Jostler
Well-Known Member
it looks like I've got an all nighter going too. I have to be up early to be ready for church this morning...I probably won't get any sleep til after all that.
Understanding MPD/DID & SRA/MK
- Thread starter TLHKAJ
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Jostler
Well-Known Member
I think I'll stop here for tonight. Too much reading for people to have to read all at once when they wake up...enough for now.
Jostler
Well-Known Member
Folks if you feel led to, make time to read Ephesians chapter 4 today. Ask Him to talk to you about it. I think we may be discussing it for awhile. Getting the full scriptural context will probably be very helpful. I'm feeling most focused on verses 11 through 17...but the whole chapter provides the context.
truthquest
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- May 23, 2010
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I had a daughter. And heaven help anybody who tried to hurt her in any way. Including her abusive husband who thought he could intimidate and threaten me and that I would just roll over. Well, he was in for a rude awakening. He found out real quick that I'm not a woman to mess with. And not only did he physically abuse my daughter but he also physically abused my young granddaughter who was afraid of him. He hit my granddaughter so hard that her nose was bleeding. She was sitting on the floor with her nose bleeding and crying and I let him have it full force, He told me to mind my own business. I said, she IS my business!!! She's my granddaughter and I better not ever see or hear about you hitting her like that ever again or you will have to deal with me. Because one of us is either going to end up in the hospital or dead. Because I do NOT back down. When it comes to my kids and grandkids, I will put my life on the line without hesitation. He even made a pass at me if you can believe that. He is such a pig!!!
I said I had a daughter. She passed away in 2015 from congestive heart failure. She was only 38. I took care of her the entire time. And her then ex-husband, yeah the same one who physically abused her, and who is involved in Wicca took over the funeral arrangements against my wishes and with no regard for my feelings or my daughter's wishes. He didn't show up once when she was sick and in the hospital. Not once. Then after she passed, he was acting all concerned and pretending like he cared about her. My daughter was a Christian. He arranged to have a Wicca priest or whatever they call them to speak at a memorial for her after he had my daughter cremated. I of course did not attend that memorial. Then there was a fight over her ashes. So I told them all to just take the ashes because it was like rubbing salt into a wound and I didn't need the added grief and pain. I just wanted them to stay away from me so I could grieve in peace. But of course they didn't stay away and made my life a living h***. And on top of all that, I was sick, very sick, and I didn't even know that I had stage 3 cancer at that point. All my focus was on my daughter not on myself and I forced myself to keep going for her. That's how a mother loves her daughter. Putting her daughter first. Protecting her daughter. Helping her daughter and not letting anybody abuse and hurt her daughter no matter how old she is. And not choosing a man over her daughter.
I had to learn real quick when I was a child after being thrown to the wolves that I better learn to take up for myself because nobody cared enough about me to protect me. I couldn't do much when I was little but when I got into my teens, I was able to protect myself more. Then as an adult I was even more capable of protecting myself. Of course, there are some very evil people who are more of a challenge and harder to protect oneself from. But that is beyond my control. Only God has the power over those people.
truthquest
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- May 23, 2010
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Isa. 29:15 Woe to those who dig deep to hide their plans from the LORD.
In darkness they do their works and say, “Who sees us, and who will know?”
16 You have turned things upside down,..
Jer. 23:24 “Can a man hide in secret places where I cannot see him?” declares the LORD. “Do I not fill the heavens and the earth?” declares the LORD.
Isaiah 5:20 Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter.
Eph. 5:11 Take no part in the worthless deeds of evil and darkness; instead, expose and rebuke them.
Matt. 18:6 “And everyone who commits an offense against one of these little ones who believe in me, it were profitable for him that a donkey's millstone would be hung around his neck and he be sunk in the depths of the sea.”
“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."
In darkness they do their works and say, “Who sees us, and who will know?”
16 You have turned things upside down,..
Jer. 23:24 “Can a man hide in secret places where I cannot see him?” declares the LORD. “Do I not fill the heavens and the earth?” declares the LORD.
Isaiah 5:20 Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter.
Eph. 5:11 Take no part in the worthless deeds of evil and darkness; instead, expose and rebuke them.
