How? (need advice)

[Cardinal1990]

How can people find it in themselves to forgive others and forget what someone said or did to them? How do people ignore difficult, ignorant, mean people?
I'm so stressed because my own brother is ALWAYS trying to start trouble with my spouse. We've been together for almost 7 years and he never liked him since day 1! I'm tired of my brother being immature always trying to start trouble! I want to say something but I'm not the type of person to start trouble.. I'm a kind person... maybe that's why they walk all over me and say whatever they want to me, but I'm tired of this. My brother and his wife made trouble for my spouse and I so many times before. I'm fed up with this, what can I do? I know sitting down with them and talking about this isn't going to help because they're the type of people who love drama. (It hurts me that they do this.... he even mocks me for being a follower of Jesus)
All of this just makes me want to cry, but what is crying going to do...
should I confront him or just leave it along and let them continue with their childish ways?
They currently don't live here but they're supposed to be moving here because they got kicked out of their house.
Their kids say things to me also, they have no respect for me whatsoever, I keep thinking maybe I should just let it all out and get mad at them and maybe they'll quit bur maybe that's what they want.. sometimes my brother is so nice to my boyfriend and as soon as my boyfriend walks away he talks crap about him.. both my brother and his wife do that. They did that to my sister and her boyfriend, and my other brother and his ex girlfriend.
I want to know what their problem is and what they have against my boyfriend and I.. I need to know.

Your advice would be very appreciated, thanks!

Praying about this...

 

[Dan57]

Forgiving doesn't mean you forget... Its impossible to forget. Also, your not obligated to forgive anyone who hasn't asked for it or who doesn't want it; "If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him" (Luke 17:3). As far as confronting the offenders, by all means, tell them that you don't appreciate them trash-talking about your boyfreind. But don't explode and do it in anger, just ask them to stop being so critical because you don't like hearing the constant negative drama about someone you care about. If they refuse to be polite and comply with your wishes, tell them that you prefer not to associate with them because their attack mode brand of conversation is depressing and insulting.. jmo

 

[Angelina]

Perhaps they are the type that can only agree on things when being critical of others. Sometimes it's a way to deflect the inadequacies/insecurities in their own lives. I would just ignore them and put it down to "sour grapes." You don't need someone's approval, you just need to stand up for yourself and your spouse... if they don't like him, tough! tell them to move on... :huh:

 

[LightMessenger]

Dear friend in Christ Jesus,

One must always remember that forgiveness is KEY to God forgiving you!

When one does not forgive and harbors ill will towards another or just cannot find it in their heart to forgive, then God is looking closely at those actions. He is quite displeased as He has taught us, through His most Divine Son Jesus Christ, to forgive one another of their transgressions. It is in forgiving others that we can breathe easier by knowing that God has also forgiven us. But if we do not forgive, God cannot forgive us either.

"For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." -- MATTHEW 6: 14-15 (KJV) ​

​

Many times people do not know how act in front of others or how to deport themselves. That can be due to a variety of reasons but I can empathize with you in your situation with your brother. I know it must be quite difficult to see this occuring time and again but you must try to make your brother understand that it is causing a real problem for you and that he must learn to control his moods and outward actions for the overall good of the entire family. He may not be cognizant of the fact that it is truly hurting you each time you see that happen.

If he does not cease that behavior the time may come when you may need to consider telling him that if he is going to continue to cause such problems in your household he may no longer be welcome there. It is expressing firm love from the heart for one you care about. He cannot hope to always be so dominant such as to hurt the family in such a manner. But the problem must first be identified to him along with your feelings in order to give him the opportunity to have a good heart-to-heart discussion with you about how changes can be made.

I will pray that God intervenes in your problem and that the deleterious effects of it can be ameliorated. Keep your faith in God strong and believe that your problem is in God's hands and has already been taken care of.

 

[Cardinal1990]

Thank you all for replying and for your advice, I appreciate it!

I think I'll just continue praying about it and let God handle it.. whatever happens will happen. BUT i will not stoop to their level.
When the time comes I will confront him without anger and settle it like adults, and if that fails than I'll just continue praying and just ignore them I guess.

