Understanding MPD/DID & SRA/MK

[TLHKAJ]

This being said when you mentioned "believe not to believe" I've thought that line a lot. I didn't know what that meant.

Wow, that's very interesting. @lilygrace mentioned it sounds familiar to her as well. Can you explain or put into words what that phrase makes you feel? What is it that triggers that to come up for you?

I'll share in a bit how it was for me, but I want to wait for your answer.

 

[TLHKAJ]

Sort of relieved in a sense. A way out. Way to go to sleep. To just not believe it

Makes sense. It is denial programming.
See if you can relate to what I share below....

@lilygrace @Mayflower
The phrase "believe NOT to believe" is something I overheard an alter saying inside back in 2007.

I had been struggling intensely every time I got memories. I'd begin to feel like I was doomed and that I'd go to hell for believing lies. I'd begin to go into denial, but then when I did, it would set off other things.

When I overheard an alter repeating that phrase, I knew immediately what it meant.

#1, believe NOT to believe myself.
#2, believer NOT to believe my memories.
#3, believe NOT to believe GOD.
#4, what I AM to believe is NOT to believe myself, my memories, and GOD.

What this programming did was to keep my knowledge of "evil" from coming together with my knowledge of "good" (God). This kept me from bringing the two together ...memories ("knowledge of evil") were to stay disconnected from God ("knowledge of good"). Once I understood where my struggle was rooted, it helped me a lot to combat denial. (And there are many other ways denial is programmed into alters.)

 

[TLHKAJ]

Makes sense. It is denial programming.
See if you can relate to what I share below....

@lilygrace @Mayflower
The phrase "believe NOT to believe" is something I overheard an alter saying inside back in 2007.

I had been struggling intensely every time I got memories. I'd begin to feel like I was doomed and that I'd go to hell for believing lies. I'd begin to go into denial, but then when I did, it would set off other things.

When I overheard an alter repeating that phrase, I knew immediately what it meant.

#1, believe NOT to believe myself.
#2, believer NOT to believe my memories.
#3, believe NOT to believe GOD.
#4, what I AM to believe is NOT to believe myself, my memories, and GOD.

What this programming did was to keep my knowledge of "evil" from coming together with my knowledge of "good" (God). This kept me from bringing the two together ...memories ("knowledge of evil") were to stay disconnected from God ("knowledge of good"). Once I understood where my struggle was rooted, it helped me a lot to combat denial. (And there are many other ways denial is programmed into alters.)

This programming also served to keep the Christian alters disconnected from those who were used by the cult and reinforce amnesic barriers in the mind. Interestingly, less than a year after I became aware of this programming, my front alter system began to merge and I, as a part who rarely held the front, experienced life on the outside for the first time. It was very difficult, overwhelming, but a necessary step toward healing. It served as a basis or foundation for further merging/integration of alters.

 

[lilygrace]

i can relate x

and then the past two days... my family actualy seem like nice poeple. maybe i we should get to know each other better.

 

[TLHKAJ]

Like deleting probably. But my struggle has been the duality of the memories. And feeling a little off my rocker/insane/evil

Interesting you use the word "deleting." That is another common type of denial.

One day in 2006, my landline phone went dead. It was before I had a cellphone. I drove down the road to use a payphone and call the phone company. The phone company tested my line and said nothing was wrong with it. When I returned home, my phone line was still dead. But my middle daughter (age 11 at the time) said that the phone rang while I was gone. She picked up the receiver and this is what she told me she heard..... [tap, tap, tap] ......words spoke in fast-forward...... (a command followed) "Delete this message when you're done." [tap, tap, tap]

"Delete" means to place the memory into a file labeled "deleted" ...not to be remembered.

 

[TLHKAJ]

Thanks for sharing.

There is a part of me that is childlike. Sort of small. Just trying to figure stuff out. Just scared.

How do you feel about the song? Those little parts need to be embraced.

Let me tell you something that used to happen to me A LOT especially in my early years of deprogramming. The Lord would call me to spend time in His presence and I would feel such excitement and anticipation to be in His presence....no special or elaborate words, but just to be loved and love Him back. So I'd shut myself into my room and start to focus on Him ....and before long, little ones would be popping out all over the place, often in crisis or coming forward with trauma, etc. I would feel so frustrated that my prayer time was interrupted with "falling apart" until the Lord spoke to my heart..... "Suffer the little children to come unto Me. Forbid them not. They want to be in My presence too." And so, I learned that some of my most powerful times of healing were these times when He called me into His presence, and I witnessed His love and gentleness with my little ones. I learned to love them too. Often, merging would take place during those times or shortly after. My littles (child alters) began to really look forward to those times, and when I went to bed ....my Bible and a teddy bear were on my bed, which both were a huge comfort to littles. When I went to bed, they'd pop out (copresent with me) ...hug my Bible and say, "Mmmmmmmmmm!" :) lol

 

[TLHKAJ]

i can relate x

and then the past two days... my family actualy seem like nice poeple. maybe i we should get to know each other better.

