Do you have kids
@TonyChanYT? Now a grandparent of18 grandchildren, I have much experience on the topic and disagree with every "condition" you lay down.
Yes, but there are 4 conditions.
Condition #1 If the local law disallows it, then you should not do it.
The idea that government was instituted to dictate disciplining limits on parents is absurd. If there is any such local law, you have 2 problems instead of just a kid in need of discipline. Move to where freedom reigns.
Condition #2 has to do with the parent. You can't do it out of anger.
This is the "condition" I most strongly disagree with! When kids misbehave, the 1st thing they should know is that it is going to anger their father who might impose consequences they aren't going to like.
I've seen the effects of such "condition" where the kids are self-centered, only aware of their feelings, oblivious to how their actions make others feel, including adults - and why. Emotions are more primitive than other patterns of thought. Therefore, reaching your children on an emotional level must come first.
This is emotional responsibility. A topic dismissed among many so-called child experts today. One of the 1st things kids should learn about misbehavior is they have the power to keep the peace in their lives. And by abusing this power,
they are responsible for causing problems - starting with upset adults - and suffering consequences they aren't going to like.
Let me say it again, BEFORE kids experience any discipline whatsoever, the parents ought to make a primal connection between the kids behavior and their parents emotional state. The idea that punishment is doled out in a cold, calculating manner is inhumane. (I think it breads psychopathic behavior.) Any discipline should be doled out in the fiery emotional context in which the need first derived.
NO. Go to time out.
YES. Go to time out!!!
One of the most important tools parents have is escalating degrees of punishment. Knowing I could and would punish them in escalating patterns - including physically (typically only for
direct rebellion) was used to great effect as a threat much more frequently than actually imposing it. Training the children to trust the threat is imperative.
"If you don't stop doing X, then Y will happen" is given full weight when delivered with the unmistakable tone of angry resolve once carried out to deserve the child trusting the words, especially when delivered with such emotional content as tone.
Physical punishment should not be the only tool leveraged. When teaching a kid right from wrong, the emotional context is itself a form of discipline. Everyone has seen dogs look away when they are being yelled at. Not even non-humans like being yelled at.
The power is not in the words but the emotional content of the message. Only a fool would abandon powerful communication methods when needed.
If you were to talk to a dog in a cold, calculating tone about their misbehavior, they would not get it. Neither would a small child. But the emotionally laced tone is unmistakable. It's the universal language. A dog approaching you with her tail wagging and friendly eyes communicates one thing. A dog approaching you with growling, hair on back raised, and teeth exposed with a menacing look communicates another thing. (In neither case is physical contact yet made.)
Kids should be taught to want to please their parents, to want to NOT disappoint and certainly to NOT anger their parents, first and foremost - before any discipline is meted out.
Condition #3 has to do with the child. Will the punishment cause exasperation in the child? If yes, stop, Ephesians 6:
You promote a child-centric worldview, common in the west.
And what a disrespectful double standard for the parents! It's OK for the kids to anger the parents but the parents are impotent to even "exasperate" their children's delicate sensibilities? And the idea that you tie parents capacity to exasperate their children exclusively through physical discipline is completely out of context from Scripture.
You promote a world view where the children are the EMOTIONAL DICTATORS in the home.
Having said that, I agree with Ephesians 6, which does not apply to restricting physical discipline shown by Proverbs 23:13-14 having no such qualification. Ephesians 6:4, not being hard on your children, refers not to physical punishment but giving daily doses of needed discipline, i.e.,
nip the problem in the bud as opposed to 'let them get away with murder for a long time' and then come down on them. Said differently, it is absurd to suppose they only way to exasperate children is through imposing physical discipline. Ephesians 6:4 does not say this at all.
Finally, #4: if the physical punishment does not produce the corrective result, there is no point to continue.
No punishment is ever given to correct the result. I sense you tend to set up a false standard, designed to defeat what you are against.
The purpose of discipline is to connect in the child's mind their behavior to consequences.
Daily doses of loving discipline is the greatest gift parents can give their children because there is no aspect of life one can be successful without discipline.
Observing my stepdaughters laying down the law to their children, I told them it warms an old man's heart to see you give them what they need. My oldest stepdaughter confessed when she thinks about where she got the internal fortitude to do what she needed to be successful as an adult, to achieve her goals in life, she realized she got it from me.
A greater testament to my love for my children could not be expressed.
