My father's birthday is this week, he'll be 86. He's always been pretty healthy. Even in his 70s, he was still pretty active and going to the gym. But in the last few years, his health has declined rapidly. It's more than apparent that his time here on earth is short. This is a difficult thing to accept. I know he is saved, and he will go to a much better place. Still, it's not a day I'm looking forward to. I feel like a cloud is hanging over me. I have never lost anyone close before, and I think he will be the first. The hardest part is accepting that your parents will not be around forever, in this life anyway.
Dealing with an ailing parent.
- Thread starter Jericho
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Ronald David Bruno
Well-Known Member
He's not dead yet, so don't worry about how you will feel in some future time. The Great Tribulation is close - you may both go at the same time?
That said, if he does go soon, he is saved, his spirit is alive, so he will always be in your heart. Your spiritual connection is not cut. You will only be temporarily unable to see him.. You can't see Jesus either, yet you have a relationship with Him.
Both my parents passed and it was fine for me. I'll see them in a few years. Til then, in my prayers, I ask Jesus to say hi to them and send them a message and he does.
There is a time to mourn and grieve and it will pass. After a time, you will pull out the old photos and videos occasionally and reminisce and smile. Happy memories of him and the love you have is light and in the light, there is no darkness.
Don't fear and worry about the future, God has a plan.
That said, if he does go soon, he is saved, his spirit is alive, so he will always be in your heart. Your spiritual connection is not cut. You will only be temporarily unable to see him.. You can't see Jesus either, yet you have a relationship with Him.
Both my parents passed and it was fine for me. I'll see them in a few years. Til then, in my prayers, I ask Jesus to say hi to them and send them a message and he does.
There is a time to mourn and grieve and it will pass. After a time, you will pull out the old photos and videos occasionally and reminisce and smile. Happy memories of him and the love you have is light and in the light, there is no darkness.
Don't fear and worry about the future, God has a plan.
Day by day my brother!
My dad died at 56. I hardly knew him. My mother died at 64. My anger and bitterness against her didn't leave me until God gave me a little something after she had died. My sister died at 61, 6 years ago. I miss her!!
You have another day with your dad, after a lifetime of days with him, enjoy this day as a gift from God, because it is.
After my dad died, we went to his home, 600 miles away, to do what we could with his stuff. After I came home, and after I was ready to start my daily things again, I picked up the Sci-Fi book I was reading, I don't remember anything about the book except that moments after I started reading it again, I read this: "nothing make a boy feel more a man than the death of his father". And that resonated so deeply in my heart. I was already feeling, "It's up to me now". And I knew without any doubt God had planted that there for me.
God will take care of you.
I pray for your peace! Tell him how much you love him.
Much love!
No-one looks forward to the death of loved ones. Take advantage of the fact he is able to talk and talk with him.
Tell him you love him, resolve any lingering resentments and here's the hard thing, ask about his funeral and will.
Get him to put in writing what sort of service, the hymns, readings etc make sure his will and everything in it is correct and up-to-date.
The last thing you want to do following his death is to organise his funeral service.
Other than this, take the time to enjoy being with him.
It's amazing what Hospitals can do in keeping some like that going for years and years on deaths door.
Years ago one was finished.
I hope I just go quickly and not be a bother to anyone.
I am not looking forward to getting older that's for sure ! If one was bright eyed and bushy tailed all is good to go to 100yo.
I remember a good mates Grand mother, he lived with her, in her last years, he would go work 5hr drive away for a week or so and he would say see you Grand ! and she would demand, No you won't ! Don't you wish that on me, as she wanted be Dead.
His Dad was in a real bad way befor he died, and my mate said, do you want anything. his Dad said Yes, a pistol ! seriously.
Such can put one in a tail spin for sure, when they die ! every one who died is different to me in how I felt about such.
I and all wanted my Dad to die, because no point in prolonging it the way he was ! The Doctors all thought he would die at any tick of the clock but no.
I have another good mate and the way both of his parents died and I am like, how good was that ! quick and good way out. I got on well with them as well ! but he has no idea at all, what others can have too put up with !
Years ago one was finished.
I hope I just go quickly and not be a bother to anyone.
I am not looking forward to getting older that's for sure ! If one was bright eyed and bushy tailed all is good to go to 100yo.
I remember a good mates Grand mother, he lived with her, in her last years, he would go work 5hr drive away for a week or so and he would say see you Grand ! and she would demand, No you won't ! Don't you wish that on me, as she wanted be Dead.
His Dad was in a real bad way befor he died, and my mate said, do you want anything. his Dad said Yes, a pistol ! seriously.
Such can put one in a tail spin for sure, when they die ! every one who died is different to me in how I felt about such.
I and all wanted my Dad to die, because no point in prolonging it the way he was ! The Doctors all thought he would die at any tick of the clock but no.
