Funny family or work stories

[Debp]

Anyone have some humorous true life, personal stories to share? Life is stranger than fiction....

I was telling this one on another thread and it gave me the idea for this topic.

Back in the late 1960s two of my uncles wanted a beer and accidentally walked into a lesbian bar to get it! They soon got out of there! They were new to the city....just saw a bar and went in.

 

[Jay Ross]

While I was walking down the main street of the town where I grew up this morning, there were two elderly gentlemen discussing how now they have a happy life. The first gentleman said, "If you have a happy wife then you will have a happy life. We have lived togehter for such a long time now that this has been proved to be true."

The other gentleman replied saying, "I now am enjoying a happy life, and the wife is also happy, since we both divorced each other, so yes if the ex-wife is happy then I can also be happy and ENJOY MY LIFE NOW."




This is a true story that happened this morning while waiting for my Granddaughter's wedding to take place.

 

[Reggie Belafonte]

If one has to work at making ones wife happy, you may as well forget it !
For everyone i know who plays that card, it has failed.

You better make me happy of else !

What happened back in the old days ? where War came floods etc etc and you lost the lot ! I am out of here ! is that all your got ? it's all about ones happyness ?

I know of ones daughter who bashed her mother because her Doctor hubby could not buy her a new BMW, it was 2 years old and her friends were looking down on her, the poor thing ! so go demand money from old mummy or bash her for it ! and she did bash her ! and then got her mother locked up in a home. she lasted about 6 months in their. drugged up by who ?

I would think stand upright before ones Marriage as being joined as one or all is lost regardless. because once you become a creep you are seen as a creep !

A mate of mine would do everything for his wife to try and please her 24/7 he went way out of his way like a total moron to do it, but the Marriage failed ! she did not respect him, that was the key point ! he was like a dog.

The trendy saying, Happy wife happy life is a working of the Devil in fact and a typical stupid carnal thing to say.

 

[Debp]

If one has to work at making ones wife happy, you may as well forget it !
For everyone i know who plays that card, it has failed.

You better make me happy of else !

What happened back in the old days ? where War came floods etc etc and you lost the lot ! I am out of here ! is that all your got ? it's all about ones happyness ?

I know of ones daughter who bashed her mother because her Doctor hubby could not buy her a new BMW, it was 2 years old and her friends were looking down on her, the poor thing ! so go demand money from old mummy or bash her for it ! and she did bash her ! and then got her mother locked up in a home. she lasted about 6 months in their. drugged up by who ?

I would think stand upright before ones Marriage as being joined as one or all is lost regardless. because once you become a creep you are seen as a creep !

A mate of mine would do everything for his wife to try and please her 24/7 he went way out of his way like a total moron to do it, but the Marriage failed ! she did not respect him, that was the key point ! he was like a dog.

The trendy saying, Happy wife happy life is a working of the Devil in fact and a typical stupid carnal thing to say.

Friend, do you have a funny family or work story? Something to make us smile or laugh?

 

[Reggie Belafonte]

Friend, do you have a funny family or work story? Something to make us smile or laugh?

On the job site we had a painter that called himself Stroker. and on the side of his work truck he had, Master Stroker Painter.
He pointed out that two young people stoped at the red lights and were killing themselves laughing at him about the sign on the ute.

Every one knows he is a Master Painter. but they call him Master Stroker.

But when he got the Sign done on the new ute, it was to be Stroker Master Painter.

He was the best masterful painter i have ever known, he could do the work of 3 men and only a little old bloke.
All supervisors totaly hated him for being so good and quick, so they would do the wrong thing by him. and he hated that and would yell abuse at them directly even across the street, real funny to see him let loose on them, that they would never be in the house with him.

We had a black fellow sparky on the job and him and Stroker played jokes on each other.
This black fellow looked just like M Tyson same build and all, Stroker would come out with outright full on racist remarks to Sparky ! and Sparky loved it, he would be laughing full on rolling on the floor, and saying where he came from Papua New Guinea, they would of killed him for saying such !
Stroker would see Sparky coming down the road and yell out, you black ---- ! and sparky would hit the hand brake and start to jump out but take off again. and i seen 2 new workers on the job site next door and the look on their face was that they thought stroker was going to be killed !
Sparky was a real good bloke ! we have porter loo's on the job and sparky seen stroker going into one and drove his car up on to on the door and walked away, HAHA ! That was funny as and a hot day.

So stroker said he will get back at him for that ! and asked me for some fire crackers.
So sparky was having lunch and stroker sneeking up and tossed one in through the window. I seen him do it.

