Understanding MPD/DID & SRA/MK
- Thread starter TLHKAJ
- Start date
-
Welcome to Christian Forums, a Christian Forum that recognizes that all Christians are a work in progress.
You will need to register to be able to join in fellowship with Christians all over the world.
We hope to see you as a part of our community soon and God Bless!
I did have some memory flashes most of my life that hinted at satanic ritual abuse (although I didn't know the term for it). I would see myself in a glass box surrounded by fire, being tortured, screaming, feeling the heat. I saw Satan taunting and jeering and God overseeing and laughing. I found out after I began healing that this was an actual memory (except for the part about God laughing/overseeing). They actually did traumas like this to create delta alter systems. I could share more but idk how easily you trigger. It was very traumatic to discover what happened.
Psalm-147:3
Member
Wow that's very heavy. Thank you for sharing.
About trigger, sometimes I'm not triggered at all and sometimes so easy. I think it depends on how dissociated I am at the time, how close parts are.
Is it possible to know what happened? Possible to recover memories?
I want to know but if just a tiny thing is shared or I remember, I freak out. I'm so sorry towards the Lord. I'm praying for memories and if He reveals things I don't believe it or don't want to know.
God bless you
Psalm-147:3
Member
I thought so long that there is a trauma and it was too early and short that's why I don't remember and I will never remember.
As far as working together, my alters worked together very well for the most part. There was one in the beginning who would move forward during prayer ministry sessions and put me and everyone else asleep. She wouldn't say a thing, but she'd move to the forefront and put me and any other alters who were presenting, right to sleep. If you were looking from the outside it would look like I was in a hibernation-like coma ...breathing very slowed and all. When I woke an hour or two later, I'd remember nothing of what I had been talking to my counselor about. This was an internal programmer alter. She would move the files (memory) and lock them up so that I couldn't access what I had been working on.
Btw, pretty much every MK survivor has internal programmer alters.
I did have some alters who fought against talking for fear of what would happen to our loved ones. A few times, I overheard internal fighting, but it wasn't widespread. Those discussions were in essence, my alters who came to Christ telling others inside about Jesus ....and getting some resistance. Before long, those alters would give Jesus a try and things would settle. I overheard many times, Christian alters doing internal evangelism. I suspect this is going on within you as well. :)
Last edited:
Some things you may never get full detail of. But you can trust God will lead you to what you need to know, at the right time, in order for healing to be complete.
Yes, it's possible to know and recover memories.
What does your process look like at this point? Are alters sharing things without sharing visuals?
I understand wanting to know, yet being afraid to know. Be sensitive to the Lord when He invites you to spend time in His presence. Those are the times He'll strengthen you and nourish you up in preparation for facing memories.
Take time for building joy. If things become too heavy, intense, or overwhelming, press "pause" and take a day or two to do things that bring joy ...being outdoors, pets, music, a bubble bath, hobbies, etc. Or course, time in the Lord's presence is a huge part of building joy. Science has proven that the amount of negative information our brains can process is in direct proportion to our level of joy. Remember, the joy of the Lord is your strength.
Psalm-147:3
Member
Thank you so much.
Yes they don't share much at all. We struggled with Anti-healing stuff and denial and parts who threaten anyone who speaks or want to speak.
So they are drawing. Got lots of symbols and then recently one was a ritual drawing, then the military lab and then the last one was a castle and 2 rooms in there. Trying to find this castle as I write this. It was a 6y old so the drawing is not detailed at all.
Then I have lots of old drawings All red and black and mostly about blood and death. Lots of poems with these topics. We started prayer ministry about 3 months ago. So it's just the start.
Parts say few things to the prayer minister and I got about 4 or 5 very short visuals of sra. The rest is just words that are said also concerning torture. For that I have more things that were said but no visuals. Oh there was one visual concerning a part that was so afraid of God and said torture is waiting on that side when she goes to God and I saw a table to be fixed on. But no idea what was done or what the part was afraid of.
I know of suicide and sexual programming. And this anti-healing programming. That was so strong over years. I was in secular therapy but we didn't get anywhere because of it. Therapists said there is programming but I had no idea what they are talking about. I just realized it about 2 months ago when we started to work on parts and that they have their jobs and quite a few backups.
God bless
Yes they don't share much at all. We struggled with Anti-healing stuff and denial and parts who threaten anyone who speaks or want to speak.
So they are drawing. Got lots of symbols and then recently one was a ritual drawing, then the military lab and then the last one was a castle and 2 rooms in there. Trying to find this castle as I write this. It was a 6y old so the drawing is not detailed at all.
Then I have lots of old drawings All red and black and mostly about blood and death. Lots of poems with these topics. We started prayer ministry about 3 months ago. So it's just the start.
Parts say few things to the prayer minister and I got about 4 or 5 very short visuals of sra. The rest is just words that are said also concerning torture. For that I have more things that were said but no visuals. Oh there was one visual concerning a part that was so afraid of God and said torture is waiting on that side when she goes to God and I saw a table to be fixed on. But no idea what was done or what the part was afraid of.
I know of suicide and sexual programming. And this anti-healing programming. That was so strong over years. I was in secular therapy but we didn't get anywhere because of it. Therapists said there is programming but I had no idea what they are talking about. I just realized it about 2 months ago when we started to work on parts and that they have their jobs and quite a few backups.
God bless
This is pretty awesome, tbh. Your alters have found a way around the "no-talk" by drawing. Technically, they're not "talking." And this, they don't have to report that you/they are talking. I'd encourage them to keep drawing. Eventually, they'll find ways to actually use their voice/s. But for now, this is really great.