I'm glad I could help put words to it that you can relate to. I hope it helps.

I know it's extremely difficult to deal with the duality in your family ....the Jekyll and Hyde thing .... it's kinda crazy making and that's the whole purpose of it, to make you doubt what happened.

 

[Shattered]

The truth is what the Spirit of God leads us into, not away from cloaked in denial of which "positive thinking" is perhaps the most insidious. Not all afflictions are equal; we move forward from shame, not permitting anything to prevent us from standing before Christ, but Dissociative Identity Disorder is not a simple matter. Denying DID only serves to reinforce the affliction.

In the words of the Lord, a house divided against itself will not be able to stand. His mercy toward us is also His gift, for each survivor is an overcomer in Jesus Christ having endured great suffering on this earth. Our faith is in God, then, and not the good intentions of well-meaning but misguided individuals who believe they have the answer to our ills. Some of us (myself included) have alternate personalities who have memorized the scriptures... indeed, as the presenter I'm also very familiar with the scriptures.

The answer to our affliction is the power and work of the Son of the living God, both in us and even through us, leaning upon each other and helping to bear the burden of our brothers and sisters. Weep with those who weep, and embrace those who suffer. :)

 

[TLHKAJ]

The truth is what the Spirit of God leads us into, not away from cloaked in denial of which "positive thinking" is perhaps the most insidious. Not all afflictions are equal; we move forward from shame, not permitting anything to prevent us from standing before Christ, but Dissociative Identity Disorder is not a simple matter. Denying DID only serves to reinforce the affliction.

In the words of the Lord, a house divided against itself will not be able to stand. His mercy toward us is also His gift, for each survivor is an overcomer in Jesus Christ having endured great suffering on this earth. Our faith is in God, then, and not the good intentions of well-meaning but misguided individuals who believe they have the answer to our ills. Some of us (myself included) have alternate personalities who have memorized the scriptures... indeed, as the presenter I'm also very familiar with the scriptures.

The answer to our affliction is the power and work of the Son of the living God, both in us and even through us, leaning upon each other and helping to bear the burden of our brothers and sisters. Weep with those who weep, and embrace those who suffer. :)

Beautiful truth.

 

[TLHKAJ]

Is there a ritual half moon to full moon. Like blood line moving outside of circle? I'm not sure if it is real or not. Just eyes closed. Not sure what was going on. Eyes open. Maybe blood line moved. Board being hosed off and put back on the window. It is really strange. It could be completely false. I had so much junk in my head as a child. Strange imaginations. I was so relieved when I became saved and was delivered from that.

Idk exactly what you're asking. Are you asking if there are rituals on certain moon phases? If so, the answer is yes.

Let me ask you something.... how do you suppose those things were in your mind as a child? Do you think you were just that evil? What do you think about the scripture that admonishes parents to train up a child in the way they should go? Childrearing is important to God. How would a child even know this stuff unless they experienced them?

If your daughter came to you saying someone molested her, would you believe her?

 

[TLHKAJ]

Bible talks about a youth's imagination is wicked from the youth up. It is why He hasn't destroyed the earth again.

Then why would you believe your daughter if she told you someone molested her? She could have just imagined it.

I'm trying to help you see the logic and make connections. Why do you think God said to train up a child in the way he should go?

Do you realize that satanic worship, child sacrifice, temple prostitution, etc, are all in the Bible? Were those just imaginations or were those real things that happened?

 

[TLHKAJ]

Like moving symbols. Like dual memory. Like the line in the middle and after whatever it was the line moved outside the circle. Like half moon to full moon.

The symbols were in blood? If you saw any symbol in blood, or things related to the moon, I'd say there was an occult connection. I'm still trying to figure out what you mean by "moving symbols."

 

[truthquest]

Bible talks about a youth's imagination is wicked from the youth up. It is why He hasn't destroyed the earth again.

Here's what Jesus said about children.

Matthew 18:3
And said, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.

Mark 10:13-16
And they were bringing children to him that he might touch them, and the disciples rebuked them. But when Jesus saw it, he was indignant and said to them, “Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.” And he took them in his arms and blessed them, laying his hands on them.

Matthew 18:1-35
At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. “Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, ...

 

[TLHKAJ]

Like the blood circle with line. But the symbol changed afterwards. Outside. It doesn't make sense. This is what I mean. What y'all talked about is covers right? So how can you tell the truth from the false in some of this.

As far as cover memories, that is not talking about ritual memories as cover memories. A cover memory in my experience was actually something that happened. Cover memories aren't always created with virtual reality. Most often, it's as simple as one alter experiencing being taken on a camping trip, or a vacation, and at night, a deeper alter is cued and subjected to ritual activity. The conscious memory is, "We went on vacation." That is like a cover over the memories of the rituals that took place during that vacation. This happened to me as a child. Also, bloodline children being taken on a trip to Disneyland. The fun stuff is a cover. What they don't consciously remember is that they endured programming sessions after hours. Those memories would be deeper, held by deeper alters. Cover memories are very often true events that happened. Being a cover memory doesn't make them untrue. And they would NEVER use ritual activity as a cover. The whole purpose is to cover over the memories of rituals. Not the opposite.

