so predestination to eternal life as the Reformed/Calvinist teach, is wrong!
The doctrine itself is not wrong. But the philosophical underpinnings is in error. But putting Calvinism aside for the moment, remember, salvation is by grace. That is, the freewill of man doesn't enter into it. If salvation rested solely on the choices we made, none of us would be saved. If God suddenly decided to treat everyone fairly, then we would all get what we deserve: eternal damnation.
Paul argues that salvation does NOT depend on the man who wills or the man who runs. Meaning, it doesn't depend on our freewill choices or our actions. If God is saving me, then my salvation depends on a choice he made, not on a choice I made.
Consider Paul's conversion experience. He, himself, voices his regret that he persecuted the church and put some believers to death. One day Jesus knocks him off of his horse, blinds him, and tells him to visit a man called Ananias. Paul remained there for three days until he received baptism and then the scales fell from his eyes. This must have been an agonizing experience as he wondered what just happened and why. I can only speculate but if Paul's conversion was anything like mine, there came a moment when Paul understood. That moment, that flash of insight, that moment of resolve and enlightenment is hard to explain, but it is as real as the day he was born. One day Paul was a murderous persecutor of the church, the next day he dedicated his live to serving the person he persecuted. The ONLY explanation for this turnabout is the grace of God and a move of the Holy Spirit in the heart of Paul.
The same is true for us. The moment God begins to save us is the moment we turn from hating him to begin to serve him with all our heart, soul, mind and spirit. We can't explain it. One moment we hated God (or we were indifferent) and the next moment we were singing his praises and dedicating our lives to his service.
Once Paul was transformed inside, he began to realize that God had prepared him for his mission from the day of his birth. Galatians 1:14-16 In this way, he realized that God had been training him for his mission his entire life. In this manner, Paul can speak about himself in terms of being "foreknown" of God. And he says, those whom God foreknew, he predestined. That is, in retrospect, one can look back over his or her own life and see that God has prepared each and every believer for the future he has set before them. Those whom God foreknew, he predestined
"to become conformed to the image of His Son."