Christians and marriage

[treeberry]

I'm new here, and I'm kind of excited to be part of an online Christian community again! I'd also like to ask you all what your thoughts about this topic are, as it can cause some controversy even with devout Christians.

A while ago, a few friends and I were having an argument or heated discussion :) about whether or not you can and can ONLY marry someone who shares the same faith as you have. We were divided into three camps:

The first camp was that God makes it clear that we are not to be "unequally yoked," and therefore should only marry a Christian.

The second camp said that God allows people to get married to unbelievers, as wives are told to submit to their unbelieving husbands if they are married to such men.

The third camp said that having a shared faith was important and it's something to place high as a priority, but you cannot ignore other elements of courtship such as whether there is any chemistry and personalities that are compatible. A couple people continued to say that there was research to show that marrying a Christian if you are a Christian woman is more important than a man marrying a Christian woman, because there is research that shows children will continue to follow the faith if their dad practices it (I think you can google it). These guys continued to say that if a Christian man is looking for a wife he shouldn't immediately seek another Christian woman, but to make sure she is physically attractive to him first and if she will defer to him in marriage. Deference to a husband, Christian wife or not, seemed very important.

I will admit that before this discussion I was in camp one but now I am inclined to state that I am in camp three. We have to admit that obeying a husband and submitting to him are probably the most difficult things that a wife has to do and this has to happen even if she is not a Christian wife. Based on what I understand about what God has revealed to us in the Bible, a wife should always defer to her husband, so it's easier for a man to be with a non-Christian woman if he is a Christian.

What do you all have to say to this? Later on I am sure my friends will revisit this topic and it would be cool to offer a different look at it :)

 

[brionne]

the first camp are 100% correct that God has told christians to 'marry only in the Lord'... this is Gods wisdom speaking here becaues if a christian is married to an unbeliever, then the household is divided and things will be difficult for the couple.

the 2nd camp is wrong. The scriptures which tell a believing wife to stay with their unbelieving mate does not mean God allowed the marriage. It is more likely that a person became a christian but their mate did not.. .one accepted the word of Christ but the other did not. That happens all the time, couples study the bible together but then only one of them choose to become a christian. What the scriptures are saying is that we shouldnt leave our unbelieving mates just because we have become a christian. Timothy's mother is an example of this...she was a jew and she married a greek, later she became a Christian and she stayed with her husband who never became a christian.

the 3rd camp is not really accurate either. Young timothy (of the bible) grew up with a non believing Greek father and yet he became a fine christian and worked along with the Apostle Paul. So its just not true that children will default to the fathers opinion. My own father is completely non religious, yet I am. So I dont believe that argument is valid. I even know a man who is a christian...his father was a muslim and his mother a catholic yet he is a JW... so again, its not our parents who make our choices..its the individual that will ultimately choose their own path.

the other thing that camp 3 should consider is that a woman who is a non believer is not necessarily going to be the submissive wife that God encourages women to be. Its more likely that the non believing wife will pull the christian man away from his christian faith...if it can happen to King Solomon, then it can happen to anyone.

 

[Prentis]

Why get married other than being helpers of each other to move in the same direction?

If we really seek the kingdom before ANYTHING else, marriage to someone who has a different direction would be seen for what it really is; a hindrance.

 

[treeberry]

You don't think it's possible for a woman who is WILLING to defer to a man can eventually follow her husband's faith? That seems odd to me. Finding a woman in these days with the characteristics of willing to follow leadership and deference is rare, and I would think that is valued just as highly as faith.

Could you say more on that?

 

[prism]

Physical beauty fades over time...then what? Two sourpuss faces staring at each other?

 

[brionne]

You don't think it's possible for a woman who is WILLING to defer to a man can eventually follow her husband's faith? That seems odd to me. Finding a woman in these days with the characteristics of willing to follow leadership and deference is rare, and I would think that is valued just as highly as faith.

