So, child abuse can be subtle.
This is very true. Let me give a personal example. Three and a half years ago my father died in his 90's. We travelled to visit him and arrived a day before he died. Under morphine, he just barely recognized me. I had always loved and respected my father, and saw in him a truly godly, intelligent man, who did his best to raise his four children to serve the Lord, and to provide a consistent example of faithfulness for us all his life. But unfortunately, he also came with some really twisted theology that it took me years to recognize just how crazy my parents' beliefs were that had saturated their thinking.
My brother chose to read a selection from my father's personal diary at our family gathering the day of his funeral. In this diary entry, my dad recounted how he and our mom had tried to have a son born first, so that my father could be assured of an heir to pass his inheritance to, and to carry on the family name. After having three daughters one after the other to start their family, a friend finally counseled them in some natural remedies they could try, in order to optimize the chances of having a male child the next time. These remedies succeeded, and my brother, the 4th and last child, was finally born.
"We found out too late", was my father's written comment at the end of this diary entry.
I was stunned to hear this. In other words, we three daughters my mother had (unfortunately) given birth to first of all were essentially considered a "mistake" compared to the vastly more important "heir apparent" who should have been born first. We three girls should have been born last, at the very least. We female children were categorized secondary in importance, for certain. And I have already mentioned on this website in the closed "Obedience" thread that we were taught from childhood that as wives, we were to obey our husbands
in everything - even if they commanded us
to commit a sin. In this case, God would place the blame for that sin on our husbands instead of us, they taught us. This was pure idolatry, as I should have known. No one can bear the guilt of another's sin but Christ Jesus
alone.
My father in glory has been perfected of this gross error (and others) by now, thank God. But it explains quite a lot of how we three girls were treated over the years, compared to my brother. I do not resent my brother. He, too, has grown to be a most godly man like my father, faithful in all things (but also with some skewed theology). It was not his fault that my parents had such a misguided attitude towards the female gender.
But it is very discouraging knowing that the very Christian influence they labored to instill in us also included the abusive training that corrupted the very scriptures they were trying to teach us. This set up all three of us girls to have marriages in which we were pre-programmed to be doormats. Thankfully, God is able to use even gross errors to turn them to good for His children - including His beloved daughters.
Like you Ritajanice, I can now recognize the signs of an authoritarian bully from a mile away. With sixteen past years in a cult church environment which my husband insisted we both join back in the 80's (corporal punishment for wives recommended in the men's meetings), I have learned to never... NEVER...
N E V E R believe another person if what they teach me is counter to what the Holy Spirit inside me is teaching me from God's word. The scriptures equally belong to me to understand and interpret, as well as any titled author, professor, doctor of divinity, pastor, evangelist, husband, etc.. In God's eyes, He tends to "hide things from the wise and prudent, and reveal them unto babes. Even so Father, for so it seemed good in Thy sight."
We are all Babes on this particular forum, so the bread is actually buttered on our side.
