I know this may be a strange request...

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Jabre

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First off, I want you all to know I've made great strides in recovering from the OCD madness since last post. But I have a request, both for a prayer and some uplifting in this trying time for me.

Is there anything wrong with wanting to overcome these thoughts, because you don't want to have to see something you like(like a character or something like that) as "the horrific things the thoughts are"? I always felt ashamed because I felt it might be that, and God wants me to do this so He's pleased and not for "myself", you know?

Listen...I'm tired. Tired of always having to struggle with my own mind, tired of making little if any progress because of the same mistakes and always having some "new" worry, despair even to overcome before I can even continue living without thinking I'm some monster.

I'm tired of always having to convince myself I'm not just doing this so I can "look at things without fear of horrific thoughts", that I'm idolizing some entertainment or even the idea of being able to take in anything other than Scripture or sermons without risking some vile act, rather than trying to heal so the Lord won't have to see me suffer this. You know why I "never wanted to return to what the thoughts were originally about"?
I didn't want to lose my mind over some...fictional character like the last war with myself several years ago with another, before I knew anything of how to handle these. Even if that was all before I was saved, I'm scared of disappointing God by ending up with another obsession like that, that destroys me with this...person who's not even real. It really feels like my mind has been ripped apart over them, not wanting anything to do with these thoughts, and knowing they don't truly mean anything or not. Why else would I think God wants me to stay away? "Not being able to control the thoughts or not", I destroyed myself trying to "figure out" why I couldn't get over all the confusion and seeming "conflicting feelings", when it was all just my mind playing tricks on me!

Listen. I know this isn't my fault. Even if I returned to the...weird lust i had like a fool during this, it can't reasonably be said these thoughts, and the pain they bring or the fact this is taking so long it seems to work through is my fault. I guess...I'm still conflicted, confused on why I feel the way I do, because I'm not even sure. Deep down, it was never mainly about the character at all, even if that was a part of it. I just wanted to be free, to stop a situation like the last time I mentioned, but above all, to keep from being, or at least proving I'm just some savage beast, who can always just snap and become supremely evil and morally disgusting out of nowhere.

I ask you give me encouragement, and pray for me over this.
 

DuckieLady

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Having read it, it seems pretty suspicious
I spoke too soon. I misunderstood what @Gottservant was saying until I slowly read his post a little deeper. That is my fault and I apologize.

I thought he was referring to a technique where you think what you're mad about and let your brain fill in the gaps. That's not it.

I think he's saying wait it out and wait for God before reacting, and that's perfectly fine and healthy.
 

Jabre

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I spoke too soon. I misunderstood what @Gottservant was saying until I slowly read his post a little deeper. That is my fault and I apologize.

I thought he was referring to a technique where you think what you're mad about and let your brain fill in the gaps. That's not it.

I think he's saying wait it out and wait for God before reacting, and that's perfectly fine and healthy.
While I appreciate it helps him, with severe OCD sufferers like me, that just makes it stronger. I know trying to correct or push back them only makes it worse too, but deciding to stop and "wait for something" IS giving them attention.

I've already tried something similar and...it didn't end well for me.
 
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Gottservant

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While I appreciate it helps him, with severe OCD sufferers like me, that just makes it stronger. I know trying to correct or push back them only makes it worse too, but deciding to stop and "wait for something" IS giving them attention.

I've already tried something similar and...it didn't end well for me.
I'm not hurt, but I think you are under-estimating God? Can you really say "I gave God a choice, and He harmed me with it"?

I think what may be confusing you, is the idea that God will "do away" with the madness, if you trust Him with it, that's not what He says at all.

Anyway, I continue to pray for people who are struggling, may the bond of our love bring us Home (to Heaven).
 
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DuckieLady

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While I appreciate it helps him, with severe OCD sufferers like me, that just makes it stronger. I know trying to correct or push back them only makes it worse too, but deciding to stop and "wait for something" IS giving them attention.

I've already tried something similar and...it didn't end well for me.
I don't have OCD, but there was a time where I was having severe problems with ruminating and dissociating from trauma.

When I realized and could identify what was going on, it really helped me snap back to stay in check.

Basically checking the time and date, remembering where you are, your name, touching something cold, strong scents, change of environment, drinking water.

