Please pray

[VictoryinJesus]

@VictoryinJesus
You might like to listen to this interview with Gabor Mate, 'The Myth of Normal' '

Thank you. I will watch it tonight. Today I have a counseling meeting. The insurance has given three free sessions to discuss the MS with someone and coping skills. I’m probably going to vent hard and then go home. Then I have an appointment with my doctor to change my antidepressant. I have to get ready now.

I appreciate the prayers from everyone because I do still believe God is the answer. Even though I struggle with where is He for comfort. I love what Nancy said about prayer for purpose. Also what was said concerning my mother reaching ninety…I hear her depression in her words of wanting to die saying she has no purpose anymore. I do tell her maybe her purpose is that her daughters bear fruit in helping her and going through it with her. but I can relate because of struggling to find purpose also. That is one thing I keep crying and telling my husband “I don’t know what my purpose is.” Some people seem to know instantly or completely what theirs is. I never have.

Appreciate prayers for purpose.

 

[Nancy]

My mother had MS and seemed depressed for a long time. Now I wonder if depression is part of MS?

Sorry to hear about your mom Devin.
If her MS prevented her from doing things that always brought her joy like, long walks, headaches, fog brain, weakness, numbness and a host of other symptoms. My friend gets Botox shots for her headaches every so often. She also experiences confusion. Any of these things can bring about depression in someone. IMHO :)

She is proud…telling every doctor or nurse that comes in “you are aware…I am about to be 92?” They say “wow! That is something!”

My mom even acknowledges she has out lived the age of her parents and mostly everyone she knew growing up. But there comes a depression also that she says “everyone I knew has already died. I’m the last one left.” Plus she falls and the last time a couple of weeks ago she was on the floor in just a diaper. When my sister got there; my mom was dragging herself from the living room to the bedroom. She just recently gave in to full time using her walker to get around. Nurses and physical therapist come in…we have felt torn between is it cruel to keep her at home so alone and struggling instead of sending her to a nursing home. But the nurses and therapist said the nursing home wouldn’t prevent this the way we think it would prevent it…but that their input is to keep her home as long as possible. My mom says that too “I want to die in my home.” That is my conflict; maybe selfish; but while watching her alone loosing her immobility, even the losses of her bladder and bowel functions …terrifies me that I’m quickly headed in the same direction with what MS can take sooner than later. So I want to run when I’m there with her. But then the sadness of seeing her struggle…things that crush me like she has this stuff bird that was from Charlie Brown (which she loved) and sometimes she just hugs it to her chest while all alone. Like it is her only friend. So yes she is proud to make it to 91 but I think also ashamed that every stubborn ability to push on for her is quitting on her. I think these same things …proud I’ve already raised my family before the MS struck, but also ashamed at alone and weakly failing…trying to be optimistic while pessimistic is there too.

It's not easy to put on a brave face when we ourselves are falling apart in many ways. The part about your moms stuffed bird really hit me. Oh gosh, loneliness is a horrible thing and there are so many out there I would love to meet up with as, I can relate and perhaps lift one another up knowing we have good honest friends. There is a ministry in itself and is something I would love to organize but, I've no idea where to start...except with prayer, of course.
I guess thinking that as lonely as your mom is that she would be better off with people around her, my best friend of many decades developed vascular dementia at the age of 62 and she is now in a nursing home and only wants to die as, she sees no purpose in living. Her mind is so bad but she still knows who I am and does remember things from the past but, it's always the same things she remembers. I always play like it's the first time I heard when she continually brings things up. So, IMHO, your mom is probably better off (at least mentally and emotionally) at home. Do you have any help with her sister?

 

[Lambano]

For what it's worth...

A fine Christian brother and one of the best friends I've ever had was diagnosed with MS in the mid-90s. The episodes (which he likens to a three-Margarita buzz) are controlled by medication. Almost 30 years later, he's going strong (Thank you, Lord!)

I think I need to include Victory, Nancy, and Pisteuo in my prayers now.

 

[VictoryinJesus]

Sorry to hear about your mom Devin.
If her MS prevented her from doing things that always brought her joy like, long walks, headaches, fog brain, weakness, numbness and a host of other symptoms. My friend gets Botox shots for her headaches every so often. She also experiences confusion. Any of these things can bring about depression in someone. IMHO :)

It's not easy to put on a brave face when we ourselves are falling apart in many ways. The part about your moms stuffed bird really hit me. Oh gosh, loneliness is a horrible thing and there are so many out there I would love to meet up with as, I can relate and perhaps lift one another up knowing we have good honest friends. There is a ministry in itself and is something I would love to organize but, I've no idea where to start...except with prayer, of course.
I guess thinking that as lonely as your mom is that she would be better off with people around her, my best friend of many decades developed vascular dementia at the age of 62 and she is now in a nursing home and only wants to die as, she sees no purpose in living. Her mind is so bad but she still knows who I am and does remember things from the past but, it's always the same things she remembers. I always play like it's the first time I heard when she continually brings things up. So, IMHO, your mom is probably better off (at least mentally and emotionally) at home. Do you have any help with her sister?

