Should wives submit to their husbands?

[marksman]

Let's bring this into sharper focus. If we think about it, Paul's exhortations in Ephesians 5 don't appear to be anything new. It isn't as if Paul is bringing the church a new teaching or a new way to look at society. Even non-Christian husbands love their wives. Non-Christian wives submit to their husbands. Non-Christian children obey their parents. Paul comes from a Jewish family and we can be sure that he has heard things such as this from childhood. Nothing Paul said is anything new.

So why did Paul bring this up? Why list a series of exhortations concerning normal, expected, human interactions? Why say, "husbands love your wives" as if that wasn't going to happen anyway? Why say, "wives submit to your husbands" as if that wasn't already understood?

Answer: Paul teaches us that "in Christ" there is neither male nor female, Jew or Greek, slave or free. We are all one in Christ. All Christians love the Lord and want to follow his teaching and live in holiness. For this reason, Paul found that married couples tended to focus on serving Christ at the expense of their own marriages. Children tended to focus on serving Christ, even, perhaps, while ignoring their duties to their parents.

Rather than understanding Ephesians 5 as a list of imperatives; try understanding Ephesians 5 as a list of permissions. Paul isn't exhorting wives to submit to their husbands, he is giving them permission to submit to their husbands. Think of it in from the perspective of those who just came to saving faith and remain excited about becoming a Christian and wanting to serve the Lord.

Wife: Paul, I know that Jesus wants me to love him and serve him. Shouldn't I submit to Jesus rather than my husband?
Paul: No, because when you submit to your husband, you are also, in effect, submitting to Christ. So go ahead and submit to your husband just as you always do.

Husband: Paul, I know that Jesus wants me to love and serve him. Shouldn't I devote my time to this effort?
Paul: No, because although Jesus loves the Father, he demonstrates his love for the father through his love for the church. Therefore, you demonstrate your love for Jesus through caring and providing for your wife.

Children: Paul, does Jesus want me to obey him rather than my parents?
Paul: No, because when you obey your parents, you are obeying God, who gave your parents responsibility to care for you and raise you.

Sorry this is so long. Think of the passage as a list of permissions rather than imperatives. What is Paul saying to people who want to drop everything, and run out to preach the gospel everywhere?

A novel way to put across the point. Well done.

I have started reading articles presented by a group of Jewish Christians who are very good at explaining the background to the scriptures and why they say what they do.

The instructions given are not always obvious as to why they are given as the background to the writing of scripture was to people who were less than perfect and in some cases very uneducated, so they did need to be told what to do. Becoming believers in the messiah was a radical change for a lot of them so they did need some teaching about the demands of their new way of life because their old way of life was quite different and not particularly wholesome.

 

[marksman]

and that is how marriage is supposed to be, equal share, one never demanding of the other, the two are as one, when one is above the other it is not equal and the two are not one, as it is with Christ, His bride and Him equal share, Christ loves His bride and has demanded nothing from Her, because love makes no demands and God is love.

Are you quite sure that is what the scripture teaches?

 

[marksman]

Yes; and the husband us given the authority of having the final word in any given situation; along with the responsibility if anything goes wrong because of his decisions.

I don't have that problem. I wish I was wrong sometimes.

 

[mjrhealth]

Are you quite sure that is what the scripture teaches?

It is who God is it is who Christ is, are we to know the bible or Christ, is it Gods love we need to know or the feeling of a book in ones hands. So I guess that depends on who you think God is or Christ, or what love is about.

 

[CadyandZoe]

@CadyandZoe - what an interesting viewpoint - have to mull that over - food for thought x
It’s interesting because I came to faith three years into my marriage and I had a desire to serve the Lord, but I had to taper that with being married to a non believer. It involved making choices between what I wanted to do and what I should do - I didn’t always get it right back then and it ended up affecting the marriage. Rita xx

I hope things have gotten better?

 

[CadyandZoe]

Greetings, C&Z.

I understand what you are trying to say here, but I think that arguing for the verses not being imperatives is something of a misinterpretation. Embedded in Ephesians 5 are the words, "As the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be subject to their own husbands in everything." The church isn't given permission to be subject unto Christ. The church is given an imperative to; it is a command, and one from the Lord Himself. He is described as the King of kings and Lord of lords, and Peter used Sarah as an example of the Christian wife, in that she used to call Abraham Lord and honor him as such (1 Peter 3:6).

Granted, modern Western cultures know very little of this sort of dynamic in marriage and will reject it out of hand as evil whenever it is presented. But that is because they only know Satan's kingdom and how it operates. They do not know God or how His does, which is in love, service and self-sacrifice for those one is given charge over (Matthew 20:25-28).

