truthquest
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Understanding MPD/DID & SRA/MK
- Thread starter TLHKAJ
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I know it's difficult to deal with the ways they used christian music in twisted ways. I experienced that as well. I dealt with flashbacks and heard screams inside every time I was in a church after I was saved at age 13. I wasn't conscious of why I was seeing the flashes and hearing screams and dis my best to push them to the back of my mind. Of course, that didn't work. Nothing worked until I acknowledged the truth and faced my memories with the Lord.
For me, almost any Christian music was triggering ...hymns, choruses, and praise and worship songs alike ....as well as scripture ....because all of it was used in ritual.
I know I'm not the only survivor who experienced these things. For whatever reason, I have always had a love for Christian music and God has used it in powerful ways in my walk with Him despite the triggers. These days, I don't have such severe triggers. It takes time and a lot of strength and perseverance to work through those....so I understand where you are, @Shattered.
For me, almost any Christian music was triggering ...hymns, choruses, and praise and worship songs alike ....as well as scripture ....because all of it was used in ritual.
I know I'm not the only survivor who experienced these things. For whatever reason, I have always had a love for Christian music and God has used it in powerful ways in my walk with Him despite the triggers. These days, I don't have such severe triggers. It takes time and a lot of strength and perseverance to work through those....so I understand where you are, @Shattered.
truthquest
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I don't know about that particular song but there is a Christian song that includes the words "circle" and "the family" that I connect to things I remember that happened to me.
Yes, I know exactly what song you're talking about. I may share something in a bit that I only recently became aware of how that a Bible verse was used in a trauma/programming. I don't want to freak readers out when I say that. (I know that survivors understand.) But scripture is often used in trauma/programming. They take pleasure in twisting scripture.
Shattered
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It's hollow and meaningless to me, @TLHKAJ . Many are obsessed with feeling good, mistaking emotionalism and fervent desires with experiencing the Lord to the point of blindness. They associate the blessings of the Lord with comfort, success, and the acceptance of their peers. Therefore when trial and tribulation come they fall by the wayside, believing themselves despised by Jesus Christ because they no longer feel good... aren't comfortable... and their house collapsed in a heap. It must be the devil, they'll cry!
No one understands.
No one understands.
truthquest
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Reminds me of what Job said to his wife when he was having health problems.
Job 2:9 Then Job’s wife said to him, “Do you still retain your integrity? Curse God and die!”10 “You speak as a foolish woman speaks,” he told her. “Should we accept from God only good and not adversity?”
In all this, Job did not sin in what he said.
Jostler
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I wonder if anyone else is feeling confused? The "fog of war" is a concept coming to mind.
Jostler
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It seems the battles have begun. Just try to remind ourselves, over and over, as often as it takes - He has already won. The battle is for our minds, and our belief.
Jostler
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I'm trying to be careful what I say. Lots of triggers....lots of switching going on. In the midst of it all , remember the Lord started this battle. He will end it...he has a purpose for it. Keep your eyes on the Captain of the Host. Jercho's walls are coming down...
Jostler
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Matthew 11:28-30 NKJV — “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. “Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. “For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”
Shattered
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Share what the Lord gives to you without compromise, brother. Perhaps this might strike some as masochistic, but it's good when alternates are "triggered." I'll explain why.
The pain, the agony, the torment, and suffering are always there, @Jostler . The will of the Lord and not our own be done. It pleased Jesus Christ to refine me in the furnace so that I might become acquainted with sorrows. It was good that I wandered this earth without a place to rest my head for I do not belong to this world; it was fitting that I lost everything -- even this life -- for I was never intended to keep my life. It is good that I have been afflicted for this is the purpose of the Son of God, that His power might be displayed in me to the glory of our Father in heaven.
You have dealt well with Your servant,
O LORD, according to Your word.
Teach me good discernment and knowledge,
For I believe in Your commandments.
Before I was afflicted I went astray,
But now I keep Your word.
You are good and do good;
Teach me Your statutes.
The arrogant have forged a lie against me;
With all my heart I will observe Your precepts.