I have another good mate and the way both of his parents died and I am like, how good was that ! quick and good way out. I got on well with them as well ! but he has no idea at all, what others can have too put up with !
I always loved my Dad regardless but after he died I don't ? why is that ! He is not their !
I know everything, as in like that, I have no need ask him anything.
I know others who lost their Dad and they are like, they want to ask things or need him for such ?
I have had people say to me who my dad was ? as if they knew him more than I did ? I worked with him for many years in fact and had him working with me when he was 70yo laying old brick pavers ! that's hard work for a old dude with emphysema carrying 6 bricks and then crashing down and as soon as he could get back into it and I know many people who could not keep up with him even then ! he gave up work at 71yo and lived to 76yo.
My Father inlaw stoped working as a mechanic at 90yo, he is 95yo this year. and still driving, he is a great bloke and most people think he is in his mid 80's.
How you are feeling is quite normal, i remember feeling the same way as my parents started to decline. However I came to realise that I was in transition , coming to terms with losing a parent is all part of being prepared for when it happens. You start to grieve, and now that I am the parent getting older ,I see the same t with my children and also within myself. My deepest grief is leaving them, but I equally have to come to terms with the reality that I have to Let them go as well.
I feared losing my parents, but despite the pain , I coped better than I thought I would xx
I was grateful that I had good parents ( that doesn’t mean they were perfect ) and equally grateful that they both reach 80+ in years, although my dad reaching 91 with ailing health was a challenge and I found myself partially relieved when he passed.
All The best as you walk this path xxxx
I feared losing my parents, but despite the pain , I coped better than I thought I would xx
I was grateful that I had good parents ( that doesn’t mean they were perfect ) and equally grateful that they both reach 80+ in years, although my dad reaching 91 with ailing health was a challenge and I found myself partially relieved when he passed.
All The best as you walk this path xxxx
My mother has dementia she is turning 89 today.I visit during the week wake her up get her dressed and get her breakfast and spend some time with her.Which I will do today - she won't know its her birthday even if you tell her those things don't concern her anymore.
I was a hospice volunteer for over 30 years I have seen many people to their death I did matched volunteer service where they match you up and you go with that person until the end.I did it many times and more - last days last hour you sit with the person until they pass - visits to the palliative ward on Sundays spending time with people.Every week for years.
After all that it helps very little when it comes to my Mother.My advice is be respectful listen and treat them with kindness - your the adult now and they are the child.Listening is the most important part. My Mother is way past listening but she needs to be heard.
When I see my mom I remember one woman I was visiting someone and this woman came up to me and said please sir help me I don't know what I'm doing here please help me!Obvious;y now she had dementia and her family had just dropped her at the hospital I think that's cruel dumping your parents and your responsibility.I would never do that.That memory will haunt me for ever because I could not help her.
The last thing I do with my mother before I leave is get her to pray every time and she does its something she will never forget.
I was a hospice volunteer for over 30 years I have seen many people to their death I did matched volunteer service where they match you up and you go with that person until the end.I did it many times and more - last days last hour you sit with the person until they pass - visits to the palliative ward on Sundays spending time with people.Every week for years.
After all that it helps very little when it comes to my Mother.My advice is be respectful listen and treat them with kindness - your the adult now and they are the child.Listening is the most important part. My Mother is way past listening but she needs to be heard.
When I see my mom I remember one woman I was visiting someone and this woman came up to me and said please sir help me I don't know what I'm doing here please help me!Obvious;y now she had dementia and her family had just dropped her at the hospital I think that's cruel dumping your parents and your responsibility.I would never do that.That memory will haunt me for ever because I could not help her.
The last thing I do with my mother before I leave is get her to pray every time and she does its something she will never forget.
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Hi @Jericho. My husband died last September - he was 85. Like your dad he had always been fit and active until the last few years. But God helped me cope. As it was a certainty that one of us would be left alone it was something I had prayed about for years. Then when it happened God took over, the very next day i asked him for a word and he gave me a bible passage to show that he would strengthen me and give me courage to go forward without Ray. And I am doing.
So just bring your concerns to Father God and trust Him now and when the time comes for your dad to go home to Jesus. Perhaps he will meet Ray there.
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Bob
Well-Known Member
Thank you for your heartfelt post.
The both of you are blest—he by a long life and a child who honors him; you by your compassion. Cherish each day.
God will supply you both with your needs. As always, pray for guidance and understanding.
Blessings.
The both of you are blest—he by a long life and a child who honors him; you by your compassion. Cherish each day.
God will supply you both with your needs. As always, pray for guidance and understanding.
Blessings.
I think I can understand that. My mother is my dad's primary caretaker, and I know how exhausting it is to take care of someone who can't take care of themselves. Perhaps, losing him will not nearly as difficult as having him but seeing him struggle.
That's how I felt when Ray died. He was so frail and needed so much care that he was ready to go for both our sakes. He hated that I had to do so much for him.
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