The PARODY collection #1

[St. SteVen]

Oftentimes I have written these parodies to make a point.

I thought a topic with them all in one place would be interesting to some. (and aggravating to others) - LOL

--- PARODY ---

Person #1: Receive the free gift of eternal life.
Person #2: No thanks.
Person #1: I said it was free.
Person #2: There must be some strings attached.
Person #1: Well, of course.
Person #2: It's not a free gift then, right?
Person #1: You had better take it... or else!
Person #2: Say what?
Person #1: Otherwise you will be incinerated!
Person #2: What sort of free gift is that?

Indeed.

]

 

[St. SteVen]

--- PARODY ---

Person #1: That's against the law!
Person #2: Say what?
Person #1: What you are doing is against the law in Georgia.
Person #2: I'm not too concerned.
Person #1: Why not? !!!
Person #2: We're in Montana right now.
Person #1: That's no excuse!
Person #2: LOL

/

 

[St. SteVen]

--- PARODY ---

God: Welcome to the afterlife.
Person: Who are you?
God: I created you for my own purposes.
Person: Like what?
God: For destruction.
Person: What does that mean?
God: You will be annihilated.
Person: Why?
God: It was my choice for you.
Person: What did I do to deserve this?
God: You were born a sinner.
Person: Not by my choice.
God: Right. By my choice.
Person: Was that fair?
God: It doesn't matter. You can't stop me.
Person: Who did you say you were again?
You sound more like the Devil than God.

/

 

[St. SteVen]

--- PARODY ---

Son: I wish I had never been born!
Mom: Oh, my. You shouldn't talk that way.
Son: That's how I feel.
Mom: What's wrong, dear?
Son: Can't I just go back where I came from?
Mom: Say what? !!!

/

 

[St. SteVen]

--- PARODY ---

The Welcome Wagon

Christian neighbor: Welcome to the neighbor. I brought you a plate of cookies.
New neighbor: Thank you, that's very kind.
Christian neighbor: We noticed while you were moving in that you wear rainbow T-Shirts and such.
New neighbor: Uh... yes, I suppose we do. ???
Christian neighbor: I need to warn you about the judgment of God.
New neighbor: Say what? !!!
Christian neighbor: LGBTQ people will burn in hell.
New neighbor: Here are your cookies back. We don't want them.
Christian neighbor: Was it something I said?
New neighbor: Ya think? !!!

/

 

[St. SteVen]

--- PARODY ---

Imagined conversation between Jesus and a distraught mother in heaven. (parody)

Mother: Lord, I was remembering my child.
Jesus: Yes, I can see her now in torment.
Mother: When will it end?
Jesus: Hell is forever.
Mother: Is there no hope for my child?
Jesus: Sorry, no hope for those in hell.
Mother: Surely my child has been punished enough by now.
Jesus: No, unbelief is an eternal crime.
Mother: I would gladly trade places with my child.
Jesus: I couldn't do that to you.
Mother: Why can you do it to my child?
Jesus: They are my enemy.
Mother: Didn't you teach us to love our enemies?
Jesus: Hmm... you got me there.

/

 

[St. SteVen]

--- PARODY ---

Serpent: Did God really say... ?
Eve: He said don't eat and don't touch.
Adam: Oops, my bad, I said don't touch.
Eve: What?! God didn't say that? !!!
Adam: No, I added that because
I know you like to touch things without thinking.
Eve: So, you don't trust me? !!!
Adam: I'm looking out for our best interests. My job.
Eve: I see.
Serpent: Are you going to eat, or not? !!!
Eve: Let me check with the boss. - LOL
Adam: Scram serpent!
Serpent: Hiss... (walks away dejected)
Eve: Hey, let's check out that other tree.
Adam: Good idea!

Indeed.

/

 

[St. SteVen]

--- PARODY ---

Forum member #1: That's NOT what the Bible says!
Forum member #2: Yes it is! You have it wrong!
Forum member #1: Who should I believe, God or you?
Forum member #2: Back at you!
Forum member #1: What's your testimony?
Forum member #2: Say what?
Forum member #1: What has God done in your life?
Forum member #2: Well... when I was...
Forum member #1: Wow. That's wonderful, thanks brother!
Forum member #2: We should talk about this more often. Your turn...