Their heart is covered with fat,
But I delight in Your law.
It is good for me that I was afflicted,
That I may learn Your statutes.
The law of Your mouth is better to me
Than thousands of gold and silver pieces.
(Psalm 119:65-71)
I embrace my portion for He is good to me,
Inclining His ear toward my voice,
Revealing Himself in tender mercy and love.
At no time has the Lord despised my suffering
For He came in my defeat and lifted me on high,
Saying, Behold the work of My hand.
Whatsoever was intended for evil I purpose for good:
Have I not declared it?
The ways of the wicked are their undoing, says the Lord,
For I redeem the time, exalting the lowly and instructing the simple,
Making the way straight in the desolate places.
I am the Lord and there is no other beside Me;
I am God and there is no one like Me,
Breathing life into dry bones;
Even into the nostrils of My servant,
One who trembles at My word.
Every trigger and every switch brings me one step closer to being made whole, brothers and sisters. Let it come! The alternates marvel at the word of the Lord for when He speaks, I hear; and not just me, the presenter, but us all. Yes, all of me.
Here is the word of the Lord to us all:
I shall make you whole again. Do not be afraid, for the day comes swiftly.
truthquest
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- May 23, 2010
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The fireworks weren't that bad. It bothered my cat more than me. Progress.
I made a post a few days ago, and for certain reasons, I deleted it. I know it triggered a certain response in you, @Shattered ...but that wasn't the main reason I deleted it. I have been working with the Lord and asking Him if I should repost it, and I am sensing that the answer is yes.
I made a conscious decision to make myself vulnerable by sharing an intimate glimpse into my process because I want to acknowledge what He is doing. And I hope that sharing like this can benefit and encourage other survivors in some way. We are all on this path of healing with the Lord.
[Repost]
First, I want to say that I don't find alters near as often as I used to, but it does still happen.
My current situation and things that have happened in my life with the loss of my son lends to a sense of being "misplaced" or having to gain new footing. Not that we lose our place in God, but it's very disorienting when you lose a child.... and on top of that, having to maneuver through less than ideal circumstances. So at times, there are outside things that trigger things internally and parts will come forward with memories.
*Possible Triggers*
So recently, I found a very young alter who was locked away in a place that was so barren. The landscape was just dusty and there was no life ...like a desert, not even a plant ....desolate. It was such a horrible feeling. I began to feel it before I knew it was coming from an alter. The feeling was as if we were completely abandoned ...in a permanent barrenness ...worse than isolation, like banishment to a place of utter desolation.
After I found her, and pushed through that sense of desolation, I began to work with her. And in working with her, I had to remind myself that this feeling wasn't true ....we weren't utterly banished and hopeless. Jesus was with us, but this alter had no concept of how to connect with Jesus. She seemed to finally realize she could, but didn't know how. She had been in that place for so long, unable to connect with anyone.
This alter had so much trouble grasping hold of Jesus, although He was right there. She began to say, "I want Him" over and over ...but didn't know how to take hold of Him. She needed something solid to grasp hold of and I felt compelled to open my Bible. I fell upon Psalm 18 and began reading.... which was very difficult, because the whole time, I was feeling that rejection and desolation very strongly. It felt very real ...
I read this....
Psalm 18:1-15 (KJV)
1 I will love thee, O LORD, my strength.
2 The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.
3 I will call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised: so shall I be saved from mine enemies.
4 The sorrows of death compassed me, and the floods of ungodly men made me afraid.
5 The sorrows of hell compassed me about: the snares of death prevented me.
6 In my distress I called upon the LORD, and cried unto my God: he heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even into his ears.
