Please pray

[VictoryinJesus]

Hello I’ve been here a while. I’m in a dark place of depression. I try. I read His word (not as much as I use to) it is getting more difficult to feel any hope. This morning I woke up and checked my mothers cameras. As I’ve mentioned before on the forum; she is 91. I watch her on the cameras we have to see if she falls and someone needs to go help her up. She spends most of her time alone. This morning she got up for about five minutes. My sister had ordered her a new sofa and it came yesterday. My mom went into the living room and stood there for a few minutes staring at the sofa, arranging the pillows, rubbing it (the sofa), she sat on it and then got up to go back to bed; bed where she spends most of her time now. I feel bad for her isolation and aloneness and her waiting …telling me every time I see her that she wishes she could just die. At first I mumbled under my breath, while watching her on the camera struggle to get around “mom, I don’t know what to do to help you.”

I could go live with her. But what I don’t understand is I’m sick with MS right now. Having an episode and I can’t really tell her because she prefers to deny I have MS. I’m about to start treatment for it and I’m afraid. I have so much I need to address with my dentist and feet (problems there). All those are minor but with the mS…I don’t want to do anything; overwhelmed. Then there is my relationship with my husband. We are not together. Watching mom …I get it. How he says there isn’t anything really he can do for me (like I say to mom) …because we all are struggling to survive ourselves. Struggling so much ourselves to just make it day to day.

Why I need prayer is: it isn’t that I think prayer will “poof” make all this go away. I need prayer because I don’t understand …what is the point? What is the point of Faith, and Love, and Restoration because I am truly struggling to see what the point is? Is the point of Faith, Love and Restoration the ability (the strength) to deny what is seen and believe instead what is unseen? For example to deny what is happening right now and to instead have faith, love and restoration in no MS, no disconnect of people, no pain or struggle? To instead believe it is “all good”? This makes it harder to read His Word because I’m finding it more difficult everyday to pretend none of this happening and is not true but false because it sure seems real. But the messages seems to be God wants us to keep saying and believing in the midst of suffering … to not believe in the suffering but believe in Him.

I’m sorry I get all that is “blah, blah, blah” where no one wants to hear “blah, blah, blah” but that too is the point. Don’t “blah, blah, blah” but instead tell us “yea!yea!yea!”. What if you have no “Yea!” Left? What is denial? How do we deny what is seen in favour of that which is unseen? Why is it so important to God for us to have the ability to not keep our mind on what is happening at the moment but instead to keep our mind focused outside of our circumstances and what is happening right now? I think of a woman that was a Christian and died from ALS …how could she go through the disease every day yet keep her mind focused away from the disease saying “all is good”?

 

[VictoryinJesus]

I guess I’m angry. Confused why God prefers comfort as something unseen to believe in instead, a hope…while going through hardships. Which is Making less and less sense to me. For example I have little hopes that help get through the day…like a good show that helps me make it through the day with thoughts of “oh I will get to lie down and watch it tonight.” Something to look forward to. Another example would be a vacation …looking forward to that vacation coming up to escape from the daily grind. I’m scared…what of Faith is just a coping mechanism to escape to some expectation up ahead …why is that mindset important to focus on some hope of something not happened yet to get carried through the here and now?

My grandchildren have called me a Debbie downer before…somebody better give me a pill to treat it; because I guess I am. That also is the point that no one wants someone around who is depressed all the time but instead someone who sees opportunity and hope of better more glorious things to come. I have tried. But fail.

 

[Lambano]

Yes, Victory, I'll pray for you. I don't know what to pray, but I'll pray for you.

 

[VictoryinJesus]

Yes, Victory, I'll pray for you. I don't know what to pray, but I'll pray for you.

Thank you. I don’t know what to pray either. I’m in a very negative place.

 

[Lambano]

Thank you. I don’t know what to pray either. I’m in a very negative place.

Sighs and groanings too deep for words?

 

[Nancy]

Hello I’ve been here a while. I’m in a dark place of depression. I try. I read His word (not as much as I use to) it is getting more difficult to feel any hope. This morning I woke up and checked my mothers cameras. As I’ve mentioned before on the forum; she is 91. I watch her on the cameras we have to see if she falls and someone needs to go help her up. She spends most of her time alone. This morning she got up for about five minutes. My sister had ordered her a new sofa and it came yesterday. My mom went into the living room and stood there for a few minutes staring at the sofa, arranging the pillows, rubbing it (the sofa), she sat on it and then got up to go back to bed; bed where she spends most of her time now. I feel bad for her isolation and aloneness and her waiting …telling me every time I see her that she wishes she could just die. At first I mumbled under my breath, while watching her on the camera struggle to get around “mom, I don’t know what to do to help you.”