Matt. 18:6 “And everyone who commits an offense against one of these little ones who believe in me, it were profitable for him that a donkey's millstone would be hung around his neck and he be sunk in the depths of the sea.”
“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."
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I think it's a good thing and really important to share these things because @lilygrace needs to see how God meant for parents to behave toward their children.
I can relate to what you shared, @truthquest. I have had to be the one to stand between my children and other people since they were little. When my oldest daughter was kidnapped in 2011 at age 18... for whatever reason, they dropped her off at a truck stop and I went to get her and her little dog. She told me that they didn't want anything to do with me because they were afraid of me. (And idk what frightened them except I let them know a thing or two.)
When my daughter's fiance tried to come into my home to gain access to her, I grabbed two fistfuls of flesh (on his back), picked him up, and tossed him out my front door!! He was physically abusive to her and the baby.
These are things a mother is supposed to do. I have placed myself physically between my husband in one of his rages, and our children, on several occasions. And when our lives were threatened (by cult), I took our children to a place where we could have more safety. My husband was fearful of stepping out of line with the cult, and when I stepped out of line, his fear manifested as rage that was expressed toward me and the kids. (As a handler, my husband's role was to make sure his family was accessible to the cult, and in many ways he served as something like a revolving door ...to keep access to us open.) This necessitated physical separation.
We had lived separate from my husband for 6 years when our youngest son was diagnosed with cancer at age 15, in November of 2017. We lost our rental home around the same time when my landlord sold the house we rented. So we had no place to go but back to my husband ....or else, be homeless with a son fighting cancer. It has been a heartbreaking thing, of asking God why He allowed this and allowed us to be brought back together with my husband. (Just being honest here.)
I was Matt's caregiver for over 2 years. We were connected at the heart ....I miss him so much!! I moved my bed into his room and we listened to praise and worship daily. Matt had playlists of favorite worship music. We installed locks inside the bedroom door, for our safety, to prevent nighttime accessings. If we weren't in his room, we were having drives in the country, or doing yard work. (Matt loved mowing the lawn and he loved driving while listening to one of his playlists....and he loved storms!)
My own health began to decline immediately upon our coming back to live with my husband, and I had the physical marks and signs of beatings, tortures, and rapes. I tried to hide it from Matt, but he always knew. My husband, being still programmed, is still an open door to being cued and allowing cult to gain access. What I have come to understand is that although I don't have alters willingly participating in occult activities, I do still have alters who see it as necessary that they remain separate because when the body is being hurt, they come forward to take the punishments in my place.
Anyway ...the body has taken a lot of punishments and they used Matt as leverage. I had to push through a lot in order to care for him and he did well for about 2 years. Most people couldn't look at him and tell he was sick. Matt did so well through most of those 2+yrs that there were times when I would collapse and he would care for me (making sure I had water and food) and we spent a lot of time laughing and talking.
When God took Matt Home, I let go of my will to live and things fell apart. I willed myself to live for Matt's sake but then he wasn't here anymore. I have had to really get with God on this ....why He allowed these things, and to be willing to live and stay here as long as He wants me here. I still have other children, and grandchildren to be around for.
Matt had a martyr's heart. He didn't think of himself before others...always loving and giving to others. I think my husband needed to see Matt's testimony. And God has given my husband more time to choose freedom ... my son and I being here, as examples of two people who chose Jesus, chose to love and forgive, and chose freedom.
To this day, I sleep and spend a lot of time in my son's room. It has inside locks. But I can't spend 100% of my time locked in a room. And I do still face danger of kidnappings and physical punishments because of my choice to break their hold of control over me/alters.
People don't realize when they read posts, what the person is facing in their everyday lives ....threats, gunshots, stalkings, kidnappings (rapes, beatings, tortures).
I don't know all of why I'm still here in this present circumstance. But while I'm here, it is vital that I trust God has a plan in all of this. Survivors who choose freedom are some of the most persecuted in the world. But God hasn't abandoned us. He has a plan that is much bigger than our natural eyes can see and beyond the scope of our own understanding. He will work all things for good, and for His glory!! Just keep engaging in the battle wherever He leads. He has already won the war! We are not alone. :)
This has turned more into random sharing, and updating you as to what has happened between the time we last had contact, and now. One thing that happened too, is that just before Matt was diagnosed, my granddaughter was stolen ....illegally placed into the system and with a cult family. We fought for 2 years trying to get her back with my daughter ....but the cult-run "legal" system made sure she was removed from our lives and placed with a cult family.
