If there is a "second outworking of Grace", to whom does God give such Grace? Is it a earned by sustained human effort to live righteously? But then it would be Reward, not Grace. Is it then a spiritual gift, like tongues or healing or prophesy, given sovereignly to whomever God chooses?
I believe our life is lived by faith. That we have all we have through faith in Jesus, and that if we lack, we are either lacking in faith, or awaiting our King's good pleasure.
I'm going to try to be brief, please forgive me if I lose you . . . feel free to ask me anything.
I've struggled throughout my life against the damage left from a destructive childhood, and my analogy of a "wrecked car", mine barely drives at all! Several years ago, in one of those times of abject desolation after failing in some of that struggle, I turned to the Bible for something from God, opened it, and read Psalm 129,
Psalms 129:1-4 KJV
1) A Song of degrees. Many a time have they afflicted me from my youth, may Israel now say:
2) Many a time have they afflicted me from my youth: yet they have not prevailed against me.
3) The plowers plowed upon my back: they made long their furrows.
As so often is the case, the words were straight into my soul, except I felt they HAD prevailed against me, and now I was ruined. They afflicted me . . . they deepened their furrows . . . they carved their hate and anger and worse into me . . .
4) The LORD is righteous: he hath cut asunder the cords of the wicked.
As I read the word "cut", cut the cord of the wicked, it was like something in my heart just fell away into the darkness and was gone. I felt different. I sat there wondering what just happened? I felt clean. I was afraid to hope. So I went to bed knowing that time will tell all things.
After about 3 days I was convinced. God did something amazing. I told my wife at one point it was as it I was the man I would have been had none of that ever happened. I think this is exemplary of what can happen. I was looking at my experience and drawing the wrong conclusion.
There way not a single peep from my flesh, nor was there any hesitation or question of what I should do, as I went on to walk in the Spirit continuously for about 5 or so weeks time. Love and communion with God and others, and I'm not saying I didn't sin in those days, only that I never really thought about sin, I just knew I was doing what pleased God.
I think what actually had happened was that God gave me a gift of faith to trust in Jesus for my reconciliation so completely that I was living free from law and free from sin.
Not too many days before it ended I was praying, talking with God about that one fly in the ointment . . . Derek. My friend Derek, he suffered depression, and other things. I'd related to him from the moment we met, and now, all I could tell him, Hey, I'm better, and I hope God "does it" for you too! But I wanted to share this! Yes, I love living this way, only, I want to share it! But I'm not God, and I can't "impart" this gift!
And just as I saw the moment it began, so I saw the moment it ended, the flesh returned, the struggle returned, but, now I knew something. I knew what it was like. I knew God could do this. But it ended.
After a while I began to think think that God had withdrawn His gift for the purpose that I would learn to live that faith, and then having done so, be able to teach others.
But then not too many months later, I learned some things about myself, my "condition", that triggered a very dark and deep depression that lasted about 5 weeks. And this previous experience gave me something to hold on to.
So why did it happen? I don't know, but I have an idea.
To be continued . . .
Much love!