I could go live with her. But what I don’t understand is I’m sick with MS right now. Having an episode and I can’t really tell her because she prefers to deny I have MS. I’m about to start treatment for it and I’m afraid. I have so much I need to address with my dentist and feet (problems there). All those are minor but with the mS…I don’t want to do anything; overwhelmed. Then there is my relationship with my husband. We are not together. Watching mom …I get it. How he says there isn’t anything really he can do for me (like I say to mom) …because we all are struggling to survive ourselves. Struggling so much ourselves to just make it day to day.

Why I need prayer is: it isn’t that I think prayer will “poof” make all this go away. I need prayer because I don’t understand …what is the point? What is the point of Faith, and Love, and Restoration because I am truly struggling to see what the point is? Is the point of Faith, Love and Restoration the ability (the strength) to deny what is seen and believe instead what is unseen? For example to deny what is happening right now and to instead have faith, love and restoration in no MS, no disconnect of people, no pain or struggle? To instead believe it is “all good”? This makes it harder to read His Word because I’m finding it more difficult everyday to pretend none of this happening and is not true but false because it sure seems real. But the messages seems to be God wants us to keep saying and believing in the midst of suffering … to not believe in the suffering but believe in Him.

I’m sorry I get all that is “blah, blah, blah” where no one wants to hear “blah, blah, blah” but that too is the point. Don’t “blah, blah, blah” but instead tell us “yea!yea!yea!”. What if you have no “Yea!” Left? What is denial? How do we deny what is seen in favour of that which is unseen? Why is it so important to God for us to have the ability to not keep our mind on what is happening at the moment but instead to keep our mind focused outside of our circumstances and what is happening right now? I think of a woman that was a Christian and died from ALS …how could she go through the disease every day yet keep her mind focused away from the disease saying “all is good”?

Victory,
Yo have been going through a lot for awhile now and my heart breaks for you. I did not no you had MS! I know it is different for different people and i know someone real well who has it. I am sorry you have thin=s on top of all the other issues. I have been depressed for the good part of 25 years and it has developed into MDD and PDD. I see a Psych doc and a therapist in between. I sit in my house day and night in and out, day after day and night after night, always alone. So, I so relate to you and your mom. We were not meant to be alone say's God but, I've never felt so utterly alone in my 65 years of life.
I so wish many of us on this site lived nearer to one another as we could help to hold each other up during these dark times that never seem to go away.

Oh, your suffering is real alright! God would never deny our suffering and neither should we. He sure allows it and I cannot understand such deep felt prayers can go unanswered but, they can (not so much un answered but, perhaps a "NO"?) I do understand about "what's the point". Yes, things with God can be so vague as to make us guess what He would have us do...this is something i too struggle with daily. I am not a prayer warrior but sure want to be as I have nothing but time alone with my own thoughts racing. You need to take care of yourself sister, It does not seem a good idea that you move in with your mom as much as you might want to, stress and being overwhelmed on top of the lonliness and lack of clear answers from God are stress enough. I know it sounds like such a pat answer "I'll pray for you" - yet, it is what I will do anyhow. I'm not so graceful through my trials and loss and sufferings, and that only makes me "feel" like I have no faith. He eventually does bring us around but, boy what a painful journey.
I hope things will start to look up for you Victory.
In Him always,
Nancy

 

[Raccoon1010]

Praying for you and your mom.

 

[Rita]

Hi Victory
I know only too well how draining, on every level, having an elderly relative can be and I felt it when I as not dealing with illness myself. I did have full time work which added to the equation. I felt in very dark places at times. I prayed but didn’t really know what I wanted to happen. I had to weigh up what decisions I should make with my dad, then all of a sudden his health declines and he passed away within days. He was 91 this year. ( he died on 30th august ). My dad lived alone and was having falls.

