How to love difficult people?

[Wynona]

How much loving treatment do we owe to believers and nonbelievers, friends and people who hurt us?

Does loving people mean we don't hold them accountable for their hurtful behaviours?

Are there times when were called to love and times when we are called to let go and put distance?

 

[Wynona]

Luke 6:27-28
King James Version

27 But I say unto you which hear, Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you,

28 Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you.


This verse comes to mind.

 

[Lambano]

Um, is this a purely theoretical question, or is there a current, real-life situation behind it?

That's a tough question, and one that I don't think I've handled well in my life. I am by nature non-confrontational, so I tend to let hurtful behaviors continue until the situation builds up to the inevitable explosion. On the other hand, I've seen what happens when everything becomes a battle, there's a constant tug-of-war, and the confrontations become less and less "loving". I wish I had the answer.

 

[Pisteuo]

Love (charity) seeks not her own. If we are to be forgiven or excused from our wrong doing by God, we should forgive (excuse) others. We become hurt or offended less by this world or people in it when we remove our expectations for them. We are not here to receive anything from people but we are here to give that which God has given us. Thank goodness Jesus wasn't offended! But we were taught by the world from the beginning how to be upset when someone wronged us. And I admit I still struggle with it. But, abiding in Him, I learn to seek not my own and be long-suffering with people as He is with me.

 

[Pearl]

My answer to that question with an unpleasant group leader at work was to pray for her and refuse to let her get to me, instead I started to give her little compliments about her hair or her nail colour or her dress. It worked and when I retired she was the one who brought me home in her car.

So be nice to people even if they aren't nice to you.

 

[Wynona]

Um, is this a purely theoretical question, or is there a current, real-life situation behind it?

That's a tough question, and one that I don't think I've handled well in my life. I am by nature non-confrontational, so I tend to let hurtful behaviors continue until the situation builds up to the inevitable explosion. On the other hand, I've seen what happens when everything becomes a battle, there's a constant tug-of-war, and the confrontations become less and less "loving". I wish I had the answer.

I used to be this way. I would avoid confluct but would really be mad about something in my heart until it all came out later.

Thats why I was asking if love meant not holding people accountable. With my husband, I have learned to be more honest and tackle things head on. I know he appreciates that more.

I don't mean being unforgiving, but doesn't truly loving others mean telling them the truth even if its not pleasant?

Proverbs talks about kisses from an enemy and faithful wounds from a friend.

Of course there is a time and place for everything.

 

[Wynona]

My answer to that question with an unpleasant group leader at work was to pray for her and refuse to let her get to me, instead I started to give her little compliments about her hair or her nail colour or her dress. It worked and when I retired she was the one who brought me home in her car.

So be nice to people even if they aren't nice to you.

I like this example. I remember a time when I went to greet an enemy in college and my friend at the time stopped me and said don't you dare!

The world definitely doesn't support us loving our enemies but we have to remember the simplicity of Jesus' words.

 

[michaelvpardo]

How much loving treatment do we owe to believers and nonbelievers, friends and people who hurt us?

Does loving people mean we don't hold them accountable for their hurtful behaviours?

Are there times when were called to love and times when we are called to let go and put distance?

Love isn't optional, but agape isn't natural and requires His Spirit overcoming our flesh with our choice in alignment with His will. That's why we pray for our enemies, to align our will with God's will, and leave vengeance to Him. Love overcomes evil.

 

[Wynona]

Love isn't optional, but agape isn't natural and requires His Spirit overcoming our flesh with our choice in alignment with His will. That's why we pray for our enemies, to align our will with God's will, and leave vengeance to Him. Love overcomes evil.

I best get to praying then.

 

[michaelvpardo]

I used to be this way. I would avoid confluct but would really be mad about something in my heart until it all came out later.

Thats why I was asking if love meant not holding people accountable. With my husband, I have learned to be more honest and tackle things head on. I know he appreciates that more.

I don't mean being unforgiving, but doesn't truly loving others mean telling them the truth even if its not pleasant?

Proverbs talks about kisses from an enemy and faithful wounds from a friend.

Of course there is a time and place for everything.

I agree with you, but some people are always "right" in their own eyes and will never receive "correction."

There was a lead man in my shop who was always offended by me and opposed everything that I said. After receiving Christ I found myself getting angry with him in an argument, but the Spirit of the Lord calmed my soul like the Lord quieted the sea. I changed my tone, apologized and admitted that he was right (in his appointed authority. )
He was notably surprised and our relationship changed from that moment forward. First it was just more "professional " and when he moved on to a supervisory job at the trade center and I was made lead man, he offered friendly advice and mutual respect. Agape allows humility and is transforming.

 

[TLHKAJ]

Love isn't optional, but agape isn't natural and requires His Spirit overcoming our flesh with our choice in alignment with His will. That's why we pray for our enemies, to align our will with God's will, and leave vengeance to Him. Love overcomes evil.