Could you say more on that?

did it help Solomon?

 

[Selene]

I'm new here, and I'm kind of excited to be part of an online Christian community again! I'd also like to ask you all what your thoughts about this topic are, as it can cause some controversy even with devout Christians.

A while ago, a few friends and I were having an argument or heated discussion :) about whether or not you can and can ONLY marry someone who shares the same faith as you have. We were divided into three camps:

The first camp was that God makes it clear that we are not to be "unequally yoked," and therefore should only marry a Christian.

The second camp said that God allows people to get married to unbelievers, as wives are told to submit to their unbelieving husbands if they are married to such men.

The third camp said that having a shared faith was important and it's something to place high as a priority, but you cannot ignore other elements of courtship such as whether there is any chemistry and personalities that are compatible. A couple people continued to say that there was research to show that marrying a Christian if you are a Christian woman is more important than a man marrying a Christian woman, because there is research that shows children will continue to follow the faith if their dad practices it (I think you can google it). These guys continued to say that if a Christian man is looking for a wife he shouldn't immediately seek another Christian woman, but to make sure she is physically attractive to him first and if she will defer to him in marriage. Deference to a husband, Christian wife or not, seemed very important.

I will admit that before this discussion I was in camp one but now I am inclined to state that I am in camp three. We have to admit that obeying a husband and submitting to him are probably the most difficult things that a wife has to do and this has to happen even if she is not a Christian wife. Based on what I understand about what God has revealed to us in the Bible, a wife should always defer to her husband, so it's easier for a man to be with a non-Christian woman if he is a Christian.

What do you all have to say to this? Later on I am sure my friends will revisit this topic and it would be cool to offer a different look at it :)

The first camp who says not to be "unequally yoked" is incorrect because that verse in scripture is not even speaking about marriage but about idoltry. He told the Corinthians not to associate with unbelievers in their worship of idols (2 Corinthians 6:14-15). According to the Bible, Christians who are married to unbelievers are recognized. This is what St. Paul said about those marriages:

1 Corinthians 7:12-15 For to the rest, I speak not the Lord, If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she consent to dwell with him. let him not put her away. And if any woman hath a husband that believeth not, and he consent to dwell with her, let her not put away her husband. For the unbelieving husband is santified by the believing wife, and the unbelieving wife is santified by the believing husband; otherwise your children should be unclean, but now they are holy. But if the unbeliever depart, let him depart. For a brother or sister is not a servitude in such cases. But God hath called us in peace.


The Bible tells us not to be afraid to marry people who do not have the same faith as we do. God put them together so that the unbelievers would come to know the one true God and eventually convert to the true faith. This is what happened to my aunt when she married an atheist. The atheist whom she married later became a Christian. A Christian wife does not submit to the religion of an unbelieving husband. The Bible tells us that God should always come first even before her husband, otherwise the wife makes her husband an idol of worship. The first commandment of God is to love God with all your mind, heart, and soul. Everyone else (including one's spouse) comes second. And if King Solomon had followed that commandment, he wouldn't have worshipped strange gods. Instead, his wives would have come to know the one true God.

 

[treeberry]

Where in the Bible does it tell us to not be afraid to marry people who do not have the same faith as we do? Does this mean Christians can marry people of pagan religions? Where does it also say that a Christian wife does not submit to the religion of an unbelieving husband, when it says to SUMBIT to your husband in ALL things?

Prism, physical beauty does fade over time but that is what initially attracts a man to his wife. It would be silly to say that men are not first attracted to a woman's physical beauty, and it is through her physical beauty that he makes a determination of what kind of person she might be. Such as her smile, the way she holds herself, etc. I think people underestimate the power of physical attraction. Isn't that why so many Christians get divorced over sex?

 

[Selene]

Where in the Bible does it tell us to not be afraid to marry people who do not have the same faith as we do? Does this mean Christians can marry people of pagan religions? Where does it also say that a Christian wife does not submit to the religion of an unbelieving husband, when it says to SUMBIT to your husband in ALL things?