I am so sorry you feel the way you do , MS is not easy to deal with and with everything else it must be so difficult. I can’t give you the answers, all I know is that without faith I would have been even more lost than I felt I was, so inside it did give me something to cling to even if it was just by a thread.
I pray that the Holy Spirit will give you all that you need to cope with each day, within the darkness that just a flicker of light will shine xxxxxxxxxx
Much love
Rita xxxx

 

[VictoryinJesus]

Hello I’ve been here a while. I’m in a dark place of depression. I try. I read His word (not as much as I use to) it is getting more difficult to feel any hope. This morning I woke up and checked my mothers cameras. As I’ve mentioned before on the forum; she is 91. I watch her on the cameras we have to see if she falls and someone needs to go help her up. She spends most of her time alone. This morning she got up for about five minutes. My sister had ordered her a new sofa and it came yesterday. My mom went into the living room and stood there for a few minutes staring at the sofa, arranging the pillows, rubbing it (the sofa), she sat on it and then got up to go back to bed; bed where she spends most of her time now. I feel bad for her isolation and aloneness and her waiting …telling me every time I see her that she wishes she could just die. At first I mumbled under my breath, while watching her on the camera struggle to get around “mom, I don’t know what to do to help you.”

I could go live with her. But what I don’t understand is I’m sick with MS right now. Having an episode and I can’t really tell her because she prefers to deny I have MS. I’m about to start treatment for it and I’m afraid. I have so much I need to address with my dentist and feet (problems there). All those are minor but with the mS…I don’t want to do anything; overwhelmed. Then there is my relationship with my husband. We are not together. Watching mom …I get it. How he says there isn’t anything really he can do for me (like I say to mom) …because we all are struggling to survive ourselves. Struggling so much ourselves to just make it day to day.

Why I need prayer is: it isn’t that I think prayer will “poof” make all this go away. I need prayer because I don’t understand …what is the point? What is the point of Faith, and Love, and Restoration because I am truly struggling to see what the point is? Is the point of Faith, Love and Restoration the ability (the strength) to deny what is seen and believe instead what is unseen? For example to deny what is happening right now and to instead have faith, love and restoration in no MS, no disconnect of people, no pain or struggle? To instead believe it is “all good”? This makes it harder to read His Word because I’m finding it more difficult everyday to pretend none of this happening and is not true but false because it sure seems real. But the messages seems to be God wants us to keep saying and believing in the midst of suffering … to not believe in the suffering but believe in Him.

I’m sorry I get all that is “blah, blah, blah” where no one wants to hear “blah, blah, blah” but that too is the point. Don’t “blah, blah, blah” but instead tell us “yea!yea!yea!”. What if you have no “Yea!” Left? What is denial? How do we deny what is seen in favour of that which is unseen? Why is it so important to God for us to have the ability to not keep our mind on what is happening at the moment but instead to keep our mind focused outside of our circumstances and what is happening right now? I think of a woman that was a Christian and died from ALS …how could she go through the disease every day yet keep her mind focused away from the disease saying “all is good”?

Victory,
Yo have been going through a lot for awhile now and my heart breaks for you. I did not no you had MS! I know it is different for different people and i know someone real well who has it. I am sorry you have thin=s on top of all the other issues. I have been depressed for the good part of 25 years and it has developed into MDD and PDD. I see a Psych doc and a therapist in between. I sit in my house day and night in and out, day after day and night after night, always alone. So, I so relate to you and your mom. We were not meant to be alone say's God but, I've never felt so utterly alone in my 65 years of life.
I so wish many of us on this site lived nearer to one another as we could help to hold each other up during these dark times that never seem to go away.

Oh, your suffering is real alright! God would never deny our suffering and neither should we. He sure allows it and I cannot understand such deep felt prayers can go unanswered but, they can (not so much un answered but, perhaps a "NO"?) I do understand about "what's the point". Yes, things with God can be so vague as to make us guess what He would have us do...this is something i too struggle with daily. I am not a prayer warrior but sure want to be as I have nothing but time alone with my own thoughts racing. You need to take care of yourself sister, It does not seem a good idea that you move in with your mom as much as you might want to, stress and being overwhelmed on top of the lonliness and lack of clear answers from God are stress enough. I know it sounds like such a pat answer "I'll pray for you" - yet, it is what I will do anyhow. I'm not so graceful through my trials and loss and sufferings, and that only makes me "feel" like I have no faith. He eventually does bring us around but, boy what a painful journey.
I hope things will start to look up for you Victory.
In Him always,
Nancy

Not to seem fake…but crying right now. It isn’t fake because I can’t stop crying while reading your reply, crying even before also. I’m so sorry you are alone so often too! I have people around often still working a part time job and have daughters and grandchildren living their lives around me. But still even with others living and maintaining around me; I feel alone. Coming home in the evenings to get settled in to truly (literally) alone and I feel the same heavy depression. This morning it is cloudy and raining outside which doesn’t help.