Again, it's hard to understand the reason for these things ....but I pray for my granddaughter, and as I do, God often puts it into my heart to pray for the family who has her. I want satan's kingdom plundered!! And if this is what it takes to save a family ...to have someone with good motivation to pray for that family ....then maybe that is part of the good that will come out of this. Praying for them helps safeguard my heart from hating them, which is a real temptation!
But my heart breaks for my daughter who was raped by cult (mafia) at age 17 (because they wanted the bloodline) ...was threatened and kidnapped, miscarried a baby at around 10 weeks pregnant ....was dropped off at a truck stop ....then when I got her to a doctor, we found out she was still pregnant (was carrying twins). She lost a baby, and then her child was stolen .....and then she lost her baby brother. Please pray for her and the rest of my grown children. They have been through more pain than anyone should ever have to endure.
Sorry for the randomness of this post ....but I'm going to post it "as-is" for now. Maybe I'll add more later or fix typos...idk. :)
I can relate to what you shared, @truthquest. I have had to be the one to stand between my children and other people since they were little. When my oldest daughter was kidnapped in 2011 at age 18... for whatever reason, they dropped her off at a truck stop and I went to get her and her little dog. She told me that they didn't want anything to do with me because they were afraid of me. (And idk what frightened them except I let them know a thing or two.)
When my daughter's fiance tried to come into my home to gain access to her, I grabbed two fistfuls of flesh (on his back), picked him up, and tossed him out my front door!! He was physically abusive to her and the baby.
These are things a mother is supposed to do. I have placed myself physically between my husband in one of his rages, and our children, on several occasions. And when our lives were threatened (by cult), I took our children to a place where we could have more safety. My husband was fearful of stepping out of line with the cult, and when I stepped out of line, his fear manifested as rage that was expressed toward me and the kids. (As a handler, my husband's role was to make sure his family was accessible to the cult, and in many ways he served as something like a revolving door ...to keep access to us open.) This necessitated physical separation.
We had lived separate from my husband for 6 years when our youngest son was diagnosed with cancer at age 15, in November of 2017. We lost our rental home around the same time when my landlord sold the house we rented. So we had no place to go but back to my husband ....or else, be homeless with a son fighting cancer. It has been a heartbreaking thing, of asking God why He allowed this and allowed us to be brought back together with my husband. (Just being honest here.)
I was Matt's caregiver for over 2 years. We were connected at the heart ....I miss him so much!! I moved my bed into his room and we listened to praise and worship daily. Matt had playlists of favorite worship music. We installed locks inside the bedroom door, for our safety, to prevent nighttime accessings. If we weren't in his room, we were having drives in the country, or doing yard work. (Matt loved mowing the lawn and he loved driving while listening to one of his playlists....and he loved storms!)
My own health began to decline immediately upon our coming back to live with my husband, and I had the physical marks and signs of beatings, tortures, and rapes. I tried to hide it from Matt, but he always knew. My husband, being still programmed, is still an open door to being cued and allowing cult to gain access. What I have come to understand is that although I don't have alters willingly participating in occult activities, I do still have alters who see it as necessary that they remain separate because when the body is being hurt, they come forward to take the punishments in my place.
Anyway ...the body has taken a lot of punishments and they used Matt as leverage. I had to push through a lot in order to care for him and he did well for about 2 years. Most people couldn't look at him and tell he was sick. Matt did so well through most of those 2+yrs that there were times when I would collapse and he would care for me (making sure I had water and food) and we spent a lot of time laughing and talking.
When God took Matt Home, I let go of my will to live and things fell apart. I willed myself to live for Matt's sake but then he wasn't here anymore. I have had to really get with God on this ....why He allowed these things, and to be willing to live and stay here as long as He wants me here. I still have other children, and grandchildren to be around for.