Another time i seen sparky grab stroker by the bottom of his legs and yank real hard, as stroker was standing painting on top of the kitchen table and stroker got such a shock, that he put his head through the ceiling !

Stroker was telling me a story about himself when young working at a cookie factory but was their painting the building and all of the workers were women in this factory, well i can not tell you what he did but anyway the girls got him and put him on display dragging him through all of the place on the floor so everyone would see him. he said their are some big girls in their you know.
You have to see this bloke tho he is say 5ft4 and 50kg. he was so great to be with but he was not stupid or evil, but just up for fun.

 

[Debp]

@Ritajanice Here's a topic about funny stuff.

It's late now but I'll try to add a funny story soon.

 

[Debp]

@Ritajanice
Most of my funny stories are from my childhood it seems.

One of my other uncles was carrying some groceries on a very icy sidewalk making his way toward his house. He slipped, the groceries flew all over the sidewalk...and to make it worse, he couldn't stand back up.

So he had to crawl all the way into the house! My aunt was sitting in the living room. She said she didn't know what to think seeing him on all fours crawling into the living room!

He finally yelled "just don't sit there, go out and get the groceries!"

Anyhow, it was quite a funny story when my aunt told it.

 

[Ritajanice]

I came out of Tesco toilets once, not realising I had a load of toilet paper stuck on the sole of my stiletto .

Not one person told me either, I walked all around the aisles like that..

 

[Ritajanice]

Another time after going to the toilet , at Tesco, part of my skirt was tucked into my knickers...as I was walking round the aisles.,I noticed lots of young men looking at me, I was in my early 30s at that time..

I thought I know I’m good looking and felt flattered...lol...then I met my friend in the shop, she came up behind me and said..part of your arse is showing.those were her exact words....lol.

 

[Debp]

I came out of Tesco toilets once, not realising I had a load of toilet paper stuck on the sole of my stiletto .

Not one person told me either, I walked all around the aisles like that..

Well, I guess we have to think they were being kind, so that was nice of them!

When I was a child, my dad loved to go fishing. We were on vacation in Pennsylvania fishing on a river. The river bank was very slippery.

My dad slipped and got the back of his trousers all muddy. It was countryside so no one around. My dad took his trousers off. He had white shorts on...well, he slipped again!!!

I can still remember his backside with all of this mud covering his white shorts! Then my mother snapped a photo of it! It's still in the photo album!

I can't remember how he got back in the car so muddied up like that....only remember the scene.

 

[Ritajanice]

I love this thread, Sis, taking me back to the funny happenings in my life, lots more to share ..

 

[Debp]

I love this thread, Sis, taking me back to the funny happenings in my life, lots more to share ..

That's great. I enjoy funny stories.

 

[Debp]

When I had a Shih Tzu, I adopted a tortoiseshell/calico kitten (Amber) from my street.

I think Amber thought Shasta was a cat.

Because Shasta had a red pillow where he would lay his head. So one night, Amber laid right beside Shasta. Shasta immediately got up and walked to the other side of the pillow! Then Shasta gave a loud "huff" and laid back down over there!

 

[DuckieLady]

When my grandmother was alive, she got mad at me for not telling her she was wearing a velvet négligée over her jeans and sweater outfit at a church Christmas dinner, because I thought it was funny.

She thought it was a cute pretty elf costume. I waited to tell her until after we got in the car. She was mad, but it has been over 20 years and I still laugh about it.

 

[Debp]

I love this thread, Sis, taking me back to the funny happenings in my life, lots more to share ..

This happened when my uncle Leo was a child.

As a child he was passing out tracts... maybe with an adult? Some person didn't want to take the tract....so uncle Leo said "well, go to Hell then!"

It struck me as funny because only a child could get away with saying that to someone so plainly!

 

[Debp]

Anybody else have a true funny story to tell us? I think it's good to laugh. Every now and then one pops into my mind but can't think of one right now.

 

[CC7799]

Back in 2013, trip to.mississipi. I was leaving a historical place, and going to my rental car. I got in someone elses car. I was disoriented and confused. I sat there few minutes. I realized it wasn't my car. I quickly got into rental car and drove off.


In 1990s. After tennis match. I was disoriented. I tried several times to open my neighbor's car door. I was mad, and frustration. The neighbor yelled, to get away from my car. I told the neighbor to go jump in pond. He was mad. I wondered why the car key won't open the door . I realized I was at wromg car. I went to my car, and the neighbors calm down once they saw me start the car. It was embarrassing.