It is God who chooses who our spouse should be. Did you not read Genesis? Did Adam choose his wife? No. God created a woman from his ribs and she became Adam's wife. See also 1 Corinthians 7:16-17. Did you not see the verses I quoted? Christians who marry unbelievers were recognized by the Apostle Paul. St. Paul never said not to marry them. Instead, he recognized their marriage and spoke about it.

Man and woman are to worship only God. We are to love God with all our mind, heart, and soul. That is the first commandment of God. If a woman were to love her unbelieving husband's pagan god, that would go against God's first commandment. God always comes first before anyone.

As for St. Paul, this is what he wrote:

Ephesians 5:22-24 Let women be subject to their husbands, as to the Lord: because the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the Church. He is the savior of his body. Therefore, as the Church is subject to Christ, so also let the wives be to their husbands in all things.

As you can see, St. Paul describes the woman as the "Church," and the husband as Christ. In this passage, St. Paul was referring to a marriage between Christians because the husband is depicted as "Christ" and the wife is depicted as the Christian Church. In a marriage where a Christian woman marries an unbeliever, it is the woman who sanctifies her unbelieving husband (See 1 Corinthians 7:14-15) by bringing her husband to the Christian faith. In that same chapter, St. Paul says that the Christian brother and sister in that marriage is NOT under servitude because the Christian wife has been freed by Christ and belongs to Christ (See 1 Corinthians 7:21-23).

 

[Buzzfruit]

I'm new here, and I'm kind of excited to be part of an online Christian community again! I'd also like to ask you all what your thoughts about this topic are, as it can cause some controversy even with devout Christians.

A while ago, a few friends and I were having an argument or heated discussion :) about whether or not you can and can ONLY marry someone who shares the same faith as you have. We were divided into three camps:

The first camp was that God makes it clear that we are not to be "unequally yoked," and therefore should only marry a Christian.

The scripture is very clear on this one.

The second camp said that God allows people to get married to unbelievers, as wives are told to submit to their unbelieving husbands if they are married to such men.

The scripture that you are hinting at is talking about a person who was not a believer when they got married to the other person, and became a believer after but the mate did not.

The third camp said that having a shared faith was important and it's something to place high as a priority, but you cannot ignore other elements of courtship such as whether there is any chemistry and personalities that are compatible. A couple people continued to say that there was research to show that marrying a Christian if you are a Christian woman is more important than a man marrying a Christian woman, because there is research that shows children will continue to follow the faith if their dad practices it (I think you can google it). These guys continued to say that if a Christian man is looking for a wife he shouldn't immediately seek another Christian woman, but to make sure she is physically attractive to him first and if she will defer to him in marriage. Deference to a husband, Christian wife or not, seemed very important.

It is interesting that when Isaac and Jacob for example, married their wife they never knew their future mate until they saw each other for the first time. The problem with most modern women is that they don't honor or respect their husband as those noble wives did back then.....they don't respect men period....they are full of ego and pride and take offense at the suggestion of obeying the man they are married to and supposedly love.

I remember on another Christian forum where I posted a personal Bible study on the subject of marriage, and in it I had scriptures showing that a wife should obey their husband. I had stuff in in about what a husband's responsibility is towards his wife as well. A supposed Christian woman read it and was outraged at it. She gave me a piece of her mind about what she thought about what I post, and ended by saying she did not care about what I have to say and will not be responding to anything that I said. In all that she said, she never said what I post was unbiblical. But she did say that in our modern times a wife obeying her husband is outdated. Most women with this attitude that are married have no problem trying to get their husband to obey them.....they love being the head.

I will admit that before this discussion I was in camp one but now I am inclined to state that I am in camp three. We have to admit that obeying a husband and submitting to him are probably the most difficult things that a wife has to do and this has to happen even if she is not a Christian wife. Based on what I understand about what God has revealed to us in the Bible, a wife should always defer to her husband, so it's easier for a man to be with a non-Christian woman if he is a Christian.