It could be as simple as a five minute walk or fresh air.
 
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Jabre

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I don't have OCD, but there was a time where I was having severe problems with ruminating and dissociating from trauma.

When I realized and could identify what was going on, it really helped me snap back to stay in check.

Basically checking the time and date, remembering where you are, your name, touching something cold, strong scents, change of environment, drinking water.

It could be as simple as a five minute walk or fresh air.
Thanks for the tip. I may try it, but just know trying to be present "entirely in the moment" has very eastern roots, Zen stuff iirc
 

DuckieLady

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Thanks for the tip. I may try it, but just know trying to be present "entirely in the moment" has very eastern roots, Zen stuff iirc
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

The occult has taken a lot of common sense ideas and turned them into the occult. They'll drink water with words written on the bottle to change their whole lives. They'll eat beets for their root chakras.

But that doesn't mean that water and beets are bad. It just means that the occult is notorious for taking God-given things and using them for evil.

The techniques I mentioned with checking in came from a therapist for C-PTSD/disassociation.

Don't be afraid of taking care of yourself and doing normal things, especially if the alternative is terrible mental health.
 
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DuckieLady

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Came back to add, @Jabre , I don't know what your experiences in life were or what you've gone through, or what you're currently going through.

But I have a very strong belief that if you can focus on what you need as far as life goes, take care of yourself inside and out, that things eventually fall into place.

Stagnant water loses its purity and in cold weather becomes frozen; even so does inaction sap the vigor of the mind.” - Leonardo Da Vinci

If you want to get out of the place you're in mentally, it helps to have some kind of goals and act on them.

If you are in an environment that is unhealthy (and that's common) there are certain environments people cannot successfully thrive in. Depend on God to help you change it.
 
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Stumpmaster

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First off, I want you all to know I've made great strides in recovering from the OCD madness since last post. But I have a request, both for a prayer and some uplifting in this trying time for me.

Is there anything wrong with wanting to overcome these thoughts, because you don't want to have to see something you like(like a character or something like that) as "the horrific things the thoughts are"? I always felt ashamed because I felt it might be that, and God wants me to do this so He's pleased and not for "myself", you know?

Listen...I'm tired. Tired of always having to struggle with my own mind, tired of making little if any progress because of the same mistakes and always having some "new" worry, despair even to overcome before I can even continue living without thinking I'm some monster.

I'm tired of always having to convince myself I'm not just doing this so I can "look at things without fear of horrific thoughts", that I'm idolizing some entertainment or even the idea of being able to take in anything other than Scripture or sermons without risking some vile act, rather than trying to heal so the Lord won't have to see me suffer this. You know why I "never wanted to return to what the thoughts were originally about"?
I didn't want to lose my mind over some...fictional character like the last war with myself several years ago with another, before I knew anything of how to handle these. Even if that was all before I was saved, I'm scared of disappointing God by ending up with another obsession like that, that destroys me with this...person who's not even real. It really feels like my mind has been ripped apart over them, not wanting anything to do with these thoughts, and knowing they don't truly mean anything or not. Why else would I think God wants me to stay away? "Not being able to control the thoughts or not", I destroyed myself trying to "figure out" why I couldn't get over all the confusion and seeming "conflicting feelings", when it was all just my mind playing tricks on me!

Listen. I know this isn't my fault. Even if I returned to the...weird lust i had like a fool during this, it can't reasonably be said these thoughts, and the pain they bring or the fact this is taking so long it seems to work through is my fault. I guess...I'm still conflicted, confused on why I feel the way I do, because I'm not even sure. Deep down, it was never mainly about the character at all, even if that was a part of it. I just wanted to be free, to stop a situation like the last time I mentioned, but above all, to keep from being, or at least proving I'm just some savage beast, who can always just snap and become supremely evil and morally disgusting out of nowhere.

I ask you give me encouragement, and pray for me over this.
Php 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think on these things.

What Books of the Bible have you read? It pays to keep your mind occupied with the eight items above.

Here's some Books of the Bible maths that is true:

OT = 27 + 12 minor prophets. NT = 27. Total = 66.

