I haven't posted this here before, but I wanted to acknowledge the gift and miracle of salvation and my earthly father's graduation to Heaven. (The date was actually November 24, 2005.) He was saved a few months before he passed away on Thanksgiving Day.
My stepmother, who I had just met less than a year before, asked me to say something at his funeral ....so I wrote a letter.
__________
Letter to Daddy
Daddy... I sure wished we could've had more time here. We missed out on a lot through the years, and there have been some regrets.
Though we tried to keep in touch, somehow we lost contact.
I've prayed for you, Daddy, that GOD would keep you safe and bring you to Himself. When you contacted me last December, it was an answer to my prayers!
We thought we had some time to make a new start, but we soon found out that your time here would be cut short. My heart was breaking - how could this be happening?! I even asked the LORD, "Why now, when there's so much left we need to do?" "I live so far away, LORD. Please help me - I need to see my Daddy!"
One day someone told me of a truth - "Sometimes it is not in GOD's plan for us to go when we want to go... for in our absence, our prayers have more fervency than they would if we were there in person." How that pained my heart to hear those words! But they were true none-the-less.
A friend asked me this question, "What do you hope to gain from going to see your Dad?" Oh my! I'd never thought of it in that way. How could I... when you were the one in pain?
But, Daddy, my pain was a different kind of pain... the pain of a little girl who always longed for her Daddy's love. Now I know, but I didn't back then - that you just didn't know how to show love in the way that you should. My answer to my friend's question(?) ...that my Daddy would hug me and say "I love you."
This Thanksgiving was special, in a very special way. We came to see you with a certain anticipation in our hearts. Before we left, you took my hand and we prayed. Then, you gave me the greatest gift a girl could receive from her Daddy - a great BIG hug, and the words, "I love you, Abby."
Yes, I know that my answer to my friend's question was somewhat selfish. But, Daddy, you needed that hug as much as I did!!
Now, with a thankful heart, I remember the look of love I saw in your eyes just before you went Home. On Thanksgiving Day, GOD answered my prayer - I have a new Daddy! And just like the last words we shared together, "I'll be seein' ya... " because I know you made your peace with "the Man upstairs." His name is JESUS, and I'm so happy that you're with Him now!
"I love you, Daddy!"
Your daughter, Abby.
__________
**This was read at the graveside service at my Dad's funeral - Monday, November 28, 2005. A poem was written by a friend and the preacher read it, then a woman, very anointedly, sang "Precious LORD, Take My Hand" ...and then the preacher read my letter. There were lots of tears, and I am thankful the LORD helped me write it. It was from my heart, and even my (newly discovered) stepmom and 3 stepsisters received it well.**
**The phrase "the Man upstairs" came from something my Dad said to the preacher during one of his visits to my Dad's home... Dad told the preacher, "I don't want to see the man downstairs. I want to see the Man upstairs!" So the preacher told him he didn't have to be in a church to receive Jesus as his Savior, so he prayed with him right there.**
**At the time my dad recontacted me, I hadn't seen or heard from him in about 6 years. I had tried up till that point to at least keep up with where he was and to pray for him. When I came to the LORD at age 13, the LORD gave me a burden for my dad. He soon told me, and confirmed it to me, that He was going to save my dad. (He spoke to me 2 scriptures concerning my dad and then I heard the lady on the radio quote the same verses about 2 mins later!) I prayed for my dad faithfully and fervently for many years...
Then some time 1996, the LORD spoke to me to stop praying for my dad, but to release him (to Him) and to begin just worshiping and praising Him for answering my prayer! I was no longer to labor, but to praise Him for what He would do!!
Then in 1997, the LORD began dealing with me to "write" (my testimony) ...and I balked at that, because I couldn't remember much of anything, and what I did remember wasn't things I cared to write about. (I remembered just enough bits and pieces of sexual abuse to know I didn't want to "go there" and my brain had HUGE THICK walls around everything...)
I finally wrote in 2003... all I could remember of my entire life filled the front of a notebook paper. But that was the LORD's plan to begin me on my journey to freedom, healing, and wholeness!! It was 2003 when the LORD revealed to me I had alters (multiple personalities) and then a few more memories began to come.
My dad recontacted me in Dec of 2004, right after the first SRA (satanic ritual abuse) memory resurfaced which was confirmed by my mother. When he contacted me by email (how he got my email, I do not know) he said he "loved" me ...and I was SICK for about 2 or 3 weeks after that!! Just him using that word toward me. BUT, I knew it was the LORD who allowed my dad to recontact me, and I believed with all my heart, the LORD was about to answer my prayers and fulfill His Words to me concerning my dad!!!
