Understanding MPD/DID & SRA/MK

[lilygrace]

Residential Recovery Programs • Adult & Teen Challenge

i might think about it. i have reasons why i believe residential places could now be unwise.

a friend who doesnt know a lot thinks i should try a sober living/oxford house. i do not see this as a great idea.

 

[Jostler]

@Shattered

Dear brother, is it possible that the Lord could strengthen my heart to understand the rage, and know where it comes from, even when it was directed at me? Is it possible He warned me it was coming, to brace myself? Is it possible He taught my heart to love you through it all anyway? It is possible. He has done it. I love you, very much. I will not abandon you. Yes, I have felt wounded, confused at times. But you know what? Those very strong alters who have felt it necessary to attack me, are only doing the best they know how to do, to try to PROTECT you from further trauma. I honor and respect them for that. I thank them for that.

God has already done an amazing thing with those alters. Those alters were programmed to prevent you from having your programming unraveled and healed. The Lord introduced Himself to them, and they have been changed. They no longer seek to protect the programmers ....they seek to protect you now. Massive change of heart, perspective and purpose in them already, and the Lord did it all. I knew from the beginning the Lord would restore this, and restore your friendship, understanding and fellowship with me. I am rejoicing to see that begun now, with my own eyes. Let me remind you about something we shared, that you already know. Very soon after we met, the Lord witnessed to my heart: "Hold him close, My plan is that you two will physically walk together, in this life, in the flesh, serving Me."

 

[lilygrace]

i cant even enjoy a family function of playing catch or lawn darts. cos my misses in the games are remembered more than my hits or catches. they act like they are athletic or something.

 

[Jostler]

@Shattered

I recall telling you He had witnessed that to my heart..and you shared a common witness. He told me you would become the life long friend that sticks closer than a brother, that I have never had before. Let me also remind you of something else you already know:)....just a reminder:)

How many hours have we spent talking on the phone, with the manifest presence of the Spirit flowing between us two? Strengthening, encouraging....teaching us of Himself? How many times have we had a hard time ending those calls because they blessed us both so much? How many times did we finally hang up, feeling so refreshed and alive in Him, it was hard to even get to sleep? :)

 

[TLHKAJ]

@lilygrace I see your situation and it breaks my heart. I have seen this in cult families so many times. Oftentimes, one member is singled out. I've stated this before, but it's so clear they are doing their best to create emotional stress (gaslighting, belittling, stalking, etc) so as to suppress any independence so that their deeds remain hidden.

 

[Jostler]

those encounters with Him were all very real, and very much a blessing of His strength to my life. You think I'm willing to abandon you, or even stay offended with you for long? Id cut my own foot off first :)

 

[lilygrace]

if i even make it to heaven i doubt God would say "wow you played yard games so well" no idea what He will say.
maybe how disrespectful i was to them i guess. i can handle it from him i wish he would let me know now...

@lilygrace I see your situation and it breaks my heart. I have seen this in cult families so many times. Oftentimes, one member is singled out. I've stated this before, but it's so clear they are doing their best to create emotional stress (gaslighting, belittling, stalking, etc) so as to suppress any independence so that their deeds remain hidden.

 

[Jostler]

@Shattered

if knowing you, being blessed by your presence in my life, knowing your friendship...if that means I have to face some wounding while He finishes up the work He needs to do in us....I'll take the hit....you are worth it. And i also know you never have purposely meant to harm me. He will finish everything He has begun with those rage filled alters that He has already gotten so well started. In His time, in His way, He will show them I am no threat to you. Bet me :) He finishes what He begins. Brother, you and I will be just fine, and we can be confident in that because HE will see to it. :)

 

[TLHKAJ]

if i even make it to heaven i doubt God would say "wow you played yard games so well" no idea what He will say.
maybe how disrespectful i was to them i guess. i can handle it from him i wish he would let me know now...