What do you all have to say to this? Later on I am sure my friends will revisit this topic and it would be cool to offer a different look at it :)

The problem is in most cases Christians do not understand the Bible......they often come to presumptuous conclusions based on what they might read. You see just because God allows a Christian to marry an unbeliever does not mean He approves of it. Because then we might as well say God approves of wars, murders, prostitution, homosexuality and so on. God did not try to prevent Satan in the form of a serpent from tricking Eve. And He did not try to stop Adam and Eve from disobeying Him. God gave us free will and He wants us to to freely chose to do what He expect from us.

So unfortunately many of us are foolish...unwise and do things that we should not do against what God desire for us.

 

[treeberry]

A couple of questions then:

If we say that it is God who chooses our spouses for us, how do we use discernment in making the proper choices? How does someone come to the conclusion that God's leading them to make a choice to marry a non-Christian? I find that argument as a way to absolve ourselves of responsibility because to be honest, I have seen what happens to Christian women who marry Islamic men, for one. As a woman in that culture unless you want your life to be miserable for eternity, marrying an Islamic man means you become a Islamic wife. Why would God compel someone to marry a non-Christian in that situation?

Buzzfruit, would you then say that a woman who respects deference and submission in a marriage is more marriageable and is a quality that takes precedence over just being a Christian?

For the record, I do believe that a wife should be obedient to her husband. If the Bible says for a wife to be obedient in all things, doesn't that mean leaving her faith if need be? Since a husband is the head?

 

[aspen]

Christian husbands and wives are called to love one another - Paul's wording in his letters all boil down to love. Submitting is obedience - obedience is love.

Personally, I think it would be difficult to be married to someone who wasn't in love with God, whether they called themselves a Christian or not.

 

[brionne]

For the record, I do believe that a wife should be obedient to her husband. If the Bible says for a wife to be obedient in all things, doesn't that mean leaving her faith if need be? Since a husband is the head?

obedience to a husband is just as relative for a christian wife as it is for any christian toward any authority besides Gods,

Acts 5:29 "We must obey God as ruler rather then men"

If a husband wants his christian wife to do something against Gods own laws, then the wife is right to disobey her husband because she must obey God first. Its the same for any christian who comes under anyones authority....our first responsibility is to obey Gods laws and requirements foremost.

 

[Prentis]

You don't think it's possible for a woman who is WILLING to defer to a man can eventually follow her husband's faith? That seems odd to me. Finding a woman in these days with the characteristics of willing to follow leadership and deference is rare, and I would think that is valued just as highly as faith.

Could you say more on that?

That might actually be the only good exception. That is, if the woman understands authority, and thus shows godly submission and character and is willing to follow her husband in that faith... But then that basically makes her Christian already, following a christian man thus! ;)

So it's not an exception. What we're talking about is someone with a godly character seeing the light through a man and being willing to follow him in this... A christian woman from that point on!

But we should not be unequally yoked with those who are not after Christ. How can your partner help you in seeking the kingdom FIRST before all your needs if they don't believe in doing so? A person of the world will trust themselves or the world to provide, making your direction clash. What is the purpose of marrying in this case other than carnal desire or physical needs? We should not walk according to the flesh. :)

 

[Buzzfruit]

Buzzfruit, would you then say that a woman who respects deference and submission in a marriage is more marriageable and is a quality that takes precedence over just being a Christian?

I am saying that a married woman that is filled with God's Spirit will be willing to submit to her husband. Because when she submits to her husband she is actually submitting to the will of God, because it is God's will that she does that. So if she rebels she is rebelling against God and her husband.

For the record, I do believe that a wife should be obedient to her husband. If the Bible says for a wife to be obedient in all things, doesn't that mean leaving her faith if need be? Since a husband is the head?