I remember the day God did something powerful in my spirit when I decided to pray for the family who stole my granddaughter. He moved and Holy Spirit interceded through me. I really believe that what satan meant for evil, God means for good. I prayed and still pray for their salvation. It's painful sometimes because my daughter has suffered a lot by the unjust loss of her child. But if we submit these things to God, He can bring good from it.

It would be much easier to just hate them. But choosing to pray for our enemies gives God room to weed the junk (hatred, bitterness, etc) from our own hearts as well.

 

[michaelvpardo]

I remember the day God did something powerful in my spirit when I decided to pray for the family who stole my granddaughter. He moved and Holy Spirit interceded through me. I really believe that what satan meant for evil, God means for good. I prayed and still pray for their salvation. It's painful sometimes because my daughter has suffered a lot by the unjust loss of her child. But if we submit these things to God, He can bring good from it.

It would be much easier to just hate them. But choosing to pray for our enemies gives God room to weed the junk (hatred, bitterness, etc) from our own hearts as well.

Love (agape) is transforming. It changes us from what we are into what we're supposed to be, but it's a process and part of our sanctification.

 

[Nancy]

How much loving treatment do we owe to believers and nonbelievers, friends and people who hurt us?

Does loving people mean we don't hold them accountable for their hurtful behaviours?

Are there times when were called to love and times when we are called to let go and put distance?

Yes, can be very draining for sure. But then I read:

Romans 12:18
"If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men."

I've had to distance myself from many toxic people and, I see nothing wrong with that. I still pray for them but, it can be a detriment to our own spirituality if we allow it to continue.

@Lambano ,
You and I are very alike in the way of allowing ourselves to take a slew of abuse and annoyance from people for too long...I do the same thing as I always want to avoid confrontation but it builds up until we explode on them
I've learned all the lessons just in the past 11.5 years of living in this house. No more, I am learning to say "no". :)

Good post Wynona and very important!

 

[Nancy]

I agree with you, but some people are always "right" in their own eyes and will never receive "correction."

There was a lead man in my shop who was always offended by me and opposed everything that I said. After receiving Christ I found myself getting angry with him in an argument, but the Spirit of the Lord calmed my soul like the Lord quieted the sea. I changed my tone, apologized and admitted that he was right (in his appointed authority. )
He was notably surprised and our relationship changed from that moment forward. First it was just more "professional " and when he moved on to a supervisory job at the trade center and I was made lead man, he offered friendly advice and mutual respect. Agape allows humility and is transforming.

Amen,
We catch more bees with honey rather than vinegar! :)

 

[Jane_Doe22]

How much loving treatment do we owe to believers and nonbelievers, friends and people who hurt us?

Does loving people mean we don't hold them accountable for their hurtful behaviours?

Are there times when were called to love and times when we are called to let go and put distance?

You can 100% love somebody and not have them involved in your life at all. Sometimes that is the heathiest and best path to take, especially in cases like abuse or other toxic behavior. Loving doesn't mean you ignore consequences-- to ignore how things make you feel is actually dishonest and hurtful to yourself. the relationship, and denied the other person the opportunity for growth. And if a person doesn't want to grow, that's 100% their choice, and part of you acknowledging their choice is not hiding the consequences (like needing to step away from an abuser).

 

[Jim B]

I have a family member who is extremely cruel. I have given up communicating with him (as has my sister). A single example...

During my mother's funeral, he said that now my wife has the family money that she married me for. Then shortly after we had selected certain items to remember her by, he gave my items to Goodwill without my knowledge or permission. I was unable to get them back.

Other similar behavior has occurred over time, including savagely attacking my faith over and over.

 

[Bob Estey]

How much loving treatment do we owe to believers and nonbelievers, friends and people who hurt us?

Does loving people mean we don't hold them accountable for their hurtful behaviours?

Are there times when were called to love and times when we are called to let go and put distance?

I believe love is how we treat people, not how we feel about them:

No, "if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals upon his head." Romans 12:20 RSV

 

[Pearl]

I believe love is how we treat people, not how we feel about them:

Exactly - To love is a verb - a doing word.

 

[MatthewG]

Tons of great points here, Wynona.

How much loving treatment do we owe to believers and nonbelievers, friends and people who hurt us?

Agape Unconditional love. Forgive, mercy, and to be truthful if someone does hurt you if both are responsible to talk as mature adults.

Does loving people mean we don't hold them accountable for their hurtful behaviours?

Depending on how on handles this: it would be the fore mentioned result of two people talking as mature adults. However if it is a third party type of deal, and someone say something to offended you. Sometimes it’s best to say nothing, and just understand that the person is acting in their flesh in their own understanding and own way.

Are there times when were called to love and times when we are called to let go and put distance?

You are most certainly given the time and day to take rest, just as God did during the creation.

these are some of my thoughts doesn’t make them right but thank you for reading, thank you for the questions!

 

[quietthinker]

How to love difficult people?
You talking' about me curly tops?