I think that as our Father, He delights in us just as His children. I'm sure you know this already, but we aren't getting into the kingdom by any of our good works. All He requires is that we believe on Jesus Christ and His finished work on the cross. That is ....He took all our iniquities upon Himself and paid the price.

After we receive the free gift through faith in His finished work, we are FREE, Sis. Just receive His love ....and love Him back. That's all. It doesn't mean you'll never fail. We all fail. Just take time in that knowing that He loves you right where you are. You're clean ....not because you're good, but because you're His child and the blood of Jesus has cleansed you.

I've shared the words of this song many times over the years, but I've always loved this old Southern Gospel song by the McKameys. It says...
"When He sees me, He sees the blood of the Lamb. He sees me as worthy, and not as I am. He views me in garments as white as the snow. For the Lamb of God is worthy, and He washed me - this I know."

 

[Jostler]

@Shattered

Let me tell you something I have learned (from Him) about that "rage". He is not going to take that rage out of your heart. He will take you into understanding how to endure it, and experience it in holiness, without sin. .I asked Him about how He was going to take that rage out of you and He said "I'm not going to, that is MY RAGE, and I have given him an experience of it, because he is going to need it where I am sending him. I will adjust his ability to handle it. I will not take it from him."

 

[Shattered]

There was a time when I could say only the Lord remained with me, and Becka while she was still in this world. I pray I can keep on typing through the tears but it's difficult, @Jostler .

I'm sure you won't be surprised to learn that moments after our last exchange the Lord spoke and said that we would be reconciled, but that wasn't something to attend to right away. Am I surprised to learn that the Lord prepared you to be a friend to weather the storm?

No, just astonished and in tears. Astonished and humbled by the kindness and mercy of our Lord and God who saw fit to give me a brother and friend beyond compare in you. I'd write more but I'm overwhelmed... I hope you can forgive me for that.

 

[Jostler]

No forgiveness necessary...I am rejoicing in all this....He is so very good, and His promises are faithful...I got my friend back! HALLELUJAH! Take your time:)

 

[TLHKAJ]

I am reading, @Shattered and @Jostler ..... smiling and rejoicing ....and again, in awe of the work of the Lord.

I can attest to all that @Jostler is saying because he has told me these things in our conversations. And I've watched him stand back and wait and pray ...and walk this out before the Lord, even through his own pain .....because of love.

Wow, what a testimony to the love of God flowing through His son, extended to a hurting brother. And honestly, I've been a recipient myself more than once. But this is all the Lord's doing, to teach us how to walk toward our brothers and sisters in the Lord. It's a beautiful thing!!

Much love in Christ to you both!!

 

[Jostler]

I trust He can can sort out the fact that two very, very important conversations were happening all at once :) it felt very odd with me feeling like I was interrupting Lilygrace, but He said "keep going, I'll handle any confusion ". I trust He will.

 

[lilygrace]

I trust He can can sort out the fact that two very, very important conversations were happening all at once :) it felt very odd with me feeling like I was interrupting Lilygrace, but He said "keep going, I'll handle any confusion ". I trust He will.

i would have felt selfish if otherwise was happening

 

[TLHKAJ]

I trust He can can sort out the fact that two very, very important conversations were happening all at once :) it felt very odd with me feeling like I was interrupting Lilygrace, but He said "keep going, I'll handle any confusion ". I trust He will.

i would have felt selfish if otherwise was happening

It felt very natural to me...like it all just flowed together. And it's all good. :)

 

[lilygrace]

It felt very natural to me...like it all just flowed together. And it's all good. :)

it did flow naturally...
i felt enlightened by all comments. like i learned things. an alter i think put some poeple on ignore before i didnt want. so observing these processes is helfpul

 

[lilygrace]

 

[TLHKAJ]

it did flow naturally...
i felt enlightened by all comments. like i learned things. an alter i think put some poeple on ignore before i didnt want. so observing these processes is helfpul

Even in our storms, God is working .... :)

 

[lilygrace]

tonight mom kept wanting to take pictures of me.