I understand what you're saying, and generally speaking, I have had similar experiences. However, coming from a board that was hosted by a Reformed ministry and had a far higher percentage of Calvinists (I had one tell me, "I've never met an actual Arminian before"), I can also say from experience that it doesn't have to be that way. Right off the bat, I remember a dear sister and an earthy brother who held tight to the 5 points, but yet knew love and shared love. I miss them terribly, and in particular brother Pete would've made an excellent friend for LLS because he's been through some of the same things LLS is facing.
I do think that the process of making systematic theology itself is loveless and attracts those for whom the logic and order and the illusion of understanding God are more important than the relational aspect, the love thing.
(This isn't quite saying what I want to say, the way I want to say it, so I'll probably need to edit it 5 or 10 times.)