Matt had a martyr's heart. He didn't think of himself before others...always loving and giving to others. I think my husband needed to see Matt's testimony. And God has given my husband more time to choose freedom ... my son and I being here, as examples of two people who chose Jesus, chose to love and forgive, and chose freedom.
To this day, I sleep and spend a lot of time in my son's room. It has inside locks. But I can't spend 100% of my time locked in a room. And I do still face danger of kidnappings and physical punishments because of my choice to break their hold of control over me/alters.
People don't realize when they read posts, what the person is facing in their everyday lives ....threats, gunshots, stalkings, kidnappings (rapes, beatings, tortures).
I don't know all of why I'm still here in this present circumstance. But while I'm here, it is vital that I trust God has a plan in all of this. Survivors who choose freedom are some of the most persecuted in the world. But God hasn't abandoned us. He has a plan that is much bigger than our natural eyes can see and beyond the scope of our own understanding. He will work all things for good, and for His glory!! Just keep engaging in the battle wherever He leads. He has already won the war! We are not alone. :)
This has turned more into random sharing, and updating you as to what has happened between the time we last had contact, and now. One thing that happened too, is that just before Matt was diagnosed, my granddaughter was stolen ....illegally placed into the system and with a cult family. We fought for 2 years trying to get her back with my daughter ....but the cult-run "legal" system made sure she was removed from our lives and placed with a cult family.
Again, it's hard to understand the reason for these things ....but I pray for my granddaughter, and as I do, God often puts it into my heart to pray for the family who has her. I want satan's kingdom plundered!! And if this is what it takes to save a family ...to have someone with good motivation to pray for that family ....then maybe that is part of the good that will come out of this. Praying for them helps safeguard my heart from hating them, which is a real temptation!
But my heart breaks for my daughter who was raped by cult (mafia) at age 17 (because they wanted the bloodline) ...was threatened and kidnapped, miscarried a baby at around 10 weeks pregnant ....was dropped off at a truck stop ....then when I got her to a doctor, we found out she was still pregnant (was carrying twins). She lost a baby, and then her child was stolen .....and then she lost her baby brother. Please pray for her and the rest of my grown children. They have been through more pain than anyone should ever have to endure.
Sorry for the randomness of this post ....but I'm going to post it "as-is" for now. Maybe I'll add more later or fix typos...idk. :)
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lilygrace
Well-Known Member
Interesting you both post that and I'm sorry. That is so heartbreaking.
My mother insists my ex wasn't abusive and that i really loved him.
My mother insists that i only want to hear what i want to, such as someone's opinions or even scripture.
My mother insists my ex wasn't abusive and that i really loved him.
My mother insists that i only want to hear what i want to, such as someone's opinions or even scripture.
*big hugs, sis* I pray the Lord will comfort your heart in knowing that He has placed two mothers (@truthquest and I) in your life (even though long distance) who love you and I know that both of us would physically stand for you if we could. You are worth it...you are loved and your life has purpose.Interesting you both post that and I'm sorry. That is so heartbreaking.
My mother insists my ex wasn't abusive and that i really loved him.
My mother insists that i only want to hear what i want to, such as someone's opinions or even scripture.
You may not be able to see it, but I see selflessness in you very often when you're going through your own pain, messaging me to ask how I'm doing. And I know why you ask .... it's because you don't want to add to my suffering by sharing your own pain. I get it. But one thing that @Jostler often says ....and it is true .....love suffers. If we love someone, we are willing to suffer with them and for them. That's what love does. And that's something I see in you, too. But don't let my suffering deter you from reaching out. We are here for each other.
lilygrace
Well-Known Member
*Hugs**big hugs, sis* I pray the Lord will comfort your heart in knowing that He has placed two mothers (@truthquest and I) in your life (even though long distance) who love you and I know that both of us would physically stand for you if we could. You are worth it...you are loved and your life has purpose.
You may not be able to see it, but I see selflessness in you very often when you're going through your own pain, messaging me to ask how I'm doing. And I know why you ask .... it's because you don't want to add to my suffering by sharing your own pain. I get it. But one thing that @Jostler often says ....and it is true .....love suffers. If we love someone, we are willing to suffer with them and for them. That's what love does. And that's something I see in you, too. But don't let my suffering deter you from reaching out. We are here for each other.
