In my experience, and in Scripture, God is too good to deserve knowing Him. Therefore, it has to be a gift.
In Ephesians 2:8-9 all 3 are gifts:
GRACE
FAITH
SALVATION
And, in that order.
Everything we get from God is a gift...this is what grace is.
I'm not sure what you mean by "knowing Him". Or that He's "too good to know".
Of course God wants us to know Him...
Isn't this why He revealed Himself to us?
God has revealed Himself through both the Old and New Testaments,,,but specifically and more so, dare I say,
through the NT which is God's word INCARNATE.
However, it seems to me I am only blessed if I walk in faith, doing what I am convinced is correct. Otherwise my conscience is defiled, and God doesn't answer my prayers.
I don't think we do anything so that God can answer our prayers.
He also answers the prayer of the unsaved, or they'd never become saved.
As to being blessed....
Yes.
IF we do what God commanded, then we will be blessed.
If for no other reason, than that we are protected from many ills, dangers, heartaches, just by following Jesus' instructions alone...
even if there's no input from God... However, yes, sometimes we'll receive a real blessing from God.
However, in my experience, even when I was doing all I believed was correct, spending every last ounce of strength to serve God--and this also seems to be attested to in Scripture--God told me I was wrong for trying to save myself,
Why are you spending every last ounce of strength to serve God?
IF God tells you to do something...He also gives you the strength to do it.
If you feel like your spending your last ounce of strength in doing something...
yes...maybe it's YOU doing it and you're doing too much.
This would require a spiritual advisor that you trust and have known a long time and isn't really a topic
for a forum such as this. You might get incorrect information that is not specifically suited to your particular case.
and I just needed forgiveness. John says if we keep His commands we have confidence toward God--and i had a lot of confidence, but i think it was the "but not before God" type, because when I went before God, He just pointed to my sins,
Sounds like you're unable to forgive yourself for the sins God has already forgiven you.
Man forgives...
God forgets...
whereas I was trying to point to my good deeds, my deeds of faith,, to prove to God that I loved Him and that He should accept me because I was good. I thought i was being heroic in my obedience, but apparently (according to God) I was trying to save myself, trying to pay for my sins.
Well, you've answered your own question.
Jesus said that only God is good.
He meant something different by this but even taking it at face value...we can understand that we can never be good enough for God.
However, after doing what Jesus said to do in John 3:5...become born again...we can know that we have become children of God...
1 John 3:1
1How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!
One of the first things I learned in theology is that we cannot go by our feelings,,,
but only by the word of God.
So it seems like we have to serve God, but it seems like we can't do it with the attitude that we are saving ourselves, even though it really is the case that we will be damned if we do not do right by faith.
Goodness GP....how will we be damned if we're children of God??