The PARODY collection #1

[St. SteVen]

--- PARODY ---

Perfect stranger: I loved your book.
St. SteVen: My what?
Perfect stranger: The Book of St. SteVen
St. SteVen: Never heard of it. Who wrote it?
Perfect stranger: You did, obviously.
St. SteVen: No, I've never heard of it.
Perfect stranger: It said nice things about you.
St. SteVen: That's nice, but I didn't write it.
Perfect stranger: You should accept it as your own.
St. SteVen: Like I said, I didn't write it.
Perfect stranger: What difference does that make?
St. SteVen: Seriously?

[

 

[St. SteVen]

--- PARODY ---

NT passage: "This happened to fulfill what was written..."
Reader: Let's check that cross reference.
OT passage: (something completely unrelated)
Reader: What the heck?
NT passage: "All Scripture is God-breathed..."
Reader: What's wrong with this picture?

[

 

[St. SteVen]

--- PARODY ---

Church with protestor picketing outside as people enter for worship.
The picket sign reads: Down with Churchianity

Church Member: What are you doing?
Protestor: Protesting against the church.
Church Member: How come?
Protestor: The church isn't functioning according to biblical example!
Church Member: Are you sure you want that?
Protestor: We should follow the Bible!
Church Member: Doesn't the Bible say we shouldn't neglect attendance.
Protestor: Yes, but there are no good churches.
Church Member: BINGO!
Protestor: What? !!!
Church Member: If you ever find the perfect church, don't join it.
Protestor: Why not?
Church Member: You'll ruin it. - LOL

[

 

[St. SteVen]

--- PARODY ---

Believer #1: Here's what I believe...
Believer #2: I completely reject you.
Believer #1: Say what?
Believer #2: Your beliefs violate who I am.
Believer #1: Maybe you shouldn't take your beliefs so personally.
Believer #2: They are my personal beliefs.
Believer #1: That's fine. But why be offended by others?
Believer #2: Your beliefs are a personal attack on me.
Believer #1: We both have a right to our own beliefs.
Believer #2: No, I reject your beliefs.
Believer #1: Isn't that rather divisive?
Believer #2: It's supposed to be.
Believer #1: Doesn't the Bible teach us to love one another?
Believer #2: Yes, but you aren't one of us.
Believer #1: "Judge not, lest ye too be judged."
Believer #2: Who are you to judge me?
Believer #1: Seriously?

[

 

[St. SteVen]

--- PARODY ---

Conversation between church leader and concerned Christian.

Church leader: What's that?
You say you really do have questions?
Were we not clear with you?
Again, no questions are allowed.

Church leader: What's that?
You question the Bible?
Only an Atheist would question the Bible.

Church leader: What's that?
You question the creation account?
Only an Atheist would question the creation account.

Church leader: What's that?
You question Baptism?
Only an Atheist would question Baptism.

Church leader: What's that?
You question eternal conscious torment?
Only an Atheist would question eternal conscious torment.

Church leader: We are the church.
We have graciously provided you with a God to believe in.
Do not bite the hand that feeds you with your impertinent questions.
We are the church.
You will respect our authority in matters of belief.

Church leader: We are the church.
Leave your questions at the door.
We are believers.
No questions allowed.
Those with doubts are unbelievers.
Unbelievers are Atheists.

Church leader: Leave by the door you entered.
Atheists are not welcome here.

[

 

[Jack]

1 Thessalonians 2:13
13 For this reason we also thank God without ceasing, because when you received the word of God which you heard from us, you welcomed it not as the word of men, but as it is in truth, the word of God,

 

[St. SteVen]

--- PARODY ---

Prospective new convert discussing with themself
the assets and liabilities of joining a church.

I heard the Gospel.
Not sure if I understand.
If I accept it, I'll have to go to church.
They'll want me to get baptized.
Shove an offer plate at me every week.
If I don't do it, I'll burn in hell forever.
I suppose I better do it.

[

 

[Jack]

--- PARODY ---

Prospective new convert discussing with themself
the assets and liabilities of joining a church.

I heard the Gospel.
Not sure if I understand.
If I accept it, I'll have to go to church.
They'll want me to get baptized.
Shove an offer plate at me every week.
If I don't do it, I'll burn in hell forever.
I suppose I better do it.

That's quite a fairy tale!

 

[St. SteVen]

That's quite a fairy tale!

It doesn't end well.

[

 

[Jack]

It doesn't end well.

It does for Bible believers. You should join us! Jesus is God and Hell Fire is EVERLASTING!

 

[St. SteVen]

--- PARODY ---

Hiker: Hey snake, was that you in the Garden?
Snake: Sss...
Hiker: Did you temp Eve?
Snake: Ssss...
Hiker: And now you go on your belly and eat dust?
Snake: Sssshut...Upp...

]

 

[Jack]

--- PARODY ---

Hiker: Hey snake, was that you in the Garden?
Snake: Sss...
Hiker: Did you temp Eve?
Snake: Ssss...
Hiker: And now you go on your belly and eat dust?
Snake: Sssshut...Upp...

]

Another victim!

Revelation 12:9
9 So the great dragon was cast out, that serpent of old, called the Devil and Satan, who deceives the whole world;