Understanding MPD/DID & SRA/MK

[Shattered]

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You're a blessing, sister. Everyone here is a blessing!

 

[Shattered]

I am amazed at what He did for Becka before she went home. He gave her the son's love she grieved over losing all her life before she passed. He didn't explain a lot to her, but He gave her that much. A son who loved her enough to die for her, and a defense against her persecutors she had also never had...from anyone. She knows a lot more now. But that was a powerfully healing gift He gave her here.

Just as the Lord revealed Himself to all of me, Becka affected all of me. The alters love her fiercely and there are many who can't cope with the fact that she passed from this world. Of course I miss her, but I've come to terms with her passing secure in the knowledge that her suffering is over and she's with the Lord.

Others are still hurting and I've become familiar with their pain through co-presence. They're inconsolable, especially the protector alters. The Lord changed everything when He revealed Himself to us all so for the first time in their existence, the protectors devoted themselves to protecting someone other than me. Fiercely.

 

[truthquest]

You're a blessing, sister. Everyone here is a blessing!

Yes, they are and so are you.

 

[truthquest]

there is a reason why i brought up the autism concern.
i am not sayiing im not autistic but i dont know if i was understandable.
my mother is insisting that i talk to someone she knows who is a therapist for autism specifically.
im not in denial that these are my issues but i dont feel free to talk about trauma. also shes a few hundred dollars for the first few sessions.
i do not even feel its the right thing to do to go anyway to make my mom feel pacified.
it seems mean to make her feel broke. i dont know what to do. i wish i had never had nervous breakdowns recently.

Do you have problems communicating with people in person?

 

[lilygrace]

Do you have problems communicating with people in person?

sometimes. but i feel it can go either way.
my thing is i dont feel i trust my mother setting this up for me.

i told her that i really tried to get therapy recently and it was a teletherapy thing and she said that someone probably tricked me into thinking they are a therapist. im not that stupid.

 

[truthquest]

sometimes. but i feel it can go either way.

What does this mean? Can you talk to people and have a conversation in person? Do they have problems understanding you? I mean in general, I'm not referring to a therapist.

my thing is i dont feel i trust my mother setting this up for me.

Well, from what you've said about her, she doesn't seem trustworthy. But I don't know her so I can't say that for sure. I certainly don't like the way she treats you, according to what you've said. She seems to be too much like my mother.

i told her that i really tried to get therapy recently and it was a teletherapy thing and she said that someone probably tricked me into thinking they are a therapist. im not that stupid.

I'm just having a really hard time trying to understand your mother. I wish I could be of more help to you. I'm trying not to be too judgmental of your mother. But it's hard because of the things she says to you and the way she treats you.

 

[lilygrace]

I have autistic alters, @lilygrace . Autism is a spectrum, meaning there are developmental disabilities which manifest in a variety of different ways.

My autistic alters have been identified as high-functioning. They are savants, evidencing a degree of skill with a particular field of narrow interest beyond the norm. For example, one of my autistic alters whom I call the Musician is skilled with musical instruments and composing music.

The "computer" alter KZ54 is another example. His capacity with absorbing and processing data borders on the insane. KZ54 was like a quantum probability machine, precisely what my programmers intended him to be. Put something --- anything --- in front of him and KZ54 would figure it out. My handlers would check on his progress, prompting him to furnish status reports when queued. Just like a computer.

What does this mean? Can you talk to people and have a conversation in person? Do they have problems understanding you? I mean in general, I'm not referring to a therapist.

Well, from what you've said about her, she doesn't seem trustworthy. But I don't know her so I can't say that for sure. I certainly don't like the way she treats you, according to what you've said. She seems to be too much like my mother.


I'm just having a really hard time trying to understand your mother. I wish I could be of more help to you. I'm trying not to be too judgmental of your mother. But it's hard because of the things she says to you and the way she treats you.

thank you i appreciate it.
i think that i can talk to people in person . it also depends on the person.
i used to find it easier to talk online. it also depends on who.
in this thread i am able to be asked about what i mean other than someone jumping to conclusions. when other people indicate this i end up trusting them a bit.
so i think it is better not to go to this therapist if im worried about feeling monitored. it can save her money and me, time and emotional issues.

what bothers me is the fact that she seems insistent autism is my only problem and also insists i probably never talked in therapy or told them the right things.

 

[truthquest]

thank you i appreciate it.
i think that i can talk to people in person . it also depends on the person.
i used to find it easier to talk online. it also depends on who.
in this thread i am able to be asked about what i mean other than someone jumping to conclusions. when other people indicate this i end up trusting them a bit.
so i think it is better not to go to this therapist if im worried about feeling monitored. it can save her money and me, time and emotional issues.

If you don't want to go to a therapist then that's your decision and your choice and you shouldn't be forced to do it.

what bothers me is the fact that she seems insistent autism is my only problem and also insists i probably never talked in therapy or told them the right things.

