already 'hooked'.

 

[VictoryinJesus]

I will watch it. I’m not sure how my post was taken or received. Personally I found the video in the OP really helpful and insightful. But what it said to me as I wrote down every key point the lady shared is this…all of it, everything she had to share concerning, a Narcissist Personality, is not a new term coined by men. But is one already in the Word of God. What we call narcissistic behaviors, He calls these are the works of the flesh that destroy. Those works are the same works of a narcissist: denial, deflect, lie, cheat, steal, slander, blind to having or taking any accountability for wrongs…all of those works.

even the behaviors when they freak out from their image being soiled or lost. Being threatened by damage to their own image. I’ve lost the paper with all her points on it, but how she said if met with silence which she calls singing the Happy Birthday song. What happens? Rage. Isn’t this exactly what happened at the cross? I’m going off memory here from her video, but also how they don’t like it being turned back on them. Which reminds me of when Jesus Christ spoke something they found offensive, and the Pharisees and Sadducee’s murmured “is he talking about us?”

All her points in the video were excellent(Imo). But I’m left with this. We all are Narcissists in need of Christ. Our ways which are lower, our thoughts which are lower than His thoughts. Personally I don’t think a single one of us can claim to never displaying narcissistic behaviors. To me that is hopeful because it is one of the major personality disorders that is said to be not easily overcome. We may say “no no this is about certain people having this destructive personality.” Helpful also, in we get to acknowledge the full extent of the damage caused by the behaviors of the Narcissist. serpent like, with poison in their tongue? Isn’t this why He said to walk no more in it, but to remove that old man and to walk in the New? We may say it’s only a personality disorder and not connected in any way to Saul being a Narcissist overcome on the road. The whole of the Word of God is concerning “image”. Her video was about “image” as well. How the narcissist greatest fear is losing his image. Like the lady said in the video, the narcissist will even go as far as changing it up as if they will change but it’s only, once again to fix their own image.
Philippians 2:20-21 For I have no man likeminded, who will naturally care for your state. [21] For all seek their own, not the things which are Jesus Christ's.

point is, even in relationships …we may think we don’t have any part in being a narcissist but instead, it’s always the other persons fault. (A big sign of a narcissist…where it is always the other guys fault.) But it’s good to consider if flesh wars with flesh, doesn’t each devour his own body?

I’ve thought a lot about this. When Jesus Christ is being crucified and He says “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.”

How offensive would those words be to Narcissists, “Forgive them for they know not what they do”.

I mean consider those words from the Narcissist perspective. I think I’d growl and spit and gnash on him, telling the crowd, “Hold up, this man is virtue signaling! We have done no wrong here! It is this fellow that should ask Our Father to forgive him!”

 

[Mink57]

I will watch it. I’m not sure how my post was taken or received. Personally I found the video in the OP really helpful and insightful. But what it said to me as I wrote down every key point the lady shared is this…all of it, everything she had to share concerning, a Narcissist Personality, is not a new term coined by men. But is one already in the Word of God. What we call narcissistic behaviors, He calls these are the works of the flesh that destroy. Those works are the same works of a narcissist: denial, deflect, lie, cheat, steal, slander, blind to having or taking any accountability for wrongs…all of those works.

Here's the thing though. There ARE some people out there who fault those who get involved with a narcissist....as if a narcissist wears his or her narcissism on his/her sleeve for immediate detection. Narcissists are very clever. They mostly HIDE those behaviors until their 'victim' is already sucked in.

even the behaviors when they freak out from their image being soiled or lost. Being threatened by damage to their own image. I’ve lost the paper with all her points on it, but how she said if met with silence which she calls singing the Happy Birthday song. What happens? Rage. Isn’t this exactly what happened at the cross? I’m going off memory here from her video, but also how they don’t like it being turned back on them. Which reminds me of when Jesus Christ spoke something they found offensive, and the Pharisees and Sadducee’s murmured “is he talking about us?”

Yes. The Pharisees WERE probably narcissistic.

All her points in the video were excellent(Imo). But I’m left with this. We all are Narcissists in need of Christ.

Totally agree, but some more to some degrees than others.

IMHO, narcissism is probably why this world is in the state its in.

