I don't want to be plauged by this anymore...

[Jabre]

I don't think I can go on much longer...

No matter how much I try to let the truly horrid thoughts pass and not engage, because I want to believe they aren't truly mine, they always come back worse than before, seemingly just to reignite the doubts that some of these thoughts were truly in purpose, even getting these feelings telling me they're appealing somehow no matter how much I hate them and never want to even remember them again...i try to tell myself that all this fear and despair comes from the fear that I could never forgive myself if any of these were truly real, but what if I just developed some sick addiction to the mere perversion of such things after struggling so long I lost any mental stamina I had left?

I tell myself, if I really had such any desire for such thoughts or pleasure from them, why do I so vehemently hate such things to the point I truly wish they would have never happened between the times the feelings tell me I want them, and deny such feelings with such rage when they come up? But the doubts come up no matter what, the scenarios playing out in my head becoming more and more vile in response to my efforts to let them pass and free myself, making it outright impossible to not have it bother me or start worrying about all this again. And each time, the scenario that ends up throwing me into utter despair because I truly believe at the time it was allowed to play out FOR how vile it was seems so much more real and I nearly lose my will to live every time...If this is doomed to continue no matter what(which it almost certainly is it seems, the most recent one I can't seem to reason away the idea that it truly was allowed fully on purpose, just to think about it no matter what I try, unless my brain really is just playing tricks on me that viciously), I truly don't think I can go on anymore...

I need help and therapy is too expensive for me. If anyone else has struggled with this please tell me there's hope...I never would have allowed any of these thoughts before they started, so that's the only hope I cling to anymore.

 

[amadeus]

I don't think I can go on much longer...

No matter how much I try to let the truly horrid thoughts pass and not engage, because I want to believe they aren't truly mine, they always come back worse than before, seemingly just to reignite the doubts that some of these thoughts were truly in purpose, even getting these feelings telling me they're appealing somehow no matter how much I hate them and never want to even remember them again...i try to tell myself that all this fear and despair comes from the fear that I could never forgive myself if any of these were truly real, but what if I just developed some sick addiction to the mere perversion of such things after struggling so long I lost any mental stamina I had left?

I tell myself, if I really had such any desire for such thoughts or pleasure from them, why do I so vehemently hate such things to the point I truly wish they would have never happened between the times the feelings tell me I want them, and deny such feelings with such rage when they come up? But the doubts come up no matter what, the scenarios playing out in my head becoming more and more vile in response to my efforts to let them pass and free myself, making it outright impossible to not have it bother me or start worrying about all this again. And each time, the scenario that ends up throwing me into utter despair because I truly believe at the time it was allowed to play out FOR how vile it was seems so much more real and I nearly lose my will to live every time...If this is doomed to continue no matter what(which it almost certainly is it seems, the most recent one I can't seem to reason away the idea that it truly was allowed fully on purpose, just to think about it no matter what I try, unless my brain really is just playing tricks on me that viciously), I truly don't think I can go on anymore...

I need help and therapy is too expensive for me. If anyone else has struggled with this please tell me there's hope...I never would have allowed any of these thoughts before they started, so that's the only hope I cling to anymore.

Your answer lies always with God. You cannot free yourself from sin or from the temptations that lead you to sin. Ask God to help you to do what is needed. If you seem to receive no answer, ask Him again and keep on asking for Him to lead you according to His will.

 

[Debp]

I don't think I can go on much longer...

No matter how much I try to let the truly horrid thoughts pass and not engage, because I want to believe they aren't truly mine, they always come back worse than before, seemingly just to reignite the doubts that some of these thoughts were truly in purpose, even getting these feelings telling me they're appealing somehow no matter how much I hate them and never want to even remember them again...i try to tell myself that all this fear and despair comes from the fear that I could never forgive myself if any of these were truly real, but what if I just developed some sick addiction to the mere perversion of such things after struggling so long I lost any mental stamina I had left?

I tell myself, if I really had such any desire for such thoughts or pleasure from them, why do I so vehemently hate such things to the point I truly wish they would have never happened between the times the feelings tell me I want them, and deny such feelings with such rage when they come up? But the doubts come up no matter what, the scenarios playing out in my head becoming more and more vile in response to my efforts to let them pass and free myself, making it outright impossible to not have it bother me or start worrying about all this again. And each time, the scenario that ends up throwing me into utter despair because I truly believe at the time it was allowed to play out FOR how vile it was seems so much more real and I nearly lose my will to live every time...If this is doomed to continue no matter what(which it almost certainly is it seems, the most recent one I can't seem to reason away the idea that it truly was allowed fully on purpose, just to think about it no matter what I try, unless my brain really is just playing tricks on me that viciously), I truly don't think I can go on anymore...