 

[Nancy]

I guess I’m angry. Confused why God prefers comfort as something unseen to believe in instead, a hope…while going through hardships. Which is Making less and less sense to me. For example I have little hopes that help get through the day…like a good show that helps me make it through the day with thoughts of “oh I will get to lie down and watch it tonight.” Something to look forward to. Another example would be a vacation …looking forward to that vacation coming up to escape from the daily grind. I’m scared…what of Faith is just a coping mechanism to escape to some expectation up ahead …why is that mindset important to focus on some hope of something not happened yet to get carried through the here and now?

My grandchildren have called me a Debbie downer before…somebody better give me a pill to treat it; because I guess I am. That also is the point that no one wants someone around who is depressed all the time but instead someone who sees opportunity and hope of better more glorious things to come. I have tried. But fail.

"That also is the point that no one wants someone around who is depressed all the time but instead someone who sees opportunity and hope of better more glorious things to come. I have tried. But fail."

This is why I isolate anymore. I barely leave the house even though I can't stand being in it anymore but, where to go? Can't do much of anything physical anymore so I do truly get you. I do not want to subject myself to others as, I can see and feel them pulling away. Hearing that from your grandchildren must have hurt you deeply sister. I know that reclusing is not healthy and I hate it but, at the same time I do not want to be around others for fear of repelling them. Depression is a very real disease and it cannot be understood by those who have no idea. This is NOT the mild kind of depression that everyone gets now and then, this is persistent and always.
I too sometimes wonder where this "comfort" is. We take things on faith, but just believing something does not manifest it so, I am with you on this...it is so vague and confusing. People think those like us want pity, and that couldn't be further from the truth...perhaps a bit of encouragement, uplifting, edifying, empathy. Even Jesus had compassion but, it is not an easy thing to find in this world, even among most Christians
I don't know if you see a therapist, I see a Christian therapist between my psych doc visits and am praying this will help to claw out of this deep dark lonely pit. We can only reach up at this point sister.....you are loved and my heart has been hurting for you for awhile now. All I can say at this point is do NOT give up on God...no matter what our over used minds say to us. This kind of depression can block our hearing from the Lord.
Thinking, hoping and praying.

 

[Nancy]

Not to seem fake…but crying right now. It isn’t fake because I can’t stop crying while reading your reply, crying even before also. I’m so sorry you are alone so often too! I have people around often still working a part time job and have daughters and grandchildren living their lives around me. But still even with others living and maintaining around me; I feel alone. Coming home in the evenings to get settled in to truly (literally) alone and I feel the same heavy depression. This morning it is cloudy and raining outside which doesn’t help.

Oh gosh, ha! It is raining hard here too and we are expecting lake flooding. They greyness can certainly make things worse...if that is even possible! The mornings are the worst for me. I HATE getting up as there is nothing to look forward to, nothing to do, no body to love except for my two remaining mini schnauzers so, they alone are the reason for me getting up in the mornings. It's like a million first dates, same ole same ole every. single. day.
Crying!!!! EVERYDAY! For years! The deep sadness and losses pile up and overwhelm. I often wonder how much one can cry and sob so deeply and so often without becoming totally dehydrated! Got to think of where He collects our tears. It's so hard to even try to witness for Him when in this state as, who would want to be like us?? It's all good sister, wipe your tears and remember that He will bring us all home soon. This sad life is but a vapor.
xo
Jesus is all I really have anymore, just can't understand the silence and lack of any light at the end of the tunnel. I've decided to just be still and wait on Him...want to be proactive but, feeling like you are stuck in a vat of cement without motivation to do even the things we once enjoyed is near impossible. We are called to suffer with Him and I am trying to keep head above water.
Hang in and hang on sister, we are here for you. Wish you lived near me, we could lift one another up in real life...we can be there for one another inspirit through here, or if you would like to inbox me once in awhile to vent, i am here for you.

 

[GRACE ambassador]

Hello I’ve been here a while. I’m in a dark place of depression. I try. I read His word (not as much as I use to) it is getting more difficult to feel any hope.

Precious friend, sorry to hear - I will pray for you:

GRACE Word for our infirmities

 

[VictoryinJesus]

Thank you for prayers.

 

[VictoryinJesus]

Hi Victory
I know only too well how draining, on every level, having an elderly relative can be and I felt it when I as not dealing with illness myself. I did have full time work which added to the equation. I felt in very dark places at times. I prayed but didn’t really know what I wanted to happen. I had to weigh up what decisions I should make with my dad, then all of a sudden his health declines and he passed away within days. He was 91 this year. ( he died on 30th august ). My dad lived alone and was having falls.