Of course, you are right about the imperative. I'm not suggesting that Paul's exhortation is optional. Nonetheless, I am taking my cues from 1Corinthians chapter 7, where Paul is dealing with married couples who, in their desire to be holy and devout, have decided to remain abstinent and separated. He also deals with those who have unbelieving spouses. And the question is, the very difficult question is, "what does holiness look like in these situations?

Thanks so much for the kind correction. I appreciate it very much.

 

[Hidden In Him]

Of course, you are right about the imperative. I'm not suggesting that Paul's exhortation is optional. Nonetheless, I am taking my cues from 1Corinthians chapter 7, where Paul is dealing with married couples who, in their desire to be holy and devout, have decided to remain abstinent and separated.

I picked up on that, and I think you are correct. 1 Corinthians 7 actually contains a few exhortations that are more like encouragements than imperatives, especially Paul's advice on remaining single (1 Corinthians 7:25-26) and then the one you are referring to in v.5-6.

So good work on that! I just thought both issues were somewhat separate from what's discussed in Ephesians.

Thanks so much for the kind correction. I appreciate it very much.

We don't call it correction around here : ) Consider it just a friendly difference of opinion. But you are a welcome addition around here if you can use words like that. Not seen on the forums very often.

God bless, and thanks for the kind response.
HiH

 

[Rita]

I hope things have gotten better?

We divorced in the end because he was unfaithful many times, sadly he died of cancer last December.
We remained friends , had four great children, but some of my choices contributed to the difficulties with the marriage, I had to work through that with the Lord.
Rita xx

 

[Prayer Warrior]

@CadyandZoe - what an interesting viewpoint - have to mull that over - food for thought x
It’s interesting because I came to faith three years into my marriage and I had a desire to serve the Lord, but I had to taper that with being married to a non believer. It involved making choices between what I wanted to do and what I should do - I didn’t always get it right back then and it ended up affecting the marriage. Rita xx

That must have been very tough, but please KNOW that nobody gets it all right! I think that you are probably way ahead of many Christians because you see that you didn't get it all right.

The Christian life often involves choosing between what we want to do and what God wants us to do. Sometimes these are the same thing, but often, they are different. I think it's part of doing what Jesus said about taking up our cross daily and what Paul said--dying daily....

1 Corinthians 15:31--I declare by my rejoicing in you which I have in Christ Jesus our Lord: I die daily.
.

 

[Prayer Warrior]

Should wives submit to their husbands?

How do you define the term "submit"?

What does/doesn't it involve?

I've been pleasantly surprised by the thoughtful comments in this thread.

I believe that God set up a "chain of command" if you will for a very good reason. Husband...wife...children.... Even so, marriage is a partnership, not a dictatorship. If a man lords it over his wife, then he is not loving his wife as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her. So...it's a sign that the husband doesn't understand Christian marriage.

There's one more thing to consider. The husband ruling over the wife is part of the curse pronounced to Eve in the Garden. I don't believe that Christians are to live under this or any other curse. Jesus Christ came to set us free by redeeming us from the curses against us that resulted from sin. In fact, Paul said that He became a curse for us....

Galatians 3:13--Christ has redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us, because it is written: Everyone who is hung on a tree is cursed.
.

 

[Rita]

That must have been very tough, but please KNOW that nobody gets it all right! I think that you are probably way ahead of many Christians because you see that you didn't get it all right.

The Christian life often involves choosing between what we want to do and what God wants us to do. Sometimes these are the same thing, but often, they are different. I think it's part of doing what Jesus said about taking up our cross daily and what Paul said--dying daily....

1 Corinthians 15:31--I declare by my rejoicing in you which I have in Christ Jesus our Lord: I die daily.
.

Sadly it was only through the grief over the divorce that led me to self examine , I had to heal and you can’t do that without being real with yourself. The Lord challenged me to forgive Jeff for everything, that was a fun conversation !!
I always built bridges with Jeff, despite the hurt I felt inside, and The Lord truly used it over the years.
Rita

 

[AlsoAnne]

Yes. They do need to get out of the way of the Spirit. Most men walk way too much in the flesh and in fleshly, self-serving desires, which would agitate any spiritual woman who was told she needed to submit to it. It becomes evident to many wives that their husbands' concerns are often far less for her spiritual welfare and more about "obedience" to his earthly desires. But the top priority of a husband in scripture is to cleanse her with the washing of the water of the word, just as Christ's top priority with the Church is to teach her through His Spirit. How many Christian husbands focus upon teaching their wives solid, powerful exposition from the word as their main responsibility before God? Some do, but most do not, and yet they quickly point to the wife's responsibility to "obey their husbands in all things." Why? Because it is a lot easier to pass the buck than live up to the expectations God places upon oneself, and one's own responsibilities.

