How To Become A Mean Church Lady

[Wynona]

Today, Ill be sharing a foolproof plan to becoming a well respected but mean church lady.

You will need the right kind of church but don't worry about uncomfortable things like self-examination.

Step One: Find a church with plenty of ways to serve and get plugged in as long as they're the kinds of things others can see you doing. If you do the vacuuming or camp out in the nursery too much, you will earn some praise but we can do better.

Bonus pounts if they teach that they are the only true church with the only true doctrine, and don't encourage too much personal bible reading or private prayer. Those things done without an audience or clear mean-church-lady agenda can compromise the plan.

Step Two: Dive into church committees and activities at all costs. Make sure to be so busy doing good, serving, and helping the church that you look super Christian and can avoid anyone suspecting that you don't have an actual prayer life.

Its great if your husband supports this, even if he doesn't actually enjoy the church you go to or respect the leadership. In fact, you'll be in so good with the church, that if he ever complains about a problem in the marriage to the pastor, you can just point out all his flaws and point out how spiritually immature he is compared to you.

You don't want your husband to derail your journey to meanness, so feel free to become so busy that you're too tired to have sex with him and keep the excuses coming.

Don't let him think he has wisdom to offer. Spiritual people are the ones with formal ministry training, who sound really good, not husbands who want sex or you to stop being busy or stressed out all the time.

If any church leader suggests that you should be submissive, gentle, or listen to your husbands perspective, you have clearly chosen the wrong church.

Step Three: If you have children, great. They are useful for giving you a great reputation provided they are great attenders and go to every youth activity under the sun, like it or not. Don't worry about teaching them spiritual things at home. They got youth pastors for that. The last thing you want is to lead by example. They ought to do what you say is right, not copy what you live out in front of them.

If they fail to see the greatness of church activity or even faith, there's always a spiritually immature husband to blame.

Don't feel obligated to give your children attention and nurture yourself. Just keep them busy!

Step Four: You are on your way! The stress of constant activity and pressure to maintain reputation and perform should feed into a bad temper, non-existant prayer life, and no bedroom activities with the husband to speak of. By now, that fierce disapproving scowl should come naturally.

You should be able to switch from your church persona to the real anger and pride you feel at will. But even if your church persona is mean too, it hardly matters after a while. You have become a pillar of the church and the leaders need you. They have their own goals and will have no time to correct you for harassing other members or even alienating your husband and children from Jesus with your hypocrisy.

If you're really good, you can make it your personal agenda to henpeck the pastor into running things the way you want. Yes, people will praise you for this, calling you a spitfire and a "church mother to be reckoned with".

 

[VictoryinJesus]

Today, Ill be sharing a foolproof plan to becoming a well respected but mean church lady.

You will need the right kind of church but don't worry about uncomfortable things like self-examination.

Step One: Find a church with plenty of ways to serve and get plugged in as long as they're the kinds of things others can see you doing. If you do the vacuuming or camp out in the nursery too much, you will earn some praise but we can do better.

Bonus pounts if they teach that they are the only true church with the only true doctrine, and don't encourage too much personal bible reading or private prayer. Those things done without an audience or clear mean-church-lady agenda can compromise the plan.

Step Two: Dive into church committees and activities at all costs. Make sure to be so busy doing good, serving, and helping the church that you look super Christian and can avoid anyone suspecting that you don't have an actual prayer life.

Its great if your husband supports this, even if he doesn't actually enjoy the church you go to or respect the leadership. In fact, you'll be in so good with the church, that if he ever complains about a problem in the marriage to the pastor, you can just point out all his flaws and point out how spiritually immature he is compared to you.

You don't want your husband to derail your journey to meanness, so feel free to become so busy that you're too tired to have sex with him and keep the excuses coming.

Don't let him think he has wisdom to offer. Spiritual people are the ones with formal ministry training, who sound really good, not husbands who want sex or you to stop being busy or stressed out all the time.

If any church leader suggests that you should be submissive, gentle, or listen to your husbands perspective, you have clearly chosen the wrong church.

Step Three: If you have children, great. They are useful for giving you a great reputation provided they are great attenders and go to every youth activity under the sun, like it or not. Don't worry about teaching them spiritual things at home. They got youth pastors for that. The last thing you want is to lead by example. They ought to do what you say is right, not copy what you live out in front of them.

If they fail to see the greatness of church activity or even faith, there's always a spiritually immature husband to blame.

Don't feel obligated to give your children attention and nurture yourself. Just keep them busy!

Step Four: You are on your way! The stress of constant activity and pressure to maintain reputation and perform should feed into a bad temper, non-existant prayer life, and no bedroom activities with the husband to speak of. By now, that fierce disapproving scowl should come naturally.

You should be able to switch from your church persona to the real anger and pride you feel at will. But even if your church persona is mean too, it hardly matters after a while. You have become a pillar of the church and the leaders need you. They have their own goals and will have no time to correct you for harassing other members or even alienating your husband and children from Jesus with your hypocrisy.

If you're really good, you can make it your personal agenda to henpeck the pastor into running things the way you want. Yes, people will praise you for this, calling you a spitfire and a "church mother to be reckoned with".

Speechless. Did you write this?

 

[Wynona]

Speechless. Did you write this?