7 Then the earth shook and trembled; the foundations also of the hills moved and were shaken, because he was wroth.
8 There went up a smoke out of his nostrils, and fire out of his mouth devoured: coals were kindled by it.
9 He bowed the heavens also, and came down: and darkness was under his feet.
10 And he rode upon a cherub, and did fly: yea, he did fly upon the wings of the wind.
11 He made darkness his secret place; his pavilion round about him were dark waters and thick clouds of the skies.
12 At the brightness that was before him his thick clouds passed, hail stones and coals of fire.
13 The LORD also thundered in the heavens, and the Highest gave his voice; hail stones and coals of fire.
14 Yea, he sent out his arrows, and scattered them; and he shot out lightnings, and discomfited them.
15 Then the channels of waters were seen, and the foundations of the world were discovered at thy rebuke, O LORD, at the blast of the breath of thy nostrils.
And when I got to verse 16, something broke ...she began to weep ....
Psalm 18:16 (KJV) He sent from above, he took me, he drew me out of many waters.
...hope arose ...but also something else. She began to repeat the words over and over... "He drew me out of many waters..." ....she began to abreact, but this time, knowing Jesus was there ...it was her only way of telling me what happened. So we faced and experienced that trauma again, and Jesus was there.
The memories were death traumas ...being drowned and revived (over and over). I have a sense that they used that scripture (verse 16) in that trauma. She is one who would come forward and forget to breathe or stop breathing ... it was part of her abreaction of the traumas she was subjected to.
Jesus let us know we were never alone. We were not rejected by Him. Here is more from Psalm 18 ...
Psalm 18:16-19 (KJV)
16 He sent from above, he took me, he drew me out of many waters.
17 He delivered me from my strong enemy, and from them which hated me: for they were too strong for me.
18 They prevented me in the day of my calamity: but the LORD was my stay.
19 He brought me forth also into a large place; he delivered me, because he delighted in me.
I made a conscious decision to make myself vulnerable by sharing an intimate glimpse into my process because I want to acknowledge what He is doing. And I hope that sharing like this can benefit and encourage other survivors in some way. We are all on this path of healing with the Lord.
[Repost]
First, I want to say that I don't find alters near as often as I used to, but it does still happen.
My current situation and things that have happened in my life with the loss of my son lends to a sense of being "misplaced" or having to gain new footing. Not that we lose our place in God, but it's very disorienting when you lose a child.... and on top of that, having to maneuver through less than ideal circumstances. So at times, there are outside things that trigger things internally and parts will come forward with memories.
*Possible Triggers*
So recently, I found a very young alter who was locked away in a place that was so barren. The landscape was just dusty and there was no life ...like a desert, not even a plant ....desolate. It was such a horrible feeling. I began to feel it before I knew it was coming from an alter. The feeling was as if we were completely abandoned ...in a permanent barrenness ...worse than isolation, like banishment to a place of utter desolation.
After I found her, and pushed through that sense of desolation, I began to work with her. And in working with her, I had to remind myself that this feeling wasn't true ....we weren't utterly banished and hopeless. Jesus was with us, but this alter had no concept of how to connect with Jesus. She seemed to finally realize she could, but didn't know how. She had been in that place for so long, unable to connect with anyone.
This alter had so much trouble grasping hold of Jesus, although He was right there. She began to say, "I want Him" over and over ...but didn't know how to take hold of Him. She needed something solid to grasp hold of and I felt compelled to open my Bible. I fell upon Psalm 18 and began reading.... which was very difficult, because the whole time, I was feeling that rejection and desolation very strongly. It felt very real ...
I read this....
Psalm 18:1-15 (KJV)
1 I will love thee, O LORD, my strength.
2 The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.
3 I will call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised: so shall I be saved from mine enemies.
4 The sorrows of death compassed me, and the floods of ungodly men made me afraid.
5 The sorrows of hell compassed me about: the snares of death prevented me.
6 In my distress I called upon the LORD, and cried unto my God: he heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even into his ears.
