Yes, it is important to pray about, but your trust will be tested there as well, as He wants us to wait patiently after we pray, for His timing. Its like...you said it's so important to you to hear Him clearly, and of course God wants that too, but He has to address things that would hinder that first.
I asked Him for love because I could see, painfully clearly, that I lacked love and would always lack love if He didnt grant it to me. I was very sick of my own lack of love and everyone's lack of love. (At first I was only sick of everyone else's lack of love but then I saw I was the same way.) I kept praying for love over and over and then i finally settled down and waited in trust. Patient trust pleases Him because your own impatient will is put down for whatever timing He wills. I waited some months, and one day, I was quite suddenly amazed because all my anger and resentments were gone. I walked around in a daze for a few days because I had never in my life been free from my passions. I didnt know what to do and felt adrift and untethered, like...if my passions didnt rule over me and make me (and everyone around me) miserable, I didnt even know what to do! I realized it still wasnt love but I also realized it was necessary for Him to calm my passions or I could never, ever bear His love. It would be impossible. How could love and murderous anger coexist together in me? Impossible.
Anyway, a few days later, I met with the meanest and rudest treatment from a succession of people, one after another. And I recognized they were being awful, but as had been happening for days, my passion did not toss me around. And then, at some point I began to cry and couldnt figure out why I was crying. It took me a few minutes to realize I was experiencing pity for them. They were being slammed around by their passions and they couldnt escape it any more than I could before He did some strange thing in me. And there was no way I could be mad at them for how they were treating me because...He had given me an alarming gift of freedom and how could I then be mad at them for not having received that gift too? I absolutely did not do that work in me, He did it. It made me willing to keep waiting and keep trusting because I could see the good He did for me. That's selfish, I know. I'm willing to let Him do whatever He is doing in whatever timing He wants now because relief came to me, not out of great love for Him. Still waiting for love but smartly keeping my mouth shut because it's quite apparent to me now that He knows what Hes doing. He didnt grant me His love, but I know when I'm ready to bear it He will. And for the first time I experienced true pity. It has to be true pity because I never once in my life experienced pity for anyone being awful to me. My passions wouldnt allow it. I could pity someone if they weren't being mean to me but that's not the same. I pitied when someone being AWFUL to me.
