Dark Place.

[Debp]

My full blood count came back ok, not sure if they tested my vitamin D level.

Here in the USA my doctor has to request for the vitamin D level to be checked. Not sure about where you are in the UK.

 

[VictoryinJesus]

I can talk about God until the cows come home...I’m fine when I’m Glorifying his name...as soon as I stop doing that, Rita....I am back to being very low in spirit...I’ve even been crying to him about it, ( God) today...I am scared that it’s going to take me even deeper, never felt like this in years....only when I was in my late 30s....I was in a black hole then...I had ME and was bed ridden for nearly 3 years.

I just have been saying to God today..what is this all about.....oh well, maybe my faith is being tested once again ... I know he tests our faith..plus I know he wants me to depend on him 100%....i dunno....maybe I need to let go and just go with it, trust that God knows what he’s doing and I’m supposed to be where I’m at...thanks for help me.....I really think I’ve lost my sense of purpose...as I have always been there for everyone else...my son included....he’s a man, he’s not a baby....poor bloke..smothering him...he’s got his own life to lead...sorry I’m rambling.xx

I feel your pain. This you said stood out to me …”I really think I’ve lost my sense of purpose...”

completely get that. I’ve lost mine too. I was a homemaker, mother and then I grandmother. On top of that I cared for my mom who is now in a nursing home and I’m the visitor. I spent years taking care of babies and even grand-babies. as you said, they grow unto caring for themselves. My worse depression is I always end up in the place of I think I have purpose in God. That purpose always makes me put my feet on the floor and get up daily. Even now I’m doubting having a purpose in God. To me that is the worse depression of all, doubting purpose in God. I get Rachel cried “Give me children or I die” .. but there is this groaning inside of me, a cry, “Give me purpose or I die.”
After being home all these years, there is pressure now that there is no more need for my being at home, to go get a job. Then I get more depressed because at 56 I have no education or trade experience to run full force with “yea, I’ll get a job.” Which in return makes me even FAR more depressed because this is how I feel…I feel I’ve invested in His Word, to me that IS an education. To me that IS a trade. But in this world there seems to be no place or value to it. Instead, it is that is all a fantasy. Get a real Life!? Then I doubt God. Maybe this is a test, Rita? I wish you’d experience having a greater purpose. That is what I desire also. A purpose no one can take away?

Lately I have been doing the antidepressant dance. Trying out a new one right now, which it gets pointed out. “You cry too much on this antidepressant…maybe this isn’t the one.” I’ll see my psychiatrist next week. My question is…is it wrong to cry when there is real (not made up) pain?

 

[Ritajanice]

My worse depression is I always end up in the place of I think I have purpose in God. That purpose always makes me put my feet on the floor and get up daily. Even now I’m doubting having a purpose in God

That’s exactly where I’m at Sis, I must be honest...

 

[Ritajanice]

To me that is the worse depression of all, doubting purpose in God

100% Amen..with you on that.

 

[Ritajanice]

“Give me purpose or I die

Oh my gosh..we’re Of the same mindset, I can’t believe it.

 

[Ritajanice]

Then I doubt God. Maybe this is a test, Rita? I wish you’d experience having a greater purpose. That is what I desire also. A purpose no one can take away?

Maybe it is a test,Sis...I pray that also for you...again agree 100% like I said, we have the same mindset on this subject....certainly made me feel less alone..thank you so much for sharing.

I wasn’t expecting to hear any of this and the above on my posts......thank you Lord for VJ posts...I don’t feel so alone anymore,x

 

[VictoryinJesus]

Oh my gosh..we’re Of the same mindset, I can’t believe it.

Likewise, you helped me to not feel alone. Especially in “we’re of the same mindset” …maybe that mindset that Hungers and Thirsts after a greater purpose …is His Mindset. Which gives me Hope in that same mindset is in You. Reading your sharing of having that same deep groan within, gives validity to He hasn’t left nor forsaken but IS that Spirit within which groans, making intercession for us?
Romans 8:22-28 For we know that the whole creation groans and travails in pain together until now. [23] And not only they, but ourselves also, which have the firstfruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting for the adoption, to wit, the redemption of our body. [24] For we are saved by hope: but hope that is seen is not hope: for what a man sees, why does he yet hope for? [25] But if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it. [26] Likewise the Spirit also helps our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself makes intercession for us with groaning which cannot be uttered. [27] And he that searches the hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because he makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God. [28] And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. <there is purpose Rita! Thank you for reminding me. It is not a fantasy.