The digital root of 27 is 9. The digital root of 12 is 3. The digital root of 27 is 9.
DRs 9 + 3 + 9 = 21 = 3
And of course the digital root of 66 = 12 = 3
 

marks

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Listen...I'm tired. Tired of always having to struggle with my own mind, tired of making little if any progress because of the same mistakes and always having some "new" worry, despair even to overcome before I can even continue living without thinking I'm some monster.
You may be surprised at how much I relate to this. I had a pretty rough weekend trying to live with my mind. The flesh is corrupted, and for some of us, very badly corrupted!

There was a Law and Order show, this fellow dealing with mental illness, "It's taking every ounce of energy I have just to have this conversation with you." Spending so much time, sometimes even every waking minute, expending effort to hold back the floodgates of mental illness, I deal with depression and anxiety and OCD and it's not pretty!

My encouragement to you is this. God is greater than all, and He continues to work in each of us. Healing can come slowly sometimes, and sometimes I feel like I will always have to deal with this, but then I have to remind myself, as bad as I am, I'm not as bad as I was. Progress is being made.

Trust in God, be patient with Him, and with yourself, and know that you can have fellowship with God always, always, no matter what, and that no matter how it seems, all things truly do work together for our good.

Hold on . . . this won't last forever! God loves you, and He is there with you, loving you.

Much love!
 

Stumpmaster

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Php 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think on these things.

What Books of the Bible have you read? It pays to keep your mind occupied with the eight items above.

Here's some Books of the Bible maths that is true:

OT = 27 + 12 minor prophets. NT = 27. Total = 66.

The digital root of 27 is 9. The digital root of 12 is 3. The digital root of 27 is 9.
DRs 9 + 3 + 9 = 21 = 3
And of course the digital root of 66 = 12 = 3
1733868643558.png
 

Heart2Soul

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First off, I want you all to know I've made great strides in recovering from the OCD madness since last post. But I have a request, both for a prayer and some uplifting in this trying time for me.

Is there anything wrong with wanting to overcome these thoughts, because you don't want to have to see something you like(like a character or something like that) as "the horrific things the thoughts are"? I always felt ashamed because I felt it might be that, and God wants me to do this so He's pleased and not for "myself", you know?

Listen...I'm tired. Tired of always having to struggle with my own mind, tired of making little if any progress because of the same mistakes and always having some "new" worry, despair even to overcome before I can even continue living without thinking I'm some monster.

I'm tired of always having to convince myself I'm not just doing this so I can "look at things without fear of horrific thoughts", that I'm idolizing some entertainment or even the idea of being able to take in anything other than Scripture or sermons without risking some vile act, rather than trying to heal so the Lord won't have to see me suffer this. You know why I "never wanted to return to what the thoughts were originally about"?
I didn't want to lose my mind over some...fictional character like the last war with myself several years ago with another, before I knew anything of how to handle these. Even if that was all before I was saved, I'm scared of disappointing God by ending up with another obsession like that, that destroys me with this...person who's not even real. It really feels like my mind has been ripped apart over them, not wanting anything to do with these thoughts, and knowing they don't truly mean anything or not. Why else would I think God wants me to stay away? "Not being able to control the thoughts or not", I destroyed myself trying to "figure out" why I couldn't get over all the confusion and seeming "conflicting feelings", when it was all just my mind playing tricks on me!

Listen. I know this isn't my fault. Even if I returned to the...weird lust i had like a fool during this, it can't reasonably be said these thoughts, and the pain they bring or the fact this is taking so long it seems to work through is my fault. I guess...I'm still conflicted, confused on why I feel the way I do, because I'm not even sure. Deep down, it was never mainly about the character at all, even if that was a part of it. I just wanted to be free, to stop a situation like the last time I mentioned, but above all, to keep from being, or at least proving I'm just some savage beast, who can always just snap and become supremely evil and morally disgusting out of nowhere.

First off, I want you all to know I've made great strides in recovering from the OCD madness since last post. But I have a request, both for a prayer and some uplifting in this trying time for me.

Is there anything wrong with wanting to overcome these thoughts, because you don't want to have to see something you like(like a character or something like that) as "the horrific things the thoughts are"? I always felt ashamed because I felt it might be that, and God wants me to do this so He's pleased and not for "myself", you know?