Thank you for responding to Devin. Appreciate also his sharing of his mother.

There is three of us. Me and my two sisters. We take turns going to moms every day so she sees someone everyday. To help her eat and take her medicine. For a while I would take her out to look at flowers in Lowes garden center or to dollar general but she has not been able to go out much recently; unable get up and down her front steps at her home. She refuses a ramp saying it would cause her to slip more. It hits me hard too about the Charlie Brown bird. She has a dog: gidget which is a yorkie. I never connected all the times she talks about “the peanuts” and asking if I like Charlie brown until I saw her connection to hugging the bird when afraid. After thinking about it in this thread I’m going to try to get her dvd back up and order her some Charlie Brown episodes. She has gotten to where she won’t watch tv saying there is nothing on there; instead setting in the quiet alone. I think she would like watching Charlie Brown….her favorite section of the newspaper being the cartoon funnies.

 

[VictoryinJesus]

My mother had MS and seemed depressed for a long time. Now I wonder if depression is part of MS?

I’m sorry about your mom Devin. I didn’t mean to skip over you. I was thinking about what you said “now I wonder if depression is a part of it.” The other night I looked up on YouTube how to deal with depression with MS. There was video from the MS society that discussed the depression as two fold: depression from the having it but also from the signaling and misfiring of nerves from spine to brain which affects mood too. They were discussing that is can be a part of the symptoms as well as dealing with it. I don’t know. It definitely messes with your perspective. I hope this helps. That had to be hard for you as well seeing her go through depression and not knowing if they were symptoms or not. Not knowing how to help her.

 

[quietthinker]

Thank you. I will watch it tonight. Today I have a counseling meeting. The insurance has given three free sessions to discuss the MS with someone and coping skills. I’m probably going to vent hard and then go home. Then I have an appointment with my doctor to change my antidepressant. I have to get ready now.

I appreciate the prayers from everyone because I do still believe God is the answer. Even though I struggle with where is He for comfort. I love what Nancy said about prayer for purpose. Also what was said concerning my mother reaching ninety…I hear her depression in her words of wanting to die saying she has no purpose anymore. I do tell her maybe her purpose is that her daughters bear fruit in helping her and going through it with her. but I can relate because of struggling to find purpose also. That is one thing I keep crying and telling my husband “I don’t know what my purpose is.” Some people seem to know instantly or completely what theirs is. I never have.

Appreciate prayers for purpose.

Your purpose, my purpose ViJ is to Love.....and be Loved....yup, to learn its nature, to live in its overarching reality. That's what God made us for; to be in meaningful relationship with all around us.

Every other purpose intrudes and becomes the figment of our imagination.....and we end up 'loving' houses and cars and money and power and status to the point where the fascination with the 'lint in ones navel' so to speak, becomes the focus.

 

[Nancy]

For what it's worth...

A fine Christian brother and one of the best friends I've ever had was diagnosed with MS in the mid-90s. The episodes (which he likens to a three-Margarita buzz) are controlled by medication. Almost 30 years later, he's going strong (Thank you, Lord!)

I think I need to include Victory, Nancy, and Pisteuo in my prayers now.

Oh me bro, Don't overwhelm yourself, lol but, thank you for any and all prayer you might offer! And know that you too are prayed for and though of! Would love to get a few of us together one day, like, before that day!
You're awesome and I always like when I see you on as, you have been less active than you once were... :)

 

[Nancy]

Thank you for responding to Devin. Appreciate also his sharing of his mother.

There is three of us. Me and my two sisters. We take turns going to moms every day so she sees someone everyday. To help her eat and take her medicine. For a while I would take her out to look at flowers in Lowes garden center or to dollar general but she has not been able to go out much recently; unable get up and down her front steps at her home. She refuses a ramp saying it would cause her to slip more. It hits me hard too about the Charlie Brown bird. She has a dog: gidget which is a yorkie. I never connected all the times she talks about “the peanuts” and asking if I like Charlie brown until I saw her connection to hugging the bird when afraid. After thinking about it in this thread I’m going to try to get her dvd back up and order her some Charlie Brown episodes. She has gotten to where she won’t watch tv saying there is nothing on there; instead setting in the quiet alone. I think she would like watching Charlie Brown….her favorite section of the newspaper being the cartoon funnies.

