- Jan 27, 2021
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No one has ever been 'too hard' on me.
Rather, Ive been coddled and praised for doing even small efforts in most areas of my life.
My parents only real expectation of me was that I finish a university degree. Even though it wasn't what I really wanted or in line with what my actual lifestyle would be, I tried to comply.
I think I met them halfway. My husband and I married when I was 20 and he was 19. So I transfered and eked out a two year technical degree in computer science. I supposed it helped me get a couple jobs but I became a housewife within a couple years.
It was hard for me to let go of not meeting their expectation because no one else besides my husband expected me to do anything of value.
Not one person, Christian or not, expected me to abstain from sex until marriage. No one expected me to commit to my first serious boyfriend.
Most people didn't expect me to speak articulately or do well in school because I was black. People seemed blown away that I enjoyed reading and being friendly. If I put a bit of effort into a subject, it also impressed.
People from my generation are expected to be irresponsible and not mature enough to marry at 18. Save the the maturing for the late 20s or early 30s. Everyone expected a string of failed relationships and for me to settle down later while balancing career, marriage, and children.
Without God in my life, I wouldn't have expected any different of myself. This is just the norm of everyone around me.
But I get sick of the norm. Someone challenge me! Even if all you do is hold me to the same standard people had just 100 years ago.
At 18, men fought wars and women ran households with no electricity, washing machines, or microwaves. They did more with six children than a lot of mothers are expected to do with one.
It was normal to maintain a healthy weight, have children within wedlock, and make eye contact with people at a young age. The word "teenager" didn't exist.
Black Americans used to have some of the highest rates of in tact families with fathers in the home. Employment was the norm, not incarceration.
Rarely has anyone told me to give something my best effort. Ive often been told to take it easy, to stop trying to please God with my own efforts, to "try softer".
Im afraid finding anyone who will challenge me...to be an excellent wife, Christian, mother, reader, homemaker, person...is nigh impossible.
We can't risk disappointment or making anyone feel bad so we just don't have standards anymore. And if we do, they all have to do with status, career, and money.
Cults grow from this. They give people standards and purpose. We crave those things, even if those standards are dead wrong. At least they seem to care. Tolerance is so close to apathy, it hurts after awhile.
Rather, Ive been coddled and praised for doing even small efforts in most areas of my life.
My parents only real expectation of me was that I finish a university degree. Even though it wasn't what I really wanted or in line with what my actual lifestyle would be, I tried to comply.
I think I met them halfway. My husband and I married when I was 20 and he was 19. So I transfered and eked out a two year technical degree in computer science. I supposed it helped me get a couple jobs but I became a housewife within a couple years.
It was hard for me to let go of not meeting their expectation because no one else besides my husband expected me to do anything of value.
Not one person, Christian or not, expected me to abstain from sex until marriage. No one expected me to commit to my first serious boyfriend.
Most people didn't expect me to speak articulately or do well in school because I was black. People seemed blown away that I enjoyed reading and being friendly. If I put a bit of effort into a subject, it also impressed.
People from my generation are expected to be irresponsible and not mature enough to marry at 18. Save the the maturing for the late 20s or early 30s. Everyone expected a string of failed relationships and for me to settle down later while balancing career, marriage, and children.
Without God in my life, I wouldn't have expected any different of myself. This is just the norm of everyone around me.
But I get sick of the norm. Someone challenge me! Even if all you do is hold me to the same standard people had just 100 years ago.
At 18, men fought wars and women ran households with no electricity, washing machines, or microwaves. They did more with six children than a lot of mothers are expected to do with one.
It was normal to maintain a healthy weight, have children within wedlock, and make eye contact with people at a young age. The word "teenager" didn't exist.
Black Americans used to have some of the highest rates of in tact families with fathers in the home. Employment was the norm, not incarceration.
Rarely has anyone told me to give something my best effort. Ive often been told to take it easy, to stop trying to please God with my own efforts, to "try softer".
Im afraid finding anyone who will challenge me...to be an excellent wife, Christian, mother, reader, homemaker, person...is nigh impossible.
We can't risk disappointment or making anyone feel bad so we just don't have standards anymore. And if we do, they all have to do with status, career, and money.
Cults grow from this. They give people standards and purpose. We crave those things, even if those standards are dead wrong. At least they seem to care. Tolerance is so close to apathy, it hurts after awhile.