Other than your suffering, i just don't want anyone to tire of me :'(
Things get old. I get old. It all gets old.
Like my mother having to deal with me having nervous breakdowns ... She said she's getting told to deal with me .. but i mean i still have to hear her dumb comments and can never enjoy family games.
"Deal with you"?? She is a huge part of the problem. She chooses to keep you suppressed and accessible to her perverted husband. She is selfish and a lazy mother.... I'm sorry, but wow.... she is using you as a scapegoat to take the blame for things she has done and allowed to continue.*Hugs*
Other than your suffering, i just don't want anyone to tire of me :'(
Things get old. I get old. It all gets old.
Like my mother having to deal with me having nervous breakdowns ... She said she's getting told to deal with me .. but i mean i still have to hear her dumb comments and can never enjoy family games.
Anyway, I'm not tired of you.
truthquest
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- May 23, 2010
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Children need good, strong, loving parents that set the right example in what is right and what is wrong, what is good and what is bad, what is acceptable and what is not acceptable, what should be allowed and what should not be allowed, to help their children have good self esteem, to have confidence, to have the desire to achieve goals, how to view and treat others in a good, kind and compassionate way, to be honest and open with their feelings and to communicate and not keep secrets because often secrets are dangerous. Most of all, parents need to teach their children about God and the scriptures because the scriptures offer instruction that is beneficial and safeguards against all kinds of problems and troubles if followed and offers comfort, hope, peace, the importance of prayer, and draws one closer to God....I came across a post on Facebook a few days ago that my youngest son had posted. It asked who had a strong mother. My son posted, "I did". I could only smile at that. Because sometimes I feel like I could have been a better mother but there were things and people working against me and against my children. I will say that I did the best I could as much as I was able to and against all odds.
On the other hand, parents who are not like those mentioned in the previous paragraph, will
most likely be abusive to their children and their children will suffer in so many ways and will have so many problems that overwhelm them, they will be without direction, they will feel betrayed and unloved, will act out, and may hurt themselves or even lose the will to live. They may become involved in crime and may end up in prison. Just to mention a few things but there are many other things that could happen.
My sons had a hard time with other boys beating them up. My youngest son especially. A boy threw a cement block on him and he was unconscious for a while after that. He was always getting picked on and beat up but as he grew older in his teens and got bigger, he could give a beating to anybody who challenged him. My oldest son was always big for his age. He didn't get beat up as much as my youngest son. Unless there was more than one boy attacking him. They are both now well over six feet tall. My oldest son is 6'4". They are both more than capable of defending themselves now. And they are very protective of me. My daughter didn't get beat up as a teenager. She could hold her own. Very few people bothered her. She was sort of like me that way.
So they were afraid of you. Well, they should be. lol People like us who have been through the things that we have and had to confront very evil people, been in some of the worst situations, had to do things to survive, had to be tough, had to be brave, had to even fight many times to protect ourselves, had to confront monsters, real monsters, been told that we would be killed repeatedly,...they should be afraid of us. We are hardened warriors. Not much scares us in comparison to all that.
I want to comment on the rest of your post but I can barely keep my eyes open. I'm exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally.
lilygrace
Well-Known Member
i wish people would kind of be afraid of me to some extent. a few people who struggled with addictions just saw me as a wimpy little crying whiner thing when deep down i felt strong.
i am very drained and im sure everyone else has been. i dont really expect an answer right away ever and sometimes i wont even remember i posted.
well my church is having a revival next month. im hoping to go. i doubt i will get to go ...or just giving thigns time to blow over i might feel more comfortable going. but being sarcastically told i told the whole church (i didnt) and i could rent a place off of the nice ladies i talk to rubbed me the wrong way. it made me not want to ever. because its more obvious i havent told any ladies or someone might have offered by now...or not. i am not entitled to someone offering me a part of their place.
it has happened in the past i had a fight with my boyfriend at the time and would be awake crying til 3 am. she would get invovled when i told her i was fine and to leave me be...we would fight and she took my phone and told me to go live with my boyfriend and his parents.
i told him this and he said "well i was going to offer you to stay with us some nights you have issues wiht them but now hearing that it makes me not want to cos they will think they gave me the idea"
sometimes i think she wants to fight cos she makes me talk when i dont want to.