I went to see my dad in January of 2005 after we found out he had stage 3 cancer... I saw him again in September, and then Thanksgiving Day, the day he went home to be with Jesus.**
My stepmother, who I had just met less than a year before, asked me to say something at his funeral ....so I wrote a letter.
__________
Letter to Daddy
Daddy... I sure wished we could've had more time here. We missed out on a lot through the years, and there have been some regrets.
Though we tried to keep in touch, somehow we lost contact.
I've prayed for you, Daddy, that GOD would keep you safe and bring you to Himself. When you contacted me last December, it was an answer to my prayers!
We thought we had some time to make a new start, but we soon found out that your time here would be cut short. My heart was breaking - how could this be happening?! I even asked the LORD, "Why now, when there's so much left we need to do?" "I live so far away, LORD. Please help me - I need to see my Daddy!"
One day someone told me of a truth - "Sometimes it is not in GOD's plan for us to go when we want to go... for in our absence, our prayers have more fervency than they would if we were there in person." How that pained my heart to hear those words! But they were true none-the-less.
A friend asked me this question, "What do you hope to gain from going to see your Dad?" Oh my! I'd never thought of it in that way. How could I... when you were the one in pain?
But, Daddy, my pain was a different kind of pain... the pain of a little girl who always longed for her Daddy's love. Now I know, but I didn't back then - that you just didn't know how to show love in the way that you should. My answer to my friend's question(?) ...that my Daddy would hug me and say "I love you."
This Thanksgiving was special, in a very special way. We came to see you with a certain anticipation in our hearts. Before we left, you took my hand and we prayed. Then, you gave me the greatest gift a girl could receive from her Daddy - a great BIG hug, and the words, "I love you, Abby."
Yes, I know that my answer to my friend's question was somewhat selfish. But, Daddy, you needed that hug as much as I did!!
Now, with a thankful heart, I remember the look of love I saw in your eyes just before you went Home. On Thanksgiving Day, GOD answered my prayer - I have a new Daddy! And just like the last words we shared together, "I'll be seein' ya... " because I know you made your peace with "the Man upstairs." His name is JESUS, and I'm so happy that you're with Him now!
"I love you, Daddy!"
Your daughter, Abby.
__________
**This was read at the graveside service at my Dad's funeral - Monday, November 28, 2005. A poem was written by a friend and the preacher read it, then a woman, very anointedly, sang "Precious LORD, Take My Hand" ...and then the preacher read my letter. There were lots of tears, and I am thankful the LORD helped me write it. It was from my heart, and even my (newly discovered) stepmom and 3 stepsisters received it well.**
**The phrase "the Man upstairs" came from something my Dad said to the preacher during one of his visits to my Dad's home... Dad told the preacher, "I don't want to see the man downstairs. I want to see the Man upstairs!" So the preacher told him he didn't have to be in a church to receive Jesus as his Savior, so he prayed with him right there.**
**At the time my dad recontacted me, I hadn't seen or heard from him in about 6 years. I had tried up till that point to at least keep up with where he was and to pray for him. When I came to the LORD at age 13, the LORD gave me a burden for my dad. He soon told me, and confirmed it to me, that He was going to save my dad. (He spoke to me 2 scriptures concerning my dad and then I heard the lady on the radio quote the same verses about 2 mins later!) I prayed for my dad faithfully and fervently for many years...
Then some time 1996, the LORD spoke to me to stop praying for my dad, but to release him (to Him) and to begin just worshiping and praising Him for answering my prayer! I was no longer to labor, but to praise Him for what He would do!!
Then in 1997, the LORD began dealing with me to "write" (my testimony) ...and I balked at that, because I couldn't remember much of anything, and what I did remember wasn't things I cared to write about. (I remembered just enough bits and pieces of sexual abuse to know I didn't want to "go there" and my brain had HUGE THICK walls around everything...)
I finally wrote in 2003... all I could remember of my entire life filled the front of a notebook paper. But that was the LORD's plan to begin me on my journey to freedom, healing, and wholeness!! It was 2003 when the LORD revealed to me I had alters (multiple personalities) and then a few more memories began to come.
My dad recontacted me in Dec of 2004, right after the first SRA (satanic ritual abuse) memory resurfaced which was confirmed by my mother. When he contacted me by email (how he got my email, I do not know) he said he "loved" me ...and I was SICK for about 2 or 3 weeks after that!! Just him using that word toward me. BUT, I knew it was the LORD who allowed my dad to recontact me, and I believed with all my heart, the LORD was about to answer my prayers and fulfill His Words to me concerning my dad!!!
I went to see my dad in January of 2005 after we found out he had stage 3 cancer... I saw him again in September, and then Thanksgiving Day, the day he went home to be with Jesus.**