It means that a Christian wife should submit to her husband in everything that she does. But it does not mean that she must submit to her husband if he is telling her to commit sin. Remember, in reality she is submitting to God.

 

[us2are1]

I'm new here, and I'm kind of excited to be part of an online Christian community again! I'd also like to ask you all what your thoughts about this topic are, as it can cause some controversy even with devout Christians.

A while ago, a few friends and I were having an argument or heated discussion :) about whether or not you can and can ONLY marry someone who shares the same faith as you have. We were divided into three camps:

The first camp was that God makes it clear that we are not to be "unequally yoked," and therefore should only marry a Christian.

The second camp said that God allows people to get married to unbelievers, as wives are told to submit to their unbelieving husbands if they are married to such men.

The third camp said that having a shared faith was important and it's something to place high as a priority, but you cannot ignore other elements of courtship such as whether there is any chemistry and personalities that are compatible. A couple people continued to say that there was research to show that marrying a Christian if you are a Christian woman is more important than a man marrying a Christian woman, because there is research that shows children will continue to follow the faith if their dad practices it (I think you can google it). These guys continued to say that if a Christian man is looking for a wife he shouldn't immediately seek another Christian woman, but to make sure she is physically attractive to him first and if she will defer to him in marriage. Deference to a husband, Christian wife or not, seemed very important.

I will admit that before this discussion I was in camp one but now I am inclined to state that I am in camp three. We have to admit that obeying a husband and submitting to him are probably the most difficult things that a wife has to do and this has to happen even if she is not a Christian wife. Based on what I understand about what God has revealed to us in the Bible, a wife should always defer to her husband, so it's easier for a man to be with a non-Christian woman if he is a Christian.

What do you all have to say to this? Later on I am sure my friends will revisit this topic and it would be cool to offer a different look at it :)

I'm new here, and I'm kind of excited to be part of an online Christian community again! I'd also like to ask you all what your thoughts about this topic are, as it can cause some controversy even with devout Christians.

A while ago, a few friends and I were having an argument or heated discussion :) about whether or not you can and can ONLY marry someone who shares the same faith as you have. We were divided into three camps:

The first camp was that God makes it clear that we are not to be "unequally yoked," and therefore should only marry a Christian.

The second camp said that God allows people to get married to unbelievers, as wives are told to submit to their unbelieving husbands if they are married to such men.

The third camp said that having a shared faith was important and it's something to place high as a priority, but you cannot ignore other elements of courtship such as whether there is any chemistry and personalities that are compatible. A couple people continued to say that there was research to show that marrying a Christian if you are a Christian woman is more important than a man marrying a Christian woman, because there is research that shows children will continue to follow the faith if their dad practices it (I think you can google it). These guys continued to say that if a Christian man is looking for a wife he shouldn't immediately seek another Christian woman, but to make sure she is physically attractive to him first and if she will defer to him in marriage. Deference to a husband, Christian wife or not, seemed very important.

I will admit that before this discussion I was in camp one but now I am inclined to state that I am in camp three. We have to admit that obeying a husband and submitting to him are probably the most difficult things that a wife has to do and this has to happen even if she is not a Christian wife. Based on what I understand about what God has revealed to us in the Bible, a wife should always defer to her husband, so it's easier for a man to be with a non-Christian woman if he is a Christian.

What do you all have to say to this? Later on I am sure my friends will revisit this topic and it would be cool to offer a different look at it :)

This is for those who can accept it.

Luke 20
34 And Jesus answered and said to them, "The sons of this age marry and are given in marriage.
35 But those who are counted worthy to attain that age, and the resurrection from the dead, neither marry nor are given in marriage;

Matthew 19
11 But He said to them, "All cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given:
12 For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother's womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He who is able to accept it, let him accept it."

In short If you want to live for this age you will perish with it. However if you live for the age to come you will inherit eternal life.

