Sick of Low Expectations ...for young people... for everybody

[Wrangler]

I meant to reply to this when I read the post last week.

Most people didn't expect me to speak articulately or do well in school because I was black. People seemed blown away that I enjoyed reading and being friendly. If I put a bit of effort into a subject, it also impressed.

President George W Bush referred to this as the soft bigotry of low expectations.

It was hard for me to let go of not meeting their expectation because no one else besides my husband expected me to do anything of value

What expectations did you have of yourself?

Rarely has anyone told me to give something my best effort. Ive often been told to take it easy, to stop trying to please God with my own efforts, to "try softer".

Ever compete?

In my Senior year of Indoor Track, my 4 x 440 team competed at State wide competition, placing 3rd. I was the captain of the team and ran the 2nd leg. The 1st leg was this Black guy, Conrad, who came from Jamacia several years earlier. In that State competition, it was the first time all year that he did not hand me the baton with the lead - but in 2nd place. Here is the distance each of us ran individually prior to the relay:

1st leg: 50 yards​

2nd leg: 1,000 yards​

3rd leg: 600 yards​

4th leg: 300 yards​

As the 2nd leg, I ran more than the other 3 members on the team combined in a race before our relay team race. Conrad later got into body building and after high school I attended one of his body building competitions. Anyway, back to competing, as the captain, I was a fierce competitor. In our sophomore year Conrad was on the team as I was running long distance on the track. As the non-long distance runners began goofing off, we had many miles of laps to go. Several laps Conrad got close to running into the long distance team distracted by playing handball. I sternly warned him each time. One time he back stepped into my lane as I ran into him.

Not toward him. Like a football tackler, I ran at him and knocked him down and the momentum caused him to flip head over tail. He was shocked. We were friends. A couple years before that he got into a fight with a punk who was the dominant race in our school (Italian). While I was also friends with this punk, I knew he was a punk. I told Conrad that he must feel intimitated being called racist names by a member of the largest group in the city BUT I WAS WITH HIM and told him I know who he fought was a punk and I knew Conrad's character.

With this loyalty in mind, Conrad was shocked at my actions. I yelled at him for good measure for endangering his teammates (not just me) for fooling around. After I talked with him calmly and one on one about competition. I spoke confidently about his innate ability and encouraged him to get his act together, that if he applied himself, he would doubtless succeed.

Yes, he was aware that my fierce competitive spirit was at a different level than his. Yet, I inspired him. He did apply himself.

The relay team was made up of 2 other guys, seniors, who were running track for the 1st time, but Conrad, running the 50 yard dash had earned the coaches confidence to start us off. He trained hard with and without me and said many times that he loved to train with me because he knew beating me would never come easy. For instance, one Saturday we trained at a local college. 12 intervals @ 200 yards each. The 1st and 4th leg each won twice. The 3rd leg won once. I won the other 7 intervals. (None of them could ever beat me up the 5 flights of stairs.) That was the pinnacle Conrad told me of him being hungrier than ever to take it to the next level, only winning 2 of 12 intervals with men who were not cutting him any slack.

No one on the team told Conrad to take it easy or go soft. Competition brought out the best in each of us.

 

[Wynona]

What expectations did you have of yourself?

I wanted to marry young to a strong Christian. Bonus if he wanted to be a pastor.

My husband's not a pastor but he is a strong believer. I had just turned 20 when we married. He was 19.

I did not actually care about college or a career in education or IT. I just thought I had to do that to be somebody, not waste my potential, and not dissapoint my parents.

Im so glad you had that competition with Conrad. You held him to a standard and he respected you for it.

I expect now that I become a wise and Godly wife and mother who can be the Titus 2 mentor I wish I had.

I needed both practical and spiritual advice. I believe this is a neglected ministry today. Christian women today want to be like the world and clamor for rights. They want to be pastors and march in protests.

Quiet living, serving husbands and children, being a Godly example to them, and working hard consistently to improve their lives is considered a punishment...something to be trampled on in favor of status, money, or even just a lazy pleasure seeking lifestyle.

I can try to fight to improve our world with activism and protests... but what is the impact compared to the dilligent process of helping my husband in his calling and raising Godly children who will make great choices themselves.

Ill likely die in obscurity. But my children will help heal society and not be broken from my neglect and misplaced priorities. We have enough people like that.

 

[Wrangler]

I needed both practical and spiritual advice. I believe this is a neglected ministry today.

Just read this in the chapter I’m reading of No More Christian Nice Guy. He calls the practical, of the soul.

