In-laws can be a blessing and a curse. We lived around one hour's car drive from one and four hours from the other. We did not have that luxury of the in-laws living nearby, i.e. five to ten minutes away, so that we call on them to help. When our kids were older, the furthest in-laws took some of our children with some of their cousin home with them for school holidays. This was great as the cousins were able to form relationships with their cousin which has lasted.
Advice that I was given too late, was that young married couples should move right away from their in-laws for a time so that they can mould and form their love for each other and strong bonds within their marriage without any influence or advice from their relatives/respective families. Once this bond of trust and respect is established in the marriage, then it is time to start mingling with their respective families within the boundaries that they, as a couple, have established for their lives.
In-laws should also not take over any of the overall responsibilities from the parents of their grandchildren as this can lead to unintentional and dysfunctional bonding issues later on in life.
I know that in-laws can be a blessing, but the in-laws need to temper this willingness to bless their married children, without taking over and undermining the confidence of their children.
Once you allow this line of responsibility to be crossed, it can be difficult to take it back without also offending the in-laws. A health balance between the In-laws and the married couple has to be established early and quickly. In-laws should also have the wisdom to know when they should also step back.
Shalom
PS: - It is never too late to set agreed boundaries around your own personal marriage and to then adopt them for your marriage's benefit.
