I am still trying to work through what scripture says about losing Theosis. Your case is very interesting to me. What led up to it? We're you in despair?
No more than other times, and perhaps less.
In 2017, God started working hard in my life. He opened my eyes to the fleshiness of my mind, my way of choosing in my life, everything. I had an infection which cost me 25 lbs in 2 weeks that I couldn't afford to lose. I lost a goodly amount of muscle mass, among other things. My health was heavily impacted, and I've not been the same since. And with medical bills He was crushing my finances. I was so weakened in my body, desolate in my mind, but I was refocusing on the spiritual matters.
Meanwhile, disgregulation, mind race, and the acting out of my repetion compulsions make my life a rollercoaster, to say the very very least! There were many wee hours of the morning alone in my room in dejection and despair. I would then just sit before God, wanting a word from Him, and would just open my Bible and read what I say.
It was in these times that I learned about God's love for me, particularly in the many readings I landed on in Isaiah.
Perhaps the most memorable of these was reading Isaiah 44 . . . I opened, looked at the page, began to read:
Isaiah 44:9 KJV
They that make a graven image are all of them vanity; and their delectable things shall not profit; and they are their own witnesses; they see not, nor know; that they may be ashamed.
Yes, I know, this is idolatry! I just felt worse and worse as I continued to read about how I make for myself idols. When I came to,
Isaiah 44:20 KJV
He feedeth on ashes: a deceived heart hath turned him aside, that he cannot deliver his soul, nor say, Is there not a lie in my right hand?
I was in tears, this was exactly how I felt. Feeding on ashes, a deceived heart has turned me aside, and there, nothing I seem to be able to do about it, it's like I can't even come to the most basic truth that what I'm doing is just a lie!
I was undone . . . this was the last verse on the page . . . I was afraid to turn the page, I didn't know how much more truth I could take!
Isaiah 44:21-23 KJV
21) Remember these, O Jacob and Israel; for thou art my servant: I have formed thee; thou art my servant: O Israel, thou shalt not be forgotten of me.
22)
I have blotted out, as a thick cloud, thy transgressions, and, as a cloud, thy sins: return unto me; for I have redeemed thee.
23) Sing, O ye heavens; for the LORD hath done it: shout, ye lower parts of the earth: break forth into singing, ye mountains, O forest, and every tree therein: for the LORD hath redeemed Jacob, and glorified himself in Israel.
And then I
really started crying!
Oh what a great and immeasurable love!!
Some time later . . . same situation . . . desolate after a bad day . . . many bad days . . . seeking a word from God, I opened and began to read where my eyes landed.
Psalms 129:1-4 KJV
1) A Song of degrees. Many a time have they afflicted me from my youth, may Israel now say:
2) Many a time have they afflicted me from my youth: yet they have not prevailed against me.
He had my attention!
3) The plowers plowed upon my back: they made long their furrows.
What an analogy! Right on target!
4) The LORD is righteous: he hath cut asunder the cords of the wicked.
When I read the word "cut" I felt something cut away inside, and it fell away from me into the shadows.
What just happened???
I felt it, I felt different, I was afraid to think that the evil in me had been cut away like that, I was afraid it wasn't really true, so I didn't think about it, I assured myself that if this is what happened, if this was real, I'll know soon enough, and went to sleep.
By the third day I was convinced, amazed, and for the next 5 weeks or so, those cords were cut. Until in a particular moment, I heard my flesh calling out again, and I could tell, it was gone.
Much love!