I have to say here that it has absolutely grieved my heart a few times to hear sermons from men demanding ultra-strict obedience from women in their congregations. I thought, "Dear heavens... poor women who have to sit through this mess because they were born into it, or made very poor choices in the men they chose to marry..."

Should wives submit to their husbands in all things? Yes, regardless of what the world may think of it or not. The reason is because when a Christian woman agrees to marry a Christian man, she is agreeing to become a reflection of the church in everything she does, and the man is agreeing to become a reflection of Christ Jesus in everything he does. But that actually lays the weight of the burden upon the man, not the woman, one few men seem to comprehend they have even agreed to. He has agreed to become her teacher, and be inerrant in his teachings just as Christ is. He has agreed to become her Lord, and be inerrant in every decision he makes over her life just as Christ does. He has agreed to become her husband, and exercise stewardship over her life such that he maximizes all the gifts and callings God has given her just as Christ does, so that she becomes absolutely everything she was called and created to be in Christ. If he fails in any of this, then he fails. But being human does not excuse him. He has made the decision and accepted the responsibility, and will be held accountable to God for it.

It's a humbling thing when understood properly, and if more Christian men did and accepted full responsibility, maybe their wives would be a lot more willing to submit to them in all things, seeing the incredible burden that has been laid upon their shoulders to make all the right choices, and do and say all the right things in leading the relationship.

The husband's responsibility brings me to pray so much for my husband.

 

[ChristisGod]

21 subjecting yourselves one to another in the fear of Christ.

22 Wives, [be in subjection] unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

23 For the husband is the head of the wife, and Christ also is the head of the church, [being] himself the saviour of the body.

24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so [let] the wives also [be] to their husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself up for it;

Where does it say that husbands are to submit to their wives?

ditto

 

[Ziggy]

Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

 

[ChristisGod]

Should wives submit to their husbands?

How do you define the term "submit"?
Strongs
What does/doesn't it involve?

hupotassó: to place or rank under, to subject, mid. to obey
Original Word: ὑποτάσσω
Part of Speech: Verb
Transliteration: hupotassó
Phonetic Spelling: (hoop-ot-as'-so)
Definition: to place or rank under, to subject, mid. to obey
Usage: I place under, subject to; mid, pass: I submit, put myself into subjection.

Thayers Lexicon
STRONGS NT 5293: ὑποτάσσω
ὑποτάσσω: 1 aorist ὑπεταξα; passive, perfect ὑποτεταγμαι; 2 aorist ὑπεταγην; 2 future ὑποταγήσομαι; present middle ὑποτάσσομαι; to arrange under, to subordinate; to subject, put in subjection: to subject oneself, to obey; to submit to one's control; to yield to one's admonition or advice: absolutely,

That is an easy question to answer since its Gods design for the family and marriage.

Ephesians 5:23-24
For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, His body, of which He is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Colossians 3:!8
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.

1 Peter 3:1
Wives, in the same way, submit yourselves to your husbands, so that even if they refuse to believe the word, they will be won over without words by the behavior of their wives

1 Corinthians 11:3
But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

Genesis 3:16
Then he said to the woman, “I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy, and in pain you will give birth. And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you.”

hope this helps !!!

 

[marksman]

hupotassó: to place or rank under, to subject, mid. to obey
Original Word: ὑποτάσσω
Part of Speech: Verb
Transliteration: hupotassó
Phonetic Spelling: (hoop-ot-as'-so)
Definition: to place or rank under, to subject, mid. to obey
Usage: I place under, subject to; mid, pass: I submit, put myself into subjection.

Thayers Lexicon
STRONGS NT 5293: ὑποτάσσω
ὑποτάσσω: 1 aorist ὑπεταξα; passive, perfect ὑποτεταγμαι; 2 aorist ὑπεταγην; 2 future ὑποταγήσομαι; present middle ὑποτάσσομαι; to arrange under, to subordinate; to subject, put in subjection: to subject oneself, to obey; to submit to one's control; to yield to one's admonition or advice: absolutely,

That is an easy question to answer since its Gods design for the family and marriage.

Ephesians 5:23-24
For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, His body, of which He is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Colossians 3:!8
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.

1 Peter 3:1
Wives, in the same way, submit yourselves to your husbands, so that even if they refuse to believe the word, they will be won over without words by the behavior of their wives

1 Corinthians 11:3
But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

Genesis 3:16
Then he said to the woman, “I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy, and in pain you will give birth. And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you.”

hope this helps !!!

Yes, it does because the scripture is very clear on the subject so it needs to be said. One of the reasons why the western world is in such a mess is that wives have abandoned their husbands, homes, and children for a career.