 

[TLHKAJ]

I'm fixing to go to the library and then the fair today with the family.

I partly feel like apologizing like I'm unsure what good can come from this.

The good that can come from this is your freedom and healing. As long as you hold onto it and harbor it inside, it is festering. It needs to be brought to the light so God can bring resolution.

 

[truthquest]

Like how can blood move. Not smear. Just completely move. I'm unsure where offline I should talk to about this.

How do you feel about the song? Those little parts need to be embraced.

Let me tell you something that used to happen to me A LOT especially in my early years of deprogramming. The Lord would call me to spend time in His presence and I would feel such excitement and anticipation to be in His presence....no special or elaborate words, but just to be loved and love Him back. So I'd shut myself into my room and start to focus on Him ....and before long, little ones would be popping out all over the place, often in crisis or coming forward with trauma, etc. I would feel so frustrated that my prayer time was interrupted with "falling apart" until the Lord spoke to my heart..... "Suffer the little children to come unto Me. Forbid them not. They want to be in My presence too." And so, I learned that some of my most powerful times of healing were these times when He called me into His presence, and I witnessed His love and gentleness with my little ones. I learned to love them too. Often, merging would take place during those times or shortly after. My littles (child alters) began to really look forward to those times, and when I went to bed ....my Bible and a teddy bear were on my bed, which both were a huge comfort to littles. When I went to bed, they'd pop out (copresent with me) ...hug my Bible and say, "Mmmmmmmmmm!" :) lol

My littles like teddy bears too. I also bought a doll and I hold and cuddle it sometimes. It looks like a real baby and is soft and has curly brown hair. So cute. :) ( What's a 64 year old woman doing with a doll people are probably wondering)

 

[TLHKAJ]

My littles like teddy bears too. I also bought a doll and I hold and cuddle it sometimes. It looks like a real baby and is soft and has curly brown hair. So cute. :) ( What's a 64 year old woman doing with a doll people are probably wondering)

Whatever littles need to experience good, safe enjoyment ....I love it! (I still have a little teddy bear on my bed. lol ... I'm 49.) Another thing I did was to purchase a child's version of "Hinds Feet on High Places." Crayons and drawing paper are good to have, although my littles didn't use those as much as they liked to use my highlighting pens on my Bible. (Oh boy!) I think there were a few reasons for that. The main reason is, it's something well used by me and they knew I would see their work. I think also, it was their way of connecting to what was written and sharing their thoughts and feelings. (Most of it is little child scribbles, and attempts at writing.) Some also seemed to be them mimicking what I did by highlighting scriptures in my Bible.

 

[truthquest]

Thanks for sharing.

There is a part of me that is childlike. Sort of small. Just trying to figure stuff out. Just scared.

What you're saying brings back memories of something that happened to me. I had already remembered it, always remembered it. I won't say what it is now but I have mentioned it in one of my posts.

 

[Shattered]

A child cannot "imagine" a priestess of Satan, dressed in black and adorned with symbols (I've seen the symbol @Jostler shared), using a wickedly curved knife --- the likes of which he had never witnessed before --- to do unspeakable things to people bound and suspended on racks made of skin and bone. This is not something a child would dream up in the firmament of his mind.

The child would not imagine finding himself surrounded by piles of human bones crawling with snakes.

The child would never, in his wildest dreams, imagine that this ritual was intended to fashion him into rage incarnate, a mindless killer and the terror by night. I struggled with memories of the rituals (there was more than one) for quite some time, by far the most daunting challenge I've faced on this earth. Yes...

I've faced bullets and the guns of wicked men... I have walked in the shadow of death... and nothing can quite compare to the horror of those rituals.

 

[truthquest]

A child cannot "imagine" a priestess of Satan, dressed in black and adorned with symbols (I've seen the symbol @Jostler shared), using a wickedly curved knife --- the likes of which he had never witnessed before --- to do unspeakable things to people bound and suspended on racks made of skin and bone. This is not something a child would dream up in the firmament of his mind.

The child would not imagine finding himself surrounded by piles of human bones crawling with snakes.

The child would never, in his wildest dreams, imagine that this ritual was intended to fashion him into rage incarnate, a mindless killer and the terror by night. I struggled with memories of the rituals (there was more than one) for quite some time, by far the most daunting challenge I've faced on this earth. Yes...

I've faced bullets and the guns of wicked men... I have walked in the shadow of death... and nothing can quite compare to the horror of those rituals.

I've often said that those rituals are worse than any horror movie I've ever seen.
Not that I like horror movies but just saying.

I had to leave a Christian forum because somebody kept insisting that I was just repeating QAnon conspiracy theories. Why does everything have to be about politics? I could care less about politics.