Can I ask you, have you actually been diagnosed with autism? Or is that just what your mother says.
The "right things".... I would say that you talked about exactly what you needed to talk about in therapy.....Your mother is really a piece of work. ....sorry. smh

 

[Shattered]

Therapy doesn't address autism and medication doesn't treat autism. In truth, there's nothing wrong with the autistic individual. What does an autistic individual need help with?

Coping with the fallen world of men because there isn't a place for the autistic therein. However, there is a place for the autistic individual in our Father's kingdom without end. Our place is with the Lord.

 

[lilygrace]

If you don't want to go to a therapist then that's your decision and your choice and you shouldn't be forced to do it.


Can I ask you, have you actually been diagnosed with autism? Or is that just what your mother says.
The "right things".... I would say that you talked about exactly what you needed to talk about in therapy.....Your mother is really a piece of work. ....sorry. smh

i was diagnosed at 12 at a childrens hospital, i think an aunt told her she thinks i have it. then diagnosed with pddnos when i was 15

 

[truthquest]

i was diagnosed at 12 at a childrens hospital, i think an aunt told her she thinks i have it. then diagnosed with pddnos when i was 15

I had a foster mother once who said that I had mental illness. I mean heaven forbid if I spent too much time playing the piano. I enjoyed it and it was my therapy and escape from her *****abusive husband. Sometimes I would walk down the highway to an abandoned house for awhile. Or I would go into the woods and stay there awhile. She took this as mental illness, not normal, I guess. It never occurred to her why I did those things even though I told her.

I've been diagnosed with so many things. But see, I know me better than any doctor ever could or ever will. They don't get to tell me who I am or why I am the way I am. They have no clue. The doctor or physician I need is the LORD, the great physician.

 

[lilygrace]

I had a foster mother once who said that I had mental illness. I mean heaven forbid if I spent too much time playing the piano. I enjoyed it and it was my therapy and escape from her *****abusive husband. Sometimes I would walk down the highway to an abandoned house for awhile. Or I would go into the woods and stay there awhile. She took this as mental illness, not normal, I guess. It never occurred to why I did those things even though I told her.

I've been diagnosed with so many things. But see, I know me better than any doctor ever could or ever will. They don't get to tell me who I am or why I am the way I am. They have no clue.

piano is a nice therapy.
it makes sense to me.
it kind of seems like a form of gaslighting to me...

 

[lilygrace]

basically i am told i need this particular therapist cos i need to understand how my brain works......:

i was diagnosed at 12 at a childrens hospital, i think an aunt told her she thinks i have it. then diagnosed with pddnos when i was 15

 

[truthquest]

piano is a nice therapy.
it makes sense to me.

I loved playing the piano. I couldn't read notes but I played by ear. It seems like there was a piano in every foster home I was in, come to think of it.

it kind of seems like a form of gaslighting to me...

I was gaslighted constantly especially in foster care.

 

[truthquest]

basically i am told i need this particular therapist cos i need to understand how my brain works......:

Oh really. Is the therapist a neurosurgeon? Those people are so full of themselves. They really are. All they know is what they learned from a textbook and what they've been told by higher ups.

 

[lilygrace]

Oh really. Is the therapist a neurosurgeon? Those people are so full of themselves. They really are. All they know is what they learned from a textbook and what they've been told by higher ups.

im very weak spiritually lately but i know God must have wanted my brain the way it is for a reson

 

[truthquest]

im very weak spiritually lately but i know God must have wanted my brain the way it is for a reson

That just means that you're human and it's normal to struggle with all kinds of things like depression, fear, feeling discouraged, feeling lonely, feeling insecure, feeling weak, feeling sad. feeling weary, feeling anguish and so many other things.
There are examples of people in the bible who felt all these things and more. These were strong people with strong faith. But they were human with human weaknesses just like we all have.

I see your brain working just fine. You communicate very well. You express yourself very well. If there's something I'm missing, then tell me what it is. Because I don't see it.

 

[lilygrace]

That just means that you're human and it's normal to struggle with all kinds of things like depression, fear, feeling discouraged, feeling lonely, feeling insecure, feeling weak, feeling sad. feeling weary, feeling anguish and so many other things.
There are examples of people in the bible who felt all these things and more. These were strong people with strong faith. But they were human with human weaknesses just like we all have.

I see your brain working just fine. You communicate very well. You express yourself very well. If there's something I'm missing, then tell me what it is. Because I don't see it.

:)


my mother always accuses me of not communicating well...well my whole family does.
i was thinking about what you said. thank you for talking to me.

 

[lilygrace]

my browser is blocking this site since recently. it seems suspicious.

 

[Jostler]

Lilygrace, my phone sometimes does funny things that just seem weird. It makes me suspicious I'm being interfered with or hacked somehow. I'm not savvy enough to really investigate the suspicion, so, I dunno if its monitoring or not. Its always a question for anyone trying to seek freedom in this realm.