Listen...I'm tired. Tired of always having to struggle with my own mind, tired of making little if any progress because of the same mistakes and always having some "new" worry, despair even to overcome before I can even continue living without thinking I'm some monster.

I'm tired of always having to convince myself I'm not just doing this so I can "look at things without fear of horrific thoughts", that I'm idolizing some entertainment or even the idea of being able to take in anything other than Scripture or sermons without risking some vile act, rather than trying to heal so the Lord won't have to see me suffer this. You know why I "never wanted to return to what the thoughts were originally about"?
I didn't want to lose my mind over some...fictional character like the last war with myself several years ago with another, before I knew anything of how to handle these. Even if that was all before I was saved, I'm scared of disappointing God by ending up with another obsession like that, that destroys me with this...person who's not even real. It really feels like my mind has been ripped apart over them, not wanting anything to do with these thoughts, and knowing they don't truly mean anything or not. Why else would I think God wants me to stay away? "Not being able to control the thoughts or not", I destroyed myself trying to "figure out" why I couldn't get over all the confusion and seeming "conflicting feelings", when it was all just my mind playing tricks on me!

Listen. I know this isn't my fault. Even if I returned to the...weird lust i had like a fool during this, it can't reasonably be said these thoughts, and the pain they bring or the fact this is taking so long it seems to work through is my fault. I guess...I'm still conflicted, confused on why I feel the way I do, because I'm not even sure. Deep down, it was never mainly about the character at all, even if that was a part of it. I just wanted to be free, to stop a situation like the last time I mentioned, but above all, to keep from being, or at least proving I'm just some savage beast, who can always just snap and become supremely evil and morally disgusting out of nowhere.

I ask you give me encouragement, and pray for me over this.
There are so many things I would love to share with you but I will have to wait until I finish my essays that are due.
I will give you a hint....Loving others is nearly impossible until you can love yourself, flaws and all. I have so much to share!
Praying for you!
 

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NayborBear

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First off, I want you all to know I've made great strides in recovering from the OCD madness since last post. But I have a request, both for a prayer and some uplifting in this trying time for me.

Is there anything wrong with wanting to overcome these thoughts, because you don't want to have to see something you like(like a character or something like that) as "the horrific things the thoughts are"? I always felt ashamed because I felt it might be that, and God wants me to do this so He's pleased and not for "myself", you know?

Listen...I'm tired. Tired of always having to struggle with my own mind, tired of making little if any progress because of the same mistakes and always having some "new" worry, despair even to overcome before I can even continue living without thinking I'm some monster.

I'm tired of always having to convince myself I'm not just doing this so I can "look at things without fear of horrific thoughts", that I'm idolizing some entertainment or even the idea of being able to take in anything other than Scripture or sermons without risking some vile act, rather than trying to heal so the Lord won't have to see me suffer this. You know why I "never wanted to return to what the thoughts were originally about"?
I didn't want to lose my mind over some...fictional character like the last war with myself several years ago with another, before I knew anything of how to handle these. Even if that was all before I was saved, I'm scared of disappointing God by ending up with another obsession like that, that destroys me with this...person who's not even real. It really feels like my mind has been ripped apart over them, not wanting anything to do with these thoughts, and knowing they don't truly mean anything or not. Why else would I think God wants me to stay away? "Not being able to control the thoughts or not", I destroyed myself trying to "figure out" why I couldn't get over all the confusion and seeming "conflicting feelings", when it was all just my mind playing tricks on me!

Listen. I know this isn't my fault. Even if I returned to the...weird lust i had like a fool during this, it can't reasonably be said these thoughts, and the pain they bring or the fact this is taking so long it seems to work through is my fault. I guess...I'm still conflicted, confused on why I feel the way I do, because I'm not even sure. Deep down, it was never mainly about the character at all, even if that was a part of it. I just wanted to be free, to stop a situation like the last time I mentioned, but above all, to keep from being, or at least proving I'm just some savage beast, who can always just snap and become supremely evil and morally disgusting out of nowhere.

I ask you give me encouragement, and pray for me over this.

What you are experiencing is the "will of him that is IN the flesh!" His desires, his wants, his ambitions, his thoughts, his emotions! Lord REBUKE YOU "prince of Darkness!!"