I argued with him too much in the past and it never solved anything, it just made things worst.

Thanks again :)

 

[OzSpen]

How can people find it in themselves to forgive others and forget what someone said or did to them? How do people ignore difficult, ignorant, mean people?
I'm so stressed because my own brother is ALWAYS trying to start trouble with my spouse. We've been together for almost 7 years and he never liked him since day 1! I'm tired of my brother being immature always trying to start trouble! I want to say something but I'm not the type of person to start trouble.. I'm a kind person... maybe that's why they walk all over me and say whatever they want to me, but I'm tired of this. My brother and his wife made trouble for my spouse and I so many times before. I'm fed up with this, what can I do? I know sitting down with them and talking about this isn't going to help because they're the type of people who love drama. (It hurts me that they do this.... he even mocks me for being a follower of Jesus)
All of this just makes me want to cry, but what is crying going to do...
should I confront him or just leave it along and let them continue with their childish ways?
They currently don't live here but they're supposed to be moving here because they got kicked out of their house.
Their kids say things to me also, they have no respect for me whatsoever, I keep thinking maybe I should just let it all out and get mad at them and maybe they'll quit bur maybe that's what they want.. sometimes my brother is so nice to my boyfriend and as soon as my boyfriend walks away he talks crap about him.. both my brother and his wife do that. They did that to my sister and her boyfriend, and my other brother and his ex girlfriend.
I want to know what their problem is and what they have against my boyfriend and I.. I need to know.

Your advice would be very appreciated, thanks!

Praying about this...

Cardinal,

I'm a long-term Christian who has spent many years as a Christian in counselling. Based on what you have given here. I make a few suggestions:

1. Your brother is engaged in abuse of your spouse. Abuse is not just physical, but includes verbal and emotional abuse.
2. You cannot stop your brother's abuse. That is done by a decision by your brother to stop abusing. You can't change him, so don't try.
3. I'd seek a meeting among you, your spouse and your brother at some public place (coffee shop, public park with people present) to state that if the abuse continues to you or your husband or anyone in your household, he will not be allowed into your house or yard.
4. This places the onus on your brother to quit his abusive behaviour.
5. If he does not agree to this, you may need to discuss with the police how you can get an 'order' to prevent him coming onto your property.
6. Nobody should have to put up with this kind of abuse.
7. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, but it means laying down your right to get even with your brother.

I hope you don't have to get to #5, but your brother needs to know you'll take it that far if he doesn't change.

In Christ,
Oz

 

[Cardinal1990]

Cardinal,

I'm a long-term Christian who has spent many years as a Christian in counselling. Based on what you have given here. I make a few suggestions:

1. Your brother is engaged in abuse of your spouse. Abuse is not just physical, but includes verbal and emotional abuse.
2. You cannot stop your brother's abuse. That is done by a decision by your brother to stop abusing. You can't change him, so don't try.
3. I'd seek a meeting among you, your spouse and your brother at some public place (coffee shop, public park with people present) to state that if the abuse continues to you or your husband or anyone in your household, he will not be allowed into your house or yard.
4. This places the onus on your brother to quit his abusive behaviour.
5. If he does not agree to this, you may need to discuss with the police how you can get an 'order' to prevent him coming onto your property.
6. Nobody should have to put up with this kind of abuse.
7. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, but it means laying down your right to get even with your brother.

I hope you don't have to get to #5, but your brother needs to know you'll take it that far if he doesn't change.

In Christ,
Oz

Thanks for the advice.

I never thought about meeting in public, I'll see if I can get them together to talk about this.

 

[OzSpen]

Thanks for the advice.

I never thought about meeting in public, I'll see if I can get them together to talk about this.

Please remember that you need witnesses, in case your brother becomes abusive towards your spouse. Hence the need for this to happen in public. If it happens in your house, it is too open to further abuse towards your spouse.

If the public meeting does not work, it might pay for you to talk it through with a lawyer to seek his/her advice.