That is a great idea sister, I bet she would respond positively if you were to remember something she obviously related to!
Gidget, aww, I love Yorkies! Does your mom have a good bond with Gidget?

Good to know you have sisters helping...

 

[Lambano]

Crying!!!! EVERYDAY! For years! The deep sadness and losses pile up and overwhelm. I often wonder how much one can cry and sob so deeply and so often without becoming totally dehydrated! Got to think of where He collects our tears.

"Thou art great and we are small. Thou art everything and we’re nothing. Thou art eternal, and we tarry but just a little while. But with all of thy greatness and power, thou dost bend down low and listen to the sound of our tears as they strike the ground." - An old rabbinic prayer.

I love seeing how you and Victory are able to comfort one another in the midst of your own pain and sadness.:)

 

[VictoryinJesus]

That is a great idea sister, I bet she would respond positively if you were to remember something she obviously related to!
Gidget, aww, I love Yorkies! Does your mom have a good bond with Gidget?

Good to know you have sisters helping...

Oh yes mom has bonded with Gidget. Gidget sleeps with her. If mom falls in a blind spot where the cameras does not see; Gidget barks on and on to where we know something is wrong. Every time I get food for mom …I have to get something special for gidget also or mom won’t eat her food. Gidget is always in her lap; by Gidgets own choice because she will stand at moms feet pawing to be lifted up into her lap. My oldest sister has always had Yorkies she took in rescued from either neglectful homes or where they lost their owner. Mom knows if something happens to her; my sister has agreed to keep Gidget. My sister is good at taking gidget to the vet for teeth cleanings, shots and she keeps her cleaned and trimmed. I do the same for mom. It is just how it all fell into place.

Do you have sisters? If not do you have sisters in Christ who are just as close? I hope so. My sisters and I were not always like this though. For a few years I went by myself everyday to help mom. They had no interest. We didn’t talk. I felt so alone in it. But then I caught Covid and they were forced to take care of her for the two weeks that I had to stay away in quarantine from mom. Ever since then …it never went back to just me. In fact my oldest sister does more than any of us. She struggles with mom because they rub each other the wrong way. But she stays and continues on, even crying some days, going above and beyond our schedule. She has stepped into an almost manager role. I appreciate her organization skills in the running of moms household. My other sister helps too but she also has had a lot of health problems and struggles.

Do you get out sometimes? I’ve thought a lot about what you said about praying for doors to be opened for purpose. I don’t know if I’ve shared with you before but one of the OT passages that really touched me was where Boaz told them to leave a handful of purpose for Ruth. I’ve never forgotten that. I do so agree with you in regard to depression that purpose is important. Maybe the best drug for depression?

 

[VictoryinJesus]

We need purpose, a reason to get up every day. My prayer for both of us, as well as any others who might be able to relate is that a door would open, that we would actually have something to actually look forward to. And, serving Him in some way goes a long way!

Oddly and strangely after starting this thread and going to doctor visits …they also recommended support or groups that would help in talking with others going through struggles …how you all here have helped in sharing having similar struggles too saying “you are not alone”…but at the same time they (doctors)said I’d have a hard time finding a support group because there are not many in my area. I wonder why? It seems I could walk into any church and say I want to find a support group and I would find one easily? Or one would be built? I’m like you Nancy I would hope to find others where we could lift each other up… home bound or not. similar also to what has happened with my sisters and mom. How at first I felt like I was drowning in it alone. Then they come in to help. A support group built. Where it is still just as difficult to see and watch day to day but having us three where we can connect and talk about it: to vent, to cry, and yes very often complain but walk away from those conversations refreshed to keep going knowing someone else fully gets it alongside you. I am very fortunate (I see that know) to have that but at the same see how helpful support alongside is in all areas.

 

[Nancy]

Oddly and strangely after starting this thread and going to doctor visits …they also recommended support or groups that would help in talking with others going through struggles …how you all here have helped in sharing having similar struggles too saying “you are not alone”…but at the same time they (doctors)said I’d have a hard time finding a support group because there are not many in my area. I wonder why? It seems I could walk into any church and say I want to find a support group and I would find one easily? Or one would be built? I’m like you Nancy I would hope to find others where we could lift each other up… home bound or not. similar also to what has happened with my sisters and mom. How at first I felt like I was drowning in it alone. Then they come in to help. A support group built. Where it is still just as difficult to see and watch day to day but having us three where we can connect and talk about it: to vent, to cry, and yes very often complain but walk away from those conversations refreshed to keep going knowing someone else fully gets it alongside you. I am very fortunate (I see that know) to have that but at the same see how helpful support alongside is in all areas.

