I been this emptiness lately. I want to turn back to God but I am worried that I am going to be let down again. If that happen I don't think I could stay as as Christian. I just need to work on many things.... I wondering if anyone would care to try to help or anything like that.
Wayne what you are experiencing right now is spiritual warfare. When you wander away from God, you walk right into Satan's trap and the way the devil works is by giving you a spirit of worthlessness and fear/shame. Are you worried that God will let you down or that you won't measure up to God's standards?
If it's the latter then it's a tool by the enemy meant to keep you in sin and away from God. I am speaking from experience and it is IMPOSSIBLE to overcome without God's help. I wish I could personally help you but knowing what I know, I won't lead you to believe that it is something that is easily overcome. There are certain things I deal with daily and what keeps me strong is God's word and talking to God privately about everything I am feeling.
Anyone that tells you that you are meant to have a prosperous and easy life is NOT of Christ.
Living for God is NOT an easy life and we aren't called to an easy life. Jesus says it all here:
Luke 9:23
[sup]23[/sup] Then he said to them all: "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me"
Jesus carried a huge and heavy cross uphill after he had been severely flogged. Thanks to him we don't have to physically do that but it gives us an idea of what we are to expect as children of God. Nothing in this life will be easy and for many it will be a daily struggle against sin. The closer you get to God, the easier it gets. God knows we, as fallen humans, have limits and that's why he says "deny ourselves" because our flesh will always work against our spiritual side.
Ask God for help trusting him and ask him to reveal himself to you in a way that only you will understand. I am living proof that he WILL do it if you open your heart and have faith in him.
Feel free to pm me if you want to talk further, Wayne.
God Bless :)