He's not romantic enough

[Wynona]

A lot of marriages fall apart in the first few years of having kids.

The ramping up of responsibilities and stress can really put husbands and wives to the test.

I'm tempted to focus on the big romantic gifts and words Im not getting in this season. The flowers, cards, candy, dates, and big expensive gifts are simply not happening right now. Is our marriage not romantic enough?

Wise women have learned that the Hollywood version of romance can make you miss the real life romantic things husbands do. Gratitude is the key, not unrealistic expectations.

What if your husband works a dangerous job with long hours to improve your life but refuses to work too far away because he loves coming home?

What if your man still desires you after years?

What if you still spend hours talking about the things of God and any interesting topic?

What if he fixes things?

What if his love for you isn't dependent on big shows but is steady, unchanging, and dependable? What if he believes you should already know that he loves you because it's what gets him out of bed to work and drives every decision he ever makes?

I think a lot of men are confused by our constant desire for reassurance of their love. They use logic. Why would I come straight home every day if I didn't love you?

Romantic gestures are nice. But when wives cultivate gratitude for real life love, it is way more effective for keeping a marriage strong than even a weekly date night.

 

[Wynona]

When the bills pile high and the responsibilities grow, may we who have committed to our beloved ones always treasure those vows and remember how we promised to be there faithful and true through the test of time.

 

[Windmill Charge]

A strong marriage is one where both partners communicate, expressing their needs to each other and listening to what the other is expressing.

Letting the other know that certain acts, gestures and words are very important to you is part of communicating, as is understanding what the other appreciates.
Most men want to be respected. Just as most women want to be loved. Its a question of both using the appropriate language.

 

[Rita]

Some marriages are doomed from the start, mine was but I simply didn’t know a side of my husband that run parallel to the relationship I thought we had. He use to buy gifts from time to time, but now I know they were to placate me. I accepted and gave him space when he wanted to unwind with mates, I valued that he wouldn’t drink and drive but it gave him the opportunity to have liaisons with other women. We use to communicate, and I trusted in that until I found out that he just told me what he thought I wanted to hear. I was loyal, faithful, caring ect ect , and that didn’t go unnoticed by him as until the day he died ten years after my divorce, he still respected me as a person and called me his ‘ best ex wife !!
He played a game that took me 27years to see !!
However I have never devalued those years

My twin brother has an amazing marriage - real friendship and trust , sadly they never had children but had the sadness of five pregnancies failing , one at 8months. They worked together as a team, still do.
Mutual respect is so valuable x

 

[Spyder]

While it is not the title of this thread, there is also the situation where she is not romantic enough. Men are wired differently and have needs that the woman may not feel. What happens then?

Men want not only to be respected, but may also need to be desired. Do women want to be desired as well? Their hair and makeup seem to indicate that.

 

[Wynona]

Some marriages are doomed from the start, mine was but I simply didn’t know a side of my husband that run parallel to the relationship I thought we had. He use to buy gifts from time to time, but now I know they were to placate me. I accepted and gave him space when he wanted to unwind with mates, I valued that he wouldn’t drink and drive but it gave him the opportunity to have liaisons with other women. We use to communicate, and I trusted in that until I found out that he just told me what he thought I wanted to hear. I was loyal, faithful, caring ect ect , and that didn’t go unnoticed by him as until the day he died ten years after my divorce, he still respected me as a person and called me his ‘ best ex wife !!
He played a game that took me 27years to see !!
However I have never devalued those years

My twin brother has an amazing marriage - real friendship and trust , sadly they never had children but had the sadness of five pregnancies failing , one at 8months. They worked together as a team, still do.
Mutual respect is so valuable x

I do think there are people who just aren't suited for romantic relationships or long term commitments to others. Relationship building is a skillset. Some people don't have it and never care enough to learn.

 

[Wynona]

While it is not the title of this thread, there is also the situation where she is not romantic enough. Men are wired differently and have needs that the woman may not feel. What happens then?

Men want not only to be respected, but may also need to be desired. Do women want to be desired as well? Their hair and makeup seem to indicate that.

My husband and I talk about how the culture (in the U.S and probably other western countries) now just puts all the pressure on men to be romantic.

Like how almost all holidays are catered to women. This makes a lot of sense when women work so hard all year to help their families but not if culture devolves and women now want to be spoiled "women of liesure".

Men want things too. My man's pretty good and its often easy to make him happy. I think if women have men like that, the focus should be gratitude, not an endless list of holiday expectations that end up being coerced.

 

[MA2444]

A lot of marriages fall apart in the first few years of having kids.

The ramping up of responsibilities and stress can really put husbands and wives to the test.

I'm tempted to focus on the big romantic gifts and words Im not getting in this season. The flowers, cards, candy, dates, and big expensive gifts are simply not happening right now. Is our marriage not romantic enough?

Wise women have learned that the Hollywood version of romance can make you miss the real life romantic things husbands do. Gratitude is the key, not unrealistic expectations.

What if your husband works a dangerous job with long hours to improve your life but refuses to work too far away because he loves coming home?

What if your man still desires you after years?

What if you still spend hours talking about the things of God and any interesting topic?

What if he fixes things?

What if his love for you isn't dependent on big shows but is steady, unchanging, and dependable? What if he believes you should already know that he loves you because it's what gets him out of bed to work and drives every decision he ever makes?

I think a lot of men are confused by our constant desire for reassurance of their love. They use logic. Why would I come straight home every day if I didn't love you?

Romantic gestures are nice. But when wives cultivate gratitude for real life love, it is way more effective for keeping a marriage strong than even a weekly date night.

In the early days of my marriage I relaized that women had two main complaints about men. Hey either wont get a job and is a bum, or he's always working and never around. So I tries to balance that. I had her pushing me out the door to go do that work myself instead of giving it to the employee, lol And what young guy dont learn that any girl likes the romantic guy better? Lol. And sometime, somewhere they almost always bring it up...how come you never took me dancing? So I wasnt going to have her ever be able to say that to me!

I dont know how to dance, but luckily, neither did she! So we were on even ground and it set the stage for an incredibly hilarious evening of fun! So I asked her to go dancing with me and that I will go but only if she promises to laugh at me. Well she turned me down and no amount of cajoling her could make her go. And then...about 6 months later, she was complaining to me and she came out with, and you havent even ever taken me dancing! (She forgot!) I says dont you remember?! And that shut that up, Lol!

 

[PGS11]

You have to remember hormones are involved once they start to fade things become different this is when the marriage will fail or you will get past it.When the hormones are gone you might wonder what you saw in the person in the first place.Many get past this stage and many don't it all comes down to love not hormones anymore its either there or its not..

 

[Pearl]

it all comes down to love not hormones

That is so very true. @PGS11