/

 

[St. SteVen]

--- PARODY ---

Imagined conversation between Jesus and a distraught mother in heaven. (parody)

Mother: Lord, I was remembering my child.
Jesus: Yes, I can see her now in torment.
Mother: When will it end?
Jesus: Hell is forever.
Mother: Is there no hope for my child?
Jesus: Sorry, no hope for those in hell.
Mother: Surely my child has been punished enough by now.
Jesus: No, unbelief is an eternal crime.
Mother: I would gladly trade places with my child.
Jesus: I couldn't do that to you.
Mother: Why can you do it to my child?
Jesus: They are my enemy.
Mother: Didn't you teach us to love our enemies?
Jesus: Hmm... you got me there.

/

 

[St. SteVen]

--- PARODY ---

Sermon notes.

Church Pastor: Today's sermon text is taken from Romans chapter 8.
Church member: (raises hand) Pastor?
Church Pastor: Yes, brother Francis.
Church member: We've heard this passage preached hundreds of times.
Church Pastor: Um, is that a problem?
Church member: Yes, don't you have anything new to say?
Church Pastor: The Lord gave me this message for you.
Church member: Does God think we are dumb sheep?
Church Pastor: Well... (clears throat)
Church member: Oh, right. Please continue.

/

 

[St. SteVen]

--- Parody ---

Conversation between Christian protester and doughnut shop patron. (customer)

Patron: What are doing picketing a donut shop?
Protester: I'm protesting the sin of gluttony.
Patron: Why on earth would you do that?
Protester: Gluttony is a sin, this has to stop.
Patron: Not everyone who buys a donut is a glutton.
Protester: We can't say that for sure.
Patron: Don't you have gluttony at your church?
Protester: No, we kicked them all out, unless they would repent.
Patron: Wow, for eating donuts?
Protester: No, gluttony takes many forms.
Patron: Right, like a church pot-luck dinner?
Protester: Exactly, they are banned at our church.
Patron: Did you know that some people are born with
weight-gain issues they will never get ahead of?
Protester: That's no excuse. Sin is sin.
Patron: You look exhausted, can I buy you a donut?
Protester: Sure, just don't tell the church.
Patron: Your secret's safe with me.

/

 

[St. SteVen]

--- PARODY TIME ---

KJO reader: This is what the Word of God says.
NIV reader: Let's compare the NIV translation.
KJO reader: WHAT! ??? That's a terrible translation!
NIV reader: Are you saying it isn't the "Word of God"?
KJO reader: The NIV left verses out of the Bible!
NIV reader: No, the NIV kept the same verse numbering system
but left out verses that didn't belong there in the first place.
KJO reader: THEY REMOVED VERSES FROM THE BIBLE !!!!
NIV reader: No, that's not what happened.
KJO reader: Yes it is what HAPPENED !!!
NIV reader: Show me one.
KJO reader: Here you go.
NIV reader: My footnote accounts for that.
KJO reader: Accounts for verses removed from the Bible? ???
NIV reader: The footnote says: It does not appear in any New Testament
manuscript prior to the end of the 6th century.
KJO reader: It's NOT the Word of God !!!!
NIV reader: Seriously?

Interesting that the Bible is "the Word of God", unless someone quotes a translation you disagree with.

Do you do that?

/

 

[St. SteVen]

--- PARODY ---

Christian: You should become a Christian.
Victim: Why on earth would I want to do that?
Christian: Huh? What do you mean?
Victim: Christians are the worst people on the planet.
Christian: No, sinners like you are the worst.
Victim: Seriously?
Christian: Yes, that's what the Bible says.
Victim: Doesn't it also say not to judge others?
Christian: I'm not judging you. That will come later.
Victim: Like when?
Christian: After you die without Christ.
Victim: Are you talking about a forever burning hell?
Christian: Yes, that's where you are going.
Victim: How would you know?
Christian: Again, that's what the Bible says.
Victim: But what do you say?
Christian: I agree with the Bible.
Victim: You are proving my point about why I don't want to be a Christian.
Christian: Why not?
Victim: I don't want to be like you.