 

[Selene]

A couple of questions then:

If we say that it is God who chooses our spouses for us, how do we use discernment in making the proper choices? How does someone come to the conclusion that God's leading them to make a choice to marry a non-Christian? I find that argument as a way to absolve ourselves of responsibility because to be honest, I have seen what happens to Christian women who marry Islamic men, for one. As a woman in that culture unless you want your life to be miserable for eternity, marrying an Islamic man means you become a Islamic wife. Why would God compel someone to marry a non-Christian in that situation?

The answer is because of Love. A man and woman marry because they love each other. God loves all sinners and all peoples including the unbelievers. God does not want anyone to suffer. He wants everyone to know Him. To do that, a Christian either has to spread the good news to that person. In some countries such, the Bible and Christianity are not welcome. But sometimes, God allows a Christian to fall in love with a non-Christian,so that the non-Christian can get to know Him.

For the record, I do believe that a wife should be obedient to her husband. If the Bible says for a wife to be obedient in all things, doesn't that mean leaving her faith if need be? Since a husband is the head?

If the husband tells the wife to commit a sin, the wife is not obligated to obey. Women are called to follow God FIRST and even to love God FIRST. They are to love their husbands second to God.

 

[us2are1]

The answer is because of Love. A man and woman marry because they love each other. God loves all sinners and all peoples including the unbelievers. God does not want anyone to suffer. He wants everyone to know Him. To do that, a Christian either has to spread the good news to that person. In some countries such, the Bible and Christianity are not welcome. But sometimes, God allows a Christian to fall in love with a non-Christian,so that the non-Christian can get to know Him.

God wants nothing. He created everything, The vessels of honor and the vessels of dishonor. Everyone will serve the purpose that they were created for. God does not want anyone to do anything but has planned everyone's life and their final place of rest.

Romans 9
17 For the Scripture says to Pharaoh, "For this very purpose I have raised you up, that I may show My power in you, and that My name may be declared in all the earth."
18 Therefore He has mercy on whom He wills, and whom He wills He hardens.
19 You will say to me then, "Why does He still find fault? For who has resisted His will?"
20 But indeed, O man, who are you to reply against God? Will the thing formed say to him who formed it, "Why have you made me like this?"
21 Does not the potter have power over the clay, from the same lump to make one vessel for honor and another for dishonor?
22 What if God, wanting to show His wrath and to make His power known, endured with much longsuffering the vessels of wrath prepared for destruction,
23 and that He might make known the riches of His glory on the vessels of mercy, which He had prepared beforehand for glory,


Psalm 139
15 My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. 16 Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them.

If the husband tells the wife to commit a sin, the wife is not obligated to obey. Women are called to follow God FIRST and even to love God FIRST. They are to love their husbands second to God.

This is true and well put.

 

[Selene]

God wants nothing. He created everything, The vessels of honor and the vessels of dishonor. Everyone will serve the purpose that they were created for. God does not want anyone to do anything but has planned everyone's life and their final place of rest.

1 Timothy 2:4-5 For this [is] good and acceptable in the sight of God our Savior, who desires all men to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth.


God does have a want or a desire. His desire to have all men to be saved, which is why He sent His Apostles out into the world to preach the Good News about Him. Yes, God has a plan for everyone, but they can always reject Him and His plans. God offers us the free gift of salvation, but it's up to man to choose to either accept that gift or reject it.

 

[Prentis]

Marriage is not for the sake of our own desires and loves, though God may grant us that because he loves us, but ultimately, as everything, it's purpose is to give glory to God.

[sup]14[/sup] Yet you say, “For what reason?”
Because the LORD has been witness
Between you and the wife of your youth,
With whom you have dealt treacherously;
Yet she is your companion
And your wife by covenant.
[sup]15[/sup] But did He not make them one,
Having a remnant of the Spirit?
And why one?
He seeks godly offspring.
Therefore take heed to your spirit,
And let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth.

God desires godly offspring! :)