 

[Wynona]

Just read this in the chapter I’m reading of No More Christian Nice Guy. He calls the practical, of the soul.

Why is that?

Also, who's the author? Sounds like the kind if book my husband would like.

 

[Wrangler]

Why is that?

Also, who's the author? Sounds like the kind if book my husband would like.

Paul Coughlin is the author. Your husband can get the very popular book here. The book parses the weakness of "nice" from the strength, especially masculine strength, of good. Jesus did many things that were good but not nice. We should too.

The church has become feminized and deems masculine strength "not nice." This explains why church is not a safe place for men to retain a healthy self esteem and why male attendence is 1/3 of church population. The song I passionately hate has lyrics "when I fight, I'll fight on my knees." Not me. It's a disgusting visual of passivity. (Compare to Ps 109:6-12.)

In this context, the author observes how the church has become overly spiritualized. It gives little heed to the realities of living. He even calls the notion of becoming a new creation in Christ a fantasy. Not from a spiritual perspective but denial of the soul, the practical things we need to live. As you pointed out, what we need is purpose, a reason to excel, to apply ourselves to the fullest, to struggle in a worthy cause. Christ gave us the Great Commission. He didn't tell us to fight on our knees but sell your cloak for a sword. Luke 22:36. And that he did not come to bring peace but division. Luke 12:51.

Another song proclaims that God has already won the battle. The social pressure to be "nice" and passive at its most insidious and totally wrong! I think these songs are demonically inspired to make the church as impotent as possible on a practical level, leaving us soul-less.

It is good to fight the good fight of Good versus Evil. And it is as ugly as ugly gets, as not nice as not nice gets. We have been recruited by one side and not to sit on the side lines on our knees! The biggest failure of the American church is to abstain from the most practical, the political. That damned Andy Stanley wrote a very influential book among American pastors called Not in it to win it. Such a sentiment does not resonate with men who do not speak that language. I only participate in contests to win and win big time. Or as President Donald J Trump says, to win Big League, meaning on things that matter deeply on a practical level.

In a recent podcast, John Eldridge, author of Wild At Heart, observes that demonic activity is at an all time high. He was beseiged by demons and begged Jesus to take the demons away. The message he got from our Lord was to do it ourselves now that we are strong in the faith. Christ gave us this power. It is in the Bible. And he did not give us this power to be nice and passive. Eldridge warned not merely to command demons to go away, free to attack our neighbors; command them to return to the pit of hell OR to Christ for final judgment in the Lake of Fire. He says we have this authority and we should use it.

The best practical advice is be all you can be, make the most of the time, talent and treasure God gave us for his glory and honor. For me and Conrad, 4 decades ago, it was running. For you and me now? It is passing on our wisdom and knowledge of God to the next generation. Amen.

Hope this helps.

 

[Wrangler]

My parents only real expectation of me was that I finish a university degree.... It was hard for me to let go of not meeting their expectation because no one else besides my husband expected me to do anything of value. ... because I was black

I meant to ask, what did you expect of yourself?

When I was in high school, I felt a threat of a lack of direction. All my life, I had clear direction. In 5th grade, I knew next year, I'd be in 6th grade, etc. So, I made up 4 goals for myself and this has been my moral compass, keeping me focused and driven:

1. Graduate from college.
2. Buy house by 30.
3. Pay it off by 40.
4. Retire a millionaire by the time I'm 50.

Larry Bird was said to be the most self-motivated basketball player Red Aurbach ever saw and would start his dream team with him. Many called me a perfectionist throughout my life, putting too much pressure on myself. Not sure where I got that. Perhaps, it was a gift from God. What the goals are is less important that you have them. So, that's why I ask what you expect(ed) of yourself.

 

[Wynona]

I meant to ask, what did you expect of yourself?

When I was in high school, I felt a threat of a lack of direction. All my life, I had clear direction. In 5th grade, I knew next year, I'd be in 6th grade, etc. So, I made up 4 goals for myself and this has been my moral compass, keeping me focused and driven:

1. Graduate from college.
2. Buy house by 30.
3. Pay it off by 40.
4. Retire a millionaire by the time I'm 50.

Larry Bird was said to be the most self-motivated basketball player Red Aurbach ever saw and would start his dream team with him. Many called me a perfectionist throughout my life, putting too much pressure on myself. Not sure where I got that. Perhaps, it was a gift from God. What the goals are is less important that you have them. So, that's why I ask what you expect(ed) of yourself.

I thought I answered but Ill say it here.

I expected myself to marry young to a Godly man (maybe a pastor) and to serve God at any cost. Those were the only goals that were strictly mine.