I need help and therapy is too expensive for me. If anyone else has struggled with this please tell me there's hope...I never would have allowed any of these thoughts before they started, so that's the only hope I cling to anymore.

Also, are you reading the Word of God? The Bible will help your mind but you must be willing to read it.

Once you start to read the Word and memorize some verses, think upon those verses when your mind is being assailed.

 

[Lambano]

I don't think I can go on much longer...

Hi, Jabre. I'm praying for you.

I really can't offer any advice on how to deal with unwanted and intrusive thoughts. Maybe just take time out and pray and focus on God? I don't know.

I need help and therapy is too expensive for me.

It's probably good that you recognize that you need help. I hope you find it.

 

[Jabre]

Hi, Jabre. I'm praying for you.

I really can't offer any advice on how to deal with unwanted and intrusive thoughts. Maybe just take time out and pray and focus on God? I don't know.


It's probably good that you recognize that you need help. I hope you find it.

So I kind of recognize now that the most recent cases of these thoughts happening, that made me think it was straight up on purpose, was simply me seeing my mind wandering to such things along with the idea of it happening on purpose/the false feelings of wanting such things(which i knew were a lie)because I fear that so much as it happening on purpose.

This reignited the fear that those feelings were real, that I had let myself become apathetic towards things like that happening because I ran out of mental and emotional stamina fighting essentially for the survival of my faith for so long, thinking I wouldn't be able to do anything but accept Hell and await damnation if that happened.

I guess it also happened because I got so distressed because there were a few times between this post and now that I tried "fighting" the thoughts in ways I knew deep down were ineffective and even detrimental towards stopping them, just because they were able to get to me. This then led to it becoming too strong to stop just by letting it "drift away" and by the time it finally stopped on its own, I was too worn out to see the truth from lies that were in my head...I think I'm over that for now but please pray I'll be free from this and not obsess over them possibly being on purpose just because I've decided to not be bothered by it.

 

[Debp]

So I kind of recognize now that the most recent cases of these thoughts happening, that made me think it was straight up on purpose, was simply me seeing my mind wandering to such things along with the idea of it happening on purpose/the false feelings of wanting such things(which i knew were a lie)because I fear that so much as it happening on purpose.

This reignited the fear that those feelings were real, that I had let myself become apathetic towards things like that happening because I ran out of mental and emotional stamina fighting essentially for the survival of my faith for so long, thinking I wouldn't be able to do anything but accept Hell and await damnation if that happened.

I guess it also happened because I got so distressed because there were a few times between this post and now that I tried "fighting" the thoughts in ways I knew deep down were ineffective and even detrimental towards stopping them, just because they were able to get to me. This then led to it becoming too strong to stop just by letting it "drift away" and by the time it finally stopped on its own, I was too worn out to see the truth from lies that were in my head...I think I'm over that for now but please pray I'll be free from this and not obsess over them possibly being on purpose just because I've decided to not be bothered by it.

I hope you are saturating your mind with the Word of God by reading it. The Bible is living...it will help.

Learn to use the sword of the Spirit, the Word of God. See Ephesians 6....armor of God.

12 For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. Hebrews 4:12

 

[Biblica]

Sometimes these thoughts are demonic intrusions. Jesus has given all believers the power to rebuke them in Jesus' name. Direct His name at the demon that is harassing you and say, "Any demon that is influencing me and tormenting me with these vile thoughts, I command to leave me now in the name of Jesus and do not return." Keep reading God's word and praise Him. Sing the Psalms to Him. Demons cannot operate when we are praising the Lord.

 

[MA2444]

You could try treating it as an evil spirit and commanding it to leave in Jesus name. We have to learn to control our thoughts and scripture says to take those thought captive to Christ and cast them down from you in prayer to God and ask the lord for help also.

It's prolly some sort of spirit of doubt and you can reject tose thoughts and tell yourself I know better than that. And it declare it out loud.

And reading Psalms is an excellant way that I use to bring peace to my spirit. It's the book of promises! Cheers anybody up and will encourage yur faith.

 

[Gottservant]

I don't think I can go on much longer...

No matter how much I try to let the truly horrid thoughts pass and not engage, because I want to believe they aren't truly mine, they always come back worse than before, [...]

I'm not sure what others have said, but two things: one, you have a choice: do you tolerate these thoughts, or do you try to escape them? - you need to be confident about your answer (as Jesus said, if you are going to clean house, make sure you move elsewhere, before the unclean spirits come back); two, if you are going to tolerate them, bear in mind that you might be able to achieve a lesser intensity of persecution and in that way diminish the suffering (for example, change from having intrusive thoughts every minute to every second minute).

The struggle is, if you are born with it, you need to be reborn and that can take a lot of courage. I have prayed for you, be blessed.