 

[Debp]

I do think it's important to always remember our blessings...even things like being able to walk, to see and to hear. And also if we have a roof over our heads and food to eat. I'm grateful for all of these things as I am basically homebound as I can't walk well.

Also, I'm thankful I can pay my rent and other bills. And thankful for kind neighbors that sometimes help me as I am alone.

 

[Ritajanice]

I believe I’ve had a breakthrough...since consulting with a professional nutritionist for over an hour last Monday...my whole diet has changed....

I have started eating healthy from the minute I left her premises......it’s now Sunday, the depression has lifted and I no longer believe I have lost my purpose, my purpose is in God and not the self.

I cannot believe the difference in my mood and stamina...I have stopped sleeping during the day, I have been free from AF for the past two weeks, it’s like I have a new lease of life...I am far more interested in my surroundings, I’m even starting to plan my garden for the spring ahead.

I believe that God was always in the situation...I can see that now, I believe the Lord placed it on my Sons heart to research for a good nutritionist..he found her and is paying for my consultation fees, I have a follow up appointment for Monday the 24-2-2025 ,then an extra 2 more appointments....

Praise God...for showing me that I was eating a lot of rubbish and sugar...sugar and unhealthy food are addictive, as you know @Debp i was drinking up to 6 lattes a day, with 2 teaspoons of sugar and cream in each latte.......I understand how people get addicted to drugs.....she also told me that what we eat can cause depression...which I know is true, as I too have researched it..

 

[Ritajanice]

It’s like the Lord was speaking to me through this nutritionist...and boy was I listening....only God can get me on the right path...that enemy wanted me to stay in my misery of depression, God had other plans and it’s true what he says....Gods timing is perfect...

Remember that the Lord speaks to us in many different ways...he wants the best for us, just as his word says, the enemy wants our demise....

I hope that this has been an encouragement to you all...in Jesus Name...Amen!

Our faith in God needs to be exercised......just like any muscle in our body needs to be exercised, including the heart.

 

[DuckieLady]

No I can’t...my AF has returned, plus I have another health issue, that I’m not prepared to post about publicly.

I know this is controversial, but I wonder if there are any Christian webcaming groups around these days. I don't know myself.

But maybe even a text based chat group would help. It's just nice to have people to talk to, and it doesn't always need to be in person.

I would just never say too much.

Or I wonder about a Bingo night or something. My family made me do that once. I am not good at it.

 

[LittleTuneAlright]

Ladies...LADIES!

I am so glad I returned here. I feel you all!!! all our ailments are surely under His care when we are together ( wherever 2 or 3 are together there I am) , even though we don't see it sometimes for lack of clarity. I too suffer form depression and lack of purpose (both my children are fully adults and don't need me anymore and I feel like i've lost a limb lol
and its funny, but serving to me means I must help others in any way, and I have just moved house and am looking for a new church and feel like I am lost.
I joined in 2020, as covid hit...I was working all hours in a nursing home and I have no idea why I didn't return here after joining but anyway, I'm back and loving this ladies forum

 

[Ritajanice]

Or I wonder about a Bingo night or something. My family made me do that once. I am not good at it.

Many years ago I played Bingo....I won a line, yet because I was late calling.....the whole house moaned about it and I ended up, not getting my money, because I called to late....LOL....

I don’t think I went back..hehe,LOL.

 

[Rita]

Many years ago I played Bingo....I won a line, yet because I was late calling.....the whole house moaned about it and I ended up, not getting my money, because I called to late....LOL....

I don’t think I went back..hehe,LOL.

That brings back memories- my mum and aunty use to go every week. I use to go if I was staying with my mum. They use to have the same table and seats each week, despite the place being quite empty ( if someone was sitting at that table you would think it was the end of the world !!lol ) I use to get so nervous in case I missed calling out, or being late. Also everyone would moan and groan if a newcomer or someone won more than once !!!!!!!
I haven’t felt able to go there since my mum has passed ( 13years ) it was my time with her away from the children ect.

 

[Rita]

Ladies...LADIES!