I did.

 

[VictoryinJesus]

I did.

Wow! You did amazing. It really made me think on how I don’t want to become a mean church lady. It really made me think about pushing and going and doing and neglecting what really matters. Excellent writing. and I could really tell it matters to you. It really struck too about blaming husbands.

 

[Wynona]

Wow! You did amazing. It really made me think on how I don’t want to become a mean church lady. It really made me think about pushing and going and doing and neglecting what really matters. Excellent writing. and I could really tell it matters to you. It really struck too about blaming husbands.

Thank you so much! On here, Ive never seen you post a mean sentence!

I've definitely been frustrated with my husband in the past about not liking churches Ive liked and not being spiritual enough in my eyes. I have had times where Ive attempted to be his Holy Spirit and nag him into acting more righteous.

This didn't work. It just made him defensive and not want to share on spiritual topics. I finally got better advice pointing to 1 Peter 3. It calls wives to win their husbands without words and use Godly behaviour to draw them to faith.

Ive been to different kinds of churches and women's conferences and many are guilty of encouraging women to act married to the church rather than learning how to be a Godly example with their families.

The more I focused on modeling righteous behaviour myself instead of nagging or lecturing, the easier it became to see that my husband did have wisdom, and that he could help me become a better person.

 

[VictoryinJesus]

I've definitely been frustrated with my husband in the past about not liking churches Ive liked and not being spiritual enough in my eyes. I have had times where Ive attempted to be his Holy Spirit and nag him into acting more righteous.

I can relate.

This didn't work. It just made him defensive and not want to share on spiritual topics.

I can relate here too.

I finally got better advice pointing to 1 Peter 3. It calls wives to win their husbands without words and use Godly behaviour to draw them to faith.

Ive been to different kinds of churches and women's conferences and many are guilty of encouraging women to act married to the church rather than learning how to be a Godly example with their families.

Good point on encouraging women to act married to the church rather than learning how to be a Godly example with their families. Makes me think of…I can’t find the verse on teaching young women how to love their husbands?

The more I focused on modeling righteous behaviour myself instead of nagging or lecturing, the easier it became to see that my husband did have wisdom, and that he could help me become a better person.

I’m not there yet. I do need to practice this more. I’m still struggling with being judgmental. In this I can see the mean church lady…how even at the end of what you wrote she was trying to tell everyone how it should be done.

 

[Wynona]

Good point on encouraging women to act married to the church rather than learning how to be a Godly example with their families. Makes me think of…I can’t find the verse on teaching young women how to love their husbands?

Are you thinking of Titus 2:3-5?

Titus 2:3-5

King James Version

​

3 The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;
4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,
5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.


I'm having trouble formatting so sorry for the bold letters here.​

 

[Jay Ross]

Are you thinking of Titus 2:3-5?

Titus 2:3-5

King James Version

​

3 The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;
4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,
5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.


I'm having trouble formatting so sorry for the bold letters here.​

My understanding of these verses is that Titus 2:3-5 is about the "the women who have been in Christ longer" demonstrating their "holiness" to the "newer women in Christ" by how they live out their faith in Christ.

It is not about older women teaching younger women about the things of Chris., It is all about the more experienced women in Christ teaching the less experienced women in Christ by demonstrating how they live out their relationship with Christ and sharing the "wisdom" that they have gained in doing this.

Shalom

 

[VictoryinJesus]

My understanding of these verses is that Titus 2:3-5 is about the "the women who have been in Christ longer" demonstrating their "holiness" to the "newer women in Christ" by how they live out their faith in Christ.

It is not about older women teaching younger women about the things of Chris., It is all about the more experienced women in Christ teaching the less experienced women in Christ by demonstrating how they live out their relationship with Christ and sharing the "wisdom" that they have gained in doing this.

Shalom

I agree. To me it’s speaking about what Paul spoke of where “by the body of Christ” you have been made free to bear fruit unto God.

“That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,”
Connects (Imo) to
James 1:27 Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world.

To love their husbands…
If “husbands” is defined as Romans 7:1-4 , Paul taught the women on how to love …
Or do you not know, brothers-for I am speaking to those who know the law-that the law is binding on a person only as long as he lives? [2] For a married woman is bound by law to her husband while he lives, but if her husband dies she is released from the law of marriage. [3] Accordingly, she will be called an adulteress if she lives with another man while her husband is alive. But if her husband dies, she is free from that law, and if she marries another man she is not an adulteress. [4] Likewise, my brothers, you also have died to the law through the body of Christ, so that you may belong to another, to him who has been raised from the dead, in order that we may bear fruit for God.

 

[Michiah-Imla]

“These things write I unto thee, hoping to come unto thee shortly: But if I tarry long, that thou mayest know how thou oughtest to behave thyself in the house of God, which is the church of the living God, the pillar and ground of the truth.” (1 Timothy 3:14-15, KJV)

Hardly anyone knows how to behave themselves as Christians (in church, out of church).

Because everyone has a doctrine to add to the scripture.

Everyone has an opinion about what the Bible is “REALLY” teaching here and there…

“…when ye come together, every one of you hath a psalm, hath a doctrine, hath a tongue, hath a revelation, hath an interpretation…” (1 Corinthians 14:26, KJV)