I am so sorry you feel the way you do , MS is not easy to deal with and with everything else it must be so difficult. I can’t give you the answers, all I know is that without faith I would have been even more lost than I felt I was, so inside it did give me something to cling to even if it was just by a thread.
I pray that the Holy Spirit will give you all that you need to cope with each day, within the darkness that just a flicker of light will shine xxxxxxxxxx
Much love
Rita xxxx

Thank you Rita! I’m sorry for the loss of your father. I’m always conflicted over my mom. A year ago I prayed for her passing, maybe selfish, but watching her pain and quality of life diminish. She always tells me to not be sad when she is gone but to keep in mind that she is no longer in pain. So confused…didn’t walk away from the site except for needing to breath and take a nerve pill for a bit. Realizing stress is not helping the MS symptoms but worsening them.

 

[Rita]

Thank you Rita! I’m sorry for the loss of your father. I’m always conflicted over my mom. A year ago I prayed for her passing, maybe selfish, but watching her pain and quality of life diminish. She always tells me to not be sad when she is gone but to keep in mind that she is no longer in pain. So confused…didn’t walk away from the site except for needing to breath and take a nerve pill for a bit. Realizing stress is not helping the MS symptoms but worsening them.

I had the same conflict Victory - both of us were being real and honest. Xxxxxxxx
Sometimes we have to take a step back xxxxx

 

[VictoryinJesus]

Oh gosh, ha! It is raining hard here too and we are expecting lake flooding. They greyness can certainly make things worse...if that is even possible! The mornings are the worst for me. I HATE getting up as there is nothing to look forward to, nothing to do, no body to love except for my two remaining mini schnauzers so, they alone are the reason for me getting up in the mornings. It's like a million first dates, same ole same ole every. single. day.
Crying!!!! EVERYDAY! For years! The deep sadness and losses pile up and overwhelm. I often wonder how much one can cry and sob so deeply and so often without becoming totally dehydrated! Got to think of where He collects our tears. It's so hard to even try to witness for Him when in this state as, who would want to be like us?? It's all good sister, wipe your tears and remember that He will bring us all home soon. This sad life is but a vapor.
xo
Jesus is all I really have anymore, just can't understand the silence and lack of any light at the end of the tunnel. I've decided to just be still and wait on Him...want to be proactive but, feeling like you are stuck in a vat of cement without motivation to do even the things we once enjoyed is near impossible. We are called to suffer with Him and I am trying to keep head above water.
Hang in and hang on sister, we are here for you. Wish you lived near me, we could lift one another up in real life...we can be there for one another inspirit through here, or if you would like to inbox me once in awhile to vent, i am here for you.

For me there has been two types of depression. About eight years ago I was depressed and in a dark place but the difference was I still had strength to push back. I still had strength to address or seek or kept positive as in “it will get better.” Even though depressed back then I would walk in the woods and pray. I was determined. Having the energy to tread water as fast as I could to keep my head above the water.

I thought that was depression. But it pales in comparison to now where there is no strength left to seek, to push back, or to walk and pray with enthusiasm. This is different for me…deeper and darker if that makes sense. I hope that I won’t look back again later and think…wow this is far worse…maybe it is only because I’m in it. But not having the gung-ho to stand up and confront it…makes it feel worse.

 

[amigo de christo]

Victory,
Yo have been going through a lot for awhile now and my heart breaks for you. I did not no you had MS! I know it is different for different people and i know someone real well who has it. I am sorry you have thin=s on top of all the other issues. I have been depressed for the good part of 25 years and it has developed into MDD and PDD. I see a Psych doc and a therapist in between. I sit in my house day and night in and out, day after day and night after night, always alone. So, I so relate to you and your mom. We were not meant to be alone say's God but, I've never felt so utterly alone in my 65 years of life.
I so wish many of us on this site lived nearer to one another as we could help to hold each other up during these dark times that never seem to go away.