When I have worked with other survivors, I encouraged alters to draw. It feels safer and less threatening than breaking no-talk rules.
Yes, it's only a start, and will progress into alters strengthening in their connection with the Lord, and they will find their voice/s.
Psalm-147:3
Member
Thank you. Yes it's great. The prayer minister says to them, if they want to draw, others also draw.
Last time a part said to the fronting child: there is a white page and you keep it white. But it was fine. She did draw.
It helps me with denial too. I can look up things after.
Praise the Lord. He is right there. I never thought I would ever know a thing. He does it so gently. So patiently.
Thank you for all your help, input and experience. It is so helpful.
God bless you
You're welcome. :)
When the one alter mentioned the white page, we're there any other details or visuals that came with that statement? (Just curious...)
When the one alter mentioned the white page, we're there any other details or visuals that came with that statement? (Just curious...)
Psalm-147:3
Member
You mean the part in the background? I think that part knew what she might draw and she wasn't supposed to draw, right?
That was the castle thing. I still don't know what to think about it. It was in relation to a person that came up in the session before and caused a lot of stress.
She said 3 things to it what happened but nothing about people involved.
If it's true, it's the thing I wrote earlier, it's too big and threw me in big denial.
Somehow I think the Lord showed twice there is a connection with my grandfather.
But i dont know.
lilygrace
Well-Known Member
why woudl if you express a person is bad for you .....a family member will try to contradict it? what happened?
Psalm-147:3
Member
You mean about my post? Not sure.
About the name and the grandfather? That particular person that came up is not from the family, I don't even know that person personally. I think the Lord has shown twice a connection between that person and my grandfather. I don't know how much to share. I still don't even know if it's true.
Maybe about freemasonry. At least that person was born in Germany so it would be possible there is a connection.
Sorry I probably don't make sense with this.
God bless you all
Psalm-147:3
Member
Hello brothers and sisters,
-trigger warning-
Please let me know if I should delete this message
How is it that it is so much about death and killing? Many parts revolve around that and I wonder how is it possible?
Killing and or seeing murder. How is this? And how is it unnoticed? I don't understand.
Thanks so much
God bless you all
-trigger warning-
Please let me know if I should delete this message
How is it that it is so much about death and killing? Many parts revolve around that and I wonder how is it possible?
Killing and or seeing murder. How is this? And how is it unnoticed? I don't understand.
Thanks so much
God bless you all
Are you asking how society doesn't notice so much death and murder?
The shirt and simple answer to that is because the elite cult (freemasons, illuminati, Jesuits, etc) are in control of every aspect of society, even down to the media and "law enforcement." Some of my peeps of course, are in law enforcement and government, and higher (Vatican, UN, etc). They make sure not to expose their deepest dirtiest dark deeds. I have a bullet hole 8n the back of my house ...put there by a retired police officer who is buddies with the town mayor who threatened to kill my (Anatolian -Pyrenees) dog that belonged to my son who passed away. And all of them are friends with the county judge who oversaw the trafficking of my granddaughter into the home of a cult family. (We fought that to the state level and the state judges did nothing but take our money.)
All that to say .....the cult covers each other very well ....unless enough people start talking and they need a few fall guys to make it look like they're "fighting human trafficking" (Epstein, Biden family, Maxwell, etc).
Psalm-147:3
Member
Thank you. Yes I wonder who has died and why and why or how is this possible not be noticed.
Do you maybe know if this means anything:
"it is all of it and nothing" a part said it. Or maybe even another one too. They kind of talk in riddles. I just don't understand.
Thank you so Very much I appreciate all your input
God bless you
Do you maybe know if this means anything:
"it is all of it and nothing" a part said it. Or maybe even another one too. They kind of talk in riddles. I just don't understand.
Thank you so Very much I appreciate all your input
God bless you
This is called a double bind ...a statement that contains circular speech. Early on in my journey, I heard an alter repeating the words, "Believe not to believe." And when I heard it, I understood the meaning.... #1, To believe my memories is not to believe God... #2, to believe God is not to believe my memories.... and #3, what I am to believe is not to believe (God, myself, or my memories). It was a denial programming double bind statement. It finally made sense why I'd always feel a huge sense of doom every time I got new memories. And then, as a defense, I'd run to denial. (But the denial never brought resolution, of course. So it kept me in a loop of not moving forward in my healing and deprogramming.) The cult knows that if a survivor ever truly connects with God, their programming begins unraveling. They do everything they can to program victims against God... even to the extent of using (fake) "God", "Jesus", "Holy Spirit", and scriptures (given twisted meanings) to accomplish that.
As far as what you're hearing from inside, thank them for sharing that with you and ask them to explain what it means to them. Of course, also, pray that God will reveal what you need to know. And on your end, you can pray and renounce all programming that says, "it is all of it and nothing." (And add into that prayer, any other double mind programming statements that you're aware of.
In my case, an example would be, "In the name of (the true) Lord Jesus Christ of Nazareth who came in the flesh 2000 years ago, I renounce - on behalf of all parts of me - all "believe not to believe" programming. I renounce - on behalf of every part of me - all programming that says I cannot believe God. I renounce all programming that says that the knowledge of God and the knowledge of my memories cannot come together. I renounce all programming that says I must deny the truth of my memories or deny the truth of God. I declare - on behalf of every part of myself - that I want the truth. Jesus Christ is the way, the truth, and the life, and I choose to know the truth so that every part of my humanity may be free, because it is knowing the truth that makes me free!"
So maybe that prayer example can help you form a prayer and declarations of truth that counteract the double binds that your alters were made to believe.
Also, if you ever need to discuss any of these things privately, please feel free to message me.