Ziggy
Well-Known Member
He gets it from his mother.Sheesh. This is like passive aggression, narcissism, severe control issues…an actual WANTING to make everything impossible and hard for you because it makes one feel powerful…and, I’m pretty sure you were the scapegoat child in the family dynamic. And still are!
He justifies his actions with the way his mother treated him when he was young.
My grandfather passed away from scirosis(sp?) of the liver, when he was around 15.
My grandmother basically tossed him out and made him make his own way in the world.
He's a tough cookie. And feels that if he had to do it....
I hear the same stories everytime he comes to visit.
He was going to begin work the beginning of the week. He needed a pair of boots and asked grandma to loan him money till his first pay check.
She told him she had an idea. Why don't he buy himself a pair of boots when he gets his paycheck.
So that's the kind of mentality he grew up with.
Of course when I got pregnant when I was 14, he lost all , oh I guess you could say respect for me.
I was a real disappointment.
Even after getting married and having my husband adopt my daughter and working all the time. I never asked for money, I never asked for anything.
I figured they had helped enough, and I had been enough of a burden.
When I got remarried I moved to Florida to help with his parents. My mom had passed away in her sleep at the age of 60.
We all took it hard, and it sort of put a wedge between us.
Frankly I blamed him, because I believe she was lonely in her heart and after she had had a stroke, he didn't have much patience with her.
My oldest brother died of cancer a few years later. He had just turned 40.
My other brother was always the blacksheep of the family. Getting into trouble with the law. He stayed with dad for a few years when he became disabled. He died from multiple blood clots right before he turned 56.
And here I am. I just turned 57. I am disabled. And I really don't have anywhere else, I'd rather be.
But that... wedge is still there. I can't fix it. I don't hold any grudges. I understand that decisions and actions have consequences.
And he was doing his life the best he knew how. And I was doing mine.
But that attitude that he aquired as a child still lives on. Not that it's wrong, it's just hard.
I been here going on 6 years now. It's gotten a little easier. We talk more.
But for some reason his girlfriend really dislikes me.
I think it's jealousy. I think it's money. Anytime he gives me money for gas, she looks at me in disgust.
I don't ask him for it, he just pays for me transporting him back and forth from her place to mine.
But the looks I get, oh my.
I got to the place I just laugh now. I can't fix her either. I've held out so many olive branches just to have them swept aside.
I gave up trying. Still praying though.
It's a strange situation. And one I'm not sure I'll fully understand.
But God has me here for a reason, so I'm not going to question it.
Maybe after him having to watch my mother and both my brother's die before him,
I'll still be here to say goodbye when it's his turn.
One day at a time.
:)
Hugs