This is so good to hear sister. You ARE doing Gods will right now, you are honoring your mother despite the difficulty. I'm so happy you have sisters willing to help you.
How weird there are no support groups near you. Yeah, you would think that the church's would have open doors and arms and outlets for Christians to be able to hold one another up but, the church just isn't what is supposed to be
I do say it is difficult to find CHRISTIAN support groups yet, there are tons of secular ones, of course! I've even gotten online and put in the browser "looking for Christian friends" and all that comes up is dating! I never would have thought it would be so very hard to find a few friends of like mind.
But as our hope is in Christ, He will get us over, through and around these obstacles and anything else life can throw at us!
We love you and are with you in prayer sister, we care.

 

[Wynona]

Praying now

 

[Nancy]

Oh yes mom has bonded with Gidget. Gidget sleeps with her. If mom falls in a blind spot where the cameras does not see; Gidget barks on and on to where we know something is wrong. Every time I get food for mom …I have to get something special for gidget also or mom won’t eat her food. Gidget is always in her lap; by Gidgets own choice because she will stand at moms feet pawing to be lifted up into her lap. My oldest sister has always had Yorkies she took in rescued from either neglectful homes or where they lost their owner. Mom knows if something happens to her; my sister has agreed to keep Gidget. My sister is good at taking gidget to the vet for teeth cleanings, shots and she keeps her cleaned and trimmed. I do the same for mom. It is just how it all fell into place.

Do you have sisters? If not do you have sisters in Christ who are just as close? I hope so. My sisters and I were not always like this though. For a few years I went by myself everyday to help mom. They had no interest. We didn’t talk. I felt so alone in it. But then I caught Covid and they were forced to take care of her for the two weeks that I had to stay away in quarantine from mom. Ever since then …it never went back to just me. In fact my oldest sister does more than any of us. She struggles with mom because they rub each other the wrong way. But she stays and continues on, even crying some days, going above and beyond our schedule. She has stepped into an almost manager role. I appreciate her organization skills in the running of moms household. My other sister helps too but she also has had a lot of health problems and struggles.

Do you get out sometimes? I’ve thought a lot about what you said about praying for doors to be opened for purpose. I don’t know if I’ve shared with you before but one of the OT passages that really touched me was where Boaz told them to leave a handful of purpose for Ruth. I’ve never forgotten that. I do so agree with you in regard to depression that purpose is important. Maybe the best drug for depression?

So glad your mom has Gidget, how sweet, they eat together .I had a Yorkie Schnauzer mix once, sooo adorable. They have their purpose in bringing us joy and company. I would be utterly alone without mine! They bring life in the house...well, the plants are still alive anyhow, some of them at least, lol. My dogs are also rescues, I don't think they should be selling dogs in stores that come from puppy mills, horrid places!
You have also gotten closer to your sisters during this time which is wonderful, I hope it stays that way.

I do have 2 sisters. They are both close to an hour from me in the hills and ski country. I have one brother in NC, one about 10 minutes and another brother about 40 minutes from me. One of my sisters and I do pray on the phone and we talk daily, I also talk daily with my older brother, he will be going through a lung resection, he has possible lymphoma and has siiuse with his kidneys so, I will be taking him to his appointments. As far as other sisters in Christ, there is one woman from an old church of mine, we have gone out to lunch a few times but, no phone calls or other things on a regular basis.
It's rare I go anywhere as there is no place to go other than a long drive visit with my sisters. The place that got me out three to four times a week is on the back burner for now. I am praying that I will get back there but, not until I think I'm mentally and emotionally ready to return. Really am a recluse right now. Funny, when "of" the world, I was out all the time, hardly ever home!

"I don’t know if I’ve shared with you before but one of the OT passages that really touched me was where Boaz told them to leave a handful of purpose for Ruth." Isn't that a wonderful verse!!! Oh He does watch over us for sure, despite our circumstances. I am just so grateful for this site, for those who really do care and will pray for one another.

I've been through way too many depression meds. I've refused the last two my doc wanted to add to my existing ones, couldn't take how they made feel. Hoping this Christian counselor will help, I'll be seeing her tomorrow morning for the second time.