7 Then the earth shook and trembled; the foundations also of the hills moved and were shaken, because he was wroth.
8 There went up a smoke out of his nostrils, and fire out of his mouth devoured: coals were kindled by it.
9 He bowed the heavens also, and came down: and darkness was under his feet.
10 And he rode upon a cherub, and did fly: yea, he did fly upon the wings of the wind.
11 He made darkness his secret place; his pavilion round about him were dark waters and thick clouds of the skies.
12 At the brightness that was before him his thick clouds passed, hail stones and coals of fire.
13 The LORD also thundered in the heavens, and the Highest gave his voice; hail stones and coals of fire.
14 Yea, he sent out his arrows, and scattered them; and he shot out lightnings, and discomfited them.
15 Then the channels of waters were seen, and the foundations of the world were discovered at thy rebuke, O LORD, at the blast of the breath of thy nostrils.
And when I got to verse 16, something broke ...she began to weep ....
Psalm 18:16 (KJV) He sent from above, he took me, he drew me out of many waters.
...hope arose ...but also something else. She began to repeat the words over and over... "He drew me out of many waters..." ....she began to abreact, but this time, knowing Jesus was there ...it was her only way of telling me what happened. So we faced and experienced that trauma again, and Jesus was there.
The memories were death traumas ...being drowned and revived (over and over). I have a sense that they used that scripture (verse 16) in that trauma. She is one who would come forward and forget to breathe or stop breathing ... it was part of her abreaction of the traumas she was subjected to.
Jesus let us know we were never alone. We were not rejected by Him. Here is more from Psalm 18 ...
Psalm 18:16-19 (KJV)
16 He sent from above, he took me, he drew me out of many waters.
17 He delivered me from my strong enemy, and from them which hated me: for they were too strong for me.
18 They prevented me in the day of my calamity: but the LORD was my stay.
19 He brought me forth also into a large place; he delivered me, because he delighted in me.
truthquest
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- May 23, 2010
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Phil. 4:7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
I know that to some, your post may seem random, but I totally get it. It's great to see your progress Thank you, Jesus!
I have had varying levels of healing related to July 4th and fireworks. In the past, I had littles who were drawn to them ...the vivid colors in the sky ...certain littles would become so excited around them, in a way that was unhealthy. They wanted to fly up into the colors.
It was reminiscent of "trips" where the body was being subjected to s*xual trauma and they (under influence of LSD while the song, "Afternoon Delight" was playing) would leave the body ...the music and words to the song would turn into vivid swirls or colors and a sense of euphoria as these parts flew up into the swirling colors.
So, watching fireworks was reminscent, and I love fireworks! But I have deliberately sat and watched fireworks displays and stayed copresent with littles and helped them understand how to remain in the body and find joy in the beauty, the colors, etc ...
Yesterday evening, I was in my yard doing some raking when a neighbor set off some fireworks. I immediately jumped, but it didn't go into a full-blown trigger response like it would have in the past. I just made a mental note, "Okay Lord...if I end up with flashbacks and memories, I know what triggered them." And then I moved on ....and so far, nothing has come up. Idk if anything will. I am thinking it was more of an indicator of where I am in my journey. Praise God, He has gotten me to this place and I wasn't in a bad way for days with flashbacks.
Shattered
Well-Known Member
Praise the Lord, dear sister! I'm grateful that you shared this with us all, because those blessings which fall like rain from our Father in heaven are meant for us all. Just the same, whatsoever I have heard is for us all: He came to us in our defeat and lifted us on high saying, Behold the work of My hand. It is good that we have been afflicted.
Christ refines us in the furnace like silver is refined, and tests us like gold is tried. I'll be visiting your Gospel music thread soon and will listen to as much as I possibly can. :)
One by one, what triggered and otherwise held power over me in times past is losing that power... just like fear, the Lord commands me to stand and let the worst wash over me. Courage isn't the absence of fear, it's triumph over fear. The Lord is for us, so who can stand against us?
Nothing and no one!
Shattered
Well-Known Member
Jostler
Well-Known Member
Just checking in guys...praying a lot for everyone here lately. Words have been difficult ...even though there are plenty of things on my heart I want to say.
And, on a personal note, He confronted me today with some personal sins I have to deal with. Still so much work He needs to do in me yet.. its been discouraging ..
And, on a personal note, He confronted me today with some personal sins I have to deal with. Still so much work He needs to do in me yet.. its been discouraging ..