The PARODY collection #1

[St. SteVen]

--- PARODY ---

A straight son comes out to his gay parents.

Son: Dad, we need to talk.
Father: Sure son, what's on your mind?
Son: (gulp) I'm straight.
Father: Say what? ??? !!!
Son: That's right, I'm straight.
Father: Does your father know about this?
Son: No, I wanted to tell you first.
Father: I see. Better let me speak to him first.
Son: Thanks. I'm sorry, I don't mean to hurt either one of you.
Father: Yes, this is a disappointment. We thought we raised you right.
Son: You're fine. It's me. I can't deny my opposite sex attraction.
Father: What can I say? I remember coming out to my parents.
Son: Tell me what that was like.
Father: It was terrible. We didn't speak for years.
Son: Wow, I didn't know.
Father: I'm not going to treat you that way. I accept you as you are.
Son: (tears) Thanks, Dad. I love you.
Father: I'll speak with your father. Hopefully he will take it well too.
Son: I would like to bring my girlfriend home for Christmas.
Father: Whoa, you have a girlfriend? (gasp)
Son: Yes, of course.
Father: No worries. We'll get through this one step at a time.

/

 

[St. SteVen]

--- PARODY ---

Is God moral?
Or does he kill babies by the book?

I'm trying to imagine the judgement of an infant.

"Do you remember depriving your parents of sleep for weeks on end?"
Response: "Goo goo, gah gah."
"For the record, was that a 'Yes', or a 'No'?
Response: "Dah dah dah."
"So, you're blaming your father?"
Response: "Thhatttttz." (tongue noise)

]

 

[St. SteVen]

--- PARODY ---

You have heard that it was said to the people long ago,
"Observe the Sabbath day by keeping it holy."
But I tell you, don't leave your poor critters in the ditch, pull 'em out.
Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those who have leprosy,
drive out demons. Freely you have received; freely give.
We have work to do here people. Get off yer backside!

/

 

[St. SteVen]

--- PARODY ---

Person #1: I want to offer you forgiveness for what you have done.
Person #2: Offer?
Person #1: Yes. If you don't accept it, I will not forgive you.
Person #2: Why don't you just forgive me?
Person #1: That's not how forgiveness works.
Person #2: Since when?
Person #1: Since I read the Bible.
Person #2: Say what?
Person #1: God offers us forgiveness. But if we don't accept it we aren't forgiven.
Person #2: That's not how forgiveness works.
Person #1: Say what?
Person #2: Forgiveness should be granted regardless of my response.
The forgiveness isn't for my benefit, it's for your benefit.


Matthew 6:15 NIV
But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

]

 

[St. SteVen]

--- PARODY ---

Christian: "You're going to hell!"
Atheist: "I don't believe in hell."
Christian: "That's why you are going there."
Atheist: "Say what?"
Christian: "You and your loved ones!"
Atheist: "If there is a hell, this is it. Goodbye."

]

 

[Jack]

According to Jesus:

Matthew 13:49-50
49 So it will be at the end of the age. The angels will come forth, separate the wicked from among the just,
50 and cast them into the furnace of fire. There will be wailing and gnashing of teeth.

 

[Jack]

--- PARODY ---

Christian: "You're going to hell!"
Atheist: "I don't believe in hell."
Christian: "That's why you are going there."
Atheist: "Say what?"
Christian: "You and your loved ones!"
Atheist: "If there is a hell, this is it. Goodbye."

Christians say all that? Aren't you a Christian?

 

[St. SteVen]

Everyone will learn, now or in Hell.

A school where you learn your lesson in the first ten seconds but never graduate for all eternity?
What's the point of that except for sadist torture? Is that what God is about? Sounds like a slanderous accusation.
Are you ready to stand before God and explain yourself? Who will you have to blame?

]

 

[St. SteVen]

According to Jesus:

Matthew 13:49-50
49 So it will be at the end of the age. The angels will come forth, separate the wicked from among the just,
50 and cast them into the furnace of fire. There will be wailing and gnashing of teeth.

According to Jesus:

Mark 9:49 NIV
Everyone will be salted with fire.

]

 

[St. SteVen]

St. SteVen said:

--- PARODY ---

Christian: "You're going to hell!"
Atheist: "I don't believe in hell."
Christian: "That's why you are going there."
Atheist: "Say what?"
Christian: "You and your loved ones!"
Atheist: "If there is a hell, this is it. Goodbye."

Christians say all that?

Isn't that what you are saying?

It's a parody of what Christians actually say, yes.

]

 

[Jack]

A school where you learn your lesson in the first ten seconds but never graduate for all eternity?
What's the point of that except for sadist torture? Is that what God is about? Sounds like a slanderous accusation.

The Bible is "slanderous accusation"?

Are you ready to stand before God and explain yourself? Who will you have to blame?

What? He's gonna send me to Hell for believing Jesus? lol

Look out for YOURSELF, mocking Christians, Jesus and the Bible!

 

[Jack]

According to Jesus:

Mark 9:49 NIV
Everyone will be salted with fire.