Our ways which are lower, our thoughts which are lower than His thoughts. Personally I don’t think a single one of us can claim to never displaying narcissistic behaviors. To me that is hopeful because it is one of the major personality disorders that is said to be not easily overcome. We may say “no no this is about certain people having this destructive personality.” Helpful also, in we get to acknowledge the full extent of the damage caused by the behaviors of the Narcissist. serpent like, with poison in their tongue? Isn’t this why He said to walk no more in it, but to remove that old man and to walk in the New? We may say it’s only a personality disorder and not connected in any way to Saul being a Narcissist overcome on the road. The whole of the Word of God is concerning “image”. Her video was about “image” as well. How the narcissist greatest fear is losing his image. Like the lady said in the video, the narcissist will even go as far as changing it up as if they will change but it’s only, once again to fix their own image.
Philippians 2:20-21 For I have no man likeminded, who will naturally care for your state. [21] For all seek their own, not the things which are Jesus Christ's.

There's a difference between Narcissistic Personality Disorder as opposed to having a FEW traits of narcissism. MOST of us have those FEW traits. Seems like many of us want recognition for our accomplishments....to be recognized as a human being, deserving of some modicum of respect.

But does that desire make ALL of us narcissists?

Hmmmm.....

point is, even in relationships …we may think we don’t have any part in being a narcissist but instead, it’s always the other persons fault. (A big sign of a narcissist…where it is always the other guys fault.) But it’s good to consider if flesh wars with flesh, doesn’t each devour his own body?

See, that's the whole thing that narcissists bank on. It's not ALL my fault!

If ONLY she submitted to EVERYTHING I wanted...
If ONLY she took out the trash when I didn't feel like doing it....
If ONLY she didn't call me out when I lied about having an affair...
If ONLY she didn't call the police when I slapped her...

It's HER fault! Narcissists bring up other peoples 'faults'. It's HER fault from bringing up *MY* faults! Therefore, SHE'S the narcissist!

See how that goes?

 

[VictoryinJesus]

Here's the thing though. There ARE some people out there who fault those who get involved with a narcissist....as if a narcissist wears his or her narcissism on his/her sleeve for immediate detection. Narcissists are very clever. They mostly HIDE those behaviors until their 'victim' is already sucked in.

Yes. The Pharisees WERE probably narcissistic.

Totally agree, but some more to some degrees than others.

IMHO, narcissism is probably why this world is in the state its in.

There's a difference between Narcissistic Personality Disorder as opposed to having a FEW traits of narcissism. MOST of us have those FEW traits. Seems like many of us want recognition for our accomplishments....to be recognized as a human being, deserving of some modicum of respect.

But does that desire make ALL of us narcissists?

Hmmmm.....

See, that's the whole thing that narcissists bank on. It's not ALL my fault!

If ONLY she submitted to EVERYTHING I wanted...
If ONLY she took out the trash when I didn't feel like doing it....
If ONLY she didn't call me out when I lied about having an affair...
If ONLY she didn't call the police when I slapped her...

It's HER fault! Narcissists bring up other peoples 'faults'. It's HER fault from bringing up *MY* faults! Therefore, SHE'S the narcissist!

See how that goes?

I’m stumbling over your post.. You ask good questions, most I don’t have the answer to. After countless attempts to respond, I surrender to having no response. Not that I don’t wish I had the answers, but I don’t. I’m still searching for ‘Seems like many of us want recognition for our accomplishments....to be recognized as a human being, deserving of some modicum of respect.’ I want the same things: to be valued, needful and to have a purpose.

 

[MA2444]

Man, it's those kind of posts that make a guy appreciate being single!

Wrangler's post made me flash back for a moment. I was there in the moment and Ahhh! I don't miss that part of her, lol.

 

[Debp]

As I understand narcisistic personality disorder, the narc has low to non-existant self-esteem to the point of having no confidence in having their needs met (emotional or otherwise), unless they manipulate and control, forcing others to oblige towards what they need.

It's in being able to control others that gives them their sense of worth. The "malignant narc" finds their ultimate fulfillment in the destruction of others, up to and including manipulating someone to suicide.

Narcs do not think like normal people.

Much love!

Good observation about the low to non-existent self esteem....thereby their need to control others.

Narcissist Personality disorder is a defined disorder.

You may benefit from more information perhaps.

Signs You’re Dealing With a Narcissist (and What That Really Means)

People are diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) because they meet at least five of nine specific criteria. Find out what they are — and why you shouldn’t describe people as “narcissists.”

health.clevelandclinic.org

Much love!

From your Cleveland Clinic article:
The nine criteria are:

A grandiose sense of self-importance.
Fantasies about having or deserving.
A sense of self-superiority.
A need for excessive admiration.
A sense of entitlement.
Exploitative behavior.
A lack of empathy.
Frequent envy.
Arrogance.