1990s. My cousin offered me, and my dad to use his junk car to get my license. The car was defective. Seat belt on passenger side came out. Driver seat wasn't stable. My dad told me, this junk car won't pass. He was right, few weeks later, it didn't pass. I got my license going through e z learn driving school.

Over 24 years ago. My dad was at red light, down town. He saw in his rear view mirror, a car on top hill. Smoke every where, and heading for him. So my dad goes, and moves into different lane. The smoking junk car passed him. He was curious if patrol car would pull the smoking car over.

 

[Debp]

Back in 2013, trip to.mississipi. I was leaving a historical place, and going to my rental car. I got in someone elses car. I was disoriented and confused. I sat there few minutes. I realized it wasn't my car. I quickly got into rental car and drove off.


In 1990s. After tennis match. I was disoriented. I tried several times to open my neighbor's car door. I was mad, and frustration. The neighbor yelled, to get away from my car. I told the neighbor to go jump in pond. He was mad. I wondered why the car key won't open the door . I realized I was at wromg car. I went to my car, and the neighbors calm down once they saw me start the car. It was embarrassing.

1990s. My cousin offered me, and my dad to use his junk car to get my license. The car was defective. Seat belt on passenger side came out. Driver seat wasn't stable. My dad told me, this junk car won't pass. He was right, few weeks later, it didn't pass. I got my license going through e z learn driving school.

Over 24 years ago. My dad was at red light, down town. He saw in his rear view mirror, a car on top hill. Smoke every where, and heading for him. So my dad goes, and moves into different lane. The smoking junk car passed him. He was curious if patrol car would pull the smoking car over.

Thanks for sharing your funny stories.

A long time ago my mother and a senior citizen neighbor lady went to a big mobile home show. The senior citizen was thinking of buying a mobile home because she was retiring.

The senior citizen drove them to the huge show. After the show she couldn't remember where she parked her car. My mom hadn't bothered to remember either since she wasn't a driver. They had to wait until the parking lot cleared out and was practically empty before they found the car!

 

[CC7799]

Thanks for sharing your funny stories.

A long time ago my mother and a senior citizen neighbor lady went to a big mobile home show. The senior citizen was thinking of buying a mobile home because she was retiring.

The senior citizen drove them to the huge show. After the show she couldn't remember where she parked her car. My mom hadn't bothered to remember either since she wasn't a driver. They had to wait until the parking lot cleared out and was practically empty before they found the car!

I can definitely relate to that. Several years ago, at Walmart. I stood in parking lot with carriage of groceries. For several minutes, I couldn't find my brother car. Suddenly, my brother came up, and told me the car is over here. I followed him. I was frustrated I couldn't find his car. In 2014, I was diagnosed with cognitive impairment and autism, and hypoic brain injury. It would explain the relapse in my life. Thanks for sharing your story.

2010. Taking my dad to v a hospital, he served in army, 1950s. On the highway, my dad asks me, " where the hell are you going !!" . I almost took him to wrong city. I got off highway, and took turn pyke to the correct city, V A hospital. Take care.

 

[MA2444]

Uh-oh somebody wrote a work story ad that made me think of a couple of mine! WHen I lived in Colorado and had an HVAC company we did some new construction homes also and back in those days when you got inspected they put an orange sticker on the ductwork to show it passed inspection. Eventually it would show up online several days later, so it was easier to just drive to the job site to see if you passed inspection or not.

That's where I was going. I was driving a plain white mini van and I pulled in and as I got out I seen two Mexican workers near the front door doing some work and they were speaking spanish to each other and as I was walking up I heard one of them say, inspector
They thought I was an inspector! SO I decided to have some fun with them, lol. I knew they were the Framing crew so I walked right up to them and said, Inspector! and they both started studying the ground, lol! And I took a step back and feigned a closer look at their framing job looking thoughtful and I said Oh No-No No! And they both gave me the , Huh? and so I said no Right Angles! Take it out! No Good, No good! Why you do this like this?! and the one who was the lead man said like what? I said, with right Angles! No right Angles on this Job, you must take it out and do it over!

Them poor guys looked like I gut punched them! LOL!!! I made of show of going inside to look over their work some more inside, but I really just went to the basement and took note of my passed inspection and came back out. And their lead guy says to me rather softly, Is no good? So I said Can you read plans?! And he started studying the ground again! said, is no good, take it out! and I went back to my truck and left laughing my head off. I wondered how much chaos that would be back in their shop when they went back with a take it out order, but not in writing! I still tink it was hilarious.