Today Sept 27 around 10:30 AM I was physically talking to a close IRL friend (IRLF) who is a Christian Universalist and who asked me to help her call out a longtime close toxic friend (TF) who avoids taking responsibility for their mistakes and tries to push the blame on the victim. She had to leave, so we texted afterwards. The time is 1:06 PM.
I called them toxic because TF admits it was toxic, yet fails to recognize that he’s toxic. TF says “Since I wasn’t able to provide that, the relationship was then toxic for you” Toxic for you??? Toxicity is not something subjectively experienced, it’s objectively bad! In every relationship! Riddle me this TF! In a one-to-one relationship, one side is treated in a toxic way from the other side. Who then is being toxic?
I’ve quoted TF’s texts that IRL texted me then related it -> to this article.
PhD Source:
25 toxic personality traits to spot in yourself and others
TF says “There was never any deceit” -> They gaslight you ☑ “
TF says “Correct, I’m not apologizing.” followed by paragraphs of copium -> They don't apologize ☑
TF says “The onus was not on me, as such, I hold no blame for myself” “I’m trying to make it clear that I don’t feel any blame” -> They think they are superior to others ☑
TF says -> “It’s difficult to decipher the meaning of this through the lack of tone” -> They don't understand how their behavior makes others feel ☑
TF says “If this is merely an offensive jab, then I don’t think a response is needed” -> I was coaching IRL on the texts they sent TF, so IRL’s texts have my approval.
So IRLF and I got up a bunch of psychology article links and it was so absurd how closely TF’s behavior matched it. IRLF talked about how this just became goofy so I replied “we have gone from TRAGEDY TO COMEDY MY HOMIES”. IRLF asked if she could send my commentary to TF so I gave her permission and she screenshotted it and sent it XD. I’ve been with her for a long time, so I’m glad this situation can be cathartic to her.
TF saying “while on the defensive” is just a fancy way for them to say “No I don’t like being confronted for my toxic behavior let me continue in my toxic behavior”. So, I text IRLF “can he just APOLOGIZE like the bare minimum????”.
I tell IRL they were hard carrying their relationship with TF, saying “That first part tells me “I only like being around you when times are good, but when times are bad then I’ll gladly abandon you”. True friends stick together in the good AND bad times. … [TF Name] saw you less as a person with emotions and more like some medium for his own personal entertainment, it’s sickening. … Because of your past experiences with [Other Toxic Person Name], I don’t blame you for getting manipulated. I’m pissed at [TF Name] for taking advantage of a person that comes from a vulnerable background.”
But this part from the article above speaks volume “Unfortunately, no one (not even therapists or life coaches) can fix someone else's toxic traits if the person with the toxic traits doesn't want to change. “
I was helping her text this person to expose them for their manipulative behavior, but he kept regurgitating the same points over and over again. If you want to go rightfully ham on someone, be my guest my friends, but do so for the sake of our own mental health, to vent. Don’t waste your time when someone stubbornly refuses to change themselves.
I made this the Daily Quote because I’m upset, angry and genuinely pissed because of how long TF has emotionally stressed and mistreated IRLF. She’s already suffered so much from her past toxic relationship, why trap her in another one?!?!? Since I already psychoanalyzed this toxic person, I figured I would post this as a resource to help any of you expose toxic people in your lives too.
```Romans 5:3-4 NRSVue And not only that, but we[a] also boast in our afflictions, knowing that affliction produces endurance, 4 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, ```
Remember, there are only two ways to gain emotional intelligence, to suffer yourself or to hear of the suffering of others. Those who require this learning and who refuse to listen to the stories of other people’s suffering shall surely suffer themselves. If TF continually refuses to admit their own wrongdoings, to listen to IRLF (and technically me through IRLF), then he will surely suffer.
But as we Christian Universalists know; suffering does not last forever. All shall believe in Christ and all shall be permanently saved. “God bless fr (prayer emoji)” IRLF texts me “Ayyy God bless (prayer emoji” I tell, not just her, but to all of you!