I am so glad I returned here. I feel you all!!! all our ailments are surely under His care when we are together ( wherever 2 or 3 are together there I am) , even though we don't see it sometimes for lack of clarity. I too suffer form depression and lack of purpose (both my children are fully adults and don't need me anymore and I feel like i've lost a limb lol
and its funny, but serving to me means I must help others in any way, and I have just moved house and am looking for a new church and feel like I am lost.
I joined in 2020, as covid hit...I was working all hours in a nursing home and I have no idea why I didn't return here after joining but anyway, I'm back and loving this ladies forum

I can relate to the feeling redundant and I am also feel a bit lost at the moment. I retired from working in a care home 16months ago and despite the fact I love the freedom I still have not quite adapted.
I was working during covid, on the one hand I was grateful to still have that routine but on the other hand I was trying to care for my elderly dad and keep him safe. It was horrible when we had outbreaks, worse when it hit the demencia floor ( we lost 12 residents in 14 days )
How did it go at your nursing home ?
Much love as you try and find a church , have you moved far away from where you use to live ?

 

[Ritajanice]

That brings back memories- my mum and aunty use to go every week.

My mum used to go every week as well.lol.

I use to go if I was staying with my mum. They use to have the same table and seats each week, despite the place being quite empty ( if someone was sitting at that table you would think it was the end of the world !!lol ) I use to get so nervous in case I missed calling out, or being late. Also everyone would moan and groan if a newcomer or someone won more than once !!!!!!!

My friend and I were new as well....some of them have loads of tickets ,how they managed to check all those numbers he used to call out quickly, I will never know...they had probably been going for years,lol.

Another friend of mine, her mother won over £ 35,000 at bingo....all the bingo halls joined together, that’s why there was a big win....not sure how often they did that.

I haven’t felt able to go there since my mum has passed ( 13years ) it was my time with her away from the children ect.

Yes, a time with mum.

Do they still do bingo?...I must look into that...I would go, even on my own....it was good fun, while it lasted.LOL.

 

[Rita]

My mum used to go every week as well.lol.

My friend and I were new as well....some of them have loads of tickets ,how they managed to check all those numbers he used to call out quickly, I will never know...they had probably been going for years,lol.

Another friend of mine, her mother won over £ 35,000 at bingo....all the bingo halls joined together, that’s why there was a big win....not sure how often they did that.

Yes, a time with mum.

Do they still do bingo?...I must look into that...I would go, even on my own....it was good fun, while it lasted.LOL.

We have a large bingo Hall in Brighton, pretty sure they are country wide xxx

 

[Ritajanice]

I’m coming to live with @Rita ....LOL...I bet they have big wins there...where I went was just a small town, they held the bingo sessions in the cinema....it closed down years ago...

 

[Rita]

I’m coming to live with @Rita ....LOL...I bet they have big wins there...where I went was just a small town, they held the bingo sessions in the cinema....it closed down years ago...

lol It is quite a big hall but I only ever went on a Saturday afternoon so it was never that busy. Think the evenings were better attended. We use to have two other bingo halls in the city , they have both closed. They Also use to have bingo on the pier, but I think those days have gone xx

 

[LittleTuneAlright]

I can relate to the feeling redundant and I am also feel a bit lost at the moment. I retired from working in a care home 16months ago and despite the fact I love the freedom I still have not quite adapted.
I was working during covid, on the one hand I was grateful to still have that routine but on the other hand I was trying to care for my elderly dad and keep him safe. It was horrible when we had outbreaks, worse when it hit the demencia floor ( we lost 12 residents in 14 days )
How did it go at your nursing home ?
Much love as you try and find a church , have you moved far away from where you use to live ?

We were very lucky and lost no one over covid. I have since left there now as It was in the sticks and I was too bored being stuck in the open country with no were to go. But it was a lovely home and the rsdidnets were well looked after.

Sorry to hear about those outbreaks and your dad. Yes, the dementia patients do seem to get it worse, and it's a horrible disease. My aunty had it and it was hard to see how she did not hardly recognise us anymore.

I hope they find a cure. I remember the movie "the notebook" and I was crying at the end. many times I have looked after couples who have been together forever and one always dies of a broken heart when the other dies

I moved to be nearer my job (I work front of house in a large RAF base feeding the troops lol, and its hard to get to when I cant drive so I catch the train. I'm going to go to the church near by and im nervous as its a protestant church and I am not used to them, I prefer baptist, but there are none