Ziggy
Well-Known Member
Yeah, I know what you mean. I love my dad but he lives on that one way street too.You mean love is a one way street. Where everyone is going the same way :) My father used to pull that saying on me when he thought I was not going his way. He did it to shame me, and that wasn't an act of love on his part.
We get into head on collisions sometimes. I guess he learned that from his mother. But my mother taught me the two way.
My two older brothers took after my dad and I guess I took after my mom.
After my mother passed away some 25 years now, I went on with my life. And he went on with his. I would call once or twice a year to say Happy whatever, birthday, holiday... but for some reason the dial out never worked on his phone. Unless one of my brothers died.
So he called me two times in 20 some odd years. He just claims he's not a phone person, so I guess it's excusable.
Eventually my life took some detours and I ended back at the roost. And sometimes he questions why I didn't stay in touch more often.
So now he has me call him every night at 6 o'clock. One night I fell asleep and I guess he tried to call but I didn't hear the phone ring.
So I was awakened by a police officer knocking on my bedroom window with a flashlight, saying my dad sent him to check on me.
Then I got blasted when I did call. That never happened again.
He gave me money one day for gasoline and with it I baught a loaf of bread. He likes his toast in the morning and I was out.
When I told him I used some of the gas money for bread he went silent. I asked what was wrong. He accused me of only being out for his money like "everyone" else. When I tried to explain the situation to him, he gave me the meanest look, the deepest voice, and there was no way I was going to win that argument. He ended up telling me it was his way or the highway. This was like 4 years ago.
He just turned 88 this year and his health is failing. He has arthritis and can hardly hold a spoon. His legs are weak and he has a hard time with his walker. He is half deaf, one ear drum was puctured as a kid when his mom was cleaning his ears. And now he is in the hospital for the second time with a bladder infection which keeps getting into his blood.
His girlfriend that he lives with, despises me. She won't even say hello.
I went to the hospital on Friday and she was there having lunch with him. The minute I walked in the room, she grabbed her bag and left without saying a word. So, whatever. I can't control other peoples feelings or actions. They can't bring me down.
So Sunday I took my dad's shaving gear with me to the hospital and gave him a good shave as soon as visiting hours started at 8am. First time I ever shaved anybody.
I put some arthritis lotion on his knees and some cream on his heal that keeps drying out and peeling. And I made sure I left the building before the witch came to visit.
She's into making crafts, sews a lot. And goes to craft fairs to sell her wares all the time. Sometimes she goes a long distance and stays for a few days, so he comes and stays with me. When he gets out of the hospital this time, he will be coming to stay with me because she needs to go out of state to see her grandson. Maybe it's a wedding or something, nobody tells me anything.
I'll go shopping before I pick him up and get whatever I think I know he likes. Set up the livingroom where his bed is and his potty, and the tv where he likes to watch his westerns. We don't talk much, because talking usually leads to uncomfortable conversations where she can do no wrong and I can do no right.
It doesn't matter. He's my father and I love him and respect him, and I know he needs me.
I believe circumstances happened the way they did for a reason and God brought me back here to take care of him.
I have enough love in my heart for the both of us.
I could walk away but I choose not to. What good would that do. And we only live this life once to be the best that we can be, regardless of how others treat us. And I know my being here iritates the hell out of her. So there's that. :)
You can't let other people dictate how you live your life. You can't allow them to control your emotions.
And I know life aint easy and a lot of times it's not fair.
But every now and then I get an "I love you" out of my dad, and that's reward enough for me.
I know when he is with me he is safe, warm, and well fed. He never falls down when he's with me. Never has to go a day with a dirty butt.
Never has to get yelled at because I know which ear is the good one. And eats healthy because I like to cook rather then eat microwave dinners and fast food.
Just seems funny, everytime he leaves me he is looking good and moving around and happy. And for some reason when he comes back, he's either been released from the hospital with gout or an infection and needs to be nursed back to health.
Florence Nightingale???
I thought about that when you mentioned it.
Florence Nightingale was an English social reformer, statistician and the founder of modern nursing. Nightingale came to prominence while serving as a manager and trainer of nurses during the Crimean War, in which she organised care for wounded soldiers at Constantinople.Wikipedia
Well, I haven't had much training at this nursing thing. I just do the best I can with what God gave me for commonsense and a heart that refuses to hold grudges.
Your the master of your own universe. You decide what you allow to lift you up or let you down. You can give in, give up, or keep moving forward. I choose to keep moving forward, and not allow others to bring me down.
It's not an easy path, but it's the one I've chosen.
And I have no regrets. I know I'm doing the best I can. And I know I'm where I'm needed most.
I still miss my mom. But I'm really glad she gave me good driving lessons.
Love is a two way street even when some people only see it as a one way. You can't let their driving skills impair your own.
HUGS