Oh, your suffering is real alright! God would never deny our suffering and neither should we. He sure allows it and I cannot understand such deep felt prayers can go unanswered but, they can (not so much un answered but, perhaps a "NO"?) I do understand about "what's the point". Yes, things with God can be so vague as to make us guess what He would have us do...this is something i too struggle with daily. I am not a prayer warrior but sure want to be as I have nothing but time alone with my own thoughts racing. You need to take care of yourself sister, It does not seem a good idea that you move in with your mom as much as you might want to, stress and being overwhelmed on top of the lonliness and lack of clear answers from God are stress enough. I know it sounds like such a pat answer "I'll pray for you" - yet, it is what I will do anyhow. I'm not so graceful through my trials and loss and sufferings, and that only makes me "feel" like I have no faith. He eventually does bring us around but, boy what a painful journey.
I hope things will start to look up for you Victory.
In Him always,
Nancy

The thing is why are we so alone . The LORD is in control and yet often folks pray and pray
LORD bring me those who love truth and just want to focus on you and yet when even those are brought to one
they end up leaving them too . The problem is not GOD , its us . DEEP Down what do we really desire .
ALL i know is all i ever wanted was for folks to LOVE every word that CHRIST and the apostels left us .
And yet many do not . They cant let go of a part o themselves that desired something that exalts self .
Example . I know of some who DO desire fellowship with lambs and yet when lambs come along
they dont like the truth they bring that exposes women leadership over the church .
That means the problem still lies within that person . Cause GOD was looking out for the person
HE brought lambs into their life , but once something got taught that opposed their own personal view point
They didnt want fellowship with that person anymore .
THE THING IS we better ALL START OVER in the bible and beleive What was simply wrote .
I aint the monster just cause i dont approve of women pastors . IT AINT biblical .
I aint the monster . Or paul was too . And a real big thing to also examine is
IF women were to lead , how come not one single apostle was FEMALE . AND this is not an attack against women
cause i saw many women who had much faith in that bible , even when peter ran .
BUT THE POINT IS not one of them were to be a leader . I WISH TO GOD folks would abandon some of these teachings
going on in these churches . WE COULD HAVE HAD SUCH GREAT PEACE

 

[VictoryinJesus]

The thing is why are we so alone . The LORD is in control and yet often folks pray and pray
LORD bring me those who love truth and just want to focus on you and yet when even those are brought to one
they end up leaving them too . The problem is not GOD , its us . DEEP Down what do we really desire .
ALL i know is all i ever wanted was for folks to LOVE every word that CHRIST and the apostels left us .
And yet many do not . They cant let go of a part o themselves that desired something that exalts self .
Example . I know of some who DO desire fellowship with lambs and yet when lambs come along
they dont like the truth they bring that exposes women leadership over the church .
That means the problem still lies within that person . Cause GOD was looking out for the person
HE brought lambs into their life , but once something got taught that opposed their own personal view point
They didnt want fellowship with that person anymore .
THE THING IS we better ALL START OVER in the bible and beleive What was simply wrote .
I aint the monster just cause i dont approve of women pastors . IT AINT biblical .
I aint the monster . Or paul was too . And a real big thing to also examine is
IF women were to lead , how come not one single apostle was FEMALE . AND this is not an attack against women
cause i saw many women who had much faith in that bible , even when peter ran .
BUT THE POINT IS not one of them were to be a leader . I WISH TO GOD folks would abandon some of these teachings
going on in these churches . WE COULD HAVE HAD SUCH GREAT PEACE

I would love to go to church (even thinking about it a little ago while watching the video Nancy posted “Victory in Jesus.”. I was thinking maybe what I’m missing out on is being a part of a congregation—part of a body.. But then it is tiring all the debates over what is wrong with the church. When I can’t even figure out what is wrong with me.

 

[amigo de christo]

I would love to go to church (even thinking about it a little ago while watching the video Nancy posted “Victory in Jesus.”. I was thinking maybe what I’m missing out in is being a part of a congregation. But then it is tiring all the debates over what is wrong with the church. When I can’t even figure out what is wrong with me.

Well lets begin with a simple question .
What do you want out of life . What do you think would make you happy .
Answer that .

 

[VictoryinJesus]

Well lets begin with a simple question .
What do you want out of life . What do you think would make you happy .
Answer that .

Not to seem superficial but speaking of times when I’m happy. Having Hope is one. But that comes and goes. Strange is I’m an anxious mess who often ends up in the ER and sometimes I see others around me in the ER that have it worse…but they speak, they smile and start up a conversation. Not about God or church…but they talk. I mean people weak physically also and instead of depressing me …which the hospital should…for a short time I see there is real purpose here, plenty of usefulness and needfulness to each other. What makes me happy I think is getting my focus off myself. But life and circumstances is smothering isolating and alone. For a while now it made me hopeful and happy to help my mom. But now I just feel helpless. Ultimately to me it is the question of the OP: what is the point? That would make me happy. being able to see there is a point and doing that…instead of what is the point?