i am very drained and im sure everyone else has been. i dont really expect an answer right away ever and sometimes i wont even remember i posted.
well my church is having a revival next month. im hoping to go. i doubt i will get to go ...or just giving thigns time to blow over i might feel more comfortable going. but being sarcastically told i told the whole church (i didnt) and i could rent a place off of the nice ladies i talk to rubbed me the wrong way. it made me not want to ever. because its more obvious i havent told any ladies or someone might have offered by now...or not. i am not entitled to someone offering me a part of their place.
it has happened in the past i had a fight with my boyfriend at the time and would be awake crying til 3 am. she would get invovled when i told her i was fine and to leave me be...we would fight and she took my phone and told me to go live with my boyfriend and his parents.
i told him this and he said "well i was going to offer you to stay with us some nights you have issues wiht them but now hearing that it makes me not want to cos they will think they gave me the idea"
sometimes i think she wants to fight cos she makes me talk when i dont want to.
This is exactly right!! I have experienced this type of manipulation as well. Then they take what you tell them and use it against you.
On top of all of this, my daughter is a twin and her twin was taken (at birth). I never got to bring her home and Idk what happened to her. I believe she is still alive somewhere. So that was another loss she suffered. I never mentioned it to her, but when she was 13, she came to me and said, "Mommy? Doesn't it feel like someone's missing?" (And yes, for many years, I struggled with that feeling and didn't know fully why... it was because of babies taken, and forced late term "abortions."
) Another time she asked, "Do you ever feel like you're more than kne person?" (She knew about alters, so it wasn't necessarily about that.) So when she asked questions, I felt it was time to help her understand about her twin who was taken. It helped her understand the things she was feeling.
lilygrace
Well-Known Member
On top of all of this, my daughter is a twin and her twin was taken (at birth). I never got to bring her home and Idk what happened to her. I believe she is still alive somewhere. So that was another loss she suffered. I never mentioned it to her, but when she was 13, she came to me and said, "Mommy? Doesn't it feel like someone's missing?" (And yes, for many years, I struggled with that feeling and didn't know fully why... it was because of babies taken, and forced late term "abortions."
Another time she asked, "Do you ever feel like you're more than kne person?" (She knew about alters, so it wasn't necessarily about that.) So when she asked questions, I felt it was time to help her understand about her twin who was taken. It helped her understand the things she was feeling.
lilygrace
Well-Known Member
i can delete this and apologize if this offends you....but i also was thinking that your daughter's insight must have seemed like a confirmation against possible doubts...
Shattered
Well-Known Member
"To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven." (Ecclesiastes 3:1)
Heads will spin, dear brother. We are seated with the Lord in the heavenly places even now, while we bear this cross and toil under the sun. We are the resting place of Almighty God on this earth, living stones offering spiritual sacrifices, a holy nation of kings and priests and the temple made without hands. Remember the words of the prophet Isaiah, the declaration of the Lord delivered to men:
“Heaven is My throne and the earth is the footstool for My feet.
Where then is a house you could build for Me?
And where is a place that I may rest?
For My hand made all these things,
So all these things came into being,” declares the Lord.
“But I will look to this one,
At one who is humble and contrite in spirit, and who trembles at My word."
(Isaiah 66:1-2)
The Lord declares the end from the beginning, and from ancient times things which have not been done (Isaiah 46:10).
Remember the visions, @Jostler . What did the Lord reveal to His witness, and what did He declare? There was a time when the revelation was too great for me but the Lord promised that I would understand His words in their season, and so I have.
Christ revealed my place with Him and not just my place alone, but our place. Am I the only one called to present himself before the Lord? Of course not. It's my place to be His witness as He called me but I am by no means alone before His throne. You and everyone else are there with me!
There is a time for every purpose under heaven. It's our place to wait upon the Lord because all of creation groans for the unveiling of the sons and daughters of God. We wait for the fullness of time but we're already there, brother. We already walk in two realms: the earthly and the heavenly.
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No, please don't delete ... you're absolutely right. My children have confirmed many things for me...sad to say, because it means they've experienced things I wish they never experienced. :/