Praying for your spirits to be raised to soaring Victory, He is working even though we might not see how He is orchestrating things in our favor. Hard part is the WAITING!!!!
We just keep looking up up up :)
xo

 

[VictoryinJesus]

I've been through way too many depression meds. I've refused the last two my doc wanted to add to my existing ones, couldn't take how they made feel. Hoping this Christian counselor will help, I'll be seeing her tomorrow morning for the second time.

I don’t know if you have gone to your counseling yet. I hope you have a helpful session. At least have someone to talk with.

 

[VictoryinJesus]

Thank you all of your prayers. Please continue. Update is I’m struggling at work. It is cvs and I thought at least I could handle the front register. But yesterday after being there a month I kept making mistakes mentally just not getting it. I’m alone on register a lot because I’m the evening girl…most preferring the morning shift. The lines kept getting back up and my manager kept having to come help me get unstuck; one customer after another customer. She is super nice but was getting irritated saying when she came to help “what is it now honey.” I wanted to cry. I wanted to walk out. But getting out helps. But then I’m hit with struggling to do my job. Customers don’t feel good when they come in and get really upset at my mistakes. The managers kept telling me to appear confident, or to act so. Point is …what has been discussed here in this thread of wanting a purpose to get up. It really hurts to struggle with what others do easily. Like I’m in a mental cloud that I can’t get through. I want to throw up my hands and scream “what!? What am I to do?!” I can stay. But day after day seeing customers lined up and frustrated…I feel defeated and unable to pretend with what continues to happen over and over.

 

[Rockerduck]

I used to fight depression at times, I think most everyone has it at times. Clinical depression is different, but It can be overcome too. However for me, Jesus is in me. That Holy Spirit fills me up and I shout praises. I tell Christians all the time, " listen to good gospel music and Hymns". Don't let the world in your life. This world is under the dominion of satan and he will pull you down. Stay away from depressing news stations, and drama soap operas, all those killing people movies, and the like,

 

[Nancy]

I don’t know if you have gone to your counseling yet. I hope you have a helpful session. At least have someone to talk with.

I am back from the appointment. It is hard to get going and out of the house for me. I did have the option for a teleconference, but took her advice and at least got out of the house today, lol. She gave me some homework to do, I have already looked into finding a place that can direct me to the elderly lonely, and eventually work my way back to where much of my heart remains, The Genesis Center. At this time, I know I'm not ready but will eventually slowly work my way back as the door is always open to me there.
I love that she is a Christian and totally understands.
thank you for asking! :)

 

[amadeus]

I guess I’m angry. Confused why God prefers comfort as something unseen to believe in instead, a hope…while going through hardships. Which is Making less and less sense to me. For example I have little hopes that help get through the day…like a good show that helps me make it through the day with thoughts of “oh I will get to lie down and watch it tonight.” Something to look forward to. Another example would be a vacation …looking forward to that vacation coming up to escape from the daily grind. I’m scared…what of Faith is just a coping mechanism to escape to some expectation up ahead …why is that mindset important to focus on some hope of something not happened yet to get carried through the here and now?

My grandchildren have called me a Debbie downer before…somebody better give me a pill to treat it; because I guess I am. That also is the point that no one wants someone around who is depressed all the time but instead someone who sees opportunity and hope of better more glorious things to come. I have tried. But fail.

Where are we now and why?

Consider the short life of Stephen [Acts 6 & 7]. Where was his happiness and comfort with his family in the flesh? He stood up for God and was stoned to death.

Consider the very comfortable faithful Job... until he lost all that he had in the flesh.

How long must we suffer? Why must we suffer? Perhaps the quicker way of Stephen would be better according to our flesh, but that is not how it is, is it?

What is God's purpose? What is ours? When is it we are to be like Him? When is it we are to see His face?

Praying for you sister!


'

 

[amigo de christo]

Where are we now and why?

Consider the short life of Stephen [Acts 6 & 7]. Where was his happiness and comfort with his family in the flesh? He stood up for God and was stoned to death.

Consider the very comfortable faithful Job... until he lost all that he had in the flesh.

How long must we suffer? Why must we suffer? Perhaps the quicker way of Stephen would be better according to our flesh, but that is not how it is, is it?

What is God's purpose? What is ours? When is it we are to be like Him? When is it we are to see His face?

Praying for you sister!


'

My friend arrived . Let us rejoice in the glorious Lord . No matter what we suffer , no matter what comes against us
GOD is with us and we have all HOPE in HIM . Praise be to the glorious Lord . You are prayed for my friend .
The LORD is with the lambs . Let us take great comfort in knowing HE is with us .