Indeed.

/

 

[St. SteVen]

--- Parody ---

Demon: Welcome to hell.
Resident: What a horrible place.
Demon: Thank you. We do our best.
Resident: Where are you taking me?
Demon: That depends.
Resident: Depends on what?
Demon: Would you prefer smoking, or nonsmoking?
Resident: Are you serious?
Demon: No. You need to get a sense of humor.

/

 

[St. SteVen]

--- PARODY ---

Christian: You should become a Christian.
Victim: Why on earth would I want to do that?
Christian: Huh? What do you mean?
Victim: Christians are the worst people on the planet.
Christian: No, sinners like you are the worst.
Victim: Seriously?
Christian: Yes, that's what the Bible says.
Victim: Doesn't it also say not to judge others?
Christian: I'm not judging you. That will come latter.
Victim: Like when?
Christian: After you die without Christ.
Victim: Are you talking about a forever burning hell?
Christian: Yes, that's where you are going.
Victim: How would you know?
Christian: Again, that's what the Bible says.
Victim: But what do you say?
Christian: I agree with the Bible.
Victim: You are proving my point about why I don't want to be a Christian.
Christian: Why not?
Victim: I don't want to be like you.

Indeed.

/

 

[Jack]

Everyone will learn, now or in Hell.

Hebrews 10:31
It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.

Matthew 25:41
Then He will also say to those on the left hand, 'Depart from Me, you cursed, into the everlasting fire prepared for the devil and his angels:

 

[St. SteVen]

--- PARODY ---

Person #1: ... and that's the gospel. Will you receive Jesus?
Person #2: Sure, but I have a question.
Person #1: No problem, what is it?
Person #2: I lost a baby. Will she be in heaven with me?
Person #1: Well... ahem (clears throat) Um... (cringe)
Person #2: Well what! ???


/

 

[St. SteVen]

--- PARODY ---

Church Greeter: Welcome to church!
Church Visitor: Thanks, my first time here.
Church Greeter: Great, we are glad you are here. One question...
Church Visitor: Uh, okay. What is it?
Church Greeter: Are you LGBTQIA+ ?
Church Visitor: Um... that's not one thing, that's at least seven things. ???
Church Greeter: We just ask that you leave that at the door when you enter this holy place.
Church Visitor: Seriously?
Church Greeter: Yes, the Bible tells us that those things are evil, we want no evil here.
Church Visitor: You do know that there is a HUGE difference between LGBQ and TIA, right?
Church Greeter: Nope, all one thing to us. Sinful, very sinful.
Church Visitor: You can argue that LGBQ is not genetic, but clearly TIA are genetic.
Church Greeter: Sorry, I'm not studied in these things.
Church Visitor: Obviously.
Church Greeter: Are you LGBTQIA+, or not?
Church Visitor: I'm pretty sure this isn't going to work. Goodbye.

Indeed. What's wrong with this picture?

]

 

[St. SteVen]

--- PARODY ---

Person#1: Jesus said I have to love you.
Person #2: Hmm... does that mean you love me, or not?
Person#1: It means I "have" to love you.
Person #2: Don't you even like me?
Person#1: Not really.
Person #2: How can you love me if you don't even like me?
Indeed.

/

 

[St. SteVen]

--- PARODY ---

Mother: Lord, I was remembering my child.
Jesus: Yes, I can see her now in torment.
Mother: When will it end?
Jesus: Hell is forever.
Mother: Is there no hope for my child?
Jesus: Sorry, no hope for those in hell.
Mother: Surely my child has been punished enough by now.
Jesus: No, unbelief is an eternal crime.
Mother: I would gladly trade places with my child.
Jesus: I couldn't do that to you.
Mother: Why can you do it to my child?
Jesus: They are my enemy.
Mother: Didn't you teach us to love our enemies?
Jesus: Hmm... you got me there.

/