]

Rev 20 They will be tormented day and night FOREVER!

 

[Jack]

St. SteVen said:

--- PARODY ---

Christian: "You're going to hell!"
Atheist: "I don't believe in hell."
Christian: "That's why you are going there."
Atheist: "Say what?"
Christian: "You and your loved ones!"
Atheist: "If there is a hell, this is it. Goodbye."

Isn't that what you are saying?

It's a parody of what Christians actually say, yes.

Well yeah, Christians believe Jesus. He warned us about the "everlasting fire", "tormented day and night FOREVER".

You should read the Bible some time.

 

[St. SteVen]

You should read the Bible some time.

You should read beyond the surface.

Aionios mistranslated as "eternal" or "everlasting" in Matthew 25:46.

All these verses below use the same NT Greek word, "aionios", the Greek word mistranslated as "eternal" or "everlasting" in Matthew 25:46. See bold below. This shows that "aionios" cannot mean eternal or everlasting.

Matthew 13:22
The seed falling among the thorns refers to someone who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, making it unfruitful.

Romans 12:2
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

1 Corinthians 1:20
Where is the wise person? Where is the teacher of the law? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world?

1 Corinthians 2:8
None of the rulers of this age understood it, for if they had, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory.

Ephesians 2:2
in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient.

Galatians 1:4-5 KJV
Who gave himself for our sins, that he might deliver us from this present evil world, according to the will of God and our Father:5 To whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

Luke 18:29-30
“Truly I tell you,” Jesus said to them, “no one who has left home or wife or brothers or sisters or parents or children for the sake of the kingdom of God 30 will fail to receive many times as much in this age, and in the age to come eternal life.”

Compare: Matthew 12:32; Mark 10:30; Luke 18:30; Luke 20:35; Ephesians 1:21

Aionios, the Greek word mistranslated as "eternal" and "everlasting" in the Bible (eternal hell?)

]

 

[Michiah-Imla]

Christians believe Jesus. He warned us about the "everlasting fire", "tormented day and night FOREVER".

You should read the Bible some time

Amen!

The holy scriptures are clear without any ambiguity on the fate of those who reject the truth of the gospel.

 

[St. SteVen]

The holy scriptures are clear without any ambiguity on the fate of those who reject the truth of the gospel.

Countless billions have never heard the gospel.

]

 

[Michiah-Imla]

Countless billions have never heard the gospel.

“…this gospel of the kingdom shall be preached in all the world for a witness unto all nations; and then shall the end come.” (Matthew 24:14, KJV)

When all hear the end will come.

 

[Jack]

You should read beyond the surface.

I'll take the literal Christian Bible over your opinions any day.

Aionios mistranslated as "eternal" or "everlasting" in Matthew 25:46.

So you don't believe in eternal life. Exact same Greek word, NEVER ending!

All these verses below use the same NT Greek word, "aionios", the Greek word mistranslated as "eternal" or "everlasting" in Matthew 25:46. See bold below. This shows that "aionios" cannot mean eternal or everlasting.

You're a Greek expert now? Every English translation I've read says you're wrong. What are your credentials? None maybe?

Compare: Matthew 12:32; Mark 10:30; Luke 18:30; Luke 20:35; Ephesians 1:21

Aionios, the Greek word mistranslated as "eternal" and "everlasting" in the Bible (eternal hell?)

I repeat, "So you don't believe in eternal life. Exact same Greek word, NEVER ending!" You really should stop mocking Jesus and the Bible. Judgment Day is DEAD ahead.

 

[St. SteVen]

I repeat, "So you don't believe in eternal life. Exact same Greek word, NEVER ending!" You really should stop mocking Jesus and the Bible. Judgment Day is DEAD ahead.

Eternity isn't a singular thing. It is divided into ages. One age is followed by the next.
Since you are so fond of literal translation, you should check out Young's Literal Translation.

Matthew 25:46 Young's Literal Translation
And these shall go away to punishment age-during, but the righteous to life age-during.'

--- More scripture to support eternity divided into ages ---

Mark 10:30 NIV
will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age: homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields—along with persecutions—and in the age to come eternal life.

Matthew 12:32 NIV
Anyone who speaks a word against the Son of Man will be forgiven, but anyone who speaks against the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven, either in this age or in the age to come.

Ephesians 2:7 NIV
in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus.

]

 

[Jack]

Eternity isn't a singular thing.

So you don't believe in eternal life! You have my sympathy!

It is divided into ages. One age is followed by the next.
Since you are so fond of literal translation, you should check out Young's Literal Translation.

Matthew 25:46 Young's Literal Translation
And these shall go away to punishment age-during, but the righteous to life age-during.'

--- More scripture to support eternity divided into ages ---

Mark 10:30 NIV
will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age: homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields—along with persecutions—and in the age to come eternal life.

Matthew 12:32 NIV
Anyone who speaks a word against the Son of Man will be forgiven, but anyone who speaks against the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven, either in this age or in the age to come.

Ephesians 2:7 NIV
in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus.

